July 25, 2010 - 18:05
Music: Does your Mother Know - ABBA (LOL!)
So ... "everybody" wants to know about my Saturday night, although I have already described it. It was a calm and peaceful day. I finished up a few small chores, and basically spent the day reading and spending time with Spot. Thought about doing some yard work, but the reading downtime felt perfect. My place hummed with contentment ...
So you are wondering about the date that I was supposed to have? That got cancelled.
We were chatting on Wednesday night, when he told me that he'd had a date with the other lady that he was in contact with. He said that there was no spark, but he thought there was something there worth giving a chance. I supported the idea. (What else could I do?) He then cancelled our date to go on another one with her. Oh. Okay ... BUT he'd call me if nothing happened with her.
Eh?!? Thanks. Now I'm a back up plan? Hmmm ...
And then he mentioned that it would have been nice to (have a roll in the hay) this Saturday ...
... Did he just say what I thought he said??
I told him that if he was coming to see me just for the sex, then he was coming over for the wrong reasons. Period. No contest. The chat petered off from there ... and we haven't talked much since although he keeps trying to get me chatting.
Of course, I was upset about his comment and, being late in the evening, I sent a text to Jade. Just a simple, "I need a hug." I didn't think he'd be awake. He was and he demanded to know why I was crying. Damn my honesty! I wish I had lied. What a guilt trip I was given! Apparently, it was a betrayal for me to consider dating while he's (he says) not ready to date yet because he still loves me.
Granted, I'm probably not over him enough to be dating others, but I'm damn tired of being alone. What am I supposed to do, remain celibate expect for his visit twice a year?? There's no point in sending texts or e-mails about this to discuss. Chat might be okay, but we need to discuss this face to face. He's going to visit a friend in Nanaimo next month, and he's going to swing down to me ... and we'll get this settled at last. If I could get him away from his mother, he'd be worth saving. He's a good guy when she doesn't have her claws into him. Instant prick when she does.
Anyway, that's something to deal with if it happens. I'm contemplating whether or not to continue e-Harmony. This kind of turned me off ... especially when he pointed out that his profile's "never smokes" refers to CIGARETTES. He likes cigars and pipes. Erm ... I'm very allergic. Which is why I'm looking for a non-smoker. Thanks for lying, Mr. Honesty is Very Important. :P
Meanwhile, I'm really connecting with my property, but I can't afford the high rent. My friends keep pointing out other places to me, but I'm on a lease here. Can't leave until October ... so that's two months to pay on my own. Ouch. Well, maybe rent can be renegotiated ... The property needs a lot of work, maybe I can bargain with that.
Still waiting for visits! No competitions coming up, but a few gigs that you can watch and enjoy! Fall Fair is August 28 ... Let me lure you from the cities with the calming influence of my island. It's a Fantasy waiting to happen!
Sweet Dreams!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
The Usual Disclaimers
(aka Happy and Well in Lala Land! Don't Tell the Aliens!)
July 20, 2010 - 19:29
Music: Queen - We will Rock You
I so can't wait for my scooter! Now that I'm working five to six days a week, the hitching thing is getting old fast. It takes me an hour of walking and riding to get to my second job. Makes for early mornings that I might enjoy if they weren't so rushed.
New job is going well otherwise.
So is e-Harmony. I've got a date this Saturday. He's coming to the island to see me. If things go well, he'll be seeing me the following Thursday also. I'm very nervous ... and very happy that I have Thursday off so that I can clean the house! He's kind of too good to be true ... he's military, he loves pipe music, he loves PartyLite, and he likes to cook. We listen to similar music, have similar interests ... and, well, if the spark isn't there, then I'm demanding a refund! He's Scorpio ... I've loved a Scorpio before and enjoyed the experience ... I hope it turns out the same. I admit that he's not quite my usual "ideal", but he's appealing in his own way. And he looks great in his uniform. <3
Navy. Who'da thought I'd ever go for Navy?? Amazing ... And while he finds my breasts impressive, it's my hips, and my smile, that attract him most. Talk about surprise ... next he'll be claiming to love my "wobbly bits".
I didn't go into sob story details about Jade, but he knows I was in a previous long term relationship that ended abruptly and badly. He's recently separated and will be getting divorced shortly. It's the only thing that makes me twitch, but I refuse to go through life trying to read between the lines. It might be safer, but it leads to games, or assuming everybody is playing them, and I don't want to live like that. I'll be careful though.
