December 25, 2008 - 15:13
So ... Merry Christmas to everybody who still peeks in to read this now and then. You probably won't read it today, but it'll be here waiting for you when you do.
It was a small Christmas this year with the family. This year, I received a gift card for Chapters/Coles, a bath accessory set, a nail care set, and, following with the usual family tradition, I got socks. I have yet to see what my brother/sister-in-law got me ... and I have no clue if I'll get a present from Jade or not.
We're moving locations at work next week; moving further south. I'm not looking forward to the drive coming up, so I've been keeping my eye out for a nice pet friendly place closer to work. By the end of February, I'll be ready to make a new start somewhere. Or, I thought I would be. It has occurred to me that I don't have any furniture. And it's a lot harder to get away with the board across the milk crate for table or bench or shelf ... and a couch made from beer cases or something or an air mattress. Heh. I've had some nice things recently ... and I want more of it. It's not enough to scrounge things and be proud of it because it's "mine". The bar has been raised and I can't lower it again.
Besides, gotta put my PartyLite on something good! LOL!
...
So it's taking me forever to write this entry today ... I keep wandering away and doing other things. Typical behaviour for me the night before something important is to happen. Christmas Eve, a party, an appointment, a first day of ... anything ... and before I have to travel somewhere. Tomorrow morning, I'm going to visit some family in Calgary. I'm really looking forward to it. Unbelievably so. One small bonus will be that it will distract me a bit from missing Jade so much.
Damn new job!
Well, there's more to it than that ... but it's moot at the moment. He's over there, I'm here and going down there, which isn't over there where he is ... and I'm missing that he's not where I am! And he's not going to be here for at least another week. So ... yeah. Makes me wanna sit against a wall with a baseball and glove ... and get rhythmic against another wall.
And if you don't know what that's in reference to ... egad!
Anyway ... it's been a pretty good day today. Lots of laughs and giggles. Proves that I'm on the mend, I guess.
Is it just me, or does every prescription medication advertised on TV have the same side effects? Doesn't matter what it's for ... it seems to cause the same problems.
I'm going to finish my adventure, pack my bags and then warm up the bed for sleep. Talk to you all later!
Sweet Dreams!
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Holiday Rushes, Brushes, and Crushes ...
December 21, 2008 - 14:15
Merry Yule and Happy Winter Solstice!
Finally found Lynne's present ... stupid "safe" places!! Going to wrap it in a bit. Will probably sit here 'til New Year's though. Still have her Birthday/Samhain present and her Beltaine present too ... LOL!
Jade is safely on the island, visiting with friends. One more relief to my mind. And I've got all my shopping almost done! Albert has graciously offered to pay for my bus ticket to go and visit my god-family so that I don't have to drive. The highway is very poor just south of the city right now ... RCMP are putting warnings out for future travel. They've been doing that for the past couple of days, really. The accidents are getting stupid.
Great ... just married an orc ... Oh, well, and escape is an escape ...
Almost have my wrapping done ... and realised that I still have a bit more shopping than I thought ... I forgot somebody *blush* That's okay though ... they will never know!!
There's a lot more floor to be seen at my place lately and hopefully, there will soon be even more ... but not before there will be a bit less, I 'm afraid ...
The following lyrics are dedicated to Jackie ... because I think of her whenever I hear it, and it makes me smile!
Handsome, single, young man well respected in his town
Seeks a fine, young lady from a similar background.
Generous, responsible, successful man of means.
Socialize with presidents and queens.
Reply,
P. O. Box 9847
P. O. Box 9847
I've described me very poorly,
Better try again.
Quiet, sincere, gentleman, well rounded and mature.
Fond of music and the arts, loves the theater.
Educated, sensitive, a trav'ler of the world.
Wants to meet an eligible young girl.
Reply,
P. O. Box 9847
P. O. Box 9847
I've been writing, advertising
That's not really me.
Lonely, understanding man, affectionate and true
Looking for girl to share his dreams and make them true.
Humble, loving, sensitive, considerate and shy.
Only sincere ladies need reply.
Reply,
P. O. Box 9847
P. O. Box 9847
I'm not liking what I'm typing.
Throw it all away.
Too much on the go to write ... LOL! Been at this for over an hour ...
Will come back tonight ...
Sweet Dreams!
Merry Yule and Happy Winter Solstice!
Finally found Lynne's present ... stupid "safe" places!! Going to wrap it in a bit. Will probably sit here 'til New Year's though. Still have her Birthday/Samhain present and her Beltaine present too ... LOL!
Jade is safely on the island, visiting with friends. One more relief to my mind. And I've got all my shopping almost done! Albert has graciously offered to pay for my bus ticket to go and visit my god-family so that I don't have to drive. The highway is very poor just south of the city right now ... RCMP are putting warnings out for future travel. They've been doing that for the past couple of days, really. The accidents are getting stupid.
Great ... just married an orc ... Oh, well, and escape is an escape ...
Almost have my wrapping done ... and realised that I still have a bit more shopping than I thought ... I forgot somebody *blush* That's okay though ... they will never know!!
There's a lot more floor to be seen at my place lately and hopefully, there will soon be even more ... but not before there will be a bit less, I 'm afraid ...
The following lyrics are dedicated to Jackie ... because I think of her whenever I hear it, and it makes me smile!
Handsome, single, young man well respected in his town
Seeks a fine, young lady from a similar background.
Generous, responsible, successful man of means.
Socialize with presidents and queens.
Reply,
P. O. Box 9847
P. O. Box 9847
I've described me very poorly,
Better try again.
Quiet, sincere, gentleman, well rounded and mature.
Fond of music and the arts, loves the theater.
Educated, sensitive, a trav'ler of the world.
Wants to meet an eligible young girl.
Reply,
P. O. Box 9847
P. O. Box 9847
I've been writing, advertising
That's not really me.
Lonely, understanding man, affectionate and true
Looking for girl to share his dreams and make them true.
Humble, loving, sensitive, considerate and shy.
Only sincere ladies need reply.
Reply,
P. O. Box 9847
P. O. Box 9847
I'm not liking what I'm typing.
Throw it all away.
Too much on the go to write ... LOL! Been at this for over an hour ...
Will come back tonight ...
Sweet Dreams!
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Friends for Low Places
December 08, 2008 - 12:08
It's a bit later than it should be and I'm going to get in trouble if Jade happens to see this, but I wanted to get this down, or at least started.
I had a fairly wonderful day today. Jade had an event in town and instead of driving all the way home again after, he came over to my place and spent what was left of the night with me ... and most of the morning. Everything felt good and right while he was there. It's the kind of feeling that you can get a buzz off of. When he finally left, the place actually felt empty. I threw myself into some work that needed to be done about the place, but made the mistake of watching a sobby chick flick while I was working ... which was a bad move. Never let me watch sobby chick flicks during Hormone week.
So, was feeling a bit low and allowed myself to be nudged lower by something stupid ... and then finally did something smart. Instead of wallowing in the deluge of my depression and hoarding my fears, I got a hold of Jade and we hashed things out. As usual, he made things better for me.
But he also made a point ... he said that I tended to hold people at a distance. Always have, he said, and it hasn't gotten any better over the years. Do I really? I'll have to give this some thought ... I've always had a bit of a built-in cloaking device. Once had a teacher tell my Mom that she often forgot that I was in the class room until I actually said something. Didn't matter where I sat ...
Maybe it's because moving so much made it hard to integrate properly and I've never really learned. Maybe I've been dumped too often - apparently, I'm boring. Maybe it's part of my low (but improving) self-esteem ... maybe it's about control. Maybe I only try to get close to people I click with ... I don't know. I'm willing to hear theories and observations.
Meanwhile, I'd better get to bed ... I need a shower in the morning! And 06:30 come awful fast!
Sweet Dreams!
I know mine will be!
It's a bit later than it should be and I'm going to get in trouble if Jade happens to see this, but I wanted to get this down, or at least started.
I had a fairly wonderful day today. Jade had an event in town and instead of driving all the way home again after, he came over to my place and spent what was left of the night with me ... and most of the morning. Everything felt good and right while he was there. It's the kind of feeling that you can get a buzz off of. When he finally left, the place actually felt empty. I threw myself into some work that needed to be done about the place, but made the mistake of watching a sobby chick flick while I was working ... which was a bad move. Never let me watch sobby chick flicks during Hormone week.
So, was feeling a bit low and allowed myself to be nudged lower by something stupid ... and then finally did something smart. Instead of wallowing in the deluge of my depression and hoarding my fears, I got a hold of Jade and we hashed things out. As usual, he made things better for me.
But he also made a point ... he said that I tended to hold people at a distance. Always have, he said, and it hasn't gotten any better over the years. Do I really? I'll have to give this some thought ... I've always had a bit of a built-in cloaking device. Once had a teacher tell my Mom that she often forgot that I was in the class room until I actually said something. Didn't matter where I sat ...
Maybe it's because moving so much made it hard to integrate properly and I've never really learned. Maybe I've been dumped too often - apparently, I'm boring. Maybe it's part of my low (but improving) self-esteem ... maybe it's about control. Maybe I only try to get close to people I click with ... I don't know. I'm willing to hear theories and observations.
Meanwhile, I'd better get to bed ... I need a shower in the morning! And 06:30 come awful fast!
Sweet Dreams!
I know mine will be!
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Hey, Hey, I Saved The World Today ...
December 3, 2008 - 21:49
I am having such a fantastic week!!
I had been looking forward to transferring to a new location and getting better tips, but I've landed something better! And I did it by ACCIDENT!
On Monday morning, I took my truck into the dealership to get the brakes checked. they'd been very soft and scary for a long time now ... turns out they were pretty bad off. Anyway, Jade, my dashing hero, offered to cover the cost of the brakes for me. ('Cause they quoted me $1000, and I just didn't have it.) While we were waiting for him to call my cell at the dealership, the cashier and I were talking and she mentioned that they were short-handed, and one thing led to another and I was racing home to update my resume to fax in.
Another adventure there, the drugstore lady was borderline incompetent with the fax m/c. I gave up on her and started to take my resume to the 7-11 down the street, because I've seen them sometimes do faxes. I noticed that the bank was still open so I went in, waited and asked politely if they would make a local fax for me. I was thrilled that they did, and they didn't ask for payment either. Even better!
Next morning, I was awakened by my cell ... and answered it only half aware. A voice in my ear asked me to come in for an interview. I was hired that afternoon. That was yesterday ... today was my first day at work!! It was great!
I love having stable hours (resulting in stable paycheques) and a decidedly better rate of pay than I've had in a while. It made me giddy with pleasure to put "gift giving" back on my To Do list for this month. Jade, my Prince, is going to get something that I've been trying to afford for a long time. He deserves it!
It's a shame that I don't see him as often as I'd like right now, but we are doing fine. More than fine. I think this has been good for us, in the long run. Harsh, but necessary. I wish things could have been different ... but I can't argue with the results.
Greenman suggested that we consider counselling ... and I thought of it ... but I don't think we're quite at that level of need quite yet. It only seems like it when he's been away from me for a bit. I don't do well when I'm away form him. My need for Barq's is Nothing compared to the withdrawal I go through when I am deprived of Jade for a time. I think we have some time before we really need it.
Now if only we could get his parents out of the house!
Well, I have to get to bed ... this early rising thing kinda sucks, but I guess a sacrifice was required for all the good luck I saw this week.
Are you watching, Santa? I've been a good girl!
Ruler of my heart
Robber of my soul
Where can you be?
I wait patiently
My heart cries out
Pain inside
Where can you be?
