March 30, 2006 – 09:55
Lynne, your Beltane present is staring at me again. It watches me every time I walk by. It’s waiting for something, I think … waiting with a patience that’s almost eerie. It’s not uncomfortable though. Yup, if you don’t come and get it soon, I’m going to fall to the dark side and keep it for myself. I think it’s starting to look like me too.
Egad. Come and get this thing!
Jade snuck up behind me last night and hugged me while I was making dinner.
Jade: You are the best wife ever.
Me: I’m not a wife. But I could be the best girlfriend ever.
Jade: Okay, okay, you are the best common-law wife ever.
Me: Oh, so now I’m common.
Jade: Common-LAW … there’s nothing common about you.
I have personal issues with this common-law thing. Being common-law gives me the rights of a wife; it does not make me a wife. If he’s suddenly liking the idea of calling me wife, he can gird up his loins and bloody pop the bleedin’ question!!
Here’s his revenge.
Later that night we were getting ready for bed when he casually mentions that he had seen spiders in the house. I forget the beginning of the conversation … oh, wait, I had mentioned something about mice, and he said that that he had seen no signs of mice, but he had seen spiders. In fact, there had been a spider hanging above the washing machine and he had kindly insisted that he (spider) find a new place because if I came down and saw him, he (spider) would not survive the experience. Jade suggested the window because that would be a good bug catching place.
Said spider moved to the window and seems to have been there since.
I’ve also been told to stay away from where the winter jackets are hung up. There’s another one there and I shouldn’t disturb her because she swears she won’t bother me. Apparently, she has also promised to not leave any broods in the house.
Oh. Thanks.
I’m still not looking thrilled … or even at ease … Jade points out that they are good spiders. He’s only seen one bad one and he was ejected immediately. Oh. THAT makes me feel better … not.
*sigh *
Worked on the bedrooms downstairs yesterday. My work room is all neat and tidy. It’s not complete yet because I am waiting for a shelf from IKEA. We’re supposed to go get it this weekend. I’ve been promised. The spare bedroom (which doesn’t have the bed yet) now has a path within the jungle of boxes. Most of them were empty anyway, so I just flattened them for recycle. Jade didn’t come near me during this process – I had a knife. To be fair though, he was at work during most of it. ;)
I intend to go outside to call the sun out to play today. He might not show right away, but he might hurry his steps.
Gonna get my taxes worked on this weekend. At last. Jade said he’d try to wade through it … suggesting that he’d probably make errors and get me audited. * snort* I told him that we can follow his first suggestion and get somebody else to do it. Like H&R Block. Then we can ask questions about right offs, etc because frankly, as my own company, I can write off rent, bills, clothes, etc. My previous boss assures me that almost everything is write off-able. And I don’t need a special form for it either.
Sounds too good to be true. If we don’t go to a pro, I’m going to insist on reading the instructions to research for myself!
So after getting snowed out on our Sunday, Lynne and I rescheduled for Sunday the 26th. Then we rescheduled for Monday. Then we rescheduled for Wednesday. Currently waiting to see why she has to reschedule from today. We’ll see. Not that she’s just pushing me to the back burner … there are reasons each time that have come up to block us. It’s always been like this. It’s a fight to see each other. So much nicer when we worked together. I miss that. Especially when Daniel came into the office. Had a neat connection of Three going on there. I used to wonder if we had been friends in a past life as well. The room seemed to hum in satisfaction when the three of us were together. Only to yelp in pain when the boss walked in. Still don’t like him. If he has any redeeming qualities, Lynne was the only one who saw them. She was the one he would apologise to, and give flowers to, and other small things. He even gave her two nicknames. Why, because he enjoyed teasing her. Bug-lette and Merbat.
I took dry-erase markers and drew pictures on the window. They became a big hit. They hadn’t been intended to be a big thing. I was teasing Lynne. Before she could come in for her shift (I had time, she was almost always late) I drew a pic of a plant that we had adopted … and on one leaf was a lady bug … with long black hair … with a blue streak. It took her a couple of minutes to twig on to that one. She insisted that I draw more, so I drew the boss next, hiding behind the window frame that separated the two windows. He had a butterfly net in his back pocket. Damned if it didn’t manage to look just like him too. I drew a pic of Daniel too. I don’t think he was as impressed as Lynne was though. ;) I don’t know that boss was thrilled either, but he never took it down. Probably because the lady bug liked it so much.
Just occurred to me. If we were sisters like in Practical Magic, she would be Gillian (Kidman) and I would be Sally (Bullock). (I think I have the names straight – been a while I’ve seen it.) Yup, she uses her magic a lot since Buttview pushed her away. That’s his new name. Some of you might recognize it. I think it suits him. John Buttview. He and Hitler can both go dancing in the woods together and get swallowed by something. Asses, the both of them. Pitifully so.
So, my agenda today (assuming I have no visitor) is to finish the bedroom in the basement (complete with candle and possible incense – he likes the candles and I feel he’s been asking for the scent. I’m going to have to give him a name soon.) And then I’m going to work on my office area. Slight furniture shifting involved there. And then I’m going to sit down to my writing. Because I really want to get done with the story I’m on and move on to another.
Damn, I miss the writing. It’s the only thing about my career that sucks. No time for much else.
20:09
Well, got the room downstairs done as much as I could – for now. All the empty boxes are flattened expect for a few that are flat enough to not matter. We’re gonna go to IKEA and get that shelf tomorrow so that I can finish the craft room. While I’m doing that, hopefully Jade will be going through boxes in the bedroom and creating a bit more space. I’d like to have the rest of his bloody furniture moved in here so that we can get on with our lives … and his mother can stop complaining about it. Isn’t that why mothers invented nagging? So that the kids will get things done to make her quiet again?
Finally saw Blade II tonight. Not bad. I liked the ending very much. I’m looking forward to getting the third one and seeing it too.
Didn’t get any writing done today. Dammit. But it’s on the list. And the list is getting smaller. And Jade says that I don’t have to go back to work until I’m ready. He says I’ll have to go back to make some money for San Diego, but he’s not gonna rush me. He himself likes to take time off between jobs unless there’s something really good in the Hall. Well, I know there’s gonna be work for me. There always will be. And if I have to hold out until thoroughbreds, well, I already have a job lined up and I know how much it pays. I’ll be ready for San Diego when it comes.
Even if I have to have a craft/bake sale.
Which I’m thinking of, by the by. Even asked Lynne to join in. I plan on asking others too. Might even make a big special thing about it all … have some special items on sale for charity. (Nice advertising for friends who own comics shops, etc.) It’s all still in the planning stages though. If you read this and would like to add something – something to sell, donations of items, or just polite advice (note the word polite), please fell free to comment or e-mail.
Sweet Dreams!
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
The Wisdom of the Chick-a-dee
March 28, 2006 – 09:39
No, I’m not home from work early … I’m home for work for good. Well, okay, until I go back and check to see who else needs help. There’s always somebody. I decided not to look around right away though as I want some time to catch up on a few things around the house. Maybe get ready for spring or something. It’s tempting to stay home until thoroughbreds start, but I know Jade would never agree to that. Tempting as it would be for him too. Besides, I only have to hold out for another year … then I can take off all the time I want. More than I might want, actually, since Jade told me that if I’m going to do this, I’m going to do this RIGHT.
At least, I keep telling myself that I’ll get bored, but I know that there will be lots to do. The little bits of housework won’t take long if it gets done every day, and I’ll have my writing to get back into. I’m trying to get the feel of my fan fiction back so that I can finish it to take with me to San Diego. That’s Jade’s idea too. I never would have thought of it.
So … laid off yesterday. I’m still not sure if the excuse was entirely true – especially since other workers looked shocked/surprised that I was leaving. Ah well, what can you do when the guy who signs the cheques thinks he’s spending too much? He said he gave me a good reference to somebody else and I’ll go check him out when I’m ready. If I missed out, that’s my own fault and bad luck.
It’s a beautiful day in the neighbourhood … the recent snow melted so fast that the city doesn’t look so dirty as it usually does in the spring. At least, not in the places I’ve been able to see. The peregrine falcon has been calling out for the past couple of days, yesterday I heard the chick-a-dees calling their spring tunes and today I saw Canada geese flying around – looking for a home base. To the nether regions with the robins … spring is here, my duckies! Spring is here. Chick-a-dees said so.
