Rolling along ... (or What the Heck Did the Aliens Do Now?)

19:30

Well, just one more day to get things spic and span and ready to rock. I've only got a few more things to do to get things all clean. A couple of things ... that I could have finished this afternoon if my "break" hadn't taken until supper! LOL! Ah, well ... I got a lot done. Including finally cleaning the guest bathroom. It's all pretty now. Maybe I'll be restless this evening and get the rest done tonight ... like the dusting. I'll save floors until tomorrow morning. AFTER Dona has dropped her bread crumbs, etc all over it. Yeah, that's the ticket. Save me some work. ;)

I've managed to unpack more boxes too ... AND, somehow, managed to find places to put it all. There's still a few boxes out on the floor in the back bedroom, but now that there is FLOOR in the closet, ^_^ I'll be able to hide them.

Jade and I need to go through our stuff and decide what to do with the book doubles. We're already starting to weed out our duplicate comic titles. (Sorry, Shepherd) And soon we'll be able to take a lovely assortment down to the Wee Book Inn. Anything that they don't want goes to the Bissell Centre or some other thrift shop. Everything else will go through a garage sale process ... and then to the Bissell centre, etc. Sounds good doesn't it? Organised even ...

Wonder if it'll happen? LOL!

I had lunch with Lynne on Tuesday. It felt nice - but short. She's finally got a new car and I almost fainted when I saw that it was an automatic. Lynne's a shift-girl ... she plans on getting a standard next year. I'm just impressed that she can afford to get this car as a single mom. She's worked very hard to get where she is. All she had to do to get started was get rid of the trash that was weighing her down. She's managed to get rid of most of it ... (No, I'm not talking about her weight, although she's lost alot of that too!)

She's coming to my Yule dinner with her boyfriend. Heh ... I finally get to meet him and it'll be on my own turf. I hear he's nervous. ;) She's bringing another friend along too. I'm supposed to "love" him. O.o! We'll find another way of phrasing that for Jade.

I still can't believe that people are getting all huffy about "Merry Christmas". So you aren't Christain ... so what? Accept that some people are and that they will say Christian things (either out of habit or because they believe) to wish you the best. It's rude to refuse good wishes with some of the negativity I've been hearing. If you follow another religion, simply respond with the equivalent. If they say 'Merry Christmas' ... respond with 'Happy Hannakah' or 'Blessed Yule', or 'Happy Holidays' or whatever ... or even better ... say 'Thank you'. Will this kill anybody?

Why are we trying to make everybody happy all at once by removing all religion out of everything happy? You don't like that all the stories are about Jesus or Santa? Share your stories with us. You don't like all the "churchy' music? Play your own. Keep in mind though that at one point in history (one very LONG point in history) the only music being written was Church music. It was the only music that you were allowed to write ... that's why there is so much of it and why some of it sounds so great ... because all the great writers in history were writing it instead of creating original works outside of the religious context. How many times has a kid been told by their parents that the lyrics to a song is found offensive by a parent ... and the kid has replied that he only listens to the music ... not the words. Why can't you do that with carols? Make up your own words and get a copy of yourself singing karaoke.

Don't just bitch about it all. Do something to solve the problem. Only lazy people bitch about something 'til they are blue in the face instead of making something comfortable and acceptable. Get over it. Stop adding to the global warming that's already in effect.

There is no 'One True Way'. Each person has their own path that they must search for, and find, on their own, to be happy. If everybody was meant to travel the same path, we wouldn't have Religion. We'd just have Faith. Accept that others are different and that it's possible that neither of you are wrong ... you'll be happier!

Speaking of effort ... it's official. Yes, sex can be considered an exercise. You can not only lose weight with it, but you can increase your cardio, clean your pores, prevent cavities, and raise your spirits all at the same time. All the more reason to do it regularly. Single? No excuse. Just ask my brother.

I've quite a good start on my SM story ending now. I shouldn't have waited so long to finish it, although I don't know when I could have done it sooner. Still, I'm not going to rush it. I've received quite a few fantastic compliments for it and I don't want to slough off with a shoddy ending just to get it over with. That's just plain rude to my faithful readers. I'd be letting down them and myself. I've got standards.

