Writing a Bad Romance

October 19, 2010 - 20:28

I've tried to start writing several times now today. I'm lacking some serious motivation though. Being depressed sucks. Going to push through it though. And when I am done here, I'm going to go watch a movie. And I'm going to make a list to organise what needs to be done this week to get me ready to move.

*sigh* Moving again. GAH! I'd move back to Edmonton just to escape the gypsy-ness. If I come back, I'm going to own a camper or RV or something!

Felt well enough today to get some tidying up done, dishes washed, and I actually made a meal for supper instead of throwing something quick together. I think I only had a bag of chips, off and on, yesterday. Bad me.

I am still badly horrified by my brother's actions, and I won't be able to put those feelings behind me until I get my things away from him. Once my things are safe, I will block him away from me completely.

In the meantime, I have been handing out my resume on the island, on Vancouver Island, and in Edmonton. Hopefully somebody gets back to me soon. I have just enough money to get me back to Edmonton ... but I don't have a place to stay. Even if I get a job. Still, I'm not going to let myself fret about that just yet. If I get a job in Edmonton, then I will put the word out to friends and family and see what comes up. Meanwhile, I wait for the dice to roll ...

In other news, I'm thumbing rides again. My scooter is down with a bad case of flat tire. I have to figure out how to get it off so that I can get it fixed. Thankfully, it won't cost too much ... I hope.

My mother couldn't spare me a day or two to visit on Thanksgiving. But she just arrived in Edmonton to visit ... for two weeks. And she's trying to tell me that they (she and Albert) won't be coming back to the island because of ferry costs. Apparently, they have to go to the hospital for a check up once a month. What? I wish my mother would stop trying to play mind games with me. She sucks at it. Especially when she's stressed.

I feel for her. I really do. But I'm supposed to be here for her - to help with things. Granted, this didn't work out the way we had hoped, but I'm feeling a bit abused and abandonned here. I have a few friends, and (when they remember) a bit of family, and I'm still a Highlander ... but there are no strong ties holding to Pender. I'd rather come home, get things settled and saved, and solid ... then decide where to go from there.

I am ready to come home. I just wish that I knew where it was.

Sweet Dreams!