"This is the Face of a Woman on the Edge."

February 16, 2011 - 23:37

Mood: Edgy (Well, it's a word now!), and hungry/craving ... still sick.
Music: Isn't any. Probably should be.

The only response I got from my last post, was a phone call. (Which was funny, given that I could barely talk.) Thanks for checking on me, Shorty ... still not sure how you thought I was talking about you in that one description though.

Just as well ... One shouldn't expect anything good to come out of a rant like that when you have friends who read what you are writing. Still, it was hurting more to keep it all in, and I felt so much better after. It was a needed release. I tried to contain it to polite standards, although it may be hard to tell. I'm not even sure what all I wrote, but I won't go back to check. That's something that shouldn't be read more than once. It's in the past, and that's where I'd like to leave it. If anybody feels the need to discuss it, I'm open, but I will not be ashamed for venting my feelings. As I've said before, and as I say each time this journal has been moved to a new site ... this is my journal. It's not an entertainment piece, although it can be. I try to be careful about who I invite to read it ... people who know me fairly well and can understand me better through this, if they sit back and actually listen. This is my Voice. This is where I get to be me, and not worry (too much) about whether I'm saying something wrong, or if it will be accepted. Sometimes I have a harsh view. That's part of me. If you truly love me, then you will accept that part of me too. It doesn't come out all that often, but never forget that its there. And I did offer a warning ... I'm hoping that the lack of response is because everybody saw the warning of Irrational Venting ... and just didn't read.

I am still in a bad head-space, and I really don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm sick. Again. Which is unusual. I can normally walk through a room of coughing, etc people and not catch so much as a sniffle. Now I've been sick twice sine coming home. Could be stress, I guess. Still, I'm not sure why I'm wound up so tight. Money? Nothing stresses me more than money ... but really, I'm better off now than I've been in years. New bed, new computer, clean, stable place, little to no bills. Still have Spot's devotion. Am I picking up Mom's stress? Possible ... she's restless with no focus. Nagging at me to get my things organised, even though this is my first day off and I was resting up to get better. She was constantly on the computer today too, which is unusual, but I was catching up on some shows I had recorded ...

Worked on alphabetizing my mangas in my room last night. I wasn't sleepy, and I thought I'd get something done why I had a bit of energy. Got near the end and started to notice missing issues. Then I realised that I was missing more than half of two series, as well as an entire series ... I'm missing a damn box of manga. If you don't know me, I will tell you now ... THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.

So far, everything that has been missing has been reported as "It fell and broke." Still waiting to hear what happened to my corning ware too ...

Anyway, I am attempting to remain calm, in hopes that the missing pieces are in a box with something else. It could happen ... Right? Please?

So ... stress ... I'm supposed to finishing my visit with Jill right now ... but she hasn't even shown up yet. I know I haven't mis-counted ... trying to stay calm, just in case it's stress, but really ... still not sure what I am so messed up about. I'm just not happy.

Damn. And I was doing so well, for a while.

Maybe it's the lack of Barq's ... need more chocolate? More sex couldn't hurt ...

Sweet Dreams ...