I've had a couple people claim I was nuts to try and have this dinner on a Friday, but I figured that it was the day after Yule, and with it being the weekend before Christmas, everybody might have those nights spoken for already. There's going to be lots of food. I've always been good about that, no matter what kind of a gathering I've put together. I've had candle parties where people came for the food and then left. I could make it a buffet instead of a dinner, but it's not that kind of ham ... *sigh* ... I'll think of something. There will be nine of us so maybe I'm worrying too much about the food. Ten, if my brother shows up. Eleven if he brings a girl with him. (Not sure if he's still on the same girlfriend or not.)

I've finally been in contact with family in New Brunswick!! They've helped me add quite a bit of info to my family tree - which is a relief because nobody here wants to tell me anything. It's ridiculous. The not talking thing, that is. Every question has been answered with "We're not a close family" ... Well, now we know WHY!! Idjits. Anyway, the new connection has made me so happy. (Which, in turn, made Jade happy too. So now everybody is happy.) I'll be responding right away. In writing. On paper. My "cousin's" (haven't worked out the relationship yet) handwriting is SO beautiful ... makes me wish that schools cared more about penmanship. My writing isn't that messy, but hers makes mine look downright shoddy.

Congratualtions to Elohelae and Lola's Girl on their new, upcoming LolaBean! What have you decided to name your newest edition to the baseball team? Makes me jealous. Not that I want Elohelae's baby ... I just want one! To keep!

Lynne said that I seemed content to not be married, but that, if Colbat was ever agreeable, she'd love to get married. Whoa. Was this reverse psycho-babble? Who said I was content to not be married? Who was it that used to swear up and down that she'd never get married again because love doesn't really exist? Hello? Twighlight Zone? You dropped something ... please come and take it home.

I am not content to remain unmarried. I don't want to be a forever-girlfriend, a common-law wife. I've just stopped bugging Jade about it. Whining about it doesn't make it happen. If it does, great! I'd be ecstatic, really. But if it doesn't, well, it's not something I'm going to allow to interfere with other things that make me happy. I'm not content to be unmarried - I'm content to be with Jade. Period. And he's happy to be with me. He knows it's important to me. When he's ready, it'll happen. And not before. Everybody else in my family that has gotten married is already divorced. Why ruin a good thing? ;)

I need to go read now. Maybe some SM ... maybe some AA:JO. We'll see.

Sweet Dreams!

Going the Distance and Reaching For the Future

09:12

I'm fairly proud of myself today. As of this moring, I have:
- saved 9799.3 sp ft of Rainforest and 1135.5 sp ft of Marine Wetlands
- swum 3.53 km to save our oceans
- supported 99.6 acres of tiger territory, 30.7 acres of Jaguar territory, and 30.9 acres of Snow leopard territory
- fed 233 pieces of fruit to hungry primates
- supported needy children for 122 days (that's helping one child a day)
- supported 133 needy pets
- sent 366 letters against violence against women
- and taken 3000 steps to reach the Sumit of Mt Shasta for breast cancer. (Actually, I reached the summit a long time ago, but I'm still walking ...)

That's an awful lot of work to shove into about 2 - 3 minutes of my morning. If anybody would like to join my team for any of this, or if you'd like to try it out on your own, please write to me and I'll send you the info.

So, my Yule dinner is turning into a larger event than I expected. Aheh. Turns out that my parents are going to make it out and they've asked if they can invite my aunt and uncle over too. I'm going to run out of table space! I'm tryng not to panick just yet though ... nothing has been confirmed with aunt and uncle yet. So far, only three people have responded to my invites and only two of them are coming. So it's still a pretty private affair. We'll see.

My fanfic should be coming to a conclusion soon. And then I can move on to another story or two. I have my original to touch up and add to. I have my D&D based original to get typed out and published. I'm also considering getting my Eberron based Tale For the Finders published with some more story around it. And it's been requested that I start a new fanfic for Beyblade this time.

My thanks to Star for lending me some important DVD's for researching my current story. What a dish, what a doll. Pity you don't have time to read the story itself - you're one of the few people (out of my friends) who would appreciate it.Hmmm ... maybe you should put in a link or create your own space to encourage your customers/fans to write or draw with the incentive/reward of having them "published".

Jill has come to visit again ... stronger and more vibrant than ever. She hasn't been like this in years! Must be the new pills. O.o!! Not sure if this is a good thing or not. We'll wait and see.

I went out and bought new cards for Yule ... but once again, I've missed the deadline for my overseas/out fo the country mailings. *sigh* Every year, I get a little closer ... maybe next year I'll be more oragnised about it. Especially if I have the winter off again.