10:31
I just brought up some large recycle items (Costco boxes) and took down the old dining room table and chairs. Makes things look a little different. More space upstairs in the kitchen, you can see the cat food now so it’s harder to miss his breakfast, and the down stairs looks almost lived in. ;) I plan on tackling the office boxes up in the den and if I still have energy, I plan on working on the boxes that have magically appeared in my craft room. Somewhere in there, I might even get industrious and clean the garage a bit while the truck is out of it. It’s time to throw things out!! Especially now that some of it has been water damaged. Stupid melting snow … darn My Imagination for not sweeping the snow that fell off the truck more often.
Well, maybe I’ll go run to Sev for some badly needed Barq’s and then I’ll come back and pick at the stuff in the garage. It might get warm enough today that I could build one of Jade’s presents. I gave him a double decker tool box (or whatever they are called) and a work bench. That should help with the clutter a bit.
Yeah ... better get to it now while I’m still willing to think about it!
13:56
Okay, the garage is now tidy!! I put together the tool chest and threw some tools in it, reorganized a few things and threw out a bit too. I set a flat of books up to dry and I hope they are still salvage-able … I just don’t like throwing out books. We should have taken them to Wee Book Inn, but Jade and I just never got around to it. I mentioned it lots, but it never got done. Anyway, the garage looks loads better. Like things were PUT in instead of just THROWN in anywhere.
I should have thrown out the old computer stuff too, but I still couldn’t bring myself to do it. They are still useful … they are just out of date. What the heck do you do with this stuff anyway? Is there a computer guru out there that can tell me?? I’m sure there’s a home for these things … I just don’t know where it is.
It feels so good to get that done! It’s not completely complete, but it’s been satisfactorily dealt with for now … and that’s fine by me. ;)
More good news … I have beat the 150 mark. I can’t recall if I’ve said that already … if I have, well, it’s worth mentioning twice (or more) I stepped on the scale yesterday and it read 149 pounds. I have too much muscle now to ever get back down to the 120’s, but I do have the body back … with improved hips. I wore a fitted T-shirt (Good Japanese Words) and an old, worn pair of shorts yesterday and was very assured that I looked quite sexy. So there you go … I have finally achieved a body that looks good in practically anything. The only thing that makes Jade cry is that my breasts are leaving too. I keep telling him that this means it will be less expensive to shop for bras, but he doesn’t care to hear that … * sigh*
I just hope my legs look as good as Ellen’s when I get to be her age. WOW!! I always check her pictures carefully because I’m sure she’s using Marilyn Monroe’s legs or something but obviously she has excellent computer graphic skills and I can’t see it. Either that or they are just her legs.
Nah …
Lynne’s present is staring at me … it wants to be given …
I think I’m gonna be in trouble if it doesn’t get it’s way soon.
Sweet Dreams!
No, I’m not home from work early … I’m home for work for good. Well, okay, until I go back and check to see who else needs help. There’s always somebody. I decided not to look around right away though as I want some time to catch up on a few things around the house. Maybe get ready for spring or something. It’s tempting to stay home until thoroughbreds start, but I know Jade would never agree to that. Tempting as it would be for him too. Besides, I only have to hold out for another year … then I can take off all the time I want. More than I might want, actually, since Jade told me that if I’m going to do this, I’m going to do this RIGHT.
At least, I keep telling myself that I’ll get bored, but I know that there will be lots to do. The little bits of housework won’t take long if it gets done every day, and I’ll have my writing to get back into. I’m trying to get the feel of my fan fiction back so that I can finish it to take with me to San Diego. That’s Jade’s idea too. I never would have thought of it.
So … laid off yesterday. I’m still not sure if the excuse was entirely true – especially since other workers looked shocked/surprised that I was leaving. Ah well, what can you do when the guy who signs the cheques thinks he’s spending too much? He said he gave me a good reference to somebody else and I’ll go check him out when I’m ready. If I missed out, that’s my own fault and bad luck.
It’s a beautiful day in the neighbourhood … the recent snow melted so fast that the city doesn’t look so dirty as it usually does in the spring. At least, not in the places I’ve been able to see. The peregrine falcon has been calling out for the past couple of days, yesterday I heard the chick-a-dees calling their spring tunes and today I saw Canada geese flying around – looking for a home base. To the nether regions with the robins … spring is here, my duckies! Spring is here. Chick-a-dees said so.
10:31
I just brought up some large recycle items (Costco boxes) and took down the old dining room table and chairs. Makes things look a little different. More space upstairs in the kitchen, you can see the cat food now so it’s harder to miss his breakfast, and the down stairs looks almost lived in. ;) I plan on tackling the office boxes up in the den and if I still have energy, I plan on working on the boxes that have magically appeared in my craft room. Somewhere in there, I might even get industrious and clean the garage a bit while the truck is out of it. It’s time to throw things out!! Especially now that some of it has been water damaged. Stupid melting snow … darn My Imagination for not sweeping the snow that fell off the truck more often.
Well, maybe I’ll go run to Sev for some badly needed Barq’s and then I’ll come back and pick at the stuff in the garage. It might get warm enough today that I could build one of Jade’s presents. I gave him a double decker tool box (or whatever they are called) and a work bench. That should help with the clutter a bit.
Yeah ... better get to it now while I’m still willing to think about it!
13:56
Okay, the garage is now tidy!! I put together the tool chest and threw some tools in it, reorganized a few things and threw out a bit too. I set a flat of books up to dry and I hope they are still salvage-able … I just don’t like throwing out books. We should have taken them to Wee Book Inn, but Jade and I just never got around to it. I mentioned it lots, but it never got done. Anyway, the garage looks loads better. Like things were PUT in instead of just THROWN in anywhere.
I should have thrown out the old computer stuff too, but I still couldn’t bring myself to do it. They are still useful … they are just out of date. What the heck do you do with this stuff anyway? Is there a computer guru out there that can tell me?? I’m sure there’s a home for these things … I just don’t know where it is.
It feels so good to get that done! It’s not completely complete, but it’s been satisfactorily dealt with for now … and that’s fine by me. ;)
More good news … I have beat the 150 mark. I can’t recall if I’ve said that already … if I have, well, it’s worth mentioning twice (or more) I stepped on the scale yesterday and it read 149 pounds. I have too much muscle now to ever get back down to the 120’s, but I do have the body back … with improved hips. I wore a fitted T-shirt (Good Japanese Words) and an old, worn pair of shorts yesterday and was very assured that I looked quite sexy. So there you go … I have finally achieved a body that looks good in practically anything. The only thing that makes Jade cry is that my breasts are leaving too. I keep telling him that this means it will be less expensive to shop for bras, but he doesn’t care to hear that … * sigh*
I just hope my legs look as good as Ellen’s when I get to be her age. WOW!! I always check her pictures carefully because I’m sure she’s using Marilyn Monroe’s legs or something but obviously she has excellent computer graphic skills and I can’t see it. Either that or they are just her legs.
Nah …
Lynne’s present is staring at me … it wants to be given …
I think I’m gonna be in trouble if it doesn’t get it’s way soon.
Sweet Dreams!
Monday, March 27, 2006
No Pressure Here!
March 22, 2006 – 20:12
Oh, Saturday is going to hurt. My barn has three horses racing … and they are all MINE. I might be able to manage to paddock the first two horses (races 3 and 8) but somebody is going to have to help out with the horse in race 11. Either way, it’s going to be an extremely long day because I’ll still have to put away all three horses afterwards. Still, it might be worth it if middle horse does well. Race 8 is a stake race. That means prestige, money … and an eligibility to perform in further stakes.
It’s going to be a very long, tense day for me. Yup. Pressure. And since I’ll be in race 3, there won’t be time to run for lunch either. I’ll have to make sure I have a lunch packed.
YAY! This means shopping tomorrow!
I wonder if I can talk Jade into going to IKEA? I have to make the basement mine and soon.
Please oh please oh please oh please let me have Sunday off from racing! My four race horses just turned into six today … I’m used to having a few babies that don’t race yet. I keep telling myself to think about the money I’m making … I’m getting an excellent wage plus bonuses for first place and paddock fees. But, you know? Sometimes money just isn’t enough reason. Luckily the horses are. For them, I keep going back.
Speaking of which, I have to get to bed so that I can start another day with them.
