February 27, 2016 - 17:38
Mood: Restless and Apathetic. A difficult combo.
Music: Can't Fight the Moonlight ~ Leann Rimes
Thought of the Day: You raised me up on this pedestal, praising my worthiness to be there, and then slowly abandoned me on it. I wonder if this is how my collector statues feel while on display, except that nobody is looking at them.
They say that the more things change, the more they stay the same. Looking around at my office, I agree. I keep organising it, creating space and practical function, but really, I'm just shifting things around and finding more creative ways to store them. Oh, sure, there's the odd bit that I'll get rid of - I'm trying to think "garage sale stuff" as we speak - but I'm not kidding myself. I have a lot of things. I'm determined to go on a cleaning rampage this Spring. There are items from my Father that can go into storage, or a deposit box or something. (Probably storage.) I really need to throw out some of my binders. I've got binders in here that I've had since high school. I really don't need them, but they are still in good condition. Isn't that how the madness begins?
Still, I'm making small inroads into the clutter, which is the true intention. Now if only I could get the clutter out of my head! Work clutter, tax clutter, family clutter, and relationship clutter. Clutter, clutter, clutter. *sigh* Perhaps a vacation is highly in order. But where can I go? I'm learning to do things on my own, but that's not always smart in some places. well, I'll think of something. Some places are safer than others.
Happier news this week was that I had to weigh myself for the first time in about a month. Let me back up a moment here. I had been liking what I saw in the mirror and feeling good about myself. Until I stepped on the scale and the numbers were offensive to my pride. The numbers I saw on the scale made me feel bad, and I knew that I ad to do something about it. So I took the batteries out of the scale. I immediately felt better, and I've been feeling good about myself and the me I see in the mirror since. I had to give my weight for insurance purposes though ... and happily discovered that I had lost 15 pounds. That made me feel all kinds of awesome. Even if I was the only one that noticed. Ah, well. Tavis usually notices before I do, but he's been pretty preoccupied lately and I've been leaving him to himself. I think he has a new girl he's getting ready to friend zone.
Okay, that was a bit bitter. Just a little. Certainly that's nothing I'd actually say to his face. Tavis would be stung with the observation. Even if it's true. It's been such a long time since he was with a woman, a girlfriend, that I think he's afraid to make that step. He's got his own problems to discover and work through. I once accused him of being afraid of me, and he was insulted. Fear was the wrong emotion, but I was not editing my conversation at the time. I can do that with Tavis. Maybe not when I'm talking about him, though. LOL!
Job is going okay. Money is doing okay. I'm planning the garden and the flower beds already. I'm checking prices for rototillers, because I'm determined to have one at last. (Always need one, it seems and can never find anybody who will lend me one.) The next big purchase will be a vehicle, and then Mom can have her car back.
Meanwhile I have to get back to work on my office decon/reconstruction. :) Leaving it halfway done doesn't solve the problem. and I enjoy the activity. It's focused and yet mindless all at once. Which is strangely soothing to me. Calming, and yet offers the reward of satisfaction of accomplishment. Maybe I'll finish the bedroom tonight too. Maybe to the rhythm of music. Maybe.
Sweet Dreams!
Saturday, February 27, 2016
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Did You See Those Aliens? They Popped Out of the Snow Like Daisies!
February 20, 2016 - 23:30
Mood: Calm. Decidedly in need of a massage, but calm. :)
Music: Lullaby ~ Loreena McKennit (with Elliot Hayes)
Thought of the Day: If "Love" is such an overused word and has lost its true meaning, making it easier than ever to say, then why do men still have trouble saying it with any real meaning?
Well, I've put off my writing here for quite a while now. Not as bad as I have in the past, but, once again, I wanted to write, and didn't. Settling instead with making "entries" in my head. Writing inspiration down on scraps of paper. It's been a stressful few months. That new job I had told you about? well, I've still got it. I'm officially full time. And they still like what I do. In fact, they make sure to mention that I'm doing a good job. What impresses them? My need to be organised. Something nobody else has mentioned before, really. And I'm sitting in my office now instead of the reception desk, which is fantastic. I feel better. I love my office. It's just so ME. Like it was waiting and now it's very happy that I'm there. Earthy tones, and accents. the art work on the wall is hand drawn, witty aspects of Arthurian legends, Stonehenge, and Shakespeare. Same colour scheme, but with hints of blue. Natural light, but nothing blinding. Lots of space. It's just ... ME! I need to bring a few things to really personalise it, but seriously, I adore the space.
Other changes have happened since I last wrote. Tavis and I have adopted a dog. We named her after two of our favourite Firefly characters. Delightful Terrier X ... who adopted me as soon as she laid eyes on me. She was supposed to be Tavis's more than mine, but apparently nobody told her the plan. She hasn't had an easy life, it's obvious to any who watches her, and she's not even two yet. I've hung her moon, she says. I try to live up to that for her. Much to Ty's disgust. And, even crazier, Cleo plays with her. CLEO. I think I hear a turtle singing.
So ... that's pretty much what has been going on with me. Busy, busy with work and the dog, and trying to keep up with my Guild duties (I've been promoted to Deputy), and still finding some quiet time to rest and recharge. Finding ways to keep Mom occupied without biting her head off. Getting my bills paid. Almost finished paying off the second credit card, got a good starting dent happening on the third, and paying off my student loans too. Somewhere in the budget, I have to find the space to get myself a car soon. My first car. I've waited long enough for it, I think. I over pay both phone bills and my tab at HH. My line of credit is S L O W L Y seeing some reduction. I'm not quite living pay cheque to pay cheque any more, though I haven't relaxed much about finds yet. I'm eating better. My mirrors all agree that I'm looking better. I'm actually feeling happy, dammit. I haven't accomplished everything yet, but dammit, I'm happy with where I am right now.
