(aka Get Your Own Bubbles!!)
March 6, 2010 - 10:03
Does anybody remember the WKRP episode where Johnny Fever realised that people were actually listening to him? Or Mark's reaction in Pump Up the Volume when he realised that he was reaching more listeners than he thought? Picture that surprise ... on the positive side, of course, because my writing isn't getting people to do things that will pop up on the News ... when I get little notes from people like Sandee. Thank you for your note, and I'm glad that you are enjoying the entries.
(PS. Remembering those shows doesn't make me OLD ... it means that I have a great memory. And a DVD player. And maybe that I don't get out enough. :) 'Nuff said.)
Erishvenan ... I only know one person who talks like that. So, if you are who I think you are, then, thank you. And if you aren't ... welcome, but I'll never remember your name! :) (Although it is vaguely familiar ...)
Lavender, darling, if you insist on signing in, then remember to not use your code name. I can't protect your identity (or others tied to us) if you tell everybody. <3 Love you.
Okay ... what's going on in my life. Well, first, I apologise for not writing more often. Island time is only going to make things a bit worse ... but I will struggle to keep my bit of city girl for this, if nothing else. Otherwise, things tend to not happen here. To other people ... :)
The new job is going very well. The boss called me on my day off and made sure to tell me what a great job I did while he was away. He was actually calling to make sure I knew what my next shift was, but he made it a point to say this to me, and he sounded like he really meant it. These positive displays are going to take some getting used to, but I think I'm going to like it! I'm still PT for the next week, but he says that things are getting busier already and that I should be able to achieve more and more hours fairly soon. AND I'm getting along with all my co-workers. May this dream never end. It could only get better if I could add winning the lotto and finding "Prince Charming" ... who won't sparkle in direct sunlight, but he'll look like he should.
Band practises are slogging away. I've been trying to work things out for myself because I don't have sheet music to work with, don't know the songs, and I've been abandonned by the one person who had a clue (the other tenor drummer). It's been particularily irritating that the bass drummer misses every other practise lately, so I have to fill in ... meaning I'm not learning my own instrument. I'm getting a bit better with the twirling, but I know that I don't practise anywhere near enough. I will get better though. And I'm going to look hot in my kilt.
I've been having some luck with locating a new place to live. I have an interview on Sunday with a gentleman who is willing to let me rent his place out, but for only a couple of months, because he wants it for the summer. There is a suite down the road from me as well, but I haven't yet been able to contact them becuse they only come to the island every second weekend. Depending on how things go with interview #1, I'll tape a note to their door. That way I won't miss them. Getting my things down to me is still a sore point ... but things will get better. Might have to make arrangements with friends, but whether I come myself or not, I'll still need somebody to drive the truck! Do YOU feel safe with the idea of my driving a 16ft moving truck? How about if you were traveling in front of me? Either way, I won't be by myself if I have to drive it. That's that.
Ah, yes ... and let us not forget the drama that continues to haunt me. Although I really wish that I could. There's nothing worse than walking happily along, thinking about how well things are working out ... and suddenly getting hit in the back of the head with a 2X4. Mental pictures aside, that what it feels like, people!
I got a note yesterday on FB ... from somebody I have never met, or even talked to, or heard about. Her message was this --> "not sure if you know this but it was your best friend (Jackie) who was sleeping with your fiance last year. remember when you found the red hair? well it was hers. Why am i telling you? because i think it was a scum bag move what she did and you deserve to know. No one should do that to their best friend. No one"
I know that it's a bad habit to pick a scab, but it's really painful to have somebody else do it. Why is she doing this? Well, she says it. Or at least part of it. I'm sure there's more to it than making sure I know. Why now? I dont know. Jade and I are not together, although we continue to communicate with each other. From the sound of things, this note was not to hurt me, or Jade, but to lash out at Jackie. The girl's FB profile gave me no clues ... we have no friends in common. I asked Jackie if she knew who she was ... and she said that she did. That she was a girl that Jackie had worked with. A girl who had walked out on the job, and made Jackie look bad. Well, that supports the lashing out theory.
But it's opened an old wound. A doubt that is beginning to fester a bit. This isn't the first time that somebody has tried to tell me that Jackie has been unfaithful to me with Jade. And I don't even care if they did, really. What bothers me the most is that Jade has denied cheating on me, but that Jackie has said ... nothing. She neither confirms, nor denies ... but you can feel the discomfort coming off of her in waves. It bothers me that she doesn't protest her innoncence. Even if it was a lie, I'd expect her to make a protest, at least. Nothing. It's partially my fault, I guess. I've never asked her directly. Just given her opportunities to volunteer a comment ... and I allowed her silence. I've hidden it away where I didn't have to see it and continued on. Beacause Jackie is a very important person to me ... and also because I was in no condition to deal with the added ordeal. But it's still there between us. A fence, if not a wall. It can be gotten over, or arround, but it's still there.
So, I'm at the end of my rope, grasping for a solution. My first response was to tell them both that if I hear one more rumour I would block them both. Cut them out of my life like a cancer. Both answers were typical. Jade wanted to know why somebody was even bothering to tell me about this NOW when I am so far away and we've been split for so long. He doesn't care what people say. (Typical response, but comforting, in a way.) Jackie ... all she said was that she didn't know what to say to that. (Not comforting, but she deals with shock like I do.)
If I'm going to be honest with myself (and really, of the three of us, I know I can trust me) then I have to admit that if she continues to say nothing because she's afraid of losing me, then she's going to lose me anyway. This isn't going to go away. It needs closure. We can either close a door together, or I can close it on her. I'm prepared to do either.
And that's that, I'm afraid.
I feel that I must point out that I haven't really taken the opportunity to say all of this to Jackie ... she's learning all this just as you are. Reading it here. Which is beyond rude, in my mind, but then, so is the situation. I love them both and shouldn't have to decide if they are actually a poison to my soul.
What was it that I said to Lavender the last night? I wish I had written it down ... Came down to this ... I don't need Jade to make me beautiful. Whether he is in my life, or out of it, I am a beautful, sexy woman with a lot to offer the right guy. And whomever Jade sleeps with, or has slept with, isn't going to change that.
It took a lot of pain, and a lot of love, to become the person that I am, and I'm not going to change that for anybody ... because anybody worth changing for wouldn't want me to.
Sweet Dreams!
PS. I'm pretty sure that I know the truth. I just want to hear Jackie's side so that I can put it behind me for good! I believe that this is fair. Then we can meet at our arranged dates in June without fences. I miss her too.
PPS. I also really miss my comics/manga, and my anime. (Yes, I had to say it.)