March 27, 2006 – 08:41
We interrupt this regularly scheduled soap opera to bring you a few words from Ben Stein. If I have already sent you this e-mail, please feel free to skip down to the part when I expound upon this man’s wisdom!
The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary, Sunday, 12/18/05.
Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart: I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they so important?
I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is either, and I do not care at all about Tom Cruise's wife.
Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am a subversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are.
If this is what it means to be no longer young. It's not so bad.
Next confession:I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.
It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution, and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?
I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too.
But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.
Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this Happen?" (regarding Katrina)
Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"
In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.
Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school . the Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing?Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it. Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us. Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.
As I pointed out in my e-mail to some of you, I know who Ben Stein is. I know him to be a very intelligent man as well as a funny one. I don’t share his religion, but I do share his views on what we are allowing our world to come to.
I remember how schools used to be – saying the prayer, reciting the allegiance to the flag, even a cheerful 'good morning' song was sung. I can understand the views that got the prayer cut out of our children’s lives – I, myself, frequently complain about having religion shoved up my nose. I personally believe that religion should be private, but this is a world of freedom and apparently God not only has to advertise, he also has a PR team.
Crazy.
I believe in spankings. I have complete faith in a child’s need to be told where the line is and what will happen if it is crossed. They need to know how to weigh consequences – not just for themselves, but also for others. It might “take a village to raise a child” but I think the “village” is failing our children and we need to once again act alone to raise them. I DO believe in spankings, but I also think that any marks beyond a glowing bum and a tearful, pouty face is because it was no longer a spanking. Beating your children is wrong, corporal punishment is not. I think the strap should be brought back to our schools but should only be used as a last resort. Some children can only respect their own discomfort – and I can imagine that sitting on a wooden (or plastic) chair while trying to do class work after getting the strap, would be a good reminder of the need to think ahead. I also believe in groundings, time outs, taking away a toy for a period of time, and lectures that require answers to make sure the kid hasn’t zoned you out. I also believe in praise, hugs, and encouragement.
I believe that a single expert is not entirely correct, but that parents should take the advice of all the experts and then do what is right in their hearts. Ultimately, you are the one raising your child, not somebody who had the wit to get a book published based on high ideals that they may or may not have actually used on their own children and may or may not have actually worked. Every child is different … sometimes in order to raising them right, we have to LISTEN to them as well as talk to them.
Somewhere out there is a person (or two, etc) who are asking themselves why I am spouting this stuff.
Because I care. Children are the one “people cause" that I wholly try to involve myself in. If writing this for you to read, and maybe share, can get you to think, then, grand, I’ve touched somebody enough to maybe make a change in somebody’s life. (Lady knows the teachers who touch lives are getting fewer and far between.) If you shove this section away and reject it as none of my business, well, that’s your right too – but if you didn’t want to know my thoughts on things then why are you reading my journal?
Somebody may also be asking what the heck do I know about raising kids? I don’t have any.
Well, I did … and for two years, I raised my god-daughter. A beautiful little girl who, had things worked out, would have been a week older than my son. She was a well behaved child, both in private and in public. She managed to move within the lines I set for her and still remain a happy, healthy, bright child who gave every indication of being a free spirit. She was polite and respectful to others and she made the decision to be so on her own - I didn't have to constantly nudge her. And she loved me very much.
In fact, I may have done my job too well. She loved me so much that she began to reject her own mother. She referred to her by her given name and called me “Mom” in public. I couldn’t get her to stop. Her mother didn’t care much, because she was too busy with two jobs, but I know that if she ever stopped to look and had it thrown in her face, she would resent it and me. So I broke my heart, and my god-daughters, and I left her life. I had meant it to be temporary, but my friend was so angry that I had left her without a caregiver for her daughter (I had given her warnings, but she didn’t act on them) that she made the split permanent.
I miss her everyday and I hope that the things I taught her are remembered in her heart, if not in her head. Sometimes doing the “right thing” is not easy. Especially when you aren’t sure it is. She was three then … now she would be … eleven, in March.
That’s all I have to say about that.
We now return to the soap opera – boring as it is …
I slept in until quarter to eight today. Oh, that was nice … to wake up to the quiet and the morning light … with the solid lump that is my cat pressed firmly against my back. The sunshine is so beautiful that I wanted to go for a walk. But I didn’t want to go alone. I wanted to share it. I live near the river valley – there’s lots to share in spring. Lynne might not be here in time for sunshine though … and Albert has a cast on his foot. Well, we’ll see. I’m waiting to see what Lynne’s plans are for today and then if I’m that desperate to go out, I’ll go grab my parents’ dog. That’ll do for company.
Yesterday, I was leaving work when I saw the most outrageous outfit on a woman. It kinda worked for her, but still … I called Lynne, knowing that she’d understand my need to “Oh My GOD!” at somebody. She told me to take a picture … so I did. In fact I took three. I have no idea if they’ll turnout though … they look so tiny on the phone. I’ll place them here if I ever figure out how to get them off. I haven’t seen an outfit like this since SCTV was on.
So, today, if plans work out, Lynne is finally going to take the pics of me that she’s been asking me to sit for. I don’t know how long we’ve been trying to do this … almost a year, maybe. Today we finally have time off at the same time ... so … * crossing fingers*
I might share them with you. I am my own harshest critic. (If you ever heard me be critical of somebody, you might find that hard to believe, but I hold myself up to some pretty strict standards – it’s how I was raised.) Anyway, I’m not sure that I will be happy with the results. Not that the pics won’t be good or well taken – I’m sure that Lynne will do a fabulous job and she will be thrilled with them … but I will see the flaws in myself.
Damn magazines with their perfect touched up photos of already perfect women.
Note: Latest races went fairly well ... even the important stakes races. No firsts for me, but enough seconds to keep me and the barn happy.
Will write more later …
Sweet Dreams!
Oh, Saturday is going to hurt. My barn has three horses racing … and they are all MINE. I might be able to manage to paddock the first two horses (races 3 and 8) but somebody is going to have to help out with the horse in race 11. Either way, it’s going to be an extremely long day because I’ll still have to put away all three horses afterwards. Still, it might be worth it if middle horse does well. Race 8 is a stake race. That means prestige, money … and an eligibility to perform in further stakes.
It’s going to be a very long, tense day for me. Yup. Pressure. And since I’ll be in race 3, there won’t be time to run for lunch either. I’ll have to make sure I have a lunch packed.
YAY! This means shopping tomorrow!
I wonder if I can talk Jade into going to IKEA? I have to make the basement mine and soon.
Please oh please oh please oh please let me have Sunday off from racing! My four race horses just turned into six today … I’m used to having a few babies that don’t race yet. I keep telling myself to think about the money I’m making … I’m getting an excellent wage plus bonuses for first place and paddock fees. But, you know? Sometimes money just isn’t enough reason. Luckily the horses are. For them, I keep going back.
Speaking of which, I have to get to bed so that I can start another day with them.
March 27, 2006 – 08:41
We interrupt this regularly scheduled soap opera to bring you a few words from Ben Stein. If I have already sent you this e-mail, please feel free to skip down to the part when I expound upon this man’s wisdom!
The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary, Sunday, 12/18/05.
Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart: I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they so important?
I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is either, and I do not care at all about Tom Cruise's wife.
Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am a subversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are.
If this is what it means to be no longer young. It's not so bad.
Next confession:I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.
It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution, and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?
I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too.
But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.
Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this Happen?" (regarding Katrina)
Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"
In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.
Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school . the Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing?Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it. Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us. Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.
As I pointed out in my e-mail to some of you, I know who Ben Stein is. I know him to be a very intelligent man as well as a funny one. I don’t share his religion, but I do share his views on what we are allowing our world to come to.
I remember how schools used to be – saying the prayer, reciting the allegiance to the flag, even a cheerful 'good morning' song was sung. I can understand the views that got the prayer cut out of our children’s lives – I, myself, frequently complain about having religion shoved up my nose. I personally believe that religion should be private, but this is a world of freedom and apparently God not only has to advertise, he also has a PR team.
Crazy.