As much as I want some things ... children, love life, sex life ... I'm also afraid of the changes they are sure to bring with them. Energy-wise I feel spread quite thin. Especially right now, with Tavis away from home on course. All part of being an introvert, I guess. There was one week where Tavis was away on his course, and Mom had gone out of town to visit, and I had the place to myself. I had been a bit worried about handling everything on my own, but I did better on my own than I do with Mom here. I was happy, RELAXED, and had everything under control. I had a schedule that made all the fur-babies happy. And it all went to pot when Mom came home. Heck, we hadn't even left the city yet and my good mood was gone. Tavis was good enough to run interference for me. He reads me better than she does by far. Heck, he reads me better than Jade ever did.
Mom is trying to find a place to live. A task made more difficult by her meager income. She relies on her pension and has little to no savings. When she does manage to save something, she quickly spends it. She found an affordable place but it has a long waiting list, and the waiting is wearing on her. Typically she's starting to get restless, panic and doubt. She's starting to think about the costs involved with the move. On the bright side, she's calling friends and keeping in touch with them. So, things are improving there too. We'll see.
Dreaming of spring ... and sex. Fine, I'm always wanting sex. Sue me. It's been a long time. Somebody once advised me to get Tavis liquored up and take advantage of him, but even if I sometimes wish I could, I'd never do it. For one, I have better ethics than that. For another, I'm a beautiful woman. I shouldn't have to resort to tactics like that. I get all the hugs i need and more ... but I do miss kissing. *sigh*
Sweet Dreams!
Mood: Calm. Decidedly in need of a massage, but calm. :)
Music: Lullaby ~ Loreena McKennit (with Elliot Hayes)
Thought of the Day: If "Love" is such an overused word and has lost its true meaning, making it easier than ever to say, then why do men still have trouble saying it with any real meaning?
Well, I've put off my writing here for quite a while now. Not as bad as I have in the past, but, once again, I wanted to write, and didn't. Settling instead with making "entries" in my head. Writing inspiration down on scraps of paper. It's been a stressful few months. That new job I had told you about? well, I've still got it. I'm officially full time. And they still like what I do. In fact, they make sure to mention that I'm doing a good job. What impresses them? My need to be organised. Something nobody else has mentioned before, really. And I'm sitting in my office now instead of the reception desk, which is fantastic. I feel better. I love my office. It's just so ME. Like it was waiting and now it's very happy that I'm there. Earthy tones, and accents. the art work on the wall is hand drawn, witty aspects of Arthurian legends, Stonehenge, and Shakespeare. Same colour scheme, but with hints of blue. Natural light, but nothing blinding. Lots of space. It's just ... ME! I need to bring a few things to really personalise it, but seriously, I adore the space.
Other changes have happened since I last wrote. Tavis and I have adopted a dog. We named her after two of our favourite Firefly characters. Delightful Terrier X ... who adopted me as soon as she laid eyes on me. She was supposed to be Tavis's more than mine, but apparently nobody told her the plan. She hasn't had an easy life, it's obvious to any who watches her, and she's not even two yet. I've hung her moon, she says. I try to live up to that for her. Much to Ty's disgust. And, even crazier, Cleo plays with her. CLEO. I think I hear a turtle singing.
So ... that's pretty much what has been going on with me. Busy, busy with work and the dog, and trying to keep up with my Guild duties (I've been promoted to Deputy), and still finding some quiet time to rest and recharge. Finding ways to keep Mom occupied without biting her head off. Getting my bills paid. Almost finished paying off the second credit card, got a good starting dent happening on the third, and paying off my student loans too. Somewhere in the budget, I have to find the space to get myself a car soon. My first car. I've waited long enough for it, I think. I over pay both phone bills and my tab at HH. My line of credit is S L O W L Y seeing some reduction. I'm not quite living pay cheque to pay cheque any more, though I haven't relaxed much about finds yet. I'm eating better. My mirrors all agree that I'm looking better. I'm actually feeling happy, dammit. I haven't accomplished everything yet, but dammit, I'm happy with where I am right now.
As much as I want some things ... children, love life, sex life ... I'm also afraid of the changes they are sure to bring with them. Energy-wise I feel spread quite thin. Especially right now, with Tavis away from home on course. All part of being an introvert, I guess. There was one week where Tavis was away on his course, and Mom had gone out of town to visit, and I had the place to myself. I had been a bit worried about handling everything on my own, but I did better on my own than I do with Mom here. I was happy, RELAXED, and had everything under control. I had a schedule that made all the fur-babies happy. And it all went to pot when Mom came home. Heck, we hadn't even left the city yet and my good mood was gone. Tavis was good enough to run interference for me. He reads me better than she does by far. Heck, he reads me better than Jade ever did.
Mom is trying to find a place to live. A task made more difficult by her meager income. She relies on her pension and has little to no savings. When she does manage to save something, she quickly spends it. She found an affordable place but it has a long waiting list, and the waiting is wearing on her. Typically she's starting to get restless, panic and doubt. She's starting to think about the costs involved with the move. On the bright side, she's calling friends and keeping in touch with them. So, things are improving there too. We'll see.
Dreaming of spring ... and sex. Fine, I'm always wanting sex. Sue me. It's been a long time. Somebody once advised me to get Tavis liquored up and take advantage of him, but even if I sometimes wish I could, I'd never do it. For one, I have better ethics than that. For another, I'm a beautiful woman. I shouldn't have to resort to tactics like that. I get all the hugs i need and more ... but I do miss kissing. *sigh*
Sweet Dreams!
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