I've thought a bit more of going to Fairview for more training in my chosen career. I wish I didn't always have to leave town to do it though. This time it would be for a whole year. Could I manage that? Three months in algary almost gave me a nervous breakdown. 'Course there were vastly different circumstances then ... but still ... I don't like being seperated from my loved ones. I'll have to give it a bit more research - like what the accomadations will be like and what the schedule is expected to be. I already know that it will cost a pretty penny ... but I've never been turned down for a student loan. And if I can find out the requirements for getting a grant to start a new business, then I can write the expenses all off in next year's taxes. Okay, most of the expenses. We'll see. that'll be Jade's share of the research. ;) He hasn't said yet how he really feels about the whole idea. I think he was hoping that I could take a course or a learning work experience while living here at home. But there's really nothing here ... anything having to do with animals is in Olds or farther south. You can't even take vet training in Alberta ... You have to go to Saskatchewan, or maybe BC.

We'll see. It's not going to happen tomorrow, whatever it is that I decide to do.

Sweet Dreams!

School Days Revisited

22:22

At last! The garage is organised! ... Sort of. ;) We can get one vehicle in at least. A few more boxes to unpack (and put where??) and a floor to get down to keep things about melting level, a set of shelves, and the walls to finish. See? Almost done!

The second garage is ready for electrical if we can ever get the structural inspector out here. (They sure keep some tight-a$$'d rules about properties out here. Now why can't they keep peoples' dogs' in their yards?? ) The place is really looking up and homey! The previous owner's friend came by to pick up the mail and was just floored - we'd done more in two months than the previous owners had done in 7 years (which we thought was nothing, judging by the state of things) I don't think burning the hide-a-bed counts.

Things are getting extra sensitive with the D&D folk. I was accused of "slagging" on my last entry. 'Slag' ... that's melted/scrap metal ... no, wait! Slag is a Dinobot! The T-Rex, right? What a stupid word. I don't even see how what I said could be termed in the way the accuser is thinking. I said I still had an issue with somebody that I thought I had put behind me. And that somebody had accidentally hurt my feelings, but I knew he didn't mean it. How the dickens is that "slagging"? I can't even tease somebody who uses "I'm getting old" as an excuse for something. Touchy kids. I feel like I've been sucked back into the black hole of high school ... drama everywhere. And nobody tells you there's a problem until they explode over it. Shocked the crap out of me. Why do people let stuff like that fester? You're hurting yourself more than the person you are mad at ... and it always spreads to the others around you, which either leads to people feeding off each other's negativity or making the others just plain uncomfortable.

Yeah, I know I'm as susceptable to high emotions as the next person, but usually only when it catches me by surprise. I caught myself though. No juvenile mud slinging from my end. (The name calling, the threats, the hypocritical You-think-you're-so-great-but-I'm-better-than-you speeches.)

Deliver me.

Anyway, on to other things ... I don't know whether to laugh, to cry or to miss Lynne. She handles the drama better than I do.

Yule shopping is all done. I might get a few more stuffers, but I'm going to try to fight the urge. ;) I never think I have enough and I always end up with LOTS! LOL! I just can't afford it! No more big spending until after December! Otherwise, I'll have to go back to work! (faint scream in the distance) Thank the Goddess, I get an allowance. Heh.

I'm making great headway in my PC D&D game. Too great. I'm going places faster than I'm leveling! LOL! Makes for some interesting scenes! I love these Urghosh locks - orcish locks of great cunning, said to be laced with the vile poison beaten out of a carrion crawler's brain. Few can remove these locks, save expert orc thieves. HAH! To heck with the lock, just blast the box! The lock can go hang!

I just hope I find my great swords soon ... I usually have two by now ... *sigh* I'll also need the Mountain Fist to put the Spring Guardian to rest ... ugh! Golums! and Constructs! Oy!

I think I've found all my disks now and I'll be able to pull up my adventure story that I started to write for Wayne. It's a pity I don't have the stats for the characters that she played with ... I'll have to fudge those when a memory or a reference pops up, I guess. Anyway, I'll be working on that and publishing it online.

Nessa!! I've missed you!

LOL!

Yeah, okay, I'm sleep-drunk. Time for bed ...

Sweet Dreams!

Goin' Faster Than a Rollercoaster ...

20:17

This will be short as I'm about to be blinded by a head-ache. At least, it's intended to be short. I have a lot on my mind. I took some meds and a short nap, but that just dulled my migraine down to what it is now. An ache without the urge to throw up. I'll the good things in any size package.

