Pacem

19:12

I don't know that I have a whole lot to say just now, but I'm trying to get back into the habit of writing again. It's one the few skills I have that I've received spontaneous compliments on and I don't think I want to lose that. Besides, it's not a bad thing to get my fingers used to typing again. Get them in sync with each other again ... stoopid fingers!

Had a great fire last night. Did some stargazing too. I finally recognised Cassiopeia. I've never been able to see her before. Still can't see Orion. Which is a pity. I keep thinking that I'll never quite be settled until I can find him again. We're old friends now. Another relationship I built up from my little haunted shack (heh) and I miss him almost as much as I do HER. Anybody who came over knows who I am referring to.

Which reminds me. She came to visit me a little while before I left for holidays. She was so ... sparkly feeling with happiness and joy that it took me a little while to figure out who she was. When I finally clued in, she laughed at me and I gave in to her requests like I used to. I felt ever so much better afterwards, even though we were disappointingly interrupted. Looking back I wonder if she went home again or if she went Home ... either way, I'll miss her.

If you didn't understand that passage, don't worry. It was something that I needed to get out. One more thing to add to my strangeness. Hey, some people like my strangeness!

I've been getting a bit more done here and there. If Jade isn't able to work tomorrow then we'll get even more done. There are carrots to pull and I enjoy being out there with him much more than Dona.

Things are quiet right now ... the in laws have gone out for a walk. I had the afternoon to myself as everybody went golfing. I stayed behind for the quiet. Goddess, it was so good. Even though Jade has his music going on the computer behind me (a trifle loud to me, but probably quiet to him) the house still feels ... still, at peace. That will change as soon as Dona walks back in the door. I've never met anybody with a loud aura before. I hope I never do again.It's just so wrong.

So I have several resumes out, plus my ad will be printed for next Friday, and I'm kinda nervous about who will call first. Worse, I wonder if anybody will actually call. I've promised my poor Jade that I will apply to the restaurants if nobody calls me this week. A nice PT job will be good and if something really good comes up, I can juggle the hours. I want my own money for Yule!! I also want a reason to be out of the house!! I foresee a settling misery once the snow hits.

Not that I'm looking forward to driving in it, but at least the grader keeps the roads clear (unlike a certain city I have lived in.)

It suddenly occurred to me earlier that I haven't written anything in months! I haven't even had story ideas buzzing through my head. THAT's how depressed and stressed I was. I didn't even see it. Things like that make me wonder how doctors can leave somebody with "happy pills" and tell them that they can take them when they think they need them. How is the person supposed to really know? It's not like your emotions come with instructions or pop signs up that yell, "YOU ARE DEPRESSED!! TAKE A HAPPY PILL!!" By the time you realise that you need it, heck maybe even by the time you need it, it's probably already too late. There has to be a better system.

You can always tell when Dona has finally taken one. She makes me shake my head, that girl. she's been complaining that she has been gaining weight and as a result she cuts back on her bread intake because she says that's what makes her gain weight. Just bread. That's all she adjusts. She doesn't adjust her walk time on her treadmill, she doesn't drink more water (although, I'm not sure how much she drinks in the first place). Moving out here has actually cut down on her activities so she doesn't get out much. I offered to share my exercise DVD with her because it's all based on walking, but she's refused. I offered to let her use the CD while she's on her treadmill, but she refused. She keeps telling me how she can't do much with her hips because of all the surgeries and replacements, but I keep telling her that it's not aerobics and it's not fast paced. All the movements are based on what she already does. Nope. I even asked if she'd like to give Curves a try to see if she'd like it. She won't even try it. She pointed to one woman who was on one of the "do-your-own-thing" squares (there's one between every machine) but I pointed out that you can do whatever you want on those squares - march in place, side stepping, or anything else that you are comfortable with, but she's got it in her head that she can't do it and so she won't even try. Nothing I say will get her to even think about it.

Stubborn, old bat.

Meanwhile, it remains my own place to disappear to. As much as I enjoy it, I'd enjoy it more if I was seeing some results!! Granted, I don't go as often as I should right now. Life has been getting in the way, but I make sure that I get up and move around. I've started up my exercises at home again too. That should help. Not just the DVD, but other little exercises that I don't think the machines at Curves is really dealing with. Like crunchies for my abs. It might also help that the weather has cooled down a bit too.

Using the wedding as a goal to lose weight probably isn't a good idea as it's so far off. So I picked something closer - I plan on looking good for the 2008 San Diego Comic Con!! 'Cause we're going, baby!! I'm gonna look really good with nice shirts that'll get me some good swag. I happened to be wearing one of my tighter shirts when we saw Frank Cho. He gave me a through up and down look. Next year, I hope to catch him again. Maybe I'll make him look twice!!