I believe in spankings. I have complete faith in a child’s need to be told where the line is and what will happen if it is crossed. They need to know how to weigh consequences – not just for themselves, but also for others. It might “take a village to raise a child” but I think the “village” is failing our children and we need to once again act alone to raise them. I DO believe in spankings, but I also think that any marks beyond a glowing bum and a tearful, pouty face is because it was no longer a spanking. Beating your children is wrong, corporal punishment is not. I think the strap should be brought back to our schools but should only be used as a last resort. Some children can only respect their own discomfort – and I can imagine that sitting on a wooden (or plastic) chair while trying to do class work after getting the strap, would be a good reminder of the need to think ahead. I also believe in groundings, time outs, taking away a toy for a period of time, and lectures that require answers to make sure the kid hasn’t zoned you out. I also believe in praise, hugs, and encouragement.
I believe that a single expert is not entirely correct, but that parents should take the advice of all the experts and then do what is right in their hearts. Ultimately, you are the one raising your child, not somebody who had the wit to get a book published based on high ideals that they may or may not have actually used on their own children and may or may not have actually worked. Every child is different … sometimes in order to raising them right, we have to LISTEN to them as well as talk to them.
Somewhere out there is a person (or two, etc) who are asking themselves why I am spouting this stuff.
Because I care. Children are the one “people cause" that I wholly try to involve myself in. If writing this for you to read, and maybe share, can get you to think, then, grand, I’ve touched somebody enough to maybe make a change in somebody’s life. (Lady knows the teachers who touch lives are getting fewer and far between.) If you shove this section away and reject it as none of my business, well, that’s your right too – but if you didn’t want to know my thoughts on things then why are you reading my journal?
Somebody may also be asking what the heck do I know about raising kids? I don’t have any.
Well, I did … and for two years, I raised my god-daughter. A beautiful little girl who, had things worked out, would have been a week older than my son. She was a well behaved child, both in private and in public. She managed to move within the lines I set for her and still remain a happy, healthy, bright child who gave every indication of being a free spirit. She was polite and respectful to others and she made the decision to be so on her own - I didn't have to constantly nudge her. And she loved me very much.
In fact, I may have done my job too well. She loved me so much that she began to reject her own mother. She referred to her by her given name and called me “Mom” in public. I couldn’t get her to stop. Her mother didn’t care much, because she was too busy with two jobs, but I know that if she ever stopped to look and had it thrown in her face, she would resent it and me. So I broke my heart, and my god-daughters, and I left her life. I had meant it to be temporary, but my friend was so angry that I had left her without a caregiver for her daughter (I had given her warnings, but she didn’t act on them) that she made the split permanent.
I miss her everyday and I hope that the things I taught her are remembered in her heart, if not in her head. Sometimes doing the “right thing” is not easy. Especially when you aren’t sure it is. She was three then … now she would be … eleven, in March.
That’s all I have to say about that.
We now return to the soap opera – boring as it is …
I slept in until quarter to eight today. Oh, that was nice … to wake up to the quiet and the morning light … with the solid lump that is my cat pressed firmly against my back. The sunshine is so beautiful that I wanted to go for a walk. But I didn’t want to go alone. I wanted to share it. I live near the river valley – there’s lots to share in spring. Lynne might not be here in time for sunshine though … and Albert has a cast on his foot. Well, we’ll see. I’m waiting to see what Lynne’s plans are for today and then if I’m that desperate to go out, I’ll go grab my parents’ dog. That’ll do for company.
Yesterday, I was leaving work when I saw the most outrageous outfit on a woman. It kinda worked for her, but still … I called Lynne, knowing that she’d understand my need to “Oh My GOD!” at somebody. She told me to take a picture … so I did. In fact I took three. I have no idea if they’ll turnout though … they look so tiny on the phone. I’ll place them here if I ever figure out how to get them off. I haven’t seen an outfit like this since SCTV was on.
So, today, if plans work out, Lynne is finally going to take the pics of me that she’s been asking me to sit for. I don’t know how long we’ve been trying to do this … almost a year, maybe. Today we finally have time off at the same time ... so … * crossing fingers*
I might share them with you. I am my own harshest critic. (If you ever heard me be critical of somebody, you might find that hard to believe, but I hold myself up to some pretty strict standards – it’s how I was raised.) Anyway, I’m not sure that I will be happy with the results. Not that the pics won’t be good or well taken – I’m sure that Lynne will do a fabulous job and she will be thrilled with them … but I will see the flaws in myself.
Damn magazines with their perfect touched up photos of already perfect women.
Note: Latest races went fairly well ... even the important stakes races. No firsts for me, but enough seconds to keep me and the barn happy.
Will write more later …
Sweet Dreams!
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Yakkity, yak ... please write back!
March 17, 2006 – 14:03
Happy Paddy’s Day!
Beware the green beer! But the green food is okay … as long as it’s not fuzzy!
I’ve only got an hour to eat and run … Actually have a horse in the fourth race! Usually I’m stuck near the end in the nineth, or somewhere like that.
Found some journal entries that never got published, so I’m going to put them in now. Some of it might be old news, but hey, consider it catching up!
January 9, 2006 – 20:14
Home again, home again
Jiggedy jig
WHEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Feel the joy, People! I’m back! For those of you who had expressed a concern at my lack of updates, thank you so much for letting me know you missed them. That meant alot to me.
For those not in the know, my computer crashed around … October? It had started failing before that and nothing I did seemed to help, so I saved as much as I could before it died completely, but, oh … what I lost! Pictures – some that can’t be replaced; music, stories … * sigh *
I shall recover, but the wound festers still. Especially considering I’ve been without my computer for well over two months. Futureshop FINALLY fixed it. I was getting ready to grow out my fingernails.
Dangerous weapons, fingernails. Don’t ever forget it. Especially the broken ones.
Where to start … where to start? So much has happened since I last wrote! So much has been missed! I wrote mental entries, but you all know I’ll never remember them and even if I remembered what they were about, it wouldn’t be the same! Well, I guess I’ll have to start at the most recent events and you’ll have to catch up as best you can later.
First off, Jade and I are sick. He looks like crap … I don’t. Heh. He’s got it worse than I do … I hope I can fight it off in the next couple of days because I have to go to a conference on Saturday. In Red Deer. My whole team is going while the boss is on holiday. Guess who’s driving the truck? Me.
I better remember to bring the ear plugs. The screams will be distracting, I’m sure.
Jade has been updating me on the recent laws regarding emergency vehicles on the highway. Like if I see a cop on the side of the road with somebody pulled over, I’m not allowed to hit him. I can’t even pretend to aim for him. He has no qualms about my doing the driving … he says. I’ll be nervous until I do it. Then I’ll be fine. Meanwhile I pray the roads are in good condition. (Goddess, hear that prayer and ANSWER IT!)
The weekend after that, I’M FREE! For about nine days. Well, that’s still a vacation that I’m very much in need of right now. My stress levels are at their limits and it’s taking a grand amount of self control to act with normal parameters. And deal with the mood swings of the PMS too. Yeah, sometimes I amaze even myself. Shush, that’s actually harder than it sounds.
So anyway, we’re going to Banff for skiing. At Sunshine. After the skiing, we’ll stay at the Fairmont and have a spa treatment. Spot will be going on vacation too. But not with us, unfortunately. He’ll be staying at a kitty condo with friends for him to play with and lots of places for him to explore. I went and investigated it with Jade and we were both satisfied. The lady who runs it is an Animal Health Technician (sounds impressive, doesn’t it?) and the condo is attached to the house so she’s close by if something goes wrong. She’s even hooked up a baby monitor to listen for sounds of distress in the night. The rooms are spacious enough and if kitty doesn’t get along with the others, he can stay in his room during the day and gets time out at night. There’s even a yard to play in during good weather. If all goes well, we’ll be using this service again.
Joyce doesn’t understand why we’re taking Spot to a condo. She thinks we should save our money and just make sure he has lots of water and have somebody check on him every couple of days.
EVERY COUPLE OF DAYS????
Did those stupid words come out of my mother’s mouth? Yes, cats are adaptable, but my baby has serious separation anxiety. He sheds non-stop, doesn’t eat, and basically sleeps all day as far as we can tell. Every couple of days, my fanny! Nobody I know would accept that for their own pet! And He needs more than just 10 minutes a day for food and litter cleaning. I know for a fact that she would never accept that for her own pets.
Lynne would be willing to offer a decent check up every day, but she lives all the way across town and I’d feel guilty about the price of the gas she’d use. Besides, Spot has no trouble letting her know that she’s NOT the Mommy!!