The furnace is finally working. Amazing what a proper filter will do. Now we're fighting to keep it cool. I prefer a cooler house. Overly warm ones give me nose bleeds and head-aches.

Been on quite the emotional roller coaster lately. It's unfortunate that most of the trip is spent going down that it has been going up. Yesterday was a very good afternoon. I was happy all day. It was unusual enough for me to notice. I also noticed the relief in Jade when he came home to a happy me ... and I was happy all night. Today was a bad day again. I'm never sure why. I think it's the little things. I'm being buried alive in them.

Kinda chatted with Lynne a couple days ago. Fell out of my chair when I saw that she was trying to talk with me. Turned out to be her boyfriend, but she was "shouting" things from the background. There was no confirmed mention of anything I had sent her, and her cards are STILL not picked up. I'm going to delete them soon. I'm tired of the disappontment of seeing them sitting there.

She asked if I was doing anything for Yule. I told her I had nothing planned and got myself talked into having a dinner here. Okay, fine. I don't mind that, but ... this was all a strange reaction to me. Maybe it was just Colbat's typing. I don't know. I haven't heard from her since. I have no idea if she was serious about the dinner or if she was testing me. I don't know how many people she was planning on bringing - I'll only accept so many. And, you know, I don't think I'd get an answer if I asked. She hasn't answered anything so far!

So I came to the conclusion that I'm not going to count on her. I've agreed to have her over for supper. It's up to her to contact me for further details if she's coming. IF she doesn't, I'll assume it was a joke/test and I'll walk away without looking back.

I'm waiting for Elohelae to respond to my questions from last post. Lola's Girl is past due to write something as well. Chop, chop, people!

I've also been very upset in regards to my current D&D adventure. I've been trying to fit in since I got back - with minor success ... I thought. Basically, it's a big mess.
Originally there were the two of us - Wayne's cl-wife and myself. (If I had a nick for her, I can't think of it right now. Sorry.) When it came time to go back to working 7 days/wk, I was beyond pleased to hear that the adventure would be put on hold for me. Near the end of my summer job, I was asked if it was okay to invite others into the group - I was a bit hesitant, but could see the advantages of having some extra people to help fight the larger things ... I didn't expect the larger things to be the group.

I felt attacked by one of the characters on day one. In character AND out. I actually had to keep myself from physically pushing myself back into the cushions of my seat to try to escape. This made me angry and uncomfortable. I put it behind me. He wasn't there the next day and I got along just fine with the others. It's been, what, two months? And I have not seen a repeat of this behaviour at all ... so telling me that it was all in character is not flying far enough to reach that fan. And then recently he has the nerve to bring it up again and say that HE's not holding a grudge about it against ME? I got mad all over again.

Then came the e-mail from another character who mistakingly uses the wrong phrasing and makes me feel like my face had been slapped. This was not his intention and I know it ... so I waited to deal with it. That was at the beginning of the week. I still haven't dealt with it. With any of it.

I'm not sure I'll be continuing with this adventure. It's more stressful than fun. There are more rules than roleplaying - mostly due to our group size. Seven is just too many. We play six hours and we're very luck if we get through two battles in one session. Nobody is getting to know each other ... or, at least, I don't feel that my character is getting to know anybody any more than I am. I'm using this guy's description as an example, but so far most of them have said the same thing. Guy # 2 wants to know why the heck I'm still in the group. Innocently said - with all the precision of a finely honed blade. Translation: He accidentally hurt my feelings. Okay, he crushed them. I'll deal with it tomorrow.

I've started playing D&D on my PC again. I'm having a better time with it. I find this unfortunate. If I lose going to Wayne's for D&D, I limit my social interaction and getting out of the house to doctor's appointments and the little bit of shopping I can't afford to do.

GAH!

I've been thinking of going to Fairview for further training. Haven't got it all worked out yet. It's going to be a year before we get everyhting set up here anyway - might as well make use of the time, right? Increase my knowledge and therefore my wage expectations. Jade had originally suggested that I take a bit of a vet course, but going to Fairview will take that a step further.

Problem is, the course lasts a year. Could I deal with that?

I think I'll sleep on it.

Sweet Dreams!

I Am The Wall, Russ (aka Just Another Brick)

10:25

Persistance - an admirable trait that helps one to achieve goals, but please note - it is NOT a virtue I admire when you've been told 'no' at least three times already with comments as to why 'no' has been said and what it would take to make the answer 'yes'. Constant badgering is not one of those things. If you want something that badly, then find a compromise. By not changing anything in regards to circumstances, and persisting in asking the same question, over and over, you are showing that you don't care.

