February 4, 2011 - 02:38
Mood: tired, yet restless
Music: Time Warp (RHPS)
I've never liked the seesaw that much as a child. I was always getting hurt by it ... although I learned quickly, it just got boring after a while. Something that you only stayed with a for a short period. Swings, those I could stay on forever, it seemed.
Yesterday ... my mood was fantastic. Content, and the music going through my head. Fabulous. I was singing for most of the day. Same three songs over and over ... sometimes the whole thing, sometimes just bits. The Rose; Send in the Clowns; Don't Cry For Me Argentina ... I don't think I sounded perfect, but it was pleasant sounding. Mostly, I think I sounded happy. So ... what happened?
Mom found her scale. Now, I shouldn't have weighed myself. It wasn't accurate or fair, since I'd been doing a lot of moving and toting, so my heart rate was up (Yes, this makes you heavier.) Anyway, I'm back over 200. I'm at my wits end. Especially, in the face of my Mom's attitude over it. She didn't say the 'f' word, but it's plain that she considers me to be fat. Personally, I think that she's jealous of my figure, and she's vindictively glad that I am overweight like her. That what i pick up from her, at least. She's be horrified if anybody called her on it though.
On the bright side, I'm looking at buying a new tower. I need one. Not looking forward to spending the last of my savings though. Still, I've conferred with trusted individuals. The tower I am considering was a "three gasp-er" on my super's scale. (He didn't know he had a scale until tonight. LOL!) So I'm going to look at my funds and consider getting it before this one crashes on my completely.
As for my weight ... it's not the heaviest that I've been, but being this heavy makes me angry. It also makes my ankles sore. They are not dealing well with the weight gain. (This fact finally clicked tonight. Damn, I'm dumb.) Sadly, living with Mom isn't going to help. I need somebody who will go with me to exercise, or help to encourage me. Somebody who will give me a good kick when I need one ... or a hug before pushing me out the door. That being said, I also do better when I'm living alone. Before I went to Pender, I had brought myself down to 174. (All listed in previous entries.) Ah, well ... with the apartment still half packed and trying to figure out how to meld our two homes into one, I'm still going through a transitional stress, so maybe I have an excuse. Maybe ...
But keep this is mind, Weight Gain ... I've got my eyes on you. *points to eyes with first two fingers, then drags them to point at the fat in the mirror*
Music: I Saved the World Today
And on that note, I will go to sleep. (Or at least to bed to read for a bit.)
Sweet Dreams!
Dearest Lea, a person's weight will not increase if their heart rate goes up as a result of lifting heavy boxes. However, your weight will go up if you do intense exercise, but not because your heart rate goes up. It's because your muscles retain water. When you workout intensely (like moving heavy boxes), your muscles will soak up water like a sponge. This is perfectly normal. Your muscles will release any excess water they don't need once they've recovered from the workout. So, yes, a person could see an increase in the scale. but, that's not a fat gain. it's nothing more than a temporary water weight gain that passes in a few days. Ever notice your weight goes up during TOM ??? Most women tend to gain weight during their menstrual cycle. Is that a fat gain ? No, that too is nothing more than a temporary water weight gain that passes in a few days. Water weight can fluctuate 2-10 lbs a day!
ReplyDeleteThe best time of day to weigh in is after you get up and go to the bathroom, on an empty stomach nude.You know i am here to help. Don't let the scale or anyone get you down. Its all about how you look and how YOU feel. I know its hard living with others that are unsupportive believe me ive been in that boat for years. All you can do is not let them get to you and focus on your weight loss and goals and do all you can do to achieve it.
Yes its good to have support of the right kind (thats why im here) but in the end its you who has to do the work. Its 80% food, 10 % exercise and 10% genes. Weight loss is a hard long journey and its something you have to commit to fully. Small steps and changes over a long period time will get you where you want to be. Are you ready? How bad do you want it?I can recommend a couple very good FREE websites and some amazing books and well im trained lol so cause you are my friend im here for hugs and support and advice and that kick in the pants when you need it.
As you know im on my own journey now and ive lost over 33 lbs since my highest weight and i still have almost 60 or more lbs to go but im taking it slowly. A good weight loss is 1-2 lbs a week. Exercise and diet are essential but also a good positive attitude makes a tremendous aid. Measurements and the way your clothes fit are better to go by then the scale. But if you want to use the scale, once a week! same time every week and record. Don't let the numbers on the scale make you crazy! Just get out and do something about it, i know you have it in you. <3 Take your measurements once a month and see how much they change when the proper things are implemented into your life =) Another brave daring things to do is to take a "before" photo in a swimsuit (no one needs to see this but you unless you want to share) then take another photo at 6 months and again at a year and you can really see how much you've changed!What can you do right now? set some small goals for yourself. Write them down. What can you commit to this week? this month? Are you walking? can you add more time or days? How much exercise are you getting. Take some time to journal and get to know yourself... what do you like to do for exercise? What would you like to try? Then theres the eating... lots of things to do there better left for when i see you in person. Ive already written a book here lol But Lea you know i am here and i have a lot of knowledge in this area. Ill help you as best i can but ultimately its you who has to put in the effort. Don't let anyone get to you! You can do this! Believe in yourself and your goals! Come visit me soon and we'll get you started.
Big loving hugs
Lavender
TIP: when/if you are having a bad or stressful day don't reach for junk food, go for a walk or do some sweaty hard core exercise. OR meditate, take a bath, read a book etc. Find something to distract yourself from thoughts of food.
HUG HUG HUG love love love and lots of support! YOU CAN DO IT!
P.S. I have tons of healthy recipes i can share!
i could go on and on lOl call me soon!
ok. * push* !! just kidding. We should make an online group. You, me and you and me! lol
ReplyDeleteHow long you going to be with your mom. I know that you do better on your own. But if you can wait it out awhile and then have 2 living with you, we could help each other out. We could push each other and help and support each other. Just gotta get there!!!! lol
Just a future thought to think of! many hugs to you. And regarless of what your mind may think, you are great and wonderful and fantastic!!!!
Never forget that!