(aka They're just jealous; just a bunch of haters!)
December 25, 2014 - 18:55
Mood: Tired
Music: A Thousand Beautiful Things - Annie Lennox
Thought of the Day: Standing on the outside looking in is never a happy feeling, but no matter how cold it gets, I can't seem to make myself go in because being lonely in a crowd is even worse.
I know, I know. It's been a while since I wrote. Wish I could say that it's been because I was busy. Well, I have been, but it's still a bad excuse. Been wanting to write though, and finally gave in. So, here I am. Whew!
What a year! Five days after my last post, my parrot-daughter passed away at the age of twenty-one and a half. I had adopted her when she was just six months old. This was also my last day at work after giving them a professionally polite two weeks notice. Unfortunately, they didn't return the politeness. And, I found out later, they return the professionalism either. I was unemployed for three months and I couldn't understand why. I've NEVER been unemployed for three months. Ever. Unprecedented. On a hunch, I changed my resume to say DO NOT CALL my last job ... and lo! I had a job with a temp agency by the end of the week. I've never had to do that before either. Who knew standing up for myself in August would ruin Christmas for me? If I needed more proof that I was being bullied, there it is. I am well quit of the place.
The temp agency has been a dream! started with a few short contracts (mostly two days) but it got the money to start trickling in, and then I got a 6 week contract. It's almost done, but it's been very uplifting. Funny how the City of Edmonton told me that they couldn't hire me because I "wasn't adaptable" but I've been getting the same contracts through the temp agency as I would have through CoE - Staff Support. Mind boggling. Either way, it's been the best job I've ever had. I managed to get into the office just as a series of staff were retiring, so I've been getting a lot of free lunches during their farewell parties. AND there was a Team Xmas Breakfast last week too. The people are unbelievable friendly too. They like me just fine! And I like them back!
Even better news is that I have officially been hired at another large company. I'll be starting off as P/T Temp, but it's rare that the position isn't offered later as permanent. And when they happens, the BENEFITS!! Omgosh! This is my dream company. I wish I had got in YEARS ago. Oh, well, I'm in now. Start next month a little after my current contract finishes.
Started therapy for a few weeks (had to postpone when I got the FT contract) and I think I was feeling a bit better but she was focused on Tavis for some strange reason. Not sure why. He's the one part of my life that I'm NOT confused about. Apparently, I make little "Freudian slips" that worry her. Oookay. I'm making good progress in other areas though. I think. We'll see. Quitting smoking was easier, if you ask me. I've been told that I've faced an unbelievable amount of loss in my life, and I have to admit that it such a relief to have somebody tell me that. I'd been trying to shrug it all off as part of life, and, in a way, it was, but I've had more than my due share, I guess. I'm not as good as I'd like - I still have set backs - but, I'm better than I was. Which makes me realise how sad my life really was. I mean, WOW! How did I still smile and have a good time occasionally through all that?
Speaking of pain, I think I broke my bottom knuckle on my left middle finger. I can't think of another reason for the pain, but I don't recall hitting it, or bumping it. It's mind-boggling! Stabbed with a dagger in a dream? I'd like to think I'd remember that.
I'm getting slowly caught up on my bills! Can't wait for the new job to start so that my steady pay can continue ... Insurance for myself and Ty has been restarted and paid up. Overdue amounts for credit cards and Rogers have been paid. Rogers is being a pain with broken promises, something I'm very sensitive about, and I've about had it with them. Sadly, there is no other mobile service with a decent reputation, so I have to decide where the lesser evil lays.
Lately, I've been a bit tense trying to make sure payment get where they need to go in the priority they need to be paid in, but at least I can recognise that I am being tense now. That's kinda wondrous in itself. I'm trying to focus on my creativity again. Tavis keeps finding house listings with rooms/shops where I can make things to sell. Such a wonderful man. Best friend I've ever had. In some ways he reminds me of me, the way I used to be.
So ... 2014. I've let go of many things, put others on hold, and decided to seek help so that I can find things I didn't want to lose. The things I walked away from were hurting me with bullying, lack of support, and other negativity. PartyLite was also weighing me down. I've resigned from that as well, as of 2015. It will be a relief to not have to cart around that inventory any more. (You know, the one that we are not supposed to have?) The only thing that people can swear about now is my books. I have a friggin' library and I'm bloody proud of it. Suck it up, boys.
Moving in the Spring! Lease comes to an end and then we can kiss this house good bye. It's a lovely house with good character, but it hasn't been kept up very well. (Landlady refuses to put money into it unless she has to!) Needs to be torn down. Unfortunately. Such a pity. Still, I'm looking forward to water pressure ... and other things that work properly.
By Spring, Tavis should hear what's happening with his transfer and what base he needs to go to for new training. I'll be holding down the fort at home, but where he goes will decide how long he's gone for.
I think I'll take a big stab at tidying my spaces up this weekend. A clean desk may be the sign of a disturbed mind, but it also reduces the feeling of tension too. If your space is cluttered, then your life mirrors it. I find it to be so, at least. Might even get brave and tidy Tom's space a bit. Normally, I don't like to go into his private spaces though. Especially his room. We'll see. There are a couple of things I can do that would be non-invasive. My space first though.
Okay ... time to get back to my book. It's about to get good ...
Sweet Dreams!