I wait patiently
When you're alone
Going gets rough
Come back, come back, come back baby
I've had enough
Make me a queen
Happy again
Hear my cry
And ease my pain
When you're alone
Going gets rough
Come back, come back, come back baby
I've had enough
Make me a queen
Happy again
Hear me cry
And ease my pain
(bonus points if you name the movie this is from!!)
Sweet Dreams!
I am having such a fantastic week!!
I had been looking forward to transferring to a new location and getting better tips, but I've landed something better! And I did it by ACCIDENT!
On Monday morning, I took my truck into the dealership to get the brakes checked. they'd been very soft and scary for a long time now ... turns out they were pretty bad off. Anyway, Jade, my dashing hero, offered to cover the cost of the brakes for me. ('Cause they quoted me $1000, and I just didn't have it.) While we were waiting for him to call my cell at the dealership, the cashier and I were talking and she mentioned that they were short-handed, and one thing led to another and I was racing home to update my resume to fax in.
Another adventure there, the drugstore lady was borderline incompetent with the fax m/c. I gave up on her and started to take my resume to the 7-11 down the street, because I've seen them sometimes do faxes. I noticed that the bank was still open so I went in, waited and asked politely if they would make a local fax for me. I was thrilled that they did, and they didn't ask for payment either. Even better!
Next morning, I was awakened by my cell ... and answered it only half aware. A voice in my ear asked me to come in for an interview. I was hired that afternoon. That was yesterday ... today was my first day at work!! It was great!
I love having stable hours (resulting in stable paycheques) and a decidedly better rate of pay than I've had in a while. It made me giddy with pleasure to put "gift giving" back on my To Do list for this month. Jade, my Prince, is going to get something that I've been trying to afford for a long time. He deserves it!
It's a shame that I don't see him as often as I'd like right now, but we are doing fine. More than fine. I think this has been good for us, in the long run. Harsh, but necessary. I wish things could have been different ... but I can't argue with the results.
Greenman suggested that we consider counselling ... and I thought of it ... but I don't think we're quite at that level of need quite yet. It only seems like it when he's been away from me for a bit. I don't do well when I'm away form him. My need for Barq's is Nothing compared to the withdrawal I go through when I am deprived of Jade for a time. I think we have some time before we really need it.
Now if only we could get his parents out of the house!
Well, I have to get to bed ... this early rising thing kinda sucks, but I guess a sacrifice was required for all the good luck I saw this week.
Are you watching, Santa? I've been a good girl!
Ruler of my heart
Robber of my soul
Where can you be?
I wait patiently
My heart cries out
Pain inside
Where can you be?
I wait patiently
When you're alone
Going gets rough
Come back, come back, come back baby
I've had enough
Make me a queen
Happy again
Hear my cry
And ease my pain
When you're alone
Going gets rough
Come back, come back, come back baby
I've had enough
Make me a queen
Happy again
Hear me cry
And ease my pain
(bonus points if you name the movie this is from!!)
Sweet Dreams!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Somethings Old, Some Things New ...
November 23, 2008 - 01:07
I'm at a bit of a block with my current story, so I thought I'd get the gears greased by writing a bit of something for myself. So, here I am ... letting the world know that there is still one thing that never changes. There's very little going on in my life! LOL!
Today starts my final week at this location of my job. As of Dec 1, I move to a location in the NW. I made this decision for me. I don't know if it was wrong or right, it just needed to be made. Hopefully, things work out. If they don't, I still have a few things to fall back on now that I'm living in familiar territory.
Got a new piercing this morning. I hope it heals before Jade gets back from his ski trip. Sure hurt to get it done though. Poor Spot was afraid to move until he felt that enough time had passed ... then he crawled out of the new hole in the wall.
Just kidding ...
There's no hole in the wall, and I didn't throw him ... I had my hands quite full with First-Aid treatment. It wasn't quite a place they make band-aids for, you know? Either way, things have gone well, nothing has turned green, or fallen off and I seem to be healing well. Miracles do happen.
It's amazing how good and relaxed I feel ... I found myself singing to my music while I worked on the computer and suddenly realised that I hadn't done it for a long time. Not like this. It was ... refreshing. My friends at work are also breathing a sigh of relief ... it took over a week, but I'm dancing at work again. I don't know how silly it actually looks, but it's apparently a special part of me, to them, and they worried when I stopped. Nobody knows what's been going on with me for the past little while, they just know that it was traumatic for me and are very happy to see me back to my old self ... with a bit more bounce than usual. Thrilled to bits for me.
I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank the academy ... whoops, wrong paper ...
Very, very few of you will read this, but I thank each family member and friend who has offered me their love and support to me recently. Just knowing it was there if I needed it was greatly reassuring to me. You'll never really know how much it meant. Thank you.
"Headin' up that highway, leavin' you behind,
hardest thing I ever had to do
Broke my heart in two, but baby, pay no mind.
The price for finding me was losing you.
Memories help me hide my lonesome feelin';
far away from you, and feeling low.
It's getting late my friend, my love, I miss you so ...
Take good care of you; I gotta go."
(Bonus points if you can name the song.)
Sweet Dreams!
I'm at a bit of a block with my current story, so I thought I'd get the gears greased by writing a bit of something for myself. So, here I am ... letting the world know that there is still one thing that never changes. There's very little going on in my life! LOL!
Today starts my final week at this location of my job. As of Dec 1, I move to a location in the NW. I made this decision for me. I don't know if it was wrong or right, it just needed to be made. Hopefully, things work out. If they don't, I still have a few things to fall back on now that I'm living in familiar territory.
Got a new piercing this morning. I hope it heals before Jade gets back from his ski trip. Sure hurt to get it done though. Poor Spot was afraid to move until he felt that enough time had passed ... then he crawled out of the new hole in the wall.
Just kidding ...
There's no hole in the wall, and I didn't throw him ... I had my hands quite full with First-Aid treatment. It wasn't quite a place they make band-aids for, you know? Either way, things have gone well, nothing has turned green, or fallen off and I seem to be healing well. Miracles do happen.
It's amazing how good and relaxed I feel ... I found myself singing to my music while I worked on the computer and suddenly realised that I hadn't done it for a long time. Not like this. It was ... refreshing. My friends at work are also breathing a sigh of relief ... it took over a week, but I'm dancing at work again. I don't know how silly it actually looks, but it's apparently a special part of me, to them, and they worried when I stopped. Nobody knows what's been going on with me for the past little while, they just know that it was traumatic for me and are very happy to see me back to my old self ... with a bit more bounce than usual. Thrilled to bits for me.
I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank the academy ... whoops, wrong paper ...
Very, very few of you will read this, but I thank each family member and friend who has offered me their love and support to me recently. Just knowing it was there if I needed it was greatly reassuring to me. You'll never really know how much it meant. Thank you.
"Headin' up that highway, leavin' you behind,
hardest thing I ever had to do
Broke my heart in two, but baby, pay no mind.
The price for finding me was losing you.
Memories help me hide my lonesome feelin';
far away from you, and feeling low.
It's getting late my friend, my love, I miss you so ...
Take good care of you; I gotta go."
(Bonus points if you can name the song.)
Sweet Dreams!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
A Horse With No Name ... Is Still A Horse!
November 19, 2008 - 18:16
Got the house to myself for a little bit. Its' nice and quiet. It'll stay that way until the birds start screeching, causing the dog to howl. But right now, it's quiet ... let's not borrow trouble.
So ... I've been looking at how to expand my social life. It's not something I've ever been very gifted with. Even when I was going to school, I had a limited group of friends. Been feeling old lately too ... the "kids" at work all look up to me as older and wiser and they ask me a lot of advice. Do I laugh or cry? *shakes head* Either way, when I give them crap, they moan and complain, but do it anyway ... and then act like nothing happened five minutes later. *rolls eyes* I feel like I've adopted a bunch of teenagers.
I've made the decision to be transferred to a closer location. It makes my gut clench, but I'm doing this for me. At least, I think I am. I'm doing it for my wallet at any rate. I was so bored while coming home at rush hour that I almost dozed off. LOL! Oops! Luckily, I was almost home and traffic was slow ... which is what made it boring. Stupid rush hour. Rush, my a$$ ... there's no rushing involved in going 60 in a 70 zone where most people do 80 or more!
Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes. Expanding my social life. So, I've been thinking of getting out a bit more. Doing things. Will have to try to remember what it's like to do things without money.
Wait ... I never did anything when I didn't have money.
Okay, so I'm going into this blind. Fine. I know what I don't want to do, and that's hit the bar scene. I don't have the money, I don't have the clothes and I won't make the time. It's not me. If I can't hear you, or be heard, without talking very loudly and inserting some pantomiming, then I will not go. A coffee house or a cozy restaurant ... that's fine. Still can't afford much, but I'll be happier. Need to get out and find out what part of the Earth my friends are on now, and what they are up to. I was also considering getting back into D&D ... it gets me out of the house, and helps to get the creative juices flowing. I want to start my writing up again. I had some good stuff. And now I have friends who will help me publish it!
I also have to remember to go and get my comics on my own ... and not worry about waiting for Jade or if I can afford to pick his comics up. I'm sure The Shepherd will be happy for the money either way. Now there's a busy boy ... maybe I should get more involved in some of their community stuff. Maybe.
It's hard to decide ... I don't feel like I belong anywhere anymore. And I have no idea what my schedule is at any point in advance enough to say ... we can have a meeting place here, on this day every week, or bi-monthly. Who ever shows up, wins. Can't do it. I have two jobs, one I'd really like to busier with, and the other, well, we'll see how it goes. It's easier to replace from here.
Digressing again. It's a talent, I guess. Not that it's good for much. Hmm .. thinking of joining something. Not much to join around here that doesn't give you more stuff to find space for, or doesn't require joining the church! :) I suppose I could take up swimming; check out if there's a pass for the pool nearby. Would be good for me and friends could join me on occasion. Yeah, I kind of miss the group swims. Okay, so adding swimming to the list. I've been losing some weight and it's actually showing when I look in the mirror! I like this! Swimming will help to keep it off. And I might meet some friends. You never know.
A friend, can't recall if I've named her yet, suggested that I get a new start by changing my hair style. I think she means me to cut it off. But I'm loving my hair ... and I'm happy with the length - even when I have to keep pulling it out of the way during certain times. (Driving, sleeping, etc) I'll do more with it, but I don't think I'll go gong-ho on the length just yet. Too winter-y right now!!
There's so much going on right now ... and yet, so very little actually worth writing about! Typical me, eh?
Well, I'm going to start with the bedroom re-arranging. I'm also going to make my bed properly. If I'm still cold after all this, I'll give in and see if Jade will lend me his duvet. Bothersome things, duvets, but they are, at the very least, warm!
After that, I'm going to take a crack at finishing an over-due story line.
Sweet Dreams!
Got the house to myself for a little bit. Its' nice and quiet. It'll stay that way until the birds start screeching, causing the dog to howl. But right now, it's quiet ... let's not borrow trouble.
So ... I've been looking at how to expand my social life. It's not something I've ever been very gifted with. Even when I was going to school, I had a limited group of friends. Been feeling old lately too ... the "kids" at work all look up to me as older and wiser and they ask me a lot of advice. Do I laugh or cry? *shakes head* Either way, when I give them crap, they moan and complain, but do it anyway ... and then act like nothing happened five minutes later. *rolls eyes* I feel like I've adopted a bunch of teenagers.
I've made the decision to be transferred to a closer location. It makes my gut clench, but I'm doing this for me. At least, I think I am. I'm doing it for my wallet at any rate. I was so bored while coming home at rush hour that I almost dozed off. LOL! Oops! Luckily, I was almost home and traffic was slow ... which is what made it boring. Stupid rush hour. Rush, my a$$ ... there's no rushing involved in going 60 in a 70 zone where most people do 80 or more!
Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes. Expanding my social life. So, I've been thinking of getting out a bit more. Doing things. Will have to try to remember what it's like to do things without money.
Wait ... I never did anything when I didn't have money.
Okay, so I'm going into this blind. Fine. I know what I don't want to do, and that's hit the bar scene. I don't have the money, I don't have the clothes and I won't make the time. It's not me. If I can't hear you, or be heard, without talking very loudly and inserting some pantomiming, then I will not go. A coffee house or a cozy restaurant ... that's fine. Still can't afford much, but I'll be happier. Need to get out and find out what part of the Earth my friends are on now, and what they are up to. I was also considering getting back into D&D ... it gets me out of the house, and helps to get the creative juices flowing. I want to start my writing up again. I had some good stuff. And now I have friends who will help me publish it!
I also have to remember to go and get my comics on my own ... and not worry about waiting for Jade or if I can afford to pick his comics up. I'm sure The Shepherd will be happy for the money either way. Now there's a busy boy ... maybe I should get more involved in some of their community stuff. Maybe.
It's hard to decide ... I don't feel like I belong anywhere anymore. And I have no idea what my schedule is at any point in advance enough to say ... we can have a meeting place here, on this day every week, or bi-monthly. Who ever shows up, wins. Can't do it. I have two jobs, one I'd really like to busier with, and the other, well, we'll see how it goes. It's easier to replace from here.
Digressing again. It's a talent, I guess. Not that it's good for much. Hmm .. thinking of joining something. Not much to join around here that doesn't give you more stuff to find space for, or doesn't require joining the church! :) I suppose I could take up swimming; check out if there's a pass for the pool nearby. Would be good for me and friends could join me on occasion. Yeah, I kind of miss the group swims. Okay, so adding swimming to the list. I've been losing some weight and it's actually showing when I look in the mirror! I like this! Swimming will help to keep it off. And I might meet some friends. You never know.
A friend, can't recall if I've named her yet, suggested that I get a new start by changing my hair style. I think she means me to cut it off. But I'm loving my hair ... and I'm happy with the length - even when I have to keep pulling it out of the way during certain times. (Driving, sleeping, etc) I'll do more with it, but I don't think I'll go gong-ho on the length just yet. Too winter-y right now!!
There's so much going on right now ... and yet, so very little actually worth writing about! Typical me, eh?
Well, I'm going to start with the bedroom re-arranging. I'm also going to make my bed properly. If I'm still cold after all this, I'll give in and see if Jade will lend me his duvet. Bothersome things, duvets, but they are, at the very least, warm!
After that, I'm going to take a crack at finishing an over-due story line.
Sweet Dreams!
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Song Sung Blues and Other Chilly Colours
November 16, 2009 - 08:25
So, I went and saw a dietitian on Thursday to see why I haven't been losing any weight for the last three years. I had to wait for a month to get in. The week before I go? Typical reaction to a doctor. I lost five pounds. *rolls eyes* Anyway, she was a nice lady. Unfortunately, she was as much of a quack as anybody else. Basically, I'll lose weight if I follow the Canada's Guide to Food Group servings.
That's it. That was her advice. *rolls eyes* Right.
She was alarmed by my levels of stress and depression, but didn't think it affected my weight ... except to maybe make me eat more. (Which I don't, that's just what "most people do".) She didn't take into account that I haven't been getting a full night's sleep in the past few years either. Even I know that a full 8 (or at least 6) hours a night is needed for your body to rest, rejuvenate, and maintain energy levels. That means I'm not storing fat to keep going. I described my basic lifestyle with the horses ... all she had to say about that was that kind of lifestyle must have changed my eating habits and I must have been eating more to sustain the energy.
What?
Pigeon holing me without facts does not make me want to come back to you with a follow-up!!
Oh, yes, and I must completely give up Barq's. Reducing it isn't enough. As soon as I said I wasn't going to give it up she blanked out on me. She had already decided that she couldn't help me. She came back to it three times after ... Lady, it's one item. I don't guzzle it, or have orgies with it. Get over it.
Anyway ... My new temporary living space is shaping up slowly but surely. It's not warming up at all, but it is shaping up. I'm not just complaining about a little bit of a draft here either. I have a blanket and wear a sweater and fuzzy socks and slippers when I am home. At all times. My bedroom window (which some goof put the bed UNDER) pours cold air down on me while I sleep. I am covered by four blankets - sheet, thermal, comforter, and a sleeping bag. I'm wearing PJ's to bed!! Spot comes under the blankets now and then to warm up during the night. I've even noticed him going in during the day. And it's not even really winter yet! *GLOOM* I am going to re-arrange the room tomorrow after my other appointment. You shouldn't get that much air moving through a closed window with the curtains down!
Maybe Jade could check the caulking?
Speaking of whom ... For those who hadn't yet heard, Jade and I have separated for a little while. I have received many, many letters of support and offers of help from friends and a couple from family. Nobody has pried past the explanation I gave out, except for one person who shut me out to sulk when I refused to give details. Told me to tell everything and to tell the truth. Well, the truth is, it was nobody's business, and I said so. Haven't heard a word from that person since.
That's true friendship.
Seriously, I'm not telling anybody anything. This is between Jade and I. We have not divorced, broken up, or anything else ... we've just found other living arrangements. And we're working on us. that's it. That's all you need to know. Thanks for coming out.
So now I'm driving 45 min to work ... which makes the split shifts stupid. The managers want to make sure we get a "decent break" between shifts. So I have generally three hours of nothing to do and no where to go between shifts on those days. I break it up with sitting in the truck and sitting at work. Both usually costs me money. It doesn't help my temper that the schedule completely ignores my availability. I am not available on Fri evenings or on weekends, yet I've been working those days for over a month now. *sigh* Maybe I should transfer closer to home.
I better get some more arranging done. Got two weeks before I present this place to the public!
Sweet Dreams!
PS. Just saw a "ghost" of Princess Fernie-poo walk through my home ... that's just freaky!! She's never been here and would NOT come looking for me. *thinks* Well, maybe she's looking for Spot.
So, I went and saw a dietitian on Thursday to see why I haven't been losing any weight for the last three years. I had to wait for a month to get in. The week before I go? Typical reaction to a doctor. I lost five pounds. *rolls eyes* Anyway, she was a nice lady. Unfortunately, she was as much of a quack as anybody else. Basically, I'll lose weight if I follow the Canada's Guide to Food Group servings.
That's it. That was her advice. *rolls eyes* Right.
She was alarmed by my levels of stress and depression, but didn't think it affected my weight ... except to maybe make me eat more. (Which I don't, that's just what "most people do".) She didn't take into account that I haven't been getting a full night's sleep in the past few years either. Even I know that a full 8 (or at least 6) hours a night is needed for your body to rest, rejuvenate, and maintain energy levels. That means I'm not storing fat to keep going. I described my basic lifestyle with the horses ... all she had to say about that was that kind of lifestyle must have changed my eating habits and I must have been eating more to sustain the energy.
What?
Pigeon holing me without facts does not make me want to come back to you with a follow-up!!
Oh, yes, and I must completely give up Barq's. Reducing it isn't enough. As soon as I said I wasn't going to give it up she blanked out on me. She had already decided that she couldn't help me. She came back to it three times after ... Lady, it's one item. I don't guzzle it, or have orgies with it. Get over it.
Anyway ... My new temporary living space is shaping up slowly but surely. It's not warming up at all, but it is shaping up. I'm not just complaining about a little bit of a draft here either. I have a blanket and wear a sweater and fuzzy socks and slippers when I am home. At all times. My bedroom window (which some goof put the bed UNDER) pours cold air down on me while I sleep. I am covered by four blankets - sheet, thermal, comforter, and a sleeping bag. I'm wearing PJ's to bed!! Spot comes under the blankets now and then to warm up during the night. I've even noticed him going in during the day. And it's not even really winter yet! *GLOOM* I am going to re-arrange the room tomorrow after my other appointment. You shouldn't get that much air moving through a closed window with the curtains down!
Maybe Jade could check the caulking?
Speaking of whom ... For those who hadn't yet heard, Jade and I have separated for a little while. I have received many, many letters of support and offers of help from friends and a couple from family. Nobody has pried past the explanation I gave out, except for one person who shut me out to sulk when I refused to give details. Told me to tell everything and to tell the truth. Well, the truth is, it was nobody's business, and I said so. Haven't heard a word from that person since.
That's true friendship.
Seriously, I'm not telling anybody anything. This is between Jade and I. We have not divorced, broken up, or anything else ... we've just found other living arrangements. And we're working on us. that's it. That's all you need to know. Thanks for coming out.
So now I'm driving 45 min to work ... which makes the split shifts stupid. The managers want to make sure we get a "decent break" between shifts. So I have generally three hours of nothing to do and no where to go between shifts on those days. I break it up with sitting in the truck and sitting at work. Both usually costs me money. It doesn't help my temper that the schedule completely ignores my availability. I am not available on Fri evenings or on weekends, yet I've been working those days for over a month now. *sigh* Maybe I should transfer closer to home.
I better get some more arranging done. Got two weeks before I present this place to the public!
Sweet Dreams!
PS. Just saw a "ghost" of Princess Fernie-poo walk through my home ... that's just freaky!! She's never been here and would NOT come looking for me. *thinks* Well, maybe she's looking for Spot.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
To Each, Their Own Freakazoid ... and other Catch up News
October 21, 2008 - 15:59
Wow! It has been, like, for freakin'-ever since I signed in to post something. I'm gonna have to start using the word program again and then paste it here to make things simpler for me. Maybe that will keep me writing more often ... somewhere other than my head. I'm surprised that I remembered the password to get in!
And the ideas that are going to waste in my head! It's ... monsterous! I'm not writing ANY of them down! Not even on a spare piece of paper!!
Who the heck am I and where has my body been hidden??
Let's see ... last time I wrote, I was addressing Jade's stalker. And lookee here ... now I have one of my very own. And he completely freaks me out! Gonna call him Fungus. 'Cause he has that quality about him that holds your fascination even though you find him completely abhorent. And HE really thinks that he's a fun guy. (Yes, bad pun, I know.)
Anyway, he seems to think that I am his Dream Girl ... and he's determined to marry me and give me children. Says he wants to be my willing slave and all that jazz. If he can't have me then he wants to marry my sister or a friend that I know that looks just like me. I DON'T KNOW ANYBODY WHO LOOKS JUST LIKE ME!!! He calls my cell late at night and follows it up with an e-mail, or two. Hearing/seeing either makes me ill to my stomach. That's how upset I get.
How did Fungus get that communication information? Well, my unit was taking lunch outdoors during the PartyLite Conference and he happened to walk by, did a double take, doubled back, and chatted us up. He said the same things that most people do and I, and one of the ladies that I was with, gave him business cards. He's been trying to woo me ever since.
I've told Fungus that I was engaged to be married and that my fiance is very upset with his conduct and I'm only available for friendship. He says he understands, but then proves that he doesn't. Apparently, he's Chinese, but he's been in Canada long enough that he should have a better grasp of our culture! (Even if he spent a few years of it in Quebec!) Here's an example of his latest e-mail ...
"Subject: friendship is ok. because I ask you to match me to a girl of your wonderful looking or similar
dear (Lea),
I dream of you, let us be good friends,
Thank you in advance, your wonderful image is just what i have been dreamed of my future wife.
let me know when we can meet for a marriage relationship and to have kid.
(Fungus)."
What the heck kind of mixed Message is that???
AGH!
Okay ... new topic ...
Have you seen Mama Mia yet?? DO! I haven't laughed like that for a long time! You don't have to be an ABBA fan to watch it either. The songs fit in so well, that you forget it's ABBA (until a disco outfit or two sneak in, but even those are excuse-able!! Really! Check it out!!