Poor Lynne. You know that I love you anyway.
* sigh * Bedtime. I’ll continue this one tomorrow!
January 12, 2006 – 14:06
”Ah … I am wefweshed!” Nothing quite like a hot shower to make the aches ease up, the toes warm again and the nose clear for a bit.
So … Jade has given me a head cold. I didn’t ask for it, but then he likes to give me things that I don’t ask for. I think he sees it as providing me with something before I need it. At the very least, he likes to try and surprise me. Well … I was surprised. It snuck up on me and smacked me in the face like a 2x4. I came back from my break at work with a fever, my face so flushed that my eyes looked like they had blue/white rings around them (which they did), my head ached with sinus congestion and I could feel a migraine threatening to join the party. I moved sluggishly and bending over to do my horses feet (5 x 4 = 20 hooves) was a nightmare to my head.
Did I ask for this? No, but I was surprised. Thanks, Jade.
I’m feeling a bit better today. The headache isn’t there anymore but I’m constantly blowing my nose (It seems like) and I’m getting a bit of a cough. Last night it was hard and dry and it hurt. Today, it’s a bit wetter (what a horrible image) and not quite so often. I might be able to get this down to a manageable degree before I have to go to my conference.
Oh, please, please, please, please!
I now have this cute little kitty as my Word Assistant. He’s just adorable … especially when he brushes up against the screen and purrs! * LOL *
So I was thinking of voting tomorrow. Doesn’t matter whom for. Even if they keep their promises, I don’t fall into any of the categories they are fighting over anyway. So, my life won’t really change. Sad, isn’t it? I’m not alone though. I’m sure many of you (few as you are who read this) also fall into the “no group” group. Maybe we should start a group of our own! We’ll have a sign on the door that says “No Politicians’ Promise Target Groups Allowed” So there would be no poor people, no gays/lesbians, no single parents, no low income families struggling with daycare … etc.
On second thought, that sounds horribly BORING! There wouldn’t be anybody interesting left behind to talk to. Besides, I believe this group already exists. It’s called Club Med.
I come up with some very strange ideas sometimes … pay them no mind.
Ugh … when will the Sinutabs WORK!!!
For those of you who haven’t seen me lately, I’ve done a good job of growing my bangs out. They are past my chin now. This makes things easier to put my hair up for work, but I’m not sure what to do to style it. Not that I have to do that much. Every now and then though, something special has come up. I’ve just left them long and not fussed over them, but one of these days that won’t be good enough. I have tickets to Stomp and Phantom of the Opera this year. I have a vacation coming up and I’m sure that there will be at least one night that we may dress up for dinner. We usually do. Oh, well. I’ll figure something out. I usually do. Or Lynne does for me. She usually has great ideas – even if I don’t agree with all of them. ;)
I miss people playing with my hair. There used to be at least one person a day, in high school, who would come by and touch my hair. Not all of them were girls either. Yesterday, my mother-in-law was stroking my hair and remarking wistfully at how long it was. I almost purred.
If you have Microsoft Word, DL Links the cat for your assistant! He is soo … kawaii! (cute – pronounced the same as ‘Hawaii’) He takes cat naps and sleeps in about two different positions.
I hope this cold goes away soon … it’s making my Barq’s taste bad. * weep *
I need to get some filing done. And some items organized. A new shelf? Hmmm … perhaps. We’ll see. I may be able to make something work without actually making any large purchases. It could happen. It could!
I’m gonna have to start my Pools of Radiance all over again, but that shouldn’t be a big problem. I will, of course, remember most, if not all, of it when I go to play it again, but I can adjust things so that I go in with different characters and make things a bit different. We’ll see. I never managed to beat the last of the big baddies, so maybe a new group will be a good idea. I’ll have to give it some thought.
I’m playing D&D with my group on Sundays again too. So I’m out of the house and visiting my friends at least once a week.
AGH! I just got a story plot idea! AGH!! PAPER!!!
Hokey Stinkmore, that’s good stuff! Where was I? Oh, yes, visits with friends. I wish I had time to go out more though. I envy people their weekends. I really do. I also envy those who can sleep in to 06:00 before waking up to go to work. I could do that if I had a car … maybe. I admit that I love being up in the early morning. It’s so peaceful and quiet and very beautiful. I just don’t like the waking up part. J
My cat thinks he’s Velcro. He’s almost always attached to me. And when he’s not, he trying to be. When that doesn’t work, he tries his luck with Jade. Then he goes off and pouts for a bit … and eventually he thinks we’ve been punished enough and he comes back to try again. Silly thing.
Jade just loves him to death too. When the kitty condo asked us if there was a limit on how much they could spend on vet services should Spot have an accident or get sick, I tried to be practical and pick a figure. A large figure, but a figure, all the same. He just shook his head and said that there were no limits on what he’d spend on him in that case. I doubt that anything will happen to him at the condo that would be a matter of life and death, at any rate.
And on that note, Spot says it’s time to go cuddle on the couch. He’s driving me batty at the computer.
Questions? I answer ‘em! Most of you already know how to get a hold of me – the rest will have to wait for construction to finish! Sorry!
Sweet Dreams!
Lea
PS.- I just did a Search on the Telus site for “Dreams in Amber” because, of course, I’ve lost the URL (just occurred to me to use the link on Shep’s site, but if I had done that, I would have made the discovery that I did.) Dreams in Amber came up!! The first three listings were Dreams in Amber! MY Dreams in Amber! That was just SO cool! I’m tickled that I’m find-able! I even sounded interesting! Crap! Who’d have thought?
PPS. – 17:21 - Just had to share Jade’s dream from last night with you. He has no idea why he had it either. He dreamed he was Spider-man. No, I’m not joking. Spider-man. Being chased by the Hulk who was threatening to smash him with what appeared to be Thor’s Hammer. We don’t know how Hulk got Thor’s Hammer, but I’m sure Thor will be pissed when he finds out. Hulk said a lot of “Hulk, smash!” and Jade said he made the typical witty Spidey-like comments in return, but he can’t remember what they were. (Typical.) He said he noticed that Hulk was smashing the roof where he was so he lead him in a circle until Hulk fell through the resulting hole. Then he was in a high school clinging to the ceiling and blinding students by “thwapping” them in the face with webbing. He thought maybe they were zombies or something, but now he’s not sure. He says he couldn’t see himself as he was looking through his own eyes at the time, but he could see his hands and he was wearing the uniform. (The red and blue, I’m guessing.)
Why can’t I have vivid dreams like that? Or should I be thankful that I don’t? He said it went on for quite a while. I think I had one once but it was more like The Warlord/ D&D style. It was years and years ago. I was the leader of a hunting?/ war? Party … I had a bow and arrows and we were going through a jungle type setting. I remember attacking and being attacked. The dream was interrupted, but I never had it again … I wonder what it all was? There was another, but I’m sure I recorded it here earlier. If I hadn’t, I’ll find it and type it up for you. I know I recorded it somewhere.
January 13, 2006 – 16:42
So I’m driving around and I’m deciding that I like this truck very much. The first time I drove a truck (one of those Dodge Rams when they first came out) I felt so out of place. It was huge and I was not a truck person. Today, I felt like that truck fit me like a glove … once I figured out how to work everything in it. * LOL * It’s a GMC Sierra. And it’s very nice. It’ll be a good drive to Red Deer. As long as I don’t have to kill my passengers.
Lynne told me that I was very “poopie” the other day. She said she brushed it off though as she knew I was sick. I hadn’t even noticed I was “poopie” … I thought I was being rather cheerful considering the cold. Hmmmm …
I found a site that I had been to before for my web site’s clip art. I hope that I manage to put it back up soon. I miss my updates. I keep nagging Lynne for her to update her site because I can’t write in mine. Well, now I can write, but I couldn’t before.
19:17
OMG! The things I go through! I went and got the tire checked for the slow leak and bought a wiper blade. That’s what I was told to do. I also bought Jade a present that I couldn’t find for him for Yule. Damn impulse shopping. Anyway, I got home and found a note in my pocket … and realized that – silly me – I had told them to check the wrong tire. So I went out to try and get the blade on and noticed that THERE WAS NO ARM TO ATTACH IT TO!
Well, that would have been nice to know while the dealership was open! I’m gonna be driving in possible snow tomorrow … with one wiper blade. Thankfully, it’s on the driver side.
