Pacem

19:12

I don't know that I have a whole lot to say just now, but I'm trying to get back into the habit of writing again. It's one the few skills I have that I've received spontaneous compliments on and I don't think I want to lose that. Besides, it's not a bad thing to get my fingers used to typing again. Get them in sync with each other again ... stoopid fingers!

Had a great fire last night. Did some stargazing too. I finally recognised Cassiopeia. I've never been able to see her before. Still can't see Orion. Which is a pity. I keep thinking that I'll never quite be settled until I can find him again. We're old friends now. Another relationship I built up from my little haunted shack (heh) and I miss him almost as much as I do HER. Anybody who came over knows who I am referring to.

Which reminds me. She came to visit me a little while before I left for holidays. She was so ... sparkly feeling with happiness and joy that it took me a little while to figure out who she was. When I finally clued in, she laughed at me and I gave in to her requests like I used to. I felt ever so much better afterwards, even though we were disappointingly interrupted. Looking back I wonder if she went home again or if she went Home ... either way, I'll miss her.

If you didn't understand that passage, don't worry. It was something that I needed to get out. One more thing to add to my strangeness. Hey, some people like my strangeness!

I've been getting a bit more done here and there. If Jade isn't able to work tomorrow then we'll get even more done. There are carrots to pull and I enjoy being out there with him much more than Dona.

Things are quiet right now ... the in laws have gone out for a walk. I had the afternoon to myself as everybody went golfing. I stayed behind for the quiet. Goddess, it was so good. Even though Jade has his music going on the computer behind me (a trifle loud to me, but probably quiet to him) the house still feels ... still, at peace. That will change as soon as Dona walks back in the door. I've never met anybody with a loud aura before. I hope I never do again.It's just so wrong.

So I have several resumes out, plus my ad will be printed for next Friday, and I'm kinda nervous about who will call first. Worse, I wonder if anybody will actually call. I've promised my poor Jade that I will apply to the restaurants if nobody calls me this week. A nice PT job will be good and if something really good comes up, I can juggle the hours. I want my own money for Yule!! I also want a reason to be out of the house!! I foresee a settling misery once the snow hits.

Not that I'm looking forward to driving in it, but at least the grader keeps the roads clear (unlike a certain city I have lived in.)

It suddenly occurred to me earlier that I haven't written anything in months! I haven't even had story ideas buzzing through my head. THAT's how depressed and stressed I was. I didn't even see it. Things like that make me wonder how doctors can leave somebody with "happy pills" and tell them that they can take them when they think they need them. How is the person supposed to really know? It's not like your emotions come with instructions or pop signs up that yell, "YOU ARE DEPRESSED!! TAKE A HAPPY PILL!!" By the time you realise that you need it, heck maybe even by the time you need it, it's probably already too late. There has to be a better system.

You can always tell when Dona has finally taken one. She makes me shake my head, that girl. she's been complaining that she has been gaining weight and as a result she cuts back on her bread intake because she says that's what makes her gain weight. Just bread. That's all she adjusts. She doesn't adjust her walk time on her treadmill, she doesn't drink more water (although, I'm not sure how much she drinks in the first place). Moving out here has actually cut down on her activities so she doesn't get out much. I offered to share my exercise DVD with her because it's all based on walking, but she's refused. I offered to let her use the CD while she's on her treadmill, but she refused. She keeps telling me how she can't do much with her hips because of all the surgeries and replacements, but I keep telling her that it's not aerobics and it's not fast paced. All the movements are based on what she already does. Nope. I even asked if she'd like to give Curves a try to see if she'd like it. She won't even try it. She pointed to one woman who was on one of the "do-your-own-thing" squares (there's one between every machine) but I pointed out that you can do whatever you want on those squares - march in place, side stepping, or anything else that you are comfortable with, but she's got it in her head that she can't do it and so she won't even try. Nothing I say will get her to even think about it.

Stubborn, old bat.

Meanwhile, it remains my own place to disappear to. As much as I enjoy it, I'd enjoy it more if I was seeing some results!! Granted, I don't go as often as I should right now. Life has been getting in the way, but I make sure that I get up and move around. I've started up my exercises at home again too. That should help. Not just the DVD, but other little exercises that I don't think the machines at Curves is really dealing with. Like crunchies for my abs. It might also help that the weather has cooled down a bit too.

Using the wedding as a goal to lose weight probably isn't a good idea as it's so far off. So I picked something closer - I plan on looking good for the 2008 San Diego Comic Con!! 'Cause we're going, baby!! I'm gonna look really good with nice shirts that'll get me some good swag. I happened to be wearing one of my tighter shirts when we saw Frank Cho. He gave me a through up and down look. Next year, I hope to catch him again. Maybe I'll make him look twice!!

I think I'm going to go read something now. (Another re-discovered joy!) Or maybe I'll get some more stitching done while I watch a movie ... depends on if I can decide what to watch. Hmmm ...

Sweet Dreams!