I think I'm going to go read something now. (Another re-discovered joy!) Or maybe I'll get some more stitching done while I watch a movie ... depends on if I can decide what to watch. Hmmm ...

Sweet Dreams!

The Answer is Blowin' in the Wind - Hurry and Catch It!!

08:51

Going to Fairmont Hot Springs for a week was just what I needed. We soaked in the springs two to three times a day. We took walks, we had therapy for couples (1/2 hr massage and 1/2 hr soak in "mud"), we went trail riding, we golfed, we hiked. One morning, we sat on the grounds and watched a young doe pick through the flower beds. She ate for about forty-five minutes before she was chased away by staff. Pictures will, of course, be coming but I'm not sure whose Facebook account will be used - Jade's or mine.

Jade was very proud of me on that trip. He said it was the closest that I ever came to relaxing. When we came back, I was actually happy. It's quite an uplifting experience, being happy. I highly recommend it to others. This lasted about two glorious days ... then hormones kicked in. (Changing my prescription probably didn't help at all.) I'm waiting for them to go away, in hopes that the happiness will come back, but I'm not sure that will be allowed to happen.

Dona seems to be in a snit. She's finally stopped trying to control everything that happens but she's being really snotty about it. Very high school. Guess some people never grow out of it. (I'm not even sure that she went!) And, of course, she's making herself miserable again. Which means everybody else is too. *sigh* Thank goodness the in-laws will be going for their own holiday soon. Thanksgiving won't get here fast enough.

Wedding plans are going slowly, as usual, but there's no other way for it to go right now.

• The dress is almost paid for ... just a little more to go.
• A corset style has been chosen. I admit I was hoping for something a bit more intimate looking, but at least this will work and can be worn again for other times.
• We've narrowed down the location and it looks like it's going to be local after all.
• We've got some strong ideas about the catering menu and I think we've decided on who we'll hire.
• I've chosen a maid's design that's fairly simple and inexpensive - it'll just be a matter of ordering it. It's just a matter of deciding how many maids I'll actually have and confirming their roles.
• I'm still keeping my eye out for the tiara design and shoes - if you have ideas, please use the comments section below.
• Soon I'll be bending my mind around invitation designs ... that should be fun!

Meanwhile, I've been doing some job hunting. I'm so broke that it's really no fun. Jade's been stressing about it a bit since the strike. It's costing us a fair bit of income. We're hoping that things have settled a bit for Monday because it's not just his job on hold, but the office hiring as well. Not that I'm sure I'm a shoe-in or anything, but the waiting is killing me. It's not the first time we've tried to get me a job where he works. It would be SO ideal to take one vehicle and pool together for gas costs. The money wouldn't be anything to sneeze at either.

I actually put an ad in the local paper in the Employment wanted section. Two weeks worth. Which sounds better than reality since the paper comes out once a week. :) But it's something. I need cash!! *sigh* I'd call in on what a few people owe me, but there's no polite way to ask and frankly, if they can't think of it themselves, then it's not worth it. I've come to the conclusion that I will never lend money again though. Every time I lend somebody money, something bad happens to me. Like losing my job, for one. (That's happened twice!) It just never seems to be worth it. Somebody seems to be trying to tell me something and I think it's time I clued in to it.

So. No more money lending. Ever. Sorry. Nothing stresses me out more than money. Especially in low figures. Except maybe Dona ... but that's a different kind of stress.

On a dull light note, I do have a small job coming up. I've been hired by the Town of Stony Plain to be a Deputy Returning Officer in their Mayoral elections next month. The money is pretty good. One very full day to get it, but I don't mind.

So, here I sit, surrounded by ... what? Half-realised dreams, struggling projects, shadowy friends, and things that won't (can't?) talk to me. Can't decide if they are holding their breath waiting or keeping their distance because they are unsure still. Frustrating. Add that to the tension from the dungeon ... yeah, happiness is going to be a goal that will have to be WORKED for! I wish I could say the move was worth it ...

I'm still hoping that it will be.

I'm not on the computer as much as I usual anymore. I've cut it down and taken up reading, and stitching again. Jade and I have also been trying to play more board games as a way of spending more time together. Last night we played "Life" ... they've changed it a bit from what it used to be. Sadly, I won. I was a millionaire by the end of the game. Sadly, because this never works in real life.

Maybe I need to change spinners ...

I feel like I'm waiting for something. Every now and then I find myself saying, "I can't wait for ..." what? What am I waiting for? Is something good in the offing? Is Happiness once again peeking around the corner, laughing as it waits for the Right Moment to come running up?

One can Dream ...

Sweet Dreams!