The things I go through.
I need sleep.
Sweet Dreams!
Lea
January 16, 2006 – 21:06
Finally called the dealer for the arm to the truck. I still have it. I still love driving it around. I hope I don’t go into withdrawal when I have to give it back again. It’s a GMC Sierra extended cab. Very nice. Engine needs a tune up and it has a few rough points, but it’s still a very impressive looking truck. I’m very tempted to offer to buy it.
My “good” clothes are starting to outnumber my “I can wear this to work in” clothes. It’s about friggin’ time! I had a couple of shopping sprees over the summer, and Jade has been very generous with my wardrobe as well. Either because I need it (he’s completely outfitted me for our ski trip coming up) or just because he thinks I need cheering up. I now own more lingerie than I thought I’d own in my life. And I’ll probably get more later too.
Speaking of which … I think I’ll go put a piece to good use.
Four days to go.
…
Back to the present day …
I’m trying so hard not to fall asleep, that it’s not funny. But it’ll be worth it if I manage to get home before 21:00!
That’ll be nice … I’ll still be late to bed, but not AS late …
Gave Lynne a bit of a pick me up yesterday … or meant to. Made her cry instead. (Put away the torches, it was the good kind of crying!) I won’t tell you what it was, because it’s none of your business … if she wants you to know, she will tell you. So there.
Lynne, don’t forget Sunday!
March 18, 2006 – 17:43
Hokey Stinkmore … snowfall warning indeed. The graders are not doing a god job keeping up with it either. They don’t appear to be doing ANY kind of job, actually … what do we have working? Three? The snow has been recent, we should have lots of budget money for snow removal! Let’s get crackin’ on it!!
Jade barely managed to come and get me (and was not very pleased to find that I had volunteered him to drive a co-worker home.) Well, I had to … she old and very short and she doesn’t walk very well to begin with. Took her two hours to catch a cab this morning … she jumped at the chance to get a ride, so I knew it was bad out. We were fine until we got back to our own neighbourhood … somebody was stuck in the street so we couldn’t get to our alley and had to go around the next block to the other side. Got almost stuck at the alley mouth … then got very stuck in the alley just at our driveway. A “neighbour” from a block over was out shoveling and came to help us. I’m glad … Jade was making those extreme muscular usage, “this is gonna hurt later” faces. It was kind of scary.
I should take pics of the snow for Ellen and Mr. Bill … Where’s Jade’s camera?
Got ‘em … even got a ‘snap’ of Jade shoveling the front walk. There’s proof for ya’ll that he does it. ;)
Good thing the lamp post is safe with you, Ellen … I’d just lose it in the snow up here!!
Must go relax now … and make supper … and do some laundry … and take a shower and wash some dishes …
Well, that sentence started okay …
Sweet Dreams!
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Mood Sah-wing!!!
March 14, 2006 – 15:52
Let’s see … I know there was stuff you missed while I was on hiatus …
Jade and I went to see STOMP! It was simply a fantastic display. If you’ve never seen it, do! If you’ve seen it before, go see it again! I’m told that it’s been “improved” in that they used to be so serious about their performance … and now there’s a lot of comedy. And audience participation. Remember, in elementary, when you were in the gym for assembly and the teacher would rattle off a series of claps that we had to repeat back exactly? They do that … and it’s funny. I can’t really describe it properly … It’s just hilarious. It was one of the most stimulating performances that I’ve ever had the pleasure to attend.
Have tickets for Phantom of the Opera too … got those for Yule from my parents. Seen it twice now – once in Calgary and once here in town … Jeff Hyslop provided the better performance, I think. Still, I love the performance itself. The story, the emotion behind the music … * sigh*
Lynne sent the URL for Dreams in Amber to Scarlet for her to read. I was nervous … mostly because there was a stranger reading my stuff … and partly because there was a stranger reading my stuff!! She didn’t comment (as you can see for yourself) but she sent me a reply of sorts through Lynne … which had me giving the computer screen an odd, confused look. She said that I shouldn’t worry because all women go through this and all I need are my friends to support me.
Sounded like she was giving advice on menopause.
Lynne told me that she was referring to my loneliness. That didn’t ease my confusion any as I wasn’t aware it was a “woman” problem. And support from friends? To be sure … I’m not even going to go there. That’s the path where bitterness lies.
If that offends or horrifies anybody, feel free to WRITE me! Go ahead! Prove me wrong! Call me! Show up at my door!! You know where I am and how to find me! At least most of you do … the rest of you can find the comment box at the bottom of the screen!
Deep breaths … in with good, out with bad … deep breaths …
It probably wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for the fact that Jade bought the computer game, Pirates … like the other computer games weren’t keeping him occupied enough?
He got upset with me this morning because I failed to make his sandwich for lunch. I had seen him getting things together last night and it never occurred to me that he still needed me to make it. In fact, there was a feeling of freedom that I didn’t … * sigh* Should have known it was too good to be true.
Getting negative here … don’t want to write negative … damn stuff is contagious …
20:34
Tomorrow is going to be a horrible day for me. Very, very long. I’ll get there at about 05:30 … and it doesn’t look like I’ll be able to come home until 21:00 or 22:00 … somewhere in there. I have two qualifiers and a race to deal with. I’ll have help with one of the qualifiers (which is almost a pity because they are both my favourite horses. And complete opposites in personality.) I guess I’ll be going with my Kate – she’s pretty wild … Hardy is such a soldier boy that he’ll behave for anybody.) I do hope they do well. My racer is another favourite. He’s saucy.
I’ll have to give descriptions of my horses sometime. Well, actually, you’ve just read about three of the six … Let’s start over …
Kagey Kate (aka Katie) – wild and full of energy, very spinny
All American Hardy (aka Hardy boy) – my soldier boy, doesn’t fidget really (odd in a horse) He stands still unless I tell him to move.
Mattattack (aka Matty) – fairly calm, but saucy sense of humour.
Rb Rocketsredglare (aka Rocky) – chicken heart; I can’t touch his face as long as I’m standing outside his stall. I have to go in with him.
Smart Chance (aka Smarty or Chance – depends on who is talking) – brat, jealous (or worried) that somebody might be getting something he thinks he deserves
Senga Smyrna (aka Smyrna – sounds like Smirnoff) – another brat, but without the brains that should go behind it.
All are nibblers. This doesn’t mean that won’t hurt me with good bites, it just means there is no real malice behind it. They aren’t going for me so much as my shirt. One of the babies is like that … grabs my sleeve, waits for me to ask what he’s gonna do with it now that he has it … then shakes it like a rag doll (I keep my arm relaxed) until the sleeve slides out of his teeth. This baby needs a teddy bear.
I wish I could take pics, but they kinda frown on that. If anybody wants to watch, I’m in qualifiers 6 and 8 and Race 9 … http://thehorsesatnorthlands.com/video.html
Cheer for me!
Sweet Dreams
Monday, March 13, 2006
Loved, Lonely, and Blissfully Lost
March 10, 2006 – 22:36
If March is supposed to come in like a Lion, and go out like a Lamb … then what’s with all this fluffy white stuff? If it wasn’t for the whipping wind, I’d say we were going about this all backwards …
March 13, 2006 – 09:22
Ah, a day off at last … still feels funny though. Like I’m playing hooky or something. Maybe it was because my alarm (which auto resets every day) went off this morning and I just turned it off and went back to sleep. That could be it …
I’m forcing myself to write … I’ve been very depressed the past couple of days. Even the assistant trainer noticed. He asked me if things were alright … I’d been very quiet today. (Yesterday.)
It always surprises me when people say that. “You’ve been very quiet today … what’s wrong?” or something similar. 1) I hadn’t noticed because there is always so much noise going on in my head … 2) Do I really talk that much???
Thinking about it now, I think it was because I wasn’t nattering at my horses. I tend to talk at them non-stop … well, almost non-stop. It’s actually very calming for both of us, I think. I’m what I call a ‘touchy-feely’ groom. I’m always touching the horses … especially around their faces. And it’s worked … the horses are calmer around me. I’ve been told I have that kind of presence with them ... which is why I tend to get the babies. Well, Twic has the babies now … and he’s very possessive of them. I’ll have to wait until Thoroughbreds come in. I know I’ll get some then.
