Light a Candle For Me

09:38

Has it been over a month already? Wow. Sorry, guys. I've been meaning to write, just been busy enough that I never seem to get to it. Well, no time like the present, aye?

If today is as good as yesterday or the day before, I may actually start to recover a little bit. I had a very decent weekend to start with. Barely saw the fogeys on Saturday between their shopping and ours. Sunday, we picked up a couple of old friends for a dinner and a visit. It was great! On the way home from dropping them off, I took the opportunity to have a heart to heart with Jade. He was much more open in this discussion than he was in the last one. Maybe because I came right out and said my problem plainly for once. I felt better after that chat, especially when he assured me that I can talk to him about anything when I need to, because it doesn't stress him to listen and I'll feel better for the unburdening of myself.

Monday ... I was surprised by Monday. No tension in the air and Dona was polite, in a human way, and I was in a good mood. Made me wonder if she had taken another one of her "happy pills" ... She asked me nicely if I'd drive her to an appointment in the city today, and it didn't sound like it was killing her to ask. So yesterday went better than it had in weeks.

Can't wait to see what today brings.

So far, so good!! I just found some extra votives that I'd forgotten about!! I had been given some Sheer Luxury as a prize at The Party That Started It All. It's not my usual style, so I put it in my sweater shelf to make them smell nice. Perfect. They are just what I needed to get my 13 prizes together for my Open House! I'm offering prizes to the first 10 people in the door, and for the first 3 bookings made with me. For display, I'm going to show off my starter kit, and a few borrowed items from friends. I'm looking forward to seeing how many people actually show up!

Good Days like these though ... they've been rare. And very welcome. It's been a rough year for me. Very rough. The tantrums set the pace at the beginning. You never know when they were going to come and except for the first, she never threw one with an audience. I think she stopped because Jade scolded her for the first. She made sure that we were alone after that. Then she found the next pity point ... she told everybody that she was so tragic in her trapped and bored state that she almost commit suicide. I showed her little reaction to that statement because 1) you aren't supposed to react to stuff like that, and 2) I would have been more impressed if she'd actually tried and then changed her mind. It's one thing to say that you almost tried and quite another that you tried or wanted to. Don't tell me that you ALMOST tried. That's not asking for help, that's bragging for attention. Especially from her.

The next six months have been like a tug-of-war for dominance. Sort of. She keeps insisting that she's the Queen Bee and I must bow before her and I keep telling her No. She's constantly telling me that I have to ask her for permission to do ANYTHING on the property.
Why?
Because it's her house.
It's my house too, how come nobody asks my permission to do anything?
Why would she need to ask permission to do things in her house?
Exactly.

Lately, she's tried a new tactic. She just tries to make me look bad in front of others ... to show how I'm a terrible person and she's just tragic in dealing with it. *rolls eyes* It goes like this ... While we are home alone together, we don't talk to each other, we don't look at each other, and, when possible, we just avoid each other. The air is so thick with tension, you practically have to swim through it. It's like this until Wayne comes home, and the tension shifts a bit, and then Jade comes home and she's starting supper ... and she's been playing the sweet, poor, old lady to my apparently ungrateful, rude, rebellious child.

Whatever.

I have friends who are concerned that I am about to crack. There may be violence, although that is more my fear than theirs. I have been offered a hidey-hole for when I need breaks, and chats whenever I need one. I've also had offers to tell her off on my behalf. That won't work so well though, because she's on her best behaviour when others are around. The tantrums, the lectures, etc ... they are all when nobody else is watching. It's her own little mind game ... and I'm not co-operating. Of course, it doesn't matter if I do or not since the guys refuse to become involved unless she's bordering on ridiculous.

On top of that, my own mother is not helping. She keeps trying to get me out of the room that was supposed to be saved for me. It was supposed to be a resting place while I worked with the horses at the track. Well, this year, I didn't work there ... so she said I don't need it, since I haven't used it, and should get all my stuff out of it so that she can use it. HOW THE HECK WAS I SUPPOSED TO USE IT WHEN YOU COULDN'T EVEN FIND THE BED BECAUSE SHE USED THE ROOM AS A STORAGE FACILITY????? Idiot.

Other than that, the remaining stresses have been little. Finding work. Losing weight. Not being able to properly lose weight because I'm so stressed out all the time ... which makes me stress even more. I am determined to go to San Diego and look good while I'm there. I've got about 7 1/2 months to get 'er done.

Light a candle for me.

I'll try to write more later.

Sweet Dreams!