I do find myself wondering if I should tell Jade ... I mean, yes, it's not his business anymore, but we are still on friendly terms and I'd like to keep it that way. And this isn't something I'd like for him to hear from somebody else. If it's going to hurt him, it will hurt him more that way. I'll probably tell him soon ... just not sure HOW to bring it up. And I don't know what his reaction will be.
Meanwhile, back at Headquarters, I'm looking forward to arranging for my things to arrive. I would very much like to NOT be paying that storage fee past this month ... Looking for drivers - any volunteers? Who wants to visit me?
Sweet Dreams!
July 20, 2010 - 19:29
Music: Queen - We will Rock You
I so can't wait for my scooter! Now that I'm working five to six days a week, the hitching thing is getting old fast. It takes me an hour of walking and riding to get to my second job. Makes for early mornings that I might enjoy if they weren't so rushed.
New job is going well otherwise.
So is e-Harmony. I've got a date this Saturday. He's coming to the island to see me. If things go well, he'll be seeing me the following Thursday also. I'm very nervous ... and very happy that I have Thursday off so that I can clean the house! He's kind of too good to be true ... he's military, he loves pipe music, he loves PartyLite, and he likes to cook. We listen to similar music, have similar interests ... and, well, if the spark isn't there, then I'm demanding a refund! He's Scorpio ... I've loved a Scorpio before and enjoyed the experience ... I hope it turns out the same. I admit that he's not quite my usual "ideal", but he's appealing in his own way. And he looks great in his uniform. <3
Navy. Who'da thought I'd ever go for Navy?? Amazing ... And while he finds my breasts impressive, it's my hips, and my smile, that attract him most. Talk about surprise ... next he'll be claiming to love my "wobbly bits".
I didn't go into sob story details about Jade, but he knows I was in a previous long term relationship that ended abruptly and badly. He's recently separated and will be getting divorced shortly. It's the only thing that makes me twitch, but I refuse to go through life trying to read between the lines. It might be safer, but it leads to games, or assuming everybody is playing them, and I don't want to live like that. I'll be careful though.
I do find myself wondering if I should tell Jade ... I mean, yes, it's not his business anymore, but we are still on friendly terms and I'd like to keep it that way. And this isn't something I'd like for him to hear from somebody else. If it's going to hurt him, it will hurt him more that way. I'll probably tell him soon ... just not sure HOW to bring it up. And I don't know what his reaction will be.
Meanwhile, back at Headquarters, I'm looking forward to arranging for my things to arrive. I would very much like to NOT be paying that storage fee past this month ... Looking for drivers - any volunteers? Who wants to visit me?
Sweet Dreams!
Monday, July 12, 2010
An Island Never Cries ...
July 12, 2010 - 17:52
Music: I Will Find You - Clannad
There once was a time when I was totally addicted to writing in my journal. Every day would find a new entry, or even two. I'd write everything down just like I do now. Like I'm writing to an audience that may, or may nor, send a comment in response. Effectively, I was really talking to myself ... and writing it down helped me to organise it. Might have even created a memory. However, I've come to realise that there comes a time when a person can get tired of talking to themselves. No matter how much I have to share, there are moments where you just had to be there. Makes me feel lonelier that I don't have anybody to share these things with as they happen. Somebody that I can talk to and get a response from ... soft words, gentle looks, strong arms ... and the other kind too. Never mind the kisses, the touches, and the bites. *sigh*
Well, hopefully this is short lived and I'll find somebody who shares good chemistry with me ... and I'll have new things to write about :)
Had a busy weekend. Poor Spot was left to his own devices for the most part. My parents came down to celebrate my Mom's birthday ... and to drop off a care package of food. :) Had a great time. Including watching whales go by the shoreline. A pod of about 11. Mom says that I got good pictures, so I am waiting for her to send them to me. Also got some goodies from a garage sale ... including a new keyboard and a small TV. It's got a tiny screen ... Greywhistle would not approve. :) But it's better than nothing. My Auntie has promised me a larger TV, but I'm not going to count on it until I see it. Maybe I'll invest in cable then ...
Which I may be able to afford as I got hired yesterday for my second job at a local marina. I think I'm in the cafe. Not sure. Have no idea what days are involved or what I'm getting paid ... I'm just happy to have the extra money! LOL! I'll get some bills paid off!! Or I'll save it for a rainy day ... or I'll pay off some bills! we'll see, I guess ...