Anybody not understanding the reference to a Twic needs to read Damia by Anne McCaffrey. Or you can ask … Or you can do nothing and remain blissfully ignorant.
Speaking of ignorant. Somebody asked me what I thought about that man getting beaten to death on a bus. I said that I didn’t know the particulars as I didn’t watch the news very often and I didn’t have time to read the paper. (The comics don’t count!) He admitted that that may be the only way to stay happy now-a-days. Ignorance allows you to cocoon yourself away from the violence going on in the world. It leads to naivety, to be sure … but there are worse things to be.
I told Lynne the other day that even though I loved what she wrote about me, I was jealous of Scarlet’s description. She accused me of being difficult to please. I tried to explain, but I don’t know if she understood. Felt like she brushed the explanation aside … although she probably didn’t. Sometimes MSN sucks for that. You have to hope that you are interpreting the tone correctly. (I get into a lot of trouble like that – my e-mails tend to engender great outrage because somebody thinks I’m being pissy at him/her when I really wasn’t.)
So here’s my explanation. Some of it will be a repeat of what I told her …
She says that we are her best friends, but looking at the descriptions, she seems to have placed me in the “mothering” role. Now that doesn’t bother me too much as I’m frequently told that I’m a mother hen. Even Jade teases me about it. You can feel the love in my description and it gave me warm, fuzzy feelings. (Crap, did I just say that?) I was very pleased with this description …
And then I read Scarlet’s … and I had something for comparison. Comparing myself to others is a very old, bad habit that I thought I had cured myself of, but I guess it was just hiding in the back of my mind … waiting for the correct pouncing opportunity. Well, it found it.
Let me just put in here, that I’m not jealous of Scarlet herself. I don’t even know her except from Lynne’s descriptions in her ‘blog. It was the energy involved that I was jealous of. There was just so much … well, enthusiasm and exuberant joy in hers … and it reminded me that my description was based on events that happened well over a year or more ago.
Maybe jealous is the wrong word … maybe I’m just envious. Scarlet is where I want to be. Spending time with my best friend.
It occurs to me that maybe Lynne tones herself down for me. I know that she tones down the language for me, because I find foul language disturbing. (I’ve gotten better about it though … I don’t flinch at it anymore.) So maybe that’s why my description was so … “quiet”. The comparison also painfully reminded me that our schedules don’t allow us much opportunity to see each other. Our schedules and my lack of a vehicle. So my envy, combined with my loneliness for my friend, made me miserable enough that I tried to say something … I even tried to be humourous about it, because isn’t that how everybody tries to brush aside their negative feelings? With humour? (Sometimes coming out as sarcasm, but I’ve been MUCH better with that lately too. Mostly because there is nobody to be sarcastic to.)
So, yeah … I’m lonely … that pretty much sums it all up. Lonely and broke. * sigh *
Moving on …
Keep getting into arguments with Kid at work. I’m not the only he’s rubbing the wrong way, but I’m the only one he’s vocal at. He’s quite abusive in his rants … and he’s very prejudiced about groom school students. Why? I’m not sure, BC doesn’t have them as far as I’ve heard – and that’s one of the tracks he’s from. (Groom students) think they know everything, he says. They never listen to us. “Us?” Who is “us”? Toots says he seems to think he’s a trainer extraordinaire … but he’s just a groom like us … one that helps out with the jogging. Well, so what? She asks … she can jog too if she really wanted to go out there … and so could I. Kid tried to impress me with his great wisdom by telling me that he’s had way more experience because he quit school to do this job.
Wrong move.
Quitting school doesn’t impress me. For any reason. Especially when you are a trainer’s son that could have finished school while helping out Dad and still been guaranteed a “cushy” job with him. There are so many ways to take courses now that there really is no excuse for “quitting” and I challenge anybody to make me change my mind.
I don’t know what he means about not listening though … I do listen to what he tells me about the horses ...and I pass it on to Our Fearless Leader. He’s the one that signs the cheques … he gets the final say in what to do with the horses. If he chooses to “poo-poo” Kid’s advice, well, that’s his prerogative.
Personally, I think anybody who uses language like that so casually and so often is just plain ignorant. It shows a severe lack of vocabulary or of intelligence to come up with a more witty reply … Which may be why it upsets me so much. I can’t possibly be surrounded by that much stupidity when I step outside my home. Ignorance may be bliss, but one person’s bliss is another person’s torment.
Which has always been why I felt that Heaven can’t really exist as people have seen it over the centuries. Not possible.
So we’ve gone from my personal “Hell” to my visions of “Heaven” …
Moving on again …
Nobody, by comments or e-mail, made any comment about my apology in a previous entry. I was surprised, to say the least. I thought at least one citizen of this fair municipality would have made a remark about it. Especially Daniel. Perhaps it’s true then, that I only have two readers. A pity … but I’m glad for them at least.
* blows kisses, smiles and waves at Lynne and Ellen*
Just downloaded Spybot - S&D software. My connection has been slow today and I wondered if I had picked up some spyware that Norton wasn’t picking up. Surprisingly, it didn’t pick up anything – except two possible security problems. I fixed them, but I may not have needed to. Not if there isn’t any spyware at all. Perhaps Norton was all I needed in the first place. Well, if nothing shows up in the next little while, then I can always un-install the Spybot program.
I need better speakers for my computer … I’m trying to listen to my CD’s and there’s just not enough voloume … Which is odd for me to say. I don’t normally listen to loud music in the first place. But when you can’t even hear it over the light clacking of the keyboard keys … well, it’s not enough volume.
I’m also told that I need a web cam. Hah. There are times when I just don’t want to be seen … lonely or not. Might get one anyway though. Considering my lack of visiting people, it would be the only time some people get to see me! The Shepherd and Star are the only ones who see me fairly regularly, and Shepherd still complains that I don’t show up for a lot of things. Nag, nag, nag …
Getting excited about San Diego in July … making plans about what we’d like to do while we’re there and there has been talk about costumes. I thought they were referring to the Dawn Contest that Jade wants me to enter … nope … they are wondering whether we should dress up for the convention itself.
Egad.
Then there was talk about dressing up as characters from the comic, Fable … I’ve never even heard of it. I thought they were referring to something else. If Jade chooses to follow along with that plan, he’ll do it without me, because I won’t dress up as a person that I don’t know.
I think it’s kinda sad that I had to say that … * shakes head*
My keyboard needs to be cleaned up … and cleaned out. I’m sure that it’s full of crumbs. Whatever happened to the person who was very careful with food around the keyboard? I used to have a rule about food near the computer … have I grown so casual with it? Sugoi … Oh, well, even if not the crumbs, then the dust would need to be blown out anyway. I just don’t like taking things apart to clean them … they never seem to go back together the same way that they had been. Yup, definite reluctance …
Just noticed something while I was looking at pics of me from holidays … I’ve spent a lot of time and energy getting my weight back down and I’ve got my small waist back. Granted, even when I was heavier, I had a nice figure, but I’ve got my small waist back … I need say no more. Anyway, I was noticing that small waist or not, I still tend to look heavier than I am in pictures … because my arms are generally crossed or held close to my body. You can’t SEE my waist! * snort* … The things I do to myself.
Costumes … costumes … I think I’ll just go as Casey from SiP. Jade promised me a T-shirt that she wears and I think that’ll satisfy my need to blend in and my need to participate. It means two pony tails, but we all make our sacrifices. I plan on getting terry Moore to sign the shirt too. I thought about getting him to sign my bra (inside comic joke) but then I figured I wouldn’t be able to actually show it off … hee hee. Meanwhile, I’m thinking about a Dawn costume … I think I’ve found it, but how the heck to MAKE it???? * sigh* I feel more money being spent.
Lynne, I wish you were coming to San Diego too. I want you to go to the zoo with us. It’s supposed to be the best zoo in the world.
Yeah, I know … I’ll keep dreaming. If I win the lottery though … pack your bags!
Sweet Dreams
Friday, March 10, 2006
Strike a Pose
March 9, 2006 - 16:05
Had a photo shoot at work today. I was very surprised, because, while I knew there were going to be photos taken, I thought it was like a team shot or something. Oh, no, very deliberate art direction going on. Then we found out what this was all for … We are going to be part of the Annual 2005 Report.
Oh.
