June 28, 2010 - 18:42
you spin me right round ...
you spin me right round ...
you spin me right round, baby,
right round like a record, baby,
right round, round, round ...
you spin me right round, baby,
right round like a record, baby,
right round, round, round ...
So, the e-Harmony profile is going through the paces with some guys showing marginal interest, and others showing a bit more. I'm a really hot commodity with the older men, it seems. Still, nothing serious yet. A childhood friend of mine went through the process with very satisfying results and he advised me that NOW is the time to be picky with my choices because whomever makes it out the other end should be worth the trouble! Being picky makes me guilty when it involves the effort of others though. Still, I'm trying. Send some good vibes my way for a man that I want to wake up next to for the rest of our lives. ;)
Meanwhile, drama has not been avoided. I admit that I have never told Jade that I have an e-Harmony account. (At least, I don't remember saying anything about it, because I wasn't sure how to bring it up, for one thing. For another, it's not his business anymore.) Anyway, he appears to be in a bad head space right now. He got me on chat the other night and spoke openly with me as he rarely does. I recognised the patterns though. He'd put through this "mood" before. Jade really shouldn't drink when he's depressed ... but at the same time, it's the only way he can unload what he's thinking, so I can't be completely critical of it. It came down to this ... He's decided that he still loves me. Loves me, wants me, and can't have me. 'Cause I'd never be happy in Alberta. The conversation got a bit "drunk" at that point, but he's turned us into star-crossed lovers, which, while somewhat poetic and romantic, is completely incorrect. Proof that he'd been drinking - he gets a thought in his head and there's no changing it.
Anyway, I gave the points he made a lot of thought. Then I e-mailed him the next morning ... I told him what there was for me in Alberta. Then I listed what I had in BC. They weren't long lists, but they were good lists. After that, a bit of heart to heart words ... and then I laid down the law. I told him that if he wanted to get back together with me, there were a few non-negotiable points that he would have to agree to. I listed them and the reasons for them.
Now I can hear some of you (okay, all of you) moaning and swearing at me that I should never go back to him because he treated me so badly the last round. I'm sure that you are right, and I shouldn't. Your phrasing may even be justified ... but he's sincere in his depression. Being who, and what, I am ... well, I can't ignore it.
I'm not going to sit back and wait for it to happen either. I'm ready to move on with my life ... whether he's in it or not. I'm not going to let this drama make me step back, fall back, or even stutter. He needs to decide what he wants ... and if it's me, then am I worth giving in to my protective demands.
Had a great day playing for the car show on Galiano Island ... my flourishes are progressing nicely. Especially in the Beer Song. I have fun with that one. On the way home, we were waiting for the ferry on Galiano and one of the pipers called us to the side of the pier ... At first I thought she was pointing to a baby seal perched on the end of the lower pier, eating fish, but then the 'seal' got up and walked further up the dock ... I was so surprised that I said out loud ... "Oh, it's a muskrat!" thankfully nobody laughed, but I'm sure there were smiles. I was corrected immediately. We were looking at an otter. HUGE thing. Made the otters at the San Diego Zoo look like miniatures. We watched him until he dove again, then Mr Roadie and I continued our conversation as we walked to the other side of the pier. While waiting, we saw a seal (yes, it was a seal this time!) surface twice (never on land though - more's the pity) and a kingfisher zipped by us.
I so love living here!
Anyway, that's the recent drama ... Can't wait to see what happens next!! ;)
Hugs to all!
Sweet Dreams!
HAPPY!!! to hear you are loving living there! You moved for a reason. Sometimes its hard to let go of an old love no matter how hard you try, but really you are building a new life out there and enjoying it! It is working wonders for you. I know you are happier and have more fun things happening in your life. As for Jade, yea as always you will hear me say... move on! its way past time... ITS OVERDUE! drunken/depression promises are only going to be empty and forgotten by him. And even if you put down stipulations, people do not change! TRUST ME i went through something similar for over 23 years and i got hurt every time. That person promised me things, said they loved me blah blah and nothing every changed... and i kept going back because im soft hearted... took me years to grow strong and finally walk away forever, not even friends. Its easier if they are completely out of your life. But ultimately the choice is yours, do you want to go through being hurt and all the empty promises again and again? I think if you are moving on with the rest of your life its time to let go of the past. When you cling onto the past and thoughts of old love it stagnates your life and causes things to stand still and not grow. You know im always here for you. I think a new person in your love life is just what you need to help you move forward! And yes as for telling Jade it is none of his business!
ReplyDeleteWishing you nothing but the best for you.
Love Lav
P.S dont make me come there and beat some sense into you LOL ;-P
I have a spare room, ready and waiting, dear!
ReplyDeleteI'd like to share my reactions to your entry rather than offer unwanted advice: I let out a loud groan when I read that Jade still wants you and a sadness covered my heart.(I mean, who doesn't want his cake and eat it too? (I think that's how the expression goes?))
ReplyDeleteI was listening to NPR on the radio and an interesting story aired about a young woman who has a blog. She put out the idea of 30 year olds writing a letter to themselves as 20 year olds and what would you say to yourself. Here is the link. I haven't read it yet, but the letters shared on the radio were very insightful.
Best of luck, sweetheart!
Lastly, I like what Lavendar had to say!
http://cassieboorn.com/20-something-self-letters/
Wow, now that a few days have gone by, what are you thoughts. On the converstion you had.
ReplyDelete