I have began the deal to make me the owner of a 7 yr old red roan. I don't have pictures yet, but it you Google "red roan", some images will come up and give you an idea. Not only did I get her for a rock bottom grab-it-now price, but I also arranged for lodgings for her until I get the barn built, again at a very decent price. And that's not the best part of it. Turns out that it's a 2 for 1 special ... she's in foal and I get to keep it too!
I was floaty for 2 days!!
I'm still a bit floaty about it! And it's amazing how many people are just thrilled for me. One friend, Ivy, has determined that she MUST be there when the foal is due, no matter what!! I have promised that I'll call her when it happens.
I admit that I'm not looking forward to the vet bills, but it should be VERY worth it! I'll have to train her to accept a saddle ... she's never been anyhting but a brood mare before. That should be fun. It will also be great practise for when I have to train the foal too. Jade thinks the foal will be his ride, but hey, in a couple of years, we could get anohter horse by then and possibly sell the baby. Depends on how it looks when it comes out and what sex it is. If it turns into a good looking colt, then he couldbe put to stud, like his father. If it's a filly ... well ... we'll see.
Still living with the in-laws, although I'm learning to ignore them better. They keep to the basement more now, instead of wandering through my home upstairs and interupting everything. Just a few more years of THAT and we can buy them out. Seriously, I dream of that day ... when I'm not having nightmares about my MiL. They are so bloody real ... I wake up all confused.
I've recently gone to see my doctor about my weight and getting my "beauty mark" removed. He's going to make an appointment for me with a dietician/nutritionist, which is something I don't know if I'm looking forward to (picturing Nazi-like large woman with braided buns on the sides of her head, slapping a whil in her hands and she watches me eat a couple slices of bread and jug of water.) What startled me was when we talked about the mark I want removed. He looked closely at it, and stated flatly, "Plastic Surgeon."
WHAT?!?
I was told at one point that it would be a bit of laser surgery. A quick in and out. He laughed, shook his head, and said "Nope. That's a knife and stitches problem right there."
Egad. Me? Go to a plastic surgeon?? If this actually happens and word gets out, nobody will EVER beleive that these boobs are really mine!!
LOL!!
Seriously, I'll be seeing a dermatologist first, so we'll see. I just want it done and over with! I'm tired of trying to do things with it and around it!!
Other than that, not too much has happened. Jade had a large fishing trip in BC and he left me in Kamloops with my sister-in-law. I was nervous until we discovered that she was completely on our side. I didn't have to be careful of what I said in fear that she would report everything back to my MiL. In fact, it turns out that we get along quite well! We went shopping ... for clothes!! and I had a good time!! ME!! I don't even manage that with Jade!!
All in all, it was a fantastic experience ... and I look forward to the hext time it will happen!
Well, Spot is demanding my worship, so I'd better go and grab a book so that I can present my lap to him. ;) Questions? Comments? You know where to put them ... or you can e-mail me. There's a link for that too ... somewhere. :)
Sweet Dreams!
Wow! It has been, like, for freakin'-ever since I signed in to post something. I'm gonna have to start using the word program again and then paste it here to make things simpler for me. Maybe that will keep me writing more often ... somewhere other than my head. I'm surprised that I remembered the password to get in!
And the ideas that are going to waste in my head! It's ... monsterous! I'm not writing ANY of them down! Not even on a spare piece of paper!!
Who the heck am I and where has my body been hidden??
Let's see ... last time I wrote, I was addressing Jade's stalker. And lookee here ... now I have one of my very own. And he completely freaks me out! Gonna call him Fungus. 'Cause he has that quality about him that holds your fascination even though you find him completely abhorent. And HE really thinks that he's a fun guy. (Yes, bad pun, I know.)
Anyway, he seems to think that I am his Dream Girl ... and he's determined to marry me and give me children. Says he wants to be my willing slave and all that jazz. If he can't have me then he wants to marry my sister or a friend that I know that looks just like me. I DON'T KNOW ANYBODY WHO LOOKS JUST LIKE ME!!! He calls my cell late at night and follows it up with an e-mail, or two. Hearing/seeing either makes me ill to my stomach. That's how upset I get.
How did Fungus get that communication information? Well, my unit was taking lunch outdoors during the PartyLite Conference and he happened to walk by, did a double take, doubled back, and chatted us up. He said the same things that most people do and I, and one of the ladies that I was with, gave him business cards. He's been trying to woo me ever since.
I've told Fungus that I was engaged to be married and that my fiance is very upset with his conduct and I'm only available for friendship. He says he understands, but then proves that he doesn't. Apparently, he's Chinese, but he's been in Canada long enough that he should have a better grasp of our culture! (Even if he spent a few years of it in Quebec!) Here's an example of his latest e-mail ...
"Subject: friendship is ok. because I ask you to match me to a girl of your wonderful looking or similar
dear (Lea),
I dream of you, let us be good friends,
Thank you in advance, your wonderful image is just what i have been dreamed of my future wife.
let me know when we can meet for a marriage relationship and to have kid.
(Fungus)."
What the heck kind of mixed Message is that???
AGH!
Okay ... new topic ...
Have you seen Mama Mia yet?? DO! I haven't laughed like that for a long time! You don't have to be an ABBA fan to watch it either. The songs fit in so well, that you forget it's ABBA (until a disco outfit or two sneak in, but even those are excuse-able!! Really! Check it out!!
I have began the deal to make me the owner of a 7 yr old red roan. I don't have pictures yet, but it you Google "red roan", some images will come up and give you an idea. Not only did I get her for a rock bottom grab-it-now price, but I also arranged for lodgings for her until I get the barn built, again at a very decent price. And that's not the best part of it. Turns out that it's a 2 for 1 special ... she's in foal and I get to keep it too!
I was floaty for 2 days!!
I'm still a bit floaty about it! And it's amazing how many people are just thrilled for me. One friend, Ivy, has determined that she MUST be there when the foal is due, no matter what!! I have promised that I'll call her when it happens.
I admit that I'm not looking forward to the vet bills, but it should be VERY worth it! I'll have to train her to accept a saddle ... she's never been anyhting but a brood mare before. That should be fun. It will also be great practise for when I have to train the foal too. Jade thinks the foal will be his ride, but hey, in a couple of years, we could get anohter horse by then and possibly sell the baby. Depends on how it looks when it comes out and what sex it is. If it turns into a good looking colt, then he couldbe put to stud, like his father. If it's a filly ... well ... we'll see.
Still living with the in-laws, although I'm learning to ignore them better. They keep to the basement more now, instead of wandering through my home upstairs and interupting everything. Just a few more years of THAT and we can buy them out. Seriously, I dream of that day ... when I'm not having nightmares about my MiL. They are so bloody real ... I wake up all confused.
I've recently gone to see my doctor about my weight and getting my "beauty mark" removed. He's going to make an appointment for me with a dietician/nutritionist, which is something I don't know if I'm looking forward to (picturing Nazi-like large woman with braided buns on the sides of her head, slapping a whil in her hands and she watches me eat a couple slices of bread and jug of water.) What startled me was when we talked about the mark I want removed. He looked closely at it, and stated flatly, "Plastic Surgeon."
WHAT?!?
I was told at one point that it would be a bit of laser surgery. A quick in and out. He laughed, shook his head, and said "Nope. That's a knife and stitches problem right there."
Egad. Me? Go to a plastic surgeon?? If this actually happens and word gets out, nobody will EVER beleive that these boobs are really mine!!
LOL!!
Seriously, I'll be seeing a dermatologist first, so we'll see. I just want it done and over with! I'm tired of trying to do things with it and around it!!
Other than that, not too much has happened. Jade had a large fishing trip in BC and he left me in Kamloops with my sister-in-law. I was nervous until we discovered that she was completely on our side. I didn't have to be careful of what I said in fear that she would report everything back to my MiL. In fact, it turns out that we get along quite well! We went shopping ... for clothes!! and I had a good time!! ME!! I don't even manage that with Jade!!
All in all, it was a fantastic experience ... and I look forward to the hext time it will happen!
Well, Spot is demanding my worship, so I'd better go and grab a book so that I can present my lap to him. ;) Questions? Comments? You know where to put them ... or you can e-mail me. There's a link for that too ... somewhere. :)
Sweet Dreams!
Friday, June 13, 2008
Dear Stalker
June 13, 2008 - 07:08
Dear Stalker;
Yeah, you. That IS what you are. A stalker. You are fanatically obsessed with something that is so completely out of your reach. Something that you never actually had in the first place, except in your imagination. You probably even have yourself convinced that none of it was your fault.
Grow up & Move on, Bitch. And if you really can't let it go, then at least have the guts to do the dirty work yourself. Stop using people around you (dare I call them friends? Do you even know what friends are?) and stop using my friends as well.
Nobody is leaving me.
And I'm Not leaving HIM.
My patience is at it's limit. If you are going to continue with your charades and goading your friends into trespassing, breaking and entering, and making obvious, and absurd lies that contradict themselves to the point that nobody could possibly believe the bullshit they spout, then at least try a different story. And feel free to attempt to show some actual proof.
He hasn't gone out of town to work in years, you stupid skank. So trying to get me to believe that he's "come home" to somebody else and stayed with them for a weekend, or any other amount of time, is such obvious crap. He doesn't have the time, the energy, or the need to seek out other women. He wants me. Just me. And that's what is completely stuck in your craw, isn't it? He wants Me. Always has. Always will. Me. Not you. Never you. Not for any reason.
You have gone too far this time. There will be no more games. No more stories. No more visits to my house. Is that clear? Because my patience with you has ended and I will not allow this to escalate any further. Next time, I'm pressing charges. And HE will be standing behind ME through it all.
Do the world a favour ... if you can't pick a side and get on with your life, then F**k off and die already. You're just a cancer that kills everything around it. I don't know why somebody hasn't removed you already.
Have a nice day.
Sincerely;
The Better Woman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ATTENTION Those of You Who Think You Can Be Friends With US Both!
You can't. Many have tried. All have failed. They were used and forced to choose. In her mind, what's hers is hers. Friends, Lovers ... all are like property. Something to collect and show off so that she can prove to the world how wonderful she is. Something to be discarded when no longer useful. It's sad, but don't show her pity either. She cultivates it.
If you insist on being her friend, or even a friend of one of her friends (which is the same thing because they become extensions of her), then you cannot be my friend. Please inform me of your choice so that I can mourn you for a short time, and then get on with my life.
If you honestly wish to destroy yourself by trying to be both our friends, then I can only offer you this guideline -
1)Don't mention me, or him, or anything about us to her.
2)I don't want to hear anything about her. Neither does he.
3)Do not allow any bad-mouthing, mudslinging, or maligning of character to be said. If that's not possible, then refuse to agree with her, or her friends, and try to change the subject. (Good luck.)
If any of these rules are broken, or even bent, then, as far as I'm concerned, you have chosen a side. Please inform me of this choice a.s.a.p. so that we may act on it accordingly.
Thank you.
Dear Stalker;
Yeah, you. That IS what you are. A stalker. You are fanatically obsessed with something that is so completely out of your reach. Something that you never actually had in the first place, except in your imagination. You probably even have yourself convinced that none of it was your fault.
Grow up & Move on, Bitch. And if you really can't let it go, then at least have the guts to do the dirty work yourself. Stop using people around you (dare I call them friends? Do you even know what friends are?) and stop using my friends as well.
Nobody is leaving me.
And I'm Not leaving HIM.
My patience is at it's limit. If you are going to continue with your charades and goading your friends into trespassing, breaking and entering, and making obvious, and absurd lies that contradict themselves to the point that nobody could possibly believe the bullshit they spout, then at least try a different story. And feel free to attempt to show some actual proof.