Here's to hoping for the best in the future!
Sweet Dreams!
Music: I Will Find You - Clannad
There once was a time when I was totally addicted to writing in my journal. Every day would find a new entry, or even two. I'd write everything down just like I do now. Like I'm writing to an audience that may, or may nor, send a comment in response. Effectively, I was really talking to myself ... and writing it down helped me to organise it. Might have even created a memory. However, I've come to realise that there comes a time when a person can get tired of talking to themselves. No matter how much I have to share, there are moments where you just had to be there. Makes me feel lonelier that I don't have anybody to share these things with as they happen. Somebody that I can talk to and get a response from ... soft words, gentle looks, strong arms ... and the other kind too. Never mind the kisses, the touches, and the bites. *sigh*
Well, hopefully this is short lived and I'll find somebody who shares good chemistry with me ... and I'll have new things to write about :)
Had a busy weekend. Poor Spot was left to his own devices for the most part. My parents came down to celebrate my Mom's birthday ... and to drop off a care package of food. :) Had a great time. Including watching whales go by the shoreline. A pod of about 11. Mom says that I got good pictures, so I am waiting for her to send them to me. Also got some goodies from a garage sale ... including a new keyboard and a small TV. It's got a tiny screen ... Greywhistle would not approve. :) But it's better than nothing. My Auntie has promised me a larger TV, but I'm not going to count on it until I see it. Maybe I'll invest in cable then ...
Which I may be able to afford as I got hired yesterday for my second job at a local marina. I think I'm in the cafe. Not sure. Have no idea what days are involved or what I'm getting paid ... I'm just happy to have the extra money! LOL! I'll get some bills paid off!! Or I'll save it for a rainy day ... or I'll pay off some bills! we'll see, I guess ...
Here's to hoping for the best in the future!
Sweet Dreams!
Sunday, July 04, 2010
I Let Time Go Lightly ...
(aka On the Road That Will Take Me Home)
July 4, 2010 - 17:41
Just got home from the local Art Show that my friends were participating in. I was blown away by some of the quality work that was in there. Some were classic picture styles, but others were quite bold. Others still were wonderfully creative. Makes me want to draw something ...
My carrots are finally peeking!! YAY! I was a lot more impatient for them than I was for the others, because I had planted them so late. But now they are peeking and I'm very happy. Radishes, and carrots, and swiss shard, oh my!! Break out the butter!!
The tomato plant isn't doing much up top, but it still looks healthy, so I'm assuming that it's putting out roots. The cucumber and watermelon plants are looking healthy also, as are the pumpkins that just popped up a few days ago! (YAY!) Crossing fingers!
Just to go over a few things from the last entry ...
Yes, I moved for a reason, but let's remember what that reason was. I came to help my parents with a medical situation. I stayed because this is a fantastic place to be ... and I can't afford to come home. I'm also involved with more things here on the island than I ever was in the city. This is the life style that I am good at, broke, or not. (I still prefer to be NOT broke though!) I didn't leave to get away from Jade, although I admitted, at the time, that the distance was a benefit. I'm quite sure that I would be doing quite well if I had stayed in the city. (Sometimes I wish that I had!)
True, the recent bit of drama made me take a closer look at my feelings, and my current well being. Things that I thought I was in touch with, but realise now that I had mostly just put them away, and closed the door.
Personally, I've come a very long way from the wreck that I had been allowed to become. I had sunk to an unbelievable low ... even I hadn't realised how far gone I was until I started to climb back up again. I am strong again, and my own person in ways that I hadn't quite managed before. My feet have found Home. We won't lose it again.
I'm happier than I have been in years ... in fact, today I found myself talking horses with a lady who is thrilled with my horse experience and wants to hire me when she brings her horses home. :) If that doesn't pan out, I'm in the right location for furthering my education in whatever direction I would wish to choose, be it horses/vet, writing, or going into something completely new.
My weight is once again an immobile figure (stupid muscle), but I'm slimming nicely and I'm enjoying my walks better than ever. I'm feeling and looking beautiful in way that I haven't seen in myself since before my first pregnancy. And I'm going to get more beautiful as time passes. Just watch me.
This is my place. It's my island.
