Reaching Out While Looking In

February 3, 2015 - 00:13

Mood: Tired, stressed ... should be in bed!
Music: My Immortal ~ Evanescence
Thought of the Day: Fate is something you achieve no matter what road you choose, or how you get there.

     Today's Thought of the Day was found on an old Profile of mine. I stared at it and thought 'Wow! Did that come out of my head?' LOL! It's not perfect, but I really like the thought behind it. I keep wanting to adjust it. Correct it. Improve it. I stop myself each time. It caught my attention just as it is ... let it inspire somebody else and let them adjust it to themselves. A little voice in my head is argumentative at that idea ... I'm not the person that I was when I wrote it. I was lonelier, and much more open/honest in my writing. I do agree with my voice ... but now is not the time to be mucking with thoughts from the past. I want to talk about Now.

     I've been thinking of Poe today. Let me backtrack a bit ... I recently started a new job. Poe was one of my co-workers and we had been starting to text conversations to each other. I was also recently "let go" from said job. They claimed that I had violated the respectful workplace policy, but could not explain to me HOW I breached it. I, personally, felt that I had not. I still feel that I had not. So, I am left without answers, and without a job. Again. That was last Friday. Today, Poe let me know that he is also being investigated but he was not informed of why. Poe is in a very delicate frame of mind. (He would protest that phrasing, of course.) His situation before getting this job was very similar to my own, but I have found a strength to push forward. I also have Tavis. Hopefully, he will know that he has me as well. Hopefully, tomorrow will give him the information he needs to focus on a plan. Right now ... I'm very concerned for him. Sending him positive thoughts. Hope he lets them in.

     I've been a bit remiss in my writing, and I'm not talking about how often I write. that needs work too, but I'm improving, I think. No, I'm mean my style. I haven't been writing from my soul, like I used to, and I've been noticing it in the reflections of the illustrations that I've been trying to express. They pale in comparison to my earlier works. I feel that I have been limiting myself based on my "audience" ... which, I also feel is why I have been failing to write as much as I could be. There have been a few people who have had access to my journal here that I had let in because I could trust them. They abused and betrayed this trust, and I found myself unwilling to talk about certain things that I really needed to get down. And when I did, I couldn't release as much as I needed to. So, here we are. Going back to the basics. I'm writing for me. Not for my audience. Not in order to "report" events. For me. From the soul.

     Regretfully, the best time I feel for writing is in the wee hours of the morning. This makes for a very difficult schedule. :) Still, I am trying.

     I should get to bed now. I might have a job in the morning. The joys of temp work. I just needed to get Poe's problems ... not off my heart, but shared. It feels better to share. I hope he trusts me enough to share his pain with me. It's easier to be stronger for others than it is to stand alone.

Sweet Dreams ...