DRAMA in Sithean (or Tell the Aliens to Save Some Popcorn For Me!)

13:54

The last three days have been miserable. I've barely left bed. Stoopid migraines. Stoopid Dona.

Sunday night, as previously reported, was a blast. I had such a good time that if Jade hadn't had to work in the morning, I would have done anything to put off going home. It reminded me of when I was in high school. I never wanted to go home either. Used to drive Jade nuts, although he doesn't remember it much now.

This is not a happy home. It's beauty is deceiving. I wonder though, if part of the problem is the house itself. We've already come to the conclusion that the previous couple did NOT have a happy marriage. When we first moved in, I caught flashes of anger/resentment. Something int he house or echoes of the past? There has been something moving about just under my radar ad it's frustrating me. Also, there is now a Watcher (a guard?) at the bedroom door in the evenings. Sometimes he's a very strong presence. Strong enough that I can see him in brighter light than I normally should. Strong enough that he disturbs Jade enough into closing the door at night. Also unusual.

I've had night watchers at the door way for as long as I can remember. A quiet, yet stubborn presence. Sometimes without image, sometimes a strange image. This one ... for once I don't think he's focused on me. He's focused on Jade, and that may be why Jade is having problems. And why the watchers have usually been males in their prime, this one is a tall old man. Skinny. Disapproving. I'll have to try and focus on it more ... I keep thinking he's a relative.

Anyway, back to my misery. No, that wasn't it. THAT I can deal with.

Sunday afternoon, Dona invited herself to go with me shopping. I didn't hide the fact that I was unhappy with that idea. I didn't say anything though. She'd been out just abut every day the previous week, buying things here and there. I finally was getting an outing and didn't want her with me. Monday morning arrived with a headache, so I put off leaving until about ten. Any questions directed at me were given direct and short answers and computer was minimal. when I finally left, I announced that I was leaving. Silence answered me, so I shrugged and left. Oh, how I wish I stayed home, even though some good came out of it all.

If I could have put it off, I would have, but we needed things like milk and Jade's lunch items. the headache was becoming a migraine at a worrying rate so I dropped the idea of the other planned stops and went straight to the Save-On. I'm sure I looked as miserable as I felt when I got there. At times I had to grip the cart to keep from falling. It was very hard to think and I fumbled with things in my hands. Driving home was the longest trip I've had in a long time. It seemed to take forever. I was weaving in my lane and I almost lost consciousness at one point. It was like I was dead tired, but I wasn't sleepy. I turned off the radio and that eased a bit of the pressure in my head.

Finally got to the last stretch. A big black truck sat on my ass the entire way. It even turned into my community. It slowed when it saw me sliding past my driveway, then it drove straight past me, as did a little white car behind him. I couldn't back up. The County had been through a couple days earlier and graded the snow, creating a lovely polish. Two days of light snow later and it was not fun. Winter tires or not, I wasn't going anywhere in reverse. So I rolled forward and turned into the neighbours driveway. This put me further down the hill (by about a couple feet) and I thought, I'll just back up and point myself back to my driveway. simple, right? Wrong. I got myself into position okay, but couldn't go forward up the hill. I slipped sideways in the rear. Grand, now I'm blocking both lanes. I reverse a little bit more, thinking to find a bit of traction further back. Wrong. I not only didn't, I slid back about two feet ... with my foot firmly on the brake. Towards the ever-waiting ditch. Carefully, I reversed a bit more to straighten out. Just in time for some traffic to go past me. My four-ways are on the entire time here. People just stare. Meanwhile, I'm doing my best not to throw up as my migraine pounds away. I try to go forward again; nothing. Finally, my black knight appears. A neighbour I've only seen a couple times turns onto the road. He slows, watching me. I had my window open because I had tried to check that my wheels were turned the right way. He came closer and rolled down his window. Even his dog in the back seat was watching with interest. (No barking either - wonderful creature) He said he had been looking at the front of my truck for something to hook onto. I confirmed that there was nothing. After doing a mental inventory, he told me he just lived at the bottom of the ill and that he was going to get his gear. I must have looked worried, because he reassured me again that he would be right back. I smiled and told him that I'd wait right here for him. 'You do that. Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back' than he drove down the hill and I was left alone again, four-ways flashing. I tried to tell myself that "it's not Vulcan to spew" ... but my stomach told me that "I'm not Spock". Stupid humour.