So … that means that we will be famous to about six people. And when the report has been given we will receive copies of the pics. There was also some video taken as well. No talking, just panning back and forth and a few close ups.
I probably looked like crap. No, really, I probably did … I’d managed to keep my clothes fairly clean, but I’d just finished a full days work and I was tired. I was wearing good colours though … I’m not a complete idiot.
”She definitely has a pretty face.” That is a direct quote from Jade in regards to some photos that Lynne had done. I want some done too … **pout** Of course, mine won’t turn out half as well, but I’d still like to try. My fave, she knows, is the one that emphasizes her eyes … Jade likes the one with the yellowish tint.
In one of her ‘blog comments, somebody sent a list of things that remind them of her … I liked this idea and decided to create one of my own.
Things that remind me of Lynne
- Bats (especially Merbats)
- Lady bugs
- Driving past the SPCA
- Cut stem flowers – especially roses, tulips, and daisies
- Beads
- Quilting supplies
- Liquid eyeliner
- Make up section in a drug store … especially when around the darker shades of lipstick.
- Wet wipes
- Mustangs
Friendship bracelets
- Walking through my yard when everything is in bloom … because Lynne says that walking through my yard is like walking through the heavens. (Gotta new yard to work with now … got an image to upkeep!)
- Chinese food
- Slurpies
- Wedding dress shops
- Shell rings
March 10, 2006 – 13:49
Sorry about the all the snow … I wasn’t sure how much to order and went for the largest package, just to be on the safe side. I didn’t expect them to send it all at once like this.
Again, I’m sorry.
My ex-boss loved my company name and says I should register it. Well, he’s not the first to say so … I think I might actually do it … just to keep somebody else from thinking that they thought of it first!!
I have to go back to work for races tonight … I should be napping …
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Floating Creative
14:45
To a Piece of Amber
‘Limpid lump with light refulgent.
Tawny tinted, cold yet warm,
Whence has come your mystic beauty,
Your alluring wonderous charm?
Are you blood of Forest Monarch
Slain by the Storm King's might,
Clotted in Earth’s cold bosom
Through ages of Arctic night?
Or the tears of Druid Maiden
For a lover found untrue?
Tell me the tragic story
That is hid in the heart of you.
Are you frozen sunshine,
Chilled by a world unkind,
Or the golden pearl of an Elfin Earl
Whose castle none may find?
I am the blood of Forest Monarch,
I am tears of a Druid Maid
I am congealed sunshine
From the haunts where Elfins played.
I am all of these and more than these,
For a token of love am I,
To be worn next the heart of your true love
To prove her constancy.
An amulet ‘gainst grief and pain,’
Gainst sorrow, sin and care,
For none may harm where I cast my charm
O’er beauty pure and rare.’
Walter S. Park
I love this poem. I found it when I was looking for a good graphic of a piece of amber to re-make my site with. I did find it, but I guess it can wait. It’s going to be a great looking site if I can get my butt in gear. But where to find the time? It’s amazing how little of it I actually have. Right now, I’m supposed to be working on an invoice for my ex-boss for tax purposes.
You’d think he’d keep track of these things for himself.
Oh, well, I know to keep track of it myself now.
I’m listening to Harry Chapin right now …Greatest Stories Live - A very good album even if the last song is a bit on the disturbing side. It’s about a family that starves to death … told from the viewpoint of a newborn child. Very moving, actually. Right now it’s on “Let Time Go Lightly”. I love that song too. It’s written and sung by his brother.
I’m also tickled and deliriously happy to discover that I had managed to save my images that I had collected on a CD!!! It eases the pain of my other losses a bit.
Lynne said that she was going to write about me on her ‘blog. (Somehow the apostrophe makes it seem a bit more dignified) I admit to being both curious and nervous about what she will say. You can never tell with her. I’d like to think that my confidence is built up to the point where I will survive it … ;)
Had the furnace guy in yesterday … I’ve never felt so ripped off. And yet, the price probably wasn’t that far off the mark. I’ll have to check around and see. I wasn’t actually expecting a bill from him. When ATCO was in control, they came in, gave you an assessment or made minor repairs … and didn’t charge you for it. Zero is a nice figure when it’s what you have available. Direct Energy charged me $425. Granted, I bought a programmable thermostat too. (Jade said that we could have done that for less and he could have installed it – which is true – but I thought we had agreed on this and, quite frankly, I wanted it done before summer.)
Found a mystery disc … the first song is You’re the Inspiration – Chicago … okay … not a bad start.
Just realized … we don’t own ANY of the Karate Kid movies …
Keep trying to get a hold of my landlady to let her know about the cost of the furnace … can you believe that she doesn’t have an answering machine? She’s in Vegas!! How am I supposed to tell her before she cashes the rent cheque??
Silly woman. Who in this day and age doesn’t have some form of answering service?
Chicago, to Jann Arden … to Tim McGraw … What drugs was I on?
I’ve been reminded … Ellen!!! Great to hear from you again … I posted your comment for you. Just a note, people, ANYONE CAN LEAVE A COMMENT!! You do NOT need a password! Just choose “Other” and put your name in the name box or choose “Anonymous” … both will get you in. And Ellen? Any Tubber can read this … feel free to share it. Just keep in mind that the comment will not show up right away. I have to review it first.
Oh, my Goddess … Tiffany … somebody deliver me …
Drugs … I was on drugs … I swear!!
When I got home today, I found all the toilet paper unrolled to the end and on the floor in the upstairs bathroom. I thought it was the cat and gave him a good scolding while I rolled it back up. (Have to ever re-rolled toilet paper? It just doesn’t want to cooperate!) Anyway, I went back in there about an hour later to have a shower … and there was the paper ... on the floor again. This time it wasn’t even clinging to the roll. Now there really wasn’t all that much left in the first place, but that was just weird. It wasn’t Spot because he was with me the entire time.
Either I’m finally getting air from the furnace … or I have playful “company”.
jadeis home … time to play “wife” …
Sweet Dreams!
Monday, March 06, 2006
Welcome Back to the Dreams
March 6, 2006 – 11:39
Lynne says that I really miss my entries because I leave long comments on her blog. Well, she’s right that I miss it … I make entries in my head so often that I feel like I’m talking to somebody far away by telepathy. Or something insane like that. But they can’t talk back. Anybody who has read previous entries knows that I don’t have one way conversations with myself. If I’m talking to me, I talk back to me …
Anyway, I do miss them, but I don’t leave long comments because of it. I’d leave long comments if I was updating or not. ‘Cause that’s me.
Had a very good weekend at work. My Mattattack came in first. I just beat Short Squeeze, a horse in my old barn, who is very fast. I'd had other good races ... seconds, thirds, and a fourth that could have been a third, if not for the silly photo "finish". Had a seventh, but I'm not worried about that ... that was attitude on behalf of the horse, and that's that.
Oh, yeah, I got a new job – well, no, the job’s about the same, I’m just doing it for somebody else now. And the freaky thing about it is that I am the tallest groom there.
Me. Tall.
Stop the world! I wanna get off!
The furnace guy should be here soon … guess I should get dressed. Jade doesn’t like it when I have men in the house while I’m naked.
I sent Lynne an e-card for Friendship Friday … I told her that if she gagged, I’d cry. I’d gotten a bit poetic about it, you see. I have no idea if she gagged or not, but she did thank me for the “lovely card”. Which means that she found it sweet, but didn’t believe a word of it. Or, at the very least, thinks that I believe what I am saying and that I am insane for thinking so because SHE can’t see it and believe it.
Did that make sense? Yeah, I think so.
Right now, she’s convincing me on the merits of “blogging” instead of using the web space that I was using. That word makes me shudder … “blog” … ugh … it’s just … ugly.
Web log makes more sense … even if it does sound a bit “Trekkie” …
Time passes
Okay ... I've done it ... I've created a web log and I hope that I will keep it more up to date. I'm not sure how to add anythig to the archives yet, if I can, but I do have some previous entries to add that haven't been posted yet.
Having the computer crash and finding that NOTHING was retrievable was the worst thing that ever happened to me. And bad things have happened in the past. But this ... I still grieve over the things I lost. Things that can't be replaced. Like pictures that I was saving for my family history project. I never had the time to place them in the proper file. Pictures of friends, songs that are hard to find, images that were special to me. *sigh*
So ... here I am again. Anybody miss me?
Sweet Dreams!
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