He hasn't gone out of town to work in years, you stupid skank. So trying to get me to believe that he's "come home" to somebody else and stayed with them for a weekend, or any other amount of time, is such obvious crap. He doesn't have the time, the energy, or the need to seek out other women. He wants me. Just me. And that's what is completely stuck in your craw, isn't it? He wants Me. Always has. Always will. Me. Not you. Never you. Not for any reason.
You have gone too far this time. There will be no more games. No more stories. No more visits to my house. Is that clear? Because my patience with you has ended and I will not allow this to escalate any further. Next time, I'm pressing charges. And HE will be standing behind ME through it all.
Do the world a favour ... if you can't pick a side and get on with your life, then F**k off and die already. You're just a cancer that kills everything around it. I don't know why somebody hasn't removed you already.
Have a nice day.
Sincerely;
The Better Woman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ATTENTION Those of You Who Think You Can Be Friends With US Both!
You can't. Many have tried. All have failed. They were used and forced to choose. In her mind, what's hers is hers. Friends, Lovers ... all are like property. Something to collect and show off so that she can prove to the world how wonderful she is. Something to be discarded when no longer useful. It's sad, but don't show her pity either. She cultivates it.
If you insist on being her friend, or even a friend of one of her friends (which is the same thing because they become extensions of her), then you cannot be my friend. Please inform me of your choice so that I can mourn you for a short time, and then get on with my life.
If you honestly wish to destroy yourself by trying to be both our friends, then I can only offer you this guideline -
1)Don't mention me, or him, or anything about us to her.
2)I don't want to hear anything about her. Neither does he.
3)Do not allow any bad-mouthing, mudslinging, or maligning of character to be said. If that's not possible, then refuse to agree with her, or her friends, and try to change the subject. (Good luck.)
If any of these rules are broken, or even bent, then, as far as I'm concerned, you have chosen a side. Please inform me of this choice a.s.a.p. so that we may act on it accordingly.
Thank you.
Friday, May 09, 2008
Back in the Saddle Again! (aka Don't Knock Opportunity ... It Knocks For Thee!)
14:27
Karma has come home at last.
This morning, I was getting my stuff together for a trip into town for errands and a workout. As I picked up my phone to put into my purse, it rang in my hand. I didn't recognise the number, but it IS my business phone as well, so I answered with thoughts of a PartyLite order.
It wasn't PartyLite. It was better.
Out of the beautiful blue came a voice who wanted to know if I wanted a job with horses. I was so surprised that I couldn't speak for a moment. I gave an affirmative answer and we arranged an interview time. I went straight there, once I double-checked the directions. It was a beautiful country drive. Very nice. Was good to see all the farmers out planting/getting ready to plant. And for once, more horses than cows to be seen. Clearly, I had been driving down the wrong roads before this!
It is a very remarkable establishment. I was very impressed by what I saw and heard while on the tour. My interviewer seemed impressed with me also, and as we settled our details, she remarked that I was going to 'fit in very well' there. A nice start, I think! Bonus detail ... they are PartyLite friendly! AND I'll be able to do bonus duties ... like grooming and riding for extra pay!
So! Here I am with two jobs that I love! Does it get any better than this??
Wheeee! No more getting woken up by a chain saw after two hours sleep!! No more sleeping alone!! NO MORE SLEEPING FOR 80% OF THE DAY!! Whoo hoo!!!
*Insert the Pointer Sisters here!* (Sing, if you know the words!)
Meanwhile, back at the Hall of Justice ...
Things are blooming and booming! Lots of trees are coming down as we clear the fence line. (Feel free to donate your kids to help with branch pick up!) There is just so much going on! Doctor's appintments everywhere! (We finally found a Dentist AND a Family Doctor and we both like them both!!) I have people coming to give me estimates on custom curtains. I'm part of a Managerial Program with PartyLite and my business is just picking up splendidly! I have two possible starters pending! If they both start, I will be a Team Leader!! and that much closer to my Goal of Unit Leader!! I'm very excited about that! Very excited!
Candles and Horses!! What's next? A music contract??? O.o!
Sweet Dreams!
Karma has come home at last.
This morning, I was getting my stuff together for a trip into town for errands and a workout. As I picked up my phone to put into my purse, it rang in my hand. I didn't recognise the number, but it IS my business phone as well, so I answered with thoughts of a PartyLite order.
It wasn't PartyLite. It was better.
Out of the beautiful blue came a voice who wanted to know if I wanted a job with horses. I was so surprised that I couldn't speak for a moment. I gave an affirmative answer and we arranged an interview time. I went straight there, once I double-checked the directions. It was a beautiful country drive. Very nice. Was good to see all the farmers out planting/getting ready to plant. And for once, more horses than cows to be seen. Clearly, I had been driving down the wrong roads before this!
It is a very remarkable establishment. I was very impressed by what I saw and heard while on the tour. My interviewer seemed impressed with me also, and as we settled our details, she remarked that I was going to 'fit in very well' there. A nice start, I think! Bonus detail ... they are PartyLite friendly! AND I'll be able to do bonus duties ... like grooming and riding for extra pay!
So! Here I am with two jobs that I love! Does it get any better than this??
Wheeee! No more getting woken up by a chain saw after two hours sleep!! No more sleeping alone!! NO MORE SLEEPING FOR 80% OF THE DAY!! Whoo hoo!!!
*Insert the Pointer Sisters here!* (Sing, if you know the words!)
Meanwhile, back at the Hall of Justice ...
Things are blooming and booming! Lots of trees are coming down as we clear the fence line. (Feel free to donate your kids to help with branch pick up!) There is just so much going on! Doctor's appintments everywhere! (We finally found a Dentist AND a Family Doctor and we both like them both!!) I have people coming to give me estimates on custom curtains. I'm part of a Managerial Program with PartyLite and my business is just picking up splendidly! I have two possible starters pending! If they both start, I will be a Team Leader!! and that much closer to my Goal of Unit Leader!! I'm very excited about that! Very excited!
Candles and Horses!! What's next? A music contract??? O.o!
Sweet Dreams!
Friday, May 02, 2008
Waffling
05:04
What a ghastly time of day to be awake ... No matter that I'm being paid to do it. Miss the sunlight. I miss waking up to a fresh morning with chirpy little birds (and some not-so-little) ... instead of trying to sleep through the "noise". I miss sleeping beside Jade! For crying out loud, we live together! There should be some sleeping together ... shouldn't there be? We're not married yet, after all. ;)
Seriously, this night shift is really starting to wear me down. I don't sleep well anymore, and I spend so much time napping that I don't have time to do anything else. And my other job is suffering ... I'm napping right when I should be working my my PartyLite! I'm missing out on a lot of great promotions and stuff! Because I'm SLEEPING!!
Anyway, I told my Super that I was considering quitting because as nice as the pay and job was, my family just wasn't happy. I told her about my lack of sleep and my lack of time for my other job. She understood and only asked that when I decided that I gave her some notice.
No problem ...
I'm waiting to see what happens though. Now that my Super is out of school, she'll be getting more hours ... which means I'll be working less. So we'll see how my schedule goes ... and we'll decide from there.
Tooti told me to make sure that my PartyLite schedule was as full as possible when I finally decided to do it ... she said that it would ward off panic. I will try, of course ... that last thing I want Jade to do is panic!
LOL!
I need new pillows ... mine are so flat and UN-fluffy ... stoopid headaches ...
So this Saturday was supposed to be fun! I was looking forward to FCBD! And then I had somebody schedule a party on Saturday. I thought, okay ... I can help out in the morning and work in the afternoon. No problem. I was missing out on the Charity Garage Sale at work to help out too. And then my Hostess called up and moved the party forward an hour.
Crap. No CGS, No FCBD ... and then I realise that May 3 is also the Kentucky Derby!! *weep!*
Ah, well, life sucks and then you either buy a gun or win the lotto. I'd rather win the lotto ... makes it easier to buy the gun. :)
So ... on the bright side, Saturday's Party is looking to be the best yet since I started ... I'm looking VERY forward to new people and the new chances ... and, yeah, there are visions of a fantastic paycheque too. I admit it ... it's a business after all ... right?
Well, Housekeeping should be starting to trickle in soon .. I should look busy. ;)
Sweet Dreams!
What a ghastly time of day to be awake ... No matter that I'm being paid to do it. Miss the sunlight. I miss waking up to a fresh morning with chirpy little birds (and some not-so-little) ... instead of trying to sleep through the "noise". I miss sleeping beside Jade! For crying out loud, we live together! There should be some sleeping together ... shouldn't there be? We're not married yet, after all. ;)
Seriously, this night shift is really starting to wear me down. I don't sleep well anymore, and I spend so much time napping that I don't have time to do anything else. And my other job is suffering ... I'm napping right when I should be working my my PartyLite! I'm missing out on a lot of great promotions and stuff! Because I'm SLEEPING!!
Anyway, I told my Super that I was considering quitting because as nice as the pay and job was, my family just wasn't happy. I told her about my lack of sleep and my lack of time for my other job. She understood and only asked that when I decided that I gave her some notice.
No problem ...
I'm waiting to see what happens though. Now that my Super is out of school, she'll be getting more hours ... which means I'll be working less. So we'll see how my schedule goes ... and we'll decide from there.
Tooti told me to make sure that my PartyLite schedule was as full as possible when I finally decided to do it ... she said that it would ward off panic. I will try, of course ... that last thing I want Jade to do is panic!
LOL!
I need new pillows ... mine are so flat and UN-fluffy ... stoopid headaches ...
So this Saturday was supposed to be fun! I was looking forward to FCBD! And then I had somebody schedule a party on Saturday. I thought, okay ... I can help out in the morning and work in the afternoon. No problem. I was missing out on the Charity Garage Sale at work to help out too. And then my Hostess called up and moved the party forward an hour.
Crap. No CGS, No FCBD ... and then I realise that May 3 is also the Kentucky Derby!! *weep!*
Ah, well, life sucks and then you either buy a gun or win the lotto. I'd rather win the lotto ... makes it easier to buy the gun. :)
So ... on the bright side, Saturday's Party is looking to be the best yet since I started ... I'm looking VERY forward to new people and the new chances ... and, yeah, there are visions of a fantastic paycheque too. I admit it ... it's a business after all ... right?
Well, Housekeeping should be starting to trickle in soon .. I should look busy. ;)
Sweet Dreams!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Looking For All the Right Places
April 17, 2008 - 02:47
After many, many years of searching, I had found myself. I was even starting to really like who I had found. Lately, I have begun to realise that I had lost myself again ... Is that possible? Had I actually found myself before in the first place? I thought I had. I would have sworn on it. So how did I lose myself again so easily?
I mean, how pathetic is that?
I looked everywhere once I realised that I had been lost again. Found lots of dust ... so I must have been gone for a while. After a week of frustrated searching in shuttered, dusty areas, I remembered that when lost, you are supposed to stay in one place so that it's easier for you to be found.
That lasted for a few hours ... I just can't sit still that long. Besides, how can I find myself again if I don't look? I can't do that standing still.
I blame myself for allowing this to happen. I walked into this aching void with my eyes open ... mostly. They were, I admit, partly blinded by hope. Beware of being hit by Reality, Readers ... it's bloody solid. The bruise(es) will last for a very long time. I don't know about you, but I have a tendency to prod those bruises ... making them hurt again as a sort of punishment for my willful transgressions. My stupidity. My audacity for thinking that things would be different for me and mine. Hubris, I guess ...
If the opportunity presented itself (translation - substantial inheritance or winning the lottery) I would move on to bigger and better things and leave the nasty stuff behind. I would start anew and find myself again in calmer, more peaceful surroundings.