He was back quick as a wink, or almost. Maybe a Jiffy. I've never been able to time one of those. He hooked up to something under the truck, and got in to his. I shifted into Drive and waited carefully while he tightened the chain between us, then gave a little bit of gas. The truck moved. I was so relieved that I forgot about puking for a moment. Braking as soon as he did, I came to a stop on flat road. I could have kissed it and him. I settled for smiling and thanking him, my black knight, and following him in turning around. He waved good bye and I finally drove home.

Stepping out of the garage, my tummy reminded me that it was waiting for attention. I quick stepped to the big door and waited. Damn thing calmed down. I stepped back towards the truck, but my tummy protested. I'd had enough. "If you're gonna do it, do it and get it over with!!" It thought about it, then subsided. Damn thing. I grabbed my groceries and walked to the house door and closed the big door. Reaching for the knob, I found it locked. I unlocked it, only vaguely irritated, for it wasn't unusual for Dona to lock the bottom lock after I'd gone out. I tried the door again to discover that she'd locked the top lock too. THAT was unusual. The bitch! the top lock is difficult and almost key bending. I had only one hand and I was not in a good mood. it took me about thirty seconds to open it. that may not sound like a long time, but it was forever to me. I walk in the door. She'd not only made it difficult for me to come back, she was upstairs cleaning my area again. This further soured my mood.

I went upstairs and put my things away. I pointed out that I had just vacuumed on Friday. She hesitated, and I thought she was going to say 'Oh', but she suddenly looked ticked off and said, 'Well, it's Monday now.' I gave up. Whatever. Then she started ranting at me abut my attitude and it needs to change because she's tired of it. I don't respect her and I treat her like shit. She doesn't want to live with me and she doesn't want me for a daughter-in-law and we're going to lose the house and it's all my fault. There were a few injections of a certain f-word, as well. (Note: Everything that makes her unhappy is usually MY fault somehow.) And no wonder nobody wants to hire me.

Okay, I have no idea where the last point came from. I pointed out that it was a ridiculous statement because I hadn't been job hunting. She just said that I'd had lots of jobs. Well, so had she, but I never said so. I just left the room to go lie down. She finished re-vacuuming the dining room and continued downstairs with her noisy little damn vacuum.

Now her words really didn't bother me. In my head, I was rolling my eyes at her. She has her own monthly little temper tantrums, usually directed at me, and they are also usually, unfortunately, well timed with my PMS and/or my migraines. It doesn't make for a pretty picture. But the additional drama was a straw I couldn't quite hold on my own. I called Jade. I hadn't meant to tell him about his mother. I don't like bothering him at work with trivial things. I called up and told him to drive very carefully (forgetting that his Dad is driving this week) and told him about my sliding. But I sounded like shit and even over the noise of his work, he picked up on it and asked if I was okay. So I told him about most of it ... the migraine, the messy driving, the locks, the shouting ... He was as "concerned" with the tantrum as I was. He brushed it off as nothing. He offered advice on getting better (the kind you already know, but it's nice to hear.) and said he'd be home soon.

She didn't eat supper with us that night. That was fine with me. She ate with us the second night, and I ignored her presence. She didn't say much, which was also nice because it meant that I got a few words in edgewise. The silent treatment is still on going, but she'll have to talk to me soon if she wants to go swimming on Friday. :) I'm evil. I'll go without her if she doesn't. You can't treat me like a punching bag, accusing me of things that you are guilty of yourself, and expect me to let it go. Especially not when I know it will happen again in a month or two.

