Writing a Bad Romance

October 19, 2010 - 20:28

I've tried to start writing several times now today. I'm lacking some serious motivation though. Being depressed sucks. Going to push through it though. And when I am done here, I'm going to go watch a movie. And I'm going to make a list to organise what needs to be done this week to get me ready to move.

*sigh* Moving again. GAH! I'd move back to Edmonton just to escape the gypsy-ness. If I come back, I'm going to own a camper or RV or something!

Felt well enough today to get some tidying up done, dishes washed, and I actually made a meal for supper instead of throwing something quick together. I think I only had a bag of chips, off and on, yesterday. Bad me.

I am still badly horrified by my brother's actions, and I won't be able to put those feelings behind me until I get my things away from him. Once my things are safe, I will block him away from me completely.

In the meantime, I have been handing out my resume on the island, on Vancouver Island, and in Edmonton. Hopefully somebody gets back to me soon. I have just enough money to get me back to Edmonton ... but I don't have a place to stay. Even if I get a job. Still, I'm not going to let myself fret about that just yet. If I get a job in Edmonton, then I will put the word out to friends and family and see what comes up. Meanwhile, I wait for the dice to roll ...

In other news, I'm thumbing rides again. My scooter is down with a bad case of flat tire. I have to figure out how to get it off so that I can get it fixed. Thankfully, it won't cost too much ... I hope.

My mother couldn't spare me a day or two to visit on Thanksgiving. But she just arrived in Edmonton to visit ... for two weeks. And she's trying to tell me that they (she and Albert) won't be coming back to the island because of ferry costs. Apparently, they have to go to the hospital for a check up once a month. What? I wish my mother would stop trying to play mind games with me. She sucks at it. Especially when she's stressed.

I feel for her. I really do. But I'm supposed to be here for her - to help with things. Granted, this didn't work out the way we had hoped, but I'm feeling a bit abused and abandonned here. I have a few friends, and (when they remember) a bit of family, and I'm still a Highlander ... but there are no strong ties holding to Pender. I'd rather come home, get things settled and saved, and solid ... then decide where to go from there.

I am ready to come home. I just wish that I knew where it was.

Sweet Dreams!

Speak of the Devil ...

(aka - Ask ... And The Aliens Will Think About It!)

October 6, 2010  - 21:30

Wonder Woman bracelets .. LOL! Thank you, Sandee!
Lavendar, I miss you, and our outings. Hope you get a chance to visit sometime soon!

I'm feeling a bit better, but the issue itself has not eased yet. I still have no clue about what has happened to my things. A good friend has offered to help me get a truck ... You're still my hero, Green Man! And I have high hopes for that solution. I have also brought the subject up with my boss in hopes of borrowing one of the trucks from work. That may be tougher than it sounds, but it's not impossible. Still, GM's offer is the better of the two. Just waiting to hear ...

Little bits and pieces of things going on ... and some news that I'm sure I've missed. Just getting my head back together and then will sit down for a long 'talk' with you ...

Sweet Dreams!

Changelings, Demons and Nightmares

October 1, 2010 - 20:46

I had meant to write earlier, but I went through a bit of traumatic family drama recently and everything kinda fell though the floor. I haven't been sleeping well for days ...

I'm pretty sure that I wrote about how my mother had talked my brother into storing my stuff for me at his new place. Well, there's been trouble. Michael had decided that he was going to use my stuff ... and he wasn't going to give it back. He also declared that I had until March 26 to come and get it ... or he was going to toss it all in the dumpster.

What?

I tried to reason with him. Adult to adult. But ... there was no bargaining with him. His only reply was that I should come and get it NOW then, or it's all going in the dumpster. He was still going to keep what he wanted and sell what he could and keep the cash too.

I tried one more time to ask him to be reasonable ... Pender in winter is difficult on the bank account even if I had money to back me up. I don't. He replied quite promptly ...

He told me that he wanted me to die in a fire.

I went into shock. I knew that my brother didn't like me much, but I didn't know that he hated me. I cried for two days, sudden bursts that freaked out the pets. Mom was little help. When my brother has temper tantrums like this, she gets lost and backs down.

Negative reactions like this is why I didn't want to ask him to help in the first place. Mom went ahead and asked him anyway ... and this is what happened. I was better off trying to raise the money every month. I have things that can't be replaced ... and yes, he's saving me from paying $150/month, but he's costing me thousands to replace what he's stealing from me. I don't even know what he's stealing!!

I will never get an apology from either of them for the pain and suffering that I went through. Am still going through. My friend at work is getting freaked by my stress level. I hadn't thought that it was that noticeable, but he's proven before that he's very observant.

It still runs through my head in circles at times ... My brother wants me dead. My brother wants me dead. I have to force myself to think of other things. I have a bit of a plot to help me get my things, but I'm afraid that the main part of the solution won't co-operate. Will have to find the guts to ask him soon though ... Driving through the mountains in October is not fun! Trust me, I know!!

My brother, the terrorist. My brother wants me dead.

I need a hero.

Sweet Dreams ... where art thou?