I had recently said that "I don't want to leave now. I can't. I finally made friends with the trees!" But deep down I know that I'm just a flash in the pan for them and I can make friends with my surroundings no matter where I finally settle. It's PEOPLE that I have problems with. Always have. Makes being a hermit look good ... except that I've never heard of a female hermit before ... lone females are always hags, witches, or some other strange thing. Even that fits me ... it's a rare few that see me as I am and not as they want, or expect, to find.
I'm making a renewed attempt at my business. I've been letting it slump while I've been working my town job. While a night shift makes my schedule tighter than a day job, there's no real excuse for my lapse. Well, depression is an excuse, but I don't know that it's a good one. So! I'm going to work on expanding my comfort zone and becoming more at ease with the necessary business tools. Like the phone ... *sigh*
Wedding plans are doing okay. I'm going to sit down and work things out this weekend and get started on things. Like renting the hall and getting started on invites.
Life goes on ... I just wish that it wouldn't drag through the mud so much.
No, really ... the cleaning bills are becoming ridiculous!
Sweet Dreams!
After many, many years of searching, I had found myself. I was even starting to really like who I had found. Lately, I have begun to realise that I had lost myself again ... Is that possible? Had I actually found myself before in the first place? I thought I had. I would have sworn on it. So how did I lose myself again so easily?
I mean, how pathetic is that?
I looked everywhere once I realised that I had been lost again. Found lots of dust ... so I must have been gone for a while. After a week of frustrated searching in shuttered, dusty areas, I remembered that when lost, you are supposed to stay in one place so that it's easier for you to be found.
That lasted for a few hours ... I just can't sit still that long. Besides, how can I find myself again if I don't look? I can't do that standing still.
I blame myself for allowing this to happen. I walked into this aching void with my eyes open ... mostly. They were, I admit, partly blinded by hope. Beware of being hit by Reality, Readers ... it's bloody solid. The bruise(es) will last for a very long time. I don't know about you, but I have a tendency to prod those bruises ... making them hurt again as a sort of punishment for my willful transgressions. My stupidity. My audacity for thinking that things would be different for me and mine. Hubris, I guess ...
If the opportunity presented itself (translation - substantial inheritance or winning the lottery) I would move on to bigger and better things and leave the nasty stuff behind. I would start anew and find myself again in calmer, more peaceful surroundings.
I had recently said that "I don't want to leave now. I can't. I finally made friends with the trees!" But deep down I know that I'm just a flash in the pan for them and I can make friends with my surroundings no matter where I finally settle. It's PEOPLE that I have problems with. Always have. Makes being a hermit look good ... except that I've never heard of a female hermit before ... lone females are always hags, witches, or some other strange thing. Even that fits me ... it's a rare few that see me as I am and not as they want, or expect, to find.
I'm making a renewed attempt at my business. I've been letting it slump while I've been working my town job. While a night shift makes my schedule tighter than a day job, there's no real excuse for my lapse. Well, depression is an excuse, but I don't know that it's a good one. So! I'm going to work on expanding my comfort zone and becoming more at ease with the necessary business tools. Like the phone ... *sigh*
Wedding plans are doing okay. I'm going to sit down and work things out this weekend and get started on things. Like renting the hall and getting started on invites.
Life goes on ... I just wish that it wouldn't drag through the mud so much.
No, really ... the cleaning bills are becoming ridiculous!
Sweet Dreams!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Blogging Along ...
01:17
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/523475376769642040/Animal-Archetype
Your Score: The Squirrel
You scored 58% domestic, 21% gregarious, 28% trickster, and 38% intellect!
Domestic, Solitary, Serious, Emotional: you are the Squirrel! Squirrel people tend to be organized, thrifty, prepared for anything, slightly obsessive. Squirrel medicine teaches the benefit of good planning, looking towards the future, and conservation. The squirrel is a symbol of delayed gratification, resourcefulness, agility, and foresight.This test categorized you based on four different axes of personality, which were then associated with a different animal. The four axes, as well as all possible results are explained below.
Wild/Domestic: This first axis categorizes you based on how much you are drawn to the outdoors, versus how much you are drawn to civilized situations. Domesticity has many shapes and forms, and varies from the joy of dolphins leaping next to a ship to the steadfast loyalty of a family dog.
Gregarious/Solitary: This axis measures how solitary you are. If you scored high, it means that you enjoy the company of other people, while a low score indicates that you prefer a more solitary lifestyle.
Trickster/Serious: This axis measures how well you line up with conventional trickster archetypes. People who fall into this archetype have a sense of humor and an excitable, highly chaotic streak. Scoring low doesn't mean that you don't have a sense of humor; it just means that you probably don't think dynamite is very funny.
Intellectual/Emotional: This last axis determines whether you are more emotional -- acting based on feelings and instinct, or rational and intelectual -- acting more on thought than on your gut feelings.
Wild / Gregarious / Trickster / Intellectual - The Hyena
Wild / Gregarious / Trickster / Emotional - The Otter
Wild / Gregarious / Serious / Intellectual - The Antelope
Wild / Gregarious / Serious / Emotional - The Wolf
Wild / Solitary / Trickster / Intellectual - The Weasel
Wild / Solitary / Trickster / Emotional - The Coyote
Wild / Solitary / Serious / Intellectual - The Raven
Wild / Solitary / Serious / Emotional - The Frog
Domestic / Gregarious / Trickster / Intellectual - The Fox
Domestic / Gregarious / Trickster / Emotional - The Dolphin
Domestic / Gregarious / Serious / Intellectual - The Horse
Domestic / Gregarious / Serious / Emotional - The Dog
Domestic / Solitary / Trickster / Intellectual - The Rat
Domestic / Solitary / Trickster / Emotional - The Ferret
Domestic / Solitary / Serious / Intellectual - The Cat
Domestic / Solitary / Serious / Emotional - The Squirrel
My test tracked 4 variables
How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 46% on domestic
You scored higher than 10% on gregarious
You scored higher than 41% on trickster
You scored higher than 19% on intellect
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
02:37
Egad ... what a night! There's a reason I don't like to wrk the weekends ... that when all the whackos come out. *sigh* Had a guy come in and ask about our rooms. I told him that we were sold out. After calling around, I found that so was everybody else. He told me that he had tried the Motel 6, but they were too expensive. In my head I wondered how he'd afford anything else. I found him a space at a B&B, and called a taxi for him. The taxi picked him up, said she didn't want to go that far and drove him around to all the places that I already called and then dropped him back off here!! WTD??? Why would I send him to another place if I room for him??? I am SO making a complaint!! Grrr ...
So, now he's sleeping on my lobby couch ... I told him he could sit there until he figured out what he was going to do next, but he couldn't sleep there. He promised that he wouldn't go to sleep. He was out in ten minutes ... probably less.
Great.
I'll give him the boot when I go to do the breakfast room at 04:00. It's better than nothing and I'm going to get in trouble for having him there anyway. Meanwhile, I'm not making any effort to keep anything quiet for him. He's not a paying customer and he shouldn't be here. I don't feel guilty about it at all.
My holiday can't come too soon!
I let James have another guys day out. He spent Friday skiing with friends and I had the house to myself. And it was actually very nice. Luckily, I slept for the first half of the day, then I had visitors. Beej and her three youngest. The kids love the place, of course, and can't wait for the snow to go away so that they can explore the trees. :)
I'm starting to get depressed about my Jump Rope for Heart event. It looks like it'll just be me jumping ... so I'll do it at my place. Feeding me will be inexpensive, at least ... and the prize draws will be easy. It may be the first time I've won in any category for something like this. Heh. Nice prizes too. Anyway, I'm having trouble getting sponsors too.
I'm not giving up though. I don't care if I'm the only one who donates, although I'm sure Jade will too. I've had a cousin promise me an impressive amount of money, but we'll see if I can find him to get it. ;) I plan on going door to door when I get some time. Probably next weekend. If I show up at your house, try to be home, eh? LOL!
Sweet Dreams!
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/523475376769642040/Animal-Archetype
Your Score: The Squirrel
You scored 58% domestic, 21% gregarious, 28% trickster, and 38% intellect!
Domestic, Solitary, Serious, Emotional: you are the Squirrel! Squirrel people tend to be organized, thrifty, prepared for anything, slightly obsessive. Squirrel medicine teaches the benefit of good planning, looking towards the future, and conservation. The squirrel is a symbol of delayed gratification, resourcefulness, agility, and foresight.This test categorized you based on four different axes of personality, which were then associated with a different animal. The four axes, as well as all possible results are explained below.
Wild/Domestic: This first axis categorizes you based on how much you are drawn to the outdoors, versus how much you are drawn to civilized situations. Domesticity has many shapes and forms, and varies from the joy of dolphins leaping next to a ship to the steadfast loyalty of a family dog.
Gregarious/Solitary: This axis measures how solitary you are. If you scored high, it means that you enjoy the company of other people, while a low score indicates that you prefer a more solitary lifestyle.
Trickster/Serious: This axis measures how well you line up with conventional trickster archetypes. People who fall into this archetype have a sense of humor and an excitable, highly chaotic streak. Scoring low doesn't mean that you don't have a sense of humor; it just means that you probably don't think dynamite is very funny.
Intellectual/Emotional: This last axis determines whether you are more emotional -- acting based on feelings and instinct, or rational and intelectual -- acting more on thought than on your gut feelings.
Wild / Gregarious / Trickster / Intellectual - The Hyena
Wild / Gregarious / Trickster / Emotional - The Otter
Wild / Gregarious / Serious / Intellectual - The Antelope
Wild / Gregarious / Serious / Emotional - The Wolf
Wild / Solitary / Trickster / Intellectual - The Weasel
Wild / Solitary / Trickster / Emotional - The Coyote
Wild / Solitary / Serious / Intellectual - The Raven
Wild / Solitary / Serious / Emotional - The Frog
Domestic / Gregarious / Trickster / Intellectual - The Fox
Domestic / Gregarious / Trickster / Emotional - The Dolphin
Domestic / Gregarious / Serious / Intellectual - The Horse
Domestic / Gregarious / Serious / Emotional - The Dog
Domestic / Solitary / Trickster / Intellectual - The Rat
Domestic / Solitary / Trickster / Emotional - The Ferret
Domestic / Solitary / Serious / Intellectual - The Cat
Domestic / Solitary / Serious / Emotional - The Squirrel
My test tracked 4 variables
How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 46% on domestic
You scored higher than 10% on gregarious
You scored higher than 41% on trickster
You scored higher than 19% on intellect
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
02:37
Egad ... what a night! There's a reason I don't like to wrk the weekends ... that when all the whackos come out. *sigh* Had a guy come in and ask about our rooms. I told him that we were sold out. After calling around, I found that so was everybody else. He told me that he had tried the Motel 6, but they were too expensive. In my head I wondered how he'd afford anything else. I found him a space at a B&B, and called a taxi for him. The taxi picked him up, said she didn't want to go that far and drove him around to all the places that I already called and then dropped him back off here!! WTD??? Why would I send him to another place if I room for him??? I am SO making a complaint!! Grrr ...
So, now he's sleeping on my lobby couch ... I told him he could sit there until he figured out what he was going to do next, but he couldn't sleep there. He promised that he wouldn't go to sleep. He was out in ten minutes ... probably less.
Great.
I'll give him the boot when I go to do the breakfast room at 04:00. It's better than nothing and I'm going to get in trouble for having him there anyway. Meanwhile, I'm not making any effort to keep anything quiet for him. He's not a paying customer and he shouldn't be here. I don't feel guilty about it at all.
My holiday can't come too soon!
