Maboroshi

August 9, 2016 - 13:03

Mood: A little scattered, but determined
Music: Sounds of Silence ~ Simon and Garfunkle
Thought of the Day: Take nothing for granted that brings you joy lest it prove to have been an illusion after all.

     My mind is having trouble focusing on the task at hand, which is Math. My goal is to complete the unit and get the tests done today. I just have to watch my hours. I'm only allowed to work on it for 9 hours a week while I'm on medical leave. I'm also waiting for a friend to show up. Time unknown. Just "early afternoon". Which is fine. If it was nicer out, I'd probably be in the yard. But it's not as nice as I'd like and keep threatening to rain. The sky actually spit on me as I brought the garbage cans in! Talk about rude. ;)

     The main reason behind my distracted thoughts lies in a revelation that shattered my world yesterday. I found myself  to be the victim of an utter betrayal that I would have previously whole-heartedly denied with pure absolute faith, if not for the proof laid before my eyes. Solid, can't-deny-what's-been-placed-before-me proof. My heart just broke - old wounds and new bleeding enough to drown me. And, once again, I actually considered making everything better by killing myself.

     Luckily, I tend to freeze in place when I'm surprised like that. "Deer in the headlights" reaction. I was able to take the time to breathe and think things out. I didn't waste too much time on the "why", I just started to put things into order and take some necessary action. An incredibly unusual action for me. I thought that I had left high school life far behind me, but it keeps finding me over and over again, no matter how often I try to deny it access. Today, I will not deny it. I'm going to put my former learning into practise.

     Hello, Columbina. I have missed you so.

     Too vague for you? No worries. It's necessary right now. It's just the way Columbina is. Don't worry, I have not gone crazy, nor have I developed multiple personalities. She's more of an alter-ego. I have a few of them. The privilege of being a writer. And right now they are all fairly angry on my behalf. So is my Grandmother. She's been keeping a close eye on me. (At least I think it's Grandma.)

    Well, back to Math and waiting for Greywhistle. Best wishes to you all. Best wishes and ...

Sweet Dreams