Stepping Forward On My Own, In Time To The Music

February 27, 2016 - 17:38

Mood: Restless and Apathetic. A difficult combo.
Music: Can't Fight the Moonlight ~ Leann Rimes
Thought of the Day: You raised me up on this pedestal, praising my worthiness to be there, and then slowly abandoned me on it. I wonder if this is how my collector statues feel while on display, except that nobody is looking at them.

They say that the more things change, the more they stay the same. Looking around at my office, I agree. I keep organising it, creating space and practical function, but really, I'm just shifting things around and finding more creative ways to store them. Oh, sure, there's the odd bit that I'll get rid of - I'm trying to think "garage sale stuff" as we speak - but I'm not kidding myself. I have a lot of things. I'm determined to go on a cleaning rampage this Spring. There are items from my Father that can go into storage, or a deposit box or something. (Probably storage.) I really need to throw out some of my binders. I've got binders in here that I've had since high school. I really don't need them, but they are still in good condition.  Isn't that how the madness begins?

Still, I'm making small inroads into the clutter, which is the true intention. Now if only I could get the clutter out of my head! Work clutter, tax clutter, family clutter, and relationship clutter. Clutter, clutter, clutter. *sigh* Perhaps a vacation is highly in order. But where can I go? I'm learning to do things on my own, but that's not always smart in some places. well, I'll think of something. Some places are safer than others.

Happier news this week was that I had to weigh myself for the first time in about a month. Let me back up a moment here. I had been liking what I saw in the mirror and feeling good about myself. Until I stepped on the scale and the numbers were offensive to my pride. The numbers I saw on the scale made me feel bad, and I knew that I ad to do something about it. So I took the batteries out of the scale. I immediately felt better, and I've been feeling good about myself and the me I see in the mirror since. I had to give my weight for insurance purposes though ... and happily discovered that  I had lost 15 pounds. That made me feel all kinds of awesome. Even if I was the only one that noticed. Ah, well. Tavis usually notices before I do, but he's been pretty preoccupied lately and I've been leaving him to himself. I think he has a new girl he's getting ready to friend zone.

Okay, that was a bit bitter. Just a little. Certainly that's nothing I'd actually say to his face. Tavis would be stung with the observation. Even if it's true. It's been such a long time since he was with a woman, a girlfriend, that I think he's afraid to make that step. He's got his own problems to discover and work through. I once accused him of being afraid of me, and he was insulted. Fear was the wrong emotion, but I was not editing my conversation at the time. I can do that with Tavis. Maybe not when I'm talking about him, though. LOL!

Job is going okay. Money is doing okay. I'm planning the garden and the flower beds already. I'm checking prices for rototillers, because I'm determined to have one at last. (Always need one, it seems and can never find anybody who will lend me one.) The next big purchase will be a vehicle, and then Mom can have her car back.

Meanwhile I have to get back to work on my office decon/reconstruction. :) Leaving it halfway done doesn't solve the problem. and I enjoy the activity. It's focused and yet mindless all at once. Which is strangely soothing to me. Calming, and yet offers the reward of satisfaction of accomplishment. Maybe I'll finish the bedroom tonight too. Maybe to the rhythm of music. Maybe.

Sweet Dreams!