I let James have another guys day out. He spent Friday skiing with friends and I had the house to myself. And it was actually very nice. Luckily, I slept for the first half of the day, then I had visitors. Beej and her three youngest. The kids love the place, of course, and can't wait for the snow to go away so that they can explore the trees. :)
I'm starting to get depressed about my Jump Rope for Heart event. It looks like it'll just be me jumping ... so I'll do it at my place. Feeding me will be inexpensive, at least ... and the prize draws will be easy. It may be the first time I've won in any category for something like this. Heh. Nice prizes too. Anyway, I'm having trouble getting sponsors too.
I'm not giving up though. I don't care if I'm the only one who donates, although I'm sure Jade will too. I've had a cousin promise me an impressive amount of money, but we'll see if I can find him to get it. ;) I plan on going door to door when I get some time. Probably next weekend. If I show up at your house, try to be home, eh? LOL!
Sweet Dreams!
Sunday, March 16, 2008
... And I Am Not Dead
March 16, 2008 - 15:05
Mmmmm ... Chocolate chip cookies ... They're best when they are soft and chewy. They are bestest when they are fresh from the oven and almost cooled. Mmmm ... Yup, gotta bake next weekend.
Jade actually did my taxes early this year. Usually he puts it off until the last week. The last half of the last week. Actually, last year, I think he did them late. So I was very happy to see him doing them early. I was even happier with the result. The richest plum of them all. (For me, anyway.) Cally, I now have proof that you can do PartyLite while you are on maternity and the government won't ding you.
So! I'm doing this Jump Rope For Heart to raise money for the Heart and Stroke Foundation and to honour and show support for Albert. I am deeply disappointed with the response (or lack of) that I have been getting in regards to this event. I have a deep suspicion that I'll be jumping all by myself, despite having 5 Maybes on my Facebook Event Invite. "Maybe" on Facebook is generally a polite way of saying "no" without the guilt of saying "no". I've had one person promise to sponsor money. One. Out of about, what? sixty people asked? That's very sad. But I'm not going to give it up. I'm going to do it. I'm going to invite local media, if they wish to come. And if they wonder why I'm alone, well, their answer is as good as mine.
I don't know.
I'm having problems with my wedding too. Mostly outside jeering, but I don't care about them either. This is My Day. Mine, and Jade's. Not theirs. If you don't like what we're doing, or how we're doing it. Don't come. Easy, and simple, and everybody is happy. But, my dress is completely paid for, the Hall is practically picked, and I've allowed to mother to be in charge of the bridal shower. I've also asked her to help me with the flowers. I've also had to make a very painful decision and I hope it goes over well. If not, well, then I didn't have the respect I thought I had, hoped I had ... and we're better off going off in different directions.
By the way ... "Don't forget to shop around and compare prices" <----- IRRITANT!
A lack of husbands doesn't mean that I lack experience or common sense. This is me you're talking to. I'm the one that my friends' mothers all liked because I was level-headed and sensible. (Or brainwashed ... depending on who you talked to!) Give me some credit. Why let the blonde hair fool you Now? You boobie!
My weight loss if finally showing some small success ... I stopped eating Lean Cuisine. I was guided in this decision by the hives that suddenly developed one morning as I finished the last few hours of my shift. They faded over the weekend and the returned on my first shift back. So, out went the frozen dinners. I don't know why it took so long to get a reaction from them, but it did. We think it was the salmon in the entree that set me off. Not sure why. I had salmon for dinner a couple nights before that with no problems. *shrug* All I know is that my wildcat theory that "skinny food" just makes you fat is being proven. Especially after that report of Diet soft drinks having a fattening effect came out. Talk about timing!
Let's see ... where were we? No where, really, I guess.
It's been a while again since my last confes- ... um ... update. I'm just a bit lazy, I guess. That and I find myself uninspired to write. I never could write when I felt confined or pushed or tense about something. There has to be a flow. And it's been a very long time since I felt that flow. That need to write something down before I forget it. There have been small sparks, but they've been weak ... burning out before they could ignite even the smallest passion. Any writing I do now is out of duty or seems more like pure rant. Soap box spews.
This is not where I want to be in my Life. Not now. Not ever. It's taking a bit of time, but I'm slowly finding my bits of freedom. They are short, but all the sweeter for it. Something to be cherished. They allow me to float up a bit from my personal dark, dank hell. Sometimes I even manage to find the sun. Mostly I keep to the corners, trying to avoid being seen, and yet daring to touch the moonlight.
Hmm, that was a good sign ... maybe I'll get some creative juices flowing this week when the house is "quiet". Maybe I'll finally get my desk cleaned up and keep it like that. Maybe I'll finally be able to deal with some storage issues ...
And maybe I'll win the lottery and change the locks on the doors.
It could happen.
Maybe.
In my Dreams ...
Work is still going well at the hotel. Last week I had a hockey team flirting with me. I've never blushed more in my life. I hope I actually looked good and didn't just have a "great personality". Not that that is a bad thing either ...
The PartyLite ... I still love it. I have no urge to quit in the slightest, but it's getting difficult to keep my sales up because I'm not "breaking out of my comfort zone." I'm having trouble getting Hostesses/Guests outside of my usual inner circle - and my inner circle wasn't that big to begin with. Tomorrow, I'm supposed to participate in my Unit's St. Patrick Day Booking Blitz. I should be looking forward to the fun like everybody else. It's a way to increase your monthly number of parties, and therefore your sales/income, but I never seem to have any luck with these. It also will be less fun because I have to work later than night as well. I'll be doing this from home. This means that I am giving up my nap time too. Something I usually need before work so that I stay awake for the whole shift.
I admit that I'm not looking forward to this Blitz - which means I've already shot myself in the foot, I know. I just feel unsupported. I feel like I've fallen back into an old role where nobody sees Me and the struggles I'm going through. I don't want somebody to do everything for me (nice as that may seem). I've never appreciated that kind of coasting-thru-life. But it would sure be nice to have somebody understand and urge/cheer me on ... from somewhere a little closer than the sidelines. Somebody who will check on my progress now and then to make sure I'm keeping things up. I don't want somebody to spout the same info at me over and over again in hopes that the same speech will rally my courage and my confidence. I feel alone. And I know that if I confess that, I'll get told that I am not and made to feel guilty and crazy and lazy for not asking for help.
Please take note that in order to ask for help, one has to believe that it will be given. To ask for help when you don't think anybody will help you is a severe sign of desperation. At least, I think it is. Futile expressions of your own hopelessness. Thrashings of a drowning person.
It's sad that I am capable to diagnosing myself (based on what I can see and recognise) but can't do anything about it. Once upon a time I thought that I could heal myself - and maybe I was actually managing to slowly do it - but then I moved out here. With Them. And Life has gone to pot for me since.
People keep telling me to just move out. Leave.
No.
First of all, it's not that simple. Second of all, I'll be damned if I will retreat before this obstacle. Nothing is won by running away from something just because you don't think you can win. No. I'm not leaving. Not unless a better opportunity presents itself.
Gosh, an awful lot depends on winning the lottery. LOL!
18:05
Just finished supper. Dona wouldn't eat with us because I pissed her off. She tried to hug me and I shrugged her off. She asked if I was mad at her, and I said 'no'. Then she stalked off and you could hear her muttering downstairs about me. I've told her that I don't like it when she hugs me. She does it anyway. Maybe now she'll remember.
Maybe ...
Nah, I don't think so either.
Sweet Dreams!
Mmmmm ... Chocolate chip cookies ... They're best when they are soft and chewy. They are bestest when they are fresh from the oven and almost cooled. Mmmm ... Yup, gotta bake next weekend.
Jade actually did my taxes early this year. Usually he puts it off until the last week. The last half of the last week. Actually, last year, I think he did them late. So I was very happy to see him doing them early. I was even happier with the result. The richest plum of them all. (For me, anyway.) Cally, I now have proof that you can do PartyLite while you are on maternity and the government won't ding you.
So! I'm doing this Jump Rope For Heart to raise money for the Heart and Stroke Foundation and to honour and show support for Albert. I am deeply disappointed with the response (or lack of) that I have been getting in regards to this event. I have a deep suspicion that I'll be jumping all by myself, despite having 5 Maybes on my Facebook Event Invite. "Maybe" on Facebook is generally a polite way of saying "no" without the guilt of saying "no". I've had one person promise to sponsor money. One. Out of about, what? sixty people asked? That's very sad. But I'm not going to give it up. I'm going to do it. I'm going to invite local media, if they wish to come. And if they wonder why I'm alone, well, their answer is as good as mine.
I don't know.
I'm having problems with my wedding too. Mostly outside jeering, but I don't care about them either. This is My Day. Mine, and Jade's. Not theirs. If you don't like what we're doing, or how we're doing it. Don't come. Easy, and simple, and everybody is happy. But, my dress is completely paid for, the Hall is practically picked, and I've allowed to mother to be in charge of the bridal shower. I've also asked her to help me with the flowers. I've also had to make a very painful decision and I hope it goes over well. If not, well, then I didn't have the respect I thought I had, hoped I had ... and we're better off going off in different directions.
By the way ... "Don't forget to shop around and compare prices" <----- IRRITANT!
A lack of husbands doesn't mean that I lack experience or common sense. This is me you're talking to. I'm the one that my friends' mothers all liked because I was level-headed and sensible. (Or brainwashed ... depending on who you talked to!) Give me some credit. Why let the blonde hair fool you Now? You boobie!
My weight loss if finally showing some small success ... I stopped eating Lean Cuisine. I was guided in this decision by the hives that suddenly developed one morning as I finished the last few hours of my shift. They faded over the weekend and the returned on my first shift back. So, out went the frozen dinners. I don't know why it took so long to get a reaction from them, but it did. We think it was the salmon in the entree that set me off. Not sure why. I had salmon for dinner a couple nights before that with no problems. *shrug* All I know is that my wildcat theory that "skinny food" just makes you fat is being proven. Especially after that report of Diet soft drinks having a fattening effect came out. Talk about timing!
Let's see ... where were we? No where, really, I guess.
It's been a while again since my last confes- ... um ... update. I'm just a bit lazy, I guess. That and I find myself uninspired to write. I never could write when I felt confined or pushed or tense about something. There has to be a flow. And it's been a very long time since I felt that flow. That need to write something down before I forget it. There have been small sparks, but they've been weak ... burning out before they could ignite even the smallest passion. Any writing I do now is out of duty or seems more like pure rant. Soap box spews.
This is not where I want to be in my Life. Not now. Not ever. It's taking a bit of time, but I'm slowly finding my bits of freedom. They are short, but all the sweeter for it. Something to be cherished. They allow me to float up a bit from my personal dark, dank hell. Sometimes I even manage to find the sun. Mostly I keep to the corners, trying to avoid being seen, and yet daring to touch the moonlight.
Hmm, that was a good sign ... maybe I'll get some creative juices flowing this week when the house is "quiet". Maybe I'll finally get my desk cleaned up and keep it like that. Maybe I'll finally be able to deal with some storage issues ...
And maybe I'll win the lottery and change the locks on the doors.
It could happen.
Maybe.
In my Dreams ...
Work is still going well at the hotel. Last week I had a hockey team flirting with me. I've never blushed more in my life. I hope I actually looked good and didn't just have a "great personality". Not that that is a bad thing either ...
The PartyLite ... I still love it. I have no urge to quit in the slightest, but it's getting difficult to keep my sales up because I'm not "breaking out of my comfort zone." I'm having trouble getting Hostesses/Guests outside of my usual inner circle - and my inner circle wasn't that big to begin with. Tomorrow, I'm supposed to participate in my Unit's St. Patrick Day Booking Blitz. I should be looking forward to the fun like everybody else. It's a way to increase your monthly number of parties, and therefore your sales/income, but I never seem to have any luck with these. It also will be less fun because I have to work later than night as well. I'll be doing this from home. This means that I am giving up my nap time too. Something I usually need before work so that I stay awake for the whole shift.