(Taking a leaf from Lynne's page.)

Dear Mother-in-law;

F**k you too.

I do not treat you like shit. Before you moved here with me you had rules for your house. I followed them. Moving here, our positions were reversed, but I still followed them. I'm STILL following them. You broke every rule in the first week.

I am not disrespectful to you. In fact, when we first got here, I was very respectful in an effort to avoid things like this. you laughed at my attempts and told me I was an idiot. So I eased off a bit and was less formal. But I'm stubborn. I expected equal respect. I'm not getting it. I am an independent woman and I've been in charge of my own space for a very long time. I don't appreciate you coming into my space and treating me like I'm one of your kids. Especially since, a long time ago, you gave me a long speech (they are ALL long) about how you're not my mother, that you've raised all your children and you don't want to raise any more. And that was because I tried to call you 'Mom' like I did so many of my friends' mothers. Now I have permission to call you by that title ... but don't mistake that as an indication that I need to be 'raised' by you or anybody else. I am my own person. I know who I am and I'm not changing for you.

You have no right to ask me to change who I am or what I've become. Nobody has that right. Not even Jade is that stupid. He's there to support the changes that I choose to make in myself, but he doesn't ask for them or suggest them. He's even careful about talking about my weight between jobs. Who do you think you are to make such demands?

I have not asked you to change. (I doubt it is possible even if you wanted to.) I have accepted that you are as you are and have tried to live with that. I'm even fond of you at times. Listen closely though, because I'm only going to say this once. I am not going to leave. I'm not going to leave Jade, or this house just because you are a childish old woman who needs to be matriarch of all she sees. Accept the fact that this house contains two homes and that you need to treat it as such. We'll both get along much better. Stop grandstanding that you've put more money into this place. Other than the tractor, you really haven't. Your personal expenses don't count. Accept the fact that you are not superior to me. We are equal, but we are not the same. Find a bloody hobby to take up your time. Buy a book of crossword puzzles or something.

Jade might be able to joke about something happening to you, but I don't have that luxury. I'm sure that if I said something like that that sooner or later, something WILL happen and I will know it was something I had set in motion. Don't laugh. I have affected more powerful things than you. No, if you're gonna go, it's gonna be your own fault. I won't even hope it happens quickly. That would be rude to myself, as a Priestess and Supporter of all Life. I will not damage myself for you, but I won't let you damage me either.

Sincerely;
Lea

So, that's my week so far. Silent looks when we can't avoid each other. She never calls me for supper, she gets Jade to do it. She asked him if he needed anything from the store and you could feel the tension (I was in another room!) when he asked her to get a couple bottles of Barq's. When she came back, she called him and told him that she had bought him HIS Barq's. It's kind of amusing to watch ... very juniour high. I've also noticed that the tension comes and goes with her. If she leaves the house, so does the tension, so she is definitely testing my shields. No wonder I couldn't relax long enough to settle my migraine!

LOL! Last night Jade told me that I was going to go to sleep and wake up feeling refreshed with no headache. I woke up groggy, having missed the first alarm, and was very much in pain still. He put his hands on his hips and playfully frowned. "You don't listen very well, do you?" he scolded. He kissed my head 'better' and I saw him off to work before going back to sleep. I woke up an hour later than usual (09:00-ish) with only a dull ache in my head but it woke up too when I sat up. So I went into the bathroom and broke out the big guns. I took one of the migraine med samples (I don't like them) and then sat down in bed with a book. My head must have been pretty bad because there were NONE of the usual side effects. I didn't even get sleepy. Just relaxed and my head felt clear for the first time in what seemed like forever.

So, I made good use of the cleared feeling and sat down to catch you all up. While it's all from my point of view, I feel that I have been fair, as I try to be in all my writings.

Meanwhile, I'm going to enjoy the silence. It's golden, you know. ;)

Sweet Dreams!