(aka: The Aliens Couldn't Hold Me, or My Barq's, Forever!!)
March 14, 2010 - 01:38
Music: Raiders of the Lost Ark: March (Director's Cuts Album) John Williams, of course.
Mood: Pleasant, with giggly interludes
Just found out today that my god-daughter practises Wicca. I was SO surprised, and VERY proud. I hope I get a chance to talk to her about it. Which reminds me ... I should get back to reading the rest of that book that Lavender gave me. I keep allowing myself to be distracted ... no, that's not the right word. Interrupted. Green Witch Interrupted. LOL!
My ideas for stories may not all be good, but at least they are coming in again. Soon, I'll be making money with my "pen". I'm also going to learn to sing solo. Not sure if I mentioned that. Probably have. :) It's a strong dream to do both. Well, actually, Acting too ... but that love isn't so strong yet. Still, the Memory is still sweet ... I will eventually try again. One of the things that holds me back is the Night shift ... It can be difficult to live during the day when you work at night. (How the heck does Batman do it? Ah, yes ... he's rich. Perhaps, I should study Spiderman?)
I've probably said wistful statement that before too. :) Still true though.
That said, I should probably learn to take advantage of my days off better. Like today. Today, I spent the afternoon celebrating my god-daughter's birthday. (It's on the 15th) Sweet 16. Where does the time fly? Where is the two year old who demanded that I sing Disney movies to her? Miss her. Should really have one of my own. Another dream that never ends ... although for a while it was dulled. But it's beginning to glow again. Dangerous? Or about time? I'm in a better place ... mentally, financially ... spiritually. Not ideal, maybe, but better. And my clock is ticking. Am I being a slave to panic? Perhaps. I admit to feeling nudged. I also regret not being able to show Albert is grandchildren. Still, I'm a good mother. Deep down, I know this. And I'm tired of mothering other people's children. I'd be happier being "Auntie" if the children actually felt that I was family.
Whoa. That way bad things lay. Not going there. Not tonight. Maybe after a bottle of wine ...
Barq's tonight. My thanks to Sunbeam, for driving me around to various places, and loving me for being me. I can make her laugh without even trying to ... and that keeps me in a good place better than anything else I've ever found. It was one of the things that connected me to Pender ... and I'm truly blessed to find that I have it here as well, even it is in a smaller amount. I know a good thing when I see it, and she is one.
I made an attempt to contact Lynne, after all this time. No answer. That's okay too. I hope that she's happy - where ever she is, whatever she's doing. Lavender too ... no answer from her when I texted. Still not sure if things are just bad for her right now, or if she actually dumped me so quickly. Still, I wish her the best. They say that there are many kinds of love ... but I think that they all have one thing in common. While they may sometimes change for some people, they never actually end. Love is forever.
I leave on the 5th to fly out to Victoria. I'll spend the first day visiting my grandparents, then day 2 will be Pender. Days 3 and 4 will be spent coming home.
Coming home ... I think I've done that in so many ways. What a long exhausting trip to get here. I hope the road ahead to where I still need to go will be a bit easier on the feet. Not to mention the heart, the mind, and the soul! But I know what I want ... now I'm going to go get it.
Speaking of which, I have applied for a job with the SPCA as a peace officer. the move has surprised the few friends that I have told, but it was happy surprise. They can't think of a better job for me. Still, the chance is slim. Do I dare to hope? I'm happy with the job I have, and the people that I work with, so if I don't get it, that's fine. I can wait. But if I did? Oh ... bliss. To be able to put my horse groom training to use, but not be drained by the long 7 days/wk position.
Missed Albert as I wrote the cover letter though ... he was my proof reader. Best beta ever!
If I don't get this job this time, I will keep applying. Promise.
Sweet Dreams!
PS. Speaking of which ... not so sweet. Had a nightmare the other night. First one in AGES. A ghost came into my room and tugged on my blankets. When I grabbed them to pull back, it pulled them harder, dragging me to the end of the bed. It didn't feel happy, yet I sensed amusement. Did my own fear cause me to think I sensed negativity? Was the maliciousness my imagination within the nightmare? It was SO real. The kind of real that makes me sit up and pay attention. But to what? The presence in the apartment? Don't need a dream to notice that! Still ... not sure what to do with it. The dream, not the presence. Thought it was Albert at some point ... tried to tell him that Mom was safe and would be home soon. It left for a couple nights, then came back. :(
Ah, well, I'll work it out. We'll see. Going to put up new wards in the bedroom though. Perhaps the dragons will be listening and help out?
Sweet dreams again ...
Music: The Ten Commandments: Prelude (BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)
I went back and re-read the last few entries ... went as far as the beginning of Feb. Being in a better head-space makes things easier to read. things that offended me were no longer so offensive. I don't know WHERE my head was at. And I re-read the rant to. Whiny, yes, but gentler than I had worried I had been. And I could see how Shorty thought I was referring to him in the one section. I wasn't, but I could see his view. Sorry, Shorty. "Coffee" soon, aye?
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