In regards to Jade, well, yes, I still love him. That's the type of person that I am. Love is forever, no matter how much it may have faded, or changed. If I had actually stopped loving him, then the things that had happened would have ceased to hurt. Sometimes I think that what I feel for Jade is more than just Love ... it's a Passion. The connection still exists between us, and I think something still needs to be played out. I'm no longer as dependent on him as I once was though. I'm quite through with putting my life on hold for him. It's his turn to keep up with me.
And with him, or without him, I'm going to soar.
Through the years that we were together, I've always felt that Jade has never truly grown. That he wasn't allowed to grow into the man that I've always seen in him. He was/is capable of great things ... and he's touched on these things more than once, but he's always been jerked back by something I had no control over. (Sometimes it reminded me of a Sailor Moon episode ... when the villainess flaunted her control over the Prince and flaunted it to prove that the Heroine was helpless. Of course, the villianesses in Sailor Moon were pitiful in comparison to the power holding Jade down. I'm waxing fancy now, but seriously, while I can't place all the blame on Jade's mother, I can place, at least, 98.7% of it on her shoulders. She's a great provider ... but not a very good mother.)
Enough of that. I'm not going to get trapped into a rant about Dona. It's too late to save her ...
Anyway, as I was saying, Jade's potential still exists. I feel that he still has his Karmic Lesson to learn, and I wonder if this is it. So I'm waiting. If he agrees to my non-negotiable demands, which were created for my protection, then I will consider giving him the benefit of the doubt. If this happens, I feel that I won't be stepping back, so much as bringing him up to my level, because I have risen well above where he is right now. And he knows it. And I hope he realises that if he lets that happen, and he pulls any of the same shit, I'll drop him again, and he'll fall farther than he's ever gone before. And I won't look back.
I haven't heard a peep from him since that chat, so I'm assuming that he's taking his thinking trip seriously. More than likely, he has his phone turned off or it's been left at home. Good. I want him to decide what he needs in his life. It might not necessarily mean me, and if it's not, well, I hope he's deciding how to get past that. I also sincerely hope that he takes my advice to heart. And if he decides that he needs my help, or if he needs me, then yes, against all advice, I'll probably give it to him ... as long as he follows through with the protection clauses.
This is who I am. Wrong or right, I cannot deny this part of myself ... It's a part of me that's always been there.
I'm going to get in trouble for this entry, I know, but I have given this a lot of careful thought. And I'm not going to run blindly back.
Still getting new possibilities from e-Harmony. I'm beginning to think that there are a LOT of guys out there that either don't check their mail, or they are trying to get through this without paying the fee. Seriously, why use this site if you aren't going to respond? Hercules said to be picky, so I am. In fact, I may be being a bit harsh in a couple cases. I felt a bit bad about that until one guy sent me a set of questions that woke me up a bit. Woke me up to the fact that I had been responding simply because I felt it was expected, not necessarily because I felt the need to. No spark. In fact, I was hesitating at times when I answered their inquiries and it wasn't because I was thinking of good answers. I had to give myself a poke ... this isn't a computer game. Pay attention, lackwit!
Somewhere out there is the guy that I need to feel fulfilled. I just wish he'd hurry and figure out who he is! I'm getting fidgety being the "odd man out".
Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou?
Sweet Dreams ...
July 4, 2010 - 17:41
Just got home from the local Art Show that my friends were participating in. I was blown away by some of the quality work that was in there. Some were classic picture styles, but others were quite bold. Others still were wonderfully creative. Makes me want to draw something ...
My carrots are finally peeking!! YAY! I was a lot more impatient for them than I was for the others, because I had planted them so late. But now they are peeking and I'm very happy. Radishes, and carrots, and swiss shard, oh my!! Break out the butter!!
The tomato plant isn't doing much up top, but it still looks healthy, so I'm assuming that it's putting out roots. The cucumber and watermelon plants are looking healthy also, as are the pumpkins that just popped up a few days ago! (YAY!) Crossing fingers!
Just to go over a few things from the last entry ...
Yes, I moved for a reason, but let's remember what that reason was. I came to help my parents with a medical situation. I stayed because this is a fantastic place to be ... and I can't afford to come home. I'm also involved with more things here on the island than I ever was in the city. This is the life style that I am good at, broke, or not. (I still prefer to be NOT broke though!) I didn't leave to get away from Jade, although I admitted, at the time, that the distance was a benefit. I'm quite sure that I would be doing quite well if I had stayed in the city. (Sometimes I wish that I had!)