I admit that I'm not looking forward to this Blitz - which means I've already shot myself in the foot, I know. I just feel unsupported. I feel like I've fallen back into an old role where nobody sees Me and the struggles I'm going through. I don't want somebody to do everything for me (nice as that may seem). I've never appreciated that kind of coasting-thru-life. But it would sure be nice to have somebody understand and urge/cheer me on ... from somewhere a little closer than the sidelines. Somebody who will check on my progress now and then to make sure I'm keeping things up. I don't want somebody to spout the same info at me over and over again in hopes that the same speech will rally my courage and my confidence. I feel alone. And I know that if I confess that, I'll get told that I am not and made to feel guilty and crazy and lazy for not asking for help.
Please take note that in order to ask for help, one has to believe that it will be given. To ask for help when you don't think anybody will help you is a severe sign of desperation. At least, I think it is. Futile expressions of your own hopelessness. Thrashings of a drowning person.
It's sad that I am capable to diagnosing myself (based on what I can see and recognise) but can't do anything about it. Once upon a time I thought that I could heal myself - and maybe I was actually managing to slowly do it - but then I moved out here. With Them. And Life has gone to pot for me since.
People keep telling me to just move out. Leave.
No.
First of all, it's not that simple. Second of all, I'll be damned if I will retreat before this obstacle. Nothing is won by running away from something just because you don't think you can win. No. I'm not leaving. Not unless a better opportunity presents itself.
Gosh, an awful lot depends on winning the lottery. LOL!
18:05
Just finished supper. Dona wouldn't eat with us because I pissed her off. She tried to hug me and I shrugged her off. She asked if I was mad at her, and I said 'no'. Then she stalked off and you could hear her muttering downstairs about me. I've told her that I don't like it when she hugs me. She does it anyway. Maybe now she'll remember.
Maybe ...
Nah, I don't think so either.
Sweet Dreams!
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Sweet Dreams in the New Year
January 29, 2008 - 02:49
Been a while since I wrote last ... but I've haven't been gone as long as I have before, so I guess all is good with that.
Happy New Year to those I haven't spoken to already. May this be your luckiest year so far!
I've been updating here mentally, but it occurred to me, as I sit here on break at work, that nobody else can read those updates. (*You Dolt!*) So, here I am, sitting at work with yet another stretch of time on my hands unless somebody comes in from the street to keep from freezing.
Yep, I'm still at the hotel, doing the Night Audit thing. It's working fairly well. There are some good girls working here with me. No major personality clashes, but nobody I want to hang out with much either. That's okay too though. Allows me to keep my personal and my professional life separate ... sort of. I guess it's harder to do that with PartyLite, but I can leave the hotel when I go home for the day. I'm thinking of renting out the breakfast room for an open house when the Summer catalog comes out. I'm not sure I'll get involved with the Product Launch again. We'll see. I might just do it for kicks. (Which is apparently what I did for this month, because nobody showed ... I lose money when nobody shows, people!! I don't get in that room for free!!)
I was bad about my Yule cards last month. I sent out business greetings, but not personal. I don't know that anybody noticed though. They didn't seem concerned about doing theirs either. At least, I didn't get any. *looks for guilty faces in the crowd*
I've asked my god-daughter to be my bridesmaid. She is completely stoked ... especially about the fact her dress is coming from Scotland. Beej, I'll get that pic e-mailed out to you tonight when I wake up.
I've gotten a few of the small things settled, but we're gonna have to make larger decisions soon. The guest list is only about 100 people, so, armed with that info, I'll be calling around to places. then we'll find a JP. I think I found one that I like ... will have to confer with Jade though. (Still trying to talk him into a kilt ... he'd look SO sexy in one ...)
Other than that, the search is on for my shoes and corset for the dress fittings. That gets a final payment this weekend. (I've had the money to do it before now, I've just been lazy about coming into the city!)
Sleeping during the day has been fun ... not. Dona only give me until noon before she comes upstairs to "do things". She says it's very hard to wait that long. I pointed out to her that she's only giving me 4 hours sleep (I'm home and in bed by 0800) but that doesn't seem to concern her. Meanwhile, I'm suffering by the end of the week. Especially if I can't get an evening nap in before work (which almost hurts more than it helps!) I had lots of good rest this weekend though, so hopefully I'll make it for the next couple of nights.
Just about lost my fingers from holding the steering wheel yesterday morning. My poor truck was so cold that the door latches froze and I couldn't get the doors to close properly without a lot of effort. Jade was less than enthusiastic about my mentioning that I had to use some "foot force" to get the passenger door shut. Harder to do with the driver side door from the inside though, so I locked it and listened to it rattle and shift as I drove home. I can handle that. What doesn't thrill me is that no matter how warm the engine gets, I can't get into the last gear when it's this cold. So I'm losing gas driving home at 3000 rpms ... *sigh*
Other than that, the cold doesn't bother me at all. Beats sitting behind a horse's rear at 0530 in a metal cart going about 30km with nothing to keep you warm but what you're wearing. I still find it amazing that my nylon balaclava kept me warm. Certainly kept my glasses from fogging. Eventually just started wearing my contacts though. Wearing shades on sunny days was a nicety I wanted to utilize!
Damn, I miss my horses though.
If you haven't heard by now, by the by, I'm trying to earn points for a Cruise Trip! It'll be an all expenses paid trip. All I'll have to spend my money on is the souvenirs I get for myself (and others). SO! Please make orders, no matter how small, or suggest names to me of people that you think could use extra money and would like a truly flexible sschedule to get it, or would be great at doing PartyLite. I get 1 point per dollar value sold, and 1700 points per person who decides to try PartyLite and qualifies in their first month. I also need names for recommending so that I can get a few free goodies for myself! I need a Rolling Tote Kit ... Jade wants his sports bag back. :)
What else is there? Ah, yes, Dona has been sick lately so she hasn't been coming upstairs very often. In fact, very little as possible. Which suits me just fine. It's been quite nice. I'll have further breaks from her too. She goes to Jasper next month for a week, Kamloops in March for at least a weekend, then she'll be having hip surgery in April ... that'll lay her low for a bit. And I'll be riding high. Her latest thing (well, it's not new, just more often) is to talk to me like I'm a three year old playing house whenever she sees me doing something. Especially if she sees me cleaning. And people wonder why I do it quietly or while she's out of the house.
Deep breath. Yup. Again ... she's leaving in less than two weeks. We can deal with this. Me, myself, I and the other voices crowding in my head.
"The voices in my head like you." - still remains the most romantic, and the nicest, thing anybody has ever said to me. Most original too.
Okay, this is enough for now. I have to get on to the next phase of my shift soon and I need to get some blood pumping in the meantime. ;) Can't fall asleep - I'm all alone and somebody might steal the hotel!
Sweet Dreams!
Been a while since I wrote last ... but I've haven't been gone as long as I have before, so I guess all is good with that.
Happy New Year to those I haven't spoken to already. May this be your luckiest year so far!
I've been updating here mentally, but it occurred to me, as I sit here on break at work, that nobody else can read those updates. (*You Dolt!*) So, here I am, sitting at work with yet another stretch of time on my hands unless somebody comes in from the street to keep from freezing.
Yep, I'm still at the hotel, doing the Night Audit thing. It's working fairly well. There are some good girls working here with me. No major personality clashes, but nobody I want to hang out with much either. That's okay too though. Allows me to keep my personal and my professional life separate ... sort of. I guess it's harder to do that with PartyLite, but I can leave the hotel when I go home for the day. I'm thinking of renting out the breakfast room for an open house when the Summer catalog comes out. I'm not sure I'll get involved with the Product Launch again. We'll see. I might just do it for kicks. (Which is apparently what I did for this month, because nobody showed ... I lose money when nobody shows, people!! I don't get in that room for free!!)
I was bad about my Yule cards last month. I sent out business greetings, but not personal. I don't know that anybody noticed though. They didn't seem concerned about doing theirs either. At least, I didn't get any. *looks for guilty faces in the crowd*
I've asked my god-daughter to be my bridesmaid. She is completely stoked ... especially about the fact her dress is coming from Scotland. Beej, I'll get that pic e-mailed out to you tonight when I wake up.
I've gotten a few of the small things settled, but we're gonna have to make larger decisions soon. The guest list is only about 100 people, so, armed with that info, I'll be calling around to places. then we'll find a JP. I think I found one that I like ... will have to confer with Jade though. (Still trying to talk him into a kilt ... he'd look SO sexy in one ...)
Other than that, the search is on for my shoes and corset for the dress fittings. That gets a final payment this weekend. (I've had the money to do it before now, I've just been lazy about coming into the city!)
Sleeping during the day has been fun ... not. Dona only give me until noon before she comes upstairs to "do things". She says it's very hard to wait that long. I pointed out to her that she's only giving me 4 hours sleep (I'm home and in bed by 0800) but that doesn't seem to concern her. Meanwhile, I'm suffering by the end of the week. Especially if I can't get an evening nap in before work (which almost hurts more than it helps!) I had lots of good rest this weekend though, so hopefully I'll make it for the next couple of nights.
Just about lost my fingers from holding the steering wheel yesterday morning. My poor truck was so cold that the door latches froze and I couldn't get the doors to close properly without a lot of effort. Jade was less than enthusiastic about my mentioning that I had to use some "foot force" to get the passenger door shut. Harder to do with the driver side door from the inside though, so I locked it and listened to it rattle and shift as I drove home. I can handle that. What doesn't thrill me is that no matter how warm the engine gets, I can't get into the last gear when it's this cold. So I'm losing gas driving home at 3000 rpms ... *sigh*
Other than that, the cold doesn't bother me at all. Beats sitting behind a horse's rear at 0530 in a metal cart going about 30km with nothing to keep you warm but what you're wearing. I still find it amazing that my nylon balaclava kept me warm. Certainly kept my glasses from fogging. Eventually just started wearing my contacts though. Wearing shades on sunny days was a nicety I wanted to utilize!
Damn, I miss my horses though.
If you haven't heard by now, by the by, I'm trying to earn points for a Cruise Trip! It'll be an all expenses paid trip. All I'll have to spend my money on is the souvenirs I get for myself (and others). SO! Please make orders, no matter how small, or suggest names to me of people that you think could use extra money and would like a truly flexible sschedule to get it, or would be great at doing PartyLite. I get 1 point per dollar value sold, and 1700 points per person who decides to try PartyLite and qualifies in their first month. I also need names for recommending so that I can get a few free goodies for myself! I need a Rolling Tote Kit ... Jade wants his sports bag back. :)
What else is there? Ah, yes, Dona has been sick lately so she hasn't been coming upstairs very often. In fact, very little as possible. Which suits me just fine. It's been quite nice. I'll have further breaks from her too. She goes to Jasper next month for a week, Kamloops in March for at least a weekend, then she'll be having hip surgery in April ... that'll lay her low for a bit. And I'll be riding high. Her latest thing (well, it's not new, just more often) is to talk to me like I'm a three year old playing house whenever she sees me doing something. Especially if she sees me cleaning. And people wonder why I do it quietly or while she's out of the house.
Deep breath. Yup. Again ... she's leaving in less than two weeks. We can deal with this. Me, myself, I and the other voices crowding in my head.
"The voices in my head like you." - still remains the most romantic, and the nicest, thing anybody has ever said to me. Most original too.
Okay, this is enough for now. I have to get on to the next phase of my shift soon and I need to get some blood pumping in the meantime. ;) Can't fall asleep - I'm all alone and somebody might steal the hotel!
Sweet Dreams!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)