True, the recent bit of drama made me take a closer look at my feelings, and my current well being. Things that I thought I was in touch with, but realise now that I had mostly just put them away, and closed the door.
Personally, I've come a very long way from the wreck that I had been allowed to become. I had sunk to an unbelievable low ... even I hadn't realised how far gone I was until I started to climb back up again. I am strong again, and my own person in ways that I hadn't quite managed before. My feet have found Home. We won't lose it again.
I'm happier than I have been in years ... in fact, today I found myself talking horses with a lady who is thrilled with my horse experience and wants to hire me when she brings her horses home. :) If that doesn't pan out, I'm in the right location for furthering my education in whatever direction I would wish to choose, be it horses/vet, writing, or going into something completely new.
My weight is once again an immobile figure (stupid muscle), but I'm slimming nicely and I'm enjoying my walks better than ever. I'm feeling and looking beautiful in way that I haven't seen in myself since before my first pregnancy. And I'm going to get more beautiful as time passes. Just watch me.
This is my place. It's my island.
In regards to Jade, well, yes, I still love him. That's the type of person that I am. Love is forever, no matter how much it may have faded, or changed. If I had actually stopped loving him, then the things that had happened would have ceased to hurt. Sometimes I think that what I feel for Jade is more than just Love ... it's a Passion. The connection still exists between us, and I think something still needs to be played out. I'm no longer as dependent on him as I once was though. I'm quite through with putting my life on hold for him. It's his turn to keep up with me.
And with him, or without him, I'm going to soar.
Through the years that we were together, I've always felt that Jade has never truly grown. That he wasn't allowed to grow into the man that I've always seen in him. He was/is capable of great things ... and he's touched on these things more than once, but he's always been jerked back by something I had no control over. (Sometimes it reminded me of a Sailor Moon episode ... when the villainess flaunted her control over the Prince and flaunted it to prove that the Heroine was helpless. Of course, the villianesses in Sailor Moon were pitiful in comparison to the power holding Jade down. I'm waxing fancy now, but seriously, while I can't place all the blame on Jade's mother, I can place, at least, 98.7% of it on her shoulders. She's a great provider ... but not a very good mother.)
Enough of that. I'm not going to get trapped into a rant about Dona. It's too late to save her ...
Anyway, as I was saying, Jade's potential still exists. I feel that he still has his Karmic Lesson to learn, and I wonder if this is it. So I'm waiting. If he agrees to my non-negotiable demands, which were created for my protection, then I will consider giving him the benefit of the doubt. If this happens, I feel that I won't be stepping back, so much as bringing him up to my level, because I have risen well above where he is right now. And he knows it. And I hope he realises that if he lets that happen, and he pulls any of the same shit, I'll drop him again, and he'll fall farther than he's ever gone before. And I won't look back.
I haven't heard a peep from him since that chat, so I'm assuming that he's taking his thinking trip seriously. More than likely, he has his phone turned off or it's been left at home. Good. I want him to decide what he needs in his life. It might not necessarily mean me, and if it's not, well, I hope he's deciding how to get past that. I also sincerely hope that he takes my advice to heart. And if he decides that he needs my help, or if he needs me, then yes, against all advice, I'll probably give it to him ... as long as he follows through with the protection clauses.
This is who I am. Wrong or right, I cannot deny this part of myself ... It's a part of me that's always been there.
I'm going to get in trouble for this entry, I know, but I have given this a lot of careful thought. And I'm not going to run blindly back.
Still getting new possibilities from e-Harmony. I'm beginning to think that there are a LOT of guys out there that either don't check their mail, or they are trying to get through this without paying the fee. Seriously, why use this site if you aren't going to respond? Hercules said to be picky, so I am. In fact, I may be being a bit harsh in a couple cases. I felt a bit bad about that until one guy sent me a set of questions that woke me up a bit. Woke me up to the fact that I had been responding simply because I felt it was expected, not necessarily because I felt the need to. No spark. In fact, I was hesitating at times when I answered their inquiries and it wasn't because I was thinking of good answers. I had to give myself a poke ... this isn't a computer game. Pay attention, lackwit!
Somewhere out there is the guy that I need to feel fulfilled. I just wish he'd hurry and figure out who he is! I'm getting fidgety being the "odd man out".
Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou?
Sweet Dreams ...
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