This is the attitude of a Prima Donna (aka Spoiled Brat) and I don't care to cater to it. It proves to me that you don't really care about my problems/concerns/life choices.

Note: If it has been snowing all morning, and by 10:00 the highways are snow covered/drifting snow and visibility is down to 'fair', and it's still snowing, and is expected to continue to snow for most of the day or longer, then NO, I'm not going to be going anywhere - especially to a function that you've been told several times is to late for Me! I've asked for it to start a bit earlier. You said 'no' because a certain person can't get there until late. What's stopping you from showing up early (like you do on days that this person doesn't come) and spending time with me (and whomever else wishes to show early) and then sticking around until the later people show up. You get to see me, you get to see them and everybody is relatively happy. But you haven't even thought of that. Because, as you are showing me, I'm not worth creating a compromise for.

After everything we've been through and everything that I've done for you, from small things to big (and none of those things selfishly put you in any danger) - this is your response? To be peevish because I'm not a party-type person or a night owl? And you still have the nerve to call yourself my friend? Are you mentally challenged? Remember when you asked me to tell you if/when you were being over-powering in the relationship? Well, here it is.

I am not a sycophant. For anybody. For anything. Get out of my life and don't come back until you are ready to be my friend again.

And that's all I have to say about that.

I got a call from the doctor's office yesterday. They are dragging me in again - this time to discuss the results of those tests I took. Why can't they tell me things over the phone??? If the tests show nothing, or at least, nothing new, then I'm going to be upset. No more hit or miss tests. Either he knows what I need, or he knows of a test that can find what's wrong faster and covering more of the bases. No more drugs. My body won't deal with anymore drugs that I don't need. He's killing my hair!

Bosh and bother! I'm tired of quacks.

So I'm passing white blood cells - so what? I'm not experiencing any pain or discomfort. I feel fine. Hasn't anybody heard of the 'wait and see' scenario? If I'm passing white blood cells, then it appears to me that my body is dealing with whatever it is. Leave it alone!

I'm slowly getting things into their proper spaces ... some books have come out, my desk has been tidied ... a few things have been put on the cork board (mostly to get it off my desk), statues have been unpacked, stuffed animals/friends have been retrieved. My office area is slowly getting organised ... it's not fun trying to get two rooms worth of stuff unto one shelf, but I'm managing. How? Magic. 'Nuff said.

I'm trying to find my picture hooks so that I can hang stuff up!! I've got the pictures spread out in the house, waiting to be hung. I wanna see what it looks like beforeI 'hang' others. It all has to feel a certain way, you know?

When I'm not working on the house or trying to relax on the computer, I'm doing exercises. I do a minimum of 40 crunchies/day and then spontaneous movements here and there. Touching toes, twisting, stretching - working the muscles in all areas and keeping the blood pumping. I've been playing with Spot alot too - which just thrills him! Gonna kill myself running around on this wood floorone day though. Death by fuzzy sock.

Hey, it beats death by a bucket of water!

I like this beta so far. I liek it very mcuh. I'd like it better if it didn't have sign in issues. Anyway, I was reviewing my entires and looking at how many achieved comments, when I came across one that I meant to go back to and never did. I think I'm ready now. Remember your promise to use this on your sites.

The original went as follows ...
If you comment on this post:
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a colour that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. If I do this for you, it would be appreciated if you posted this on yours.

Elohelae
1. It's difficult to take a man seriously when he appears to be named after an emoticon.
2. I challenge you to open your mind to other possibilites, even if it means shaking up your comfort zone.
3. Difficult to do since we've never met in person, but green usually comes to mind.
4. Your clever with when we're in the Tub together. ;)
5. Friendly words on a screen. I looked forward to talking with you every time you came online.
6. Again, difficult to do without meeting, but a large dog comes to mind ... not sure what breed though. Sorry, not a wolf.
7. Where were you born exactly and why did you go to America?
8. Your turn.

Lynne
A bit difficult given my current state of mind but I'll do my best to be fair.

1. I don't think I know you anymore, but I'm glad your changes work for you.
2. I challenge you to sit with a meditation candle and quietly remember those who love you ... and act accordingly.
3. The shading changes now and then, but you've always been a red to me, darling. Usually a deep, dark red.
4. You don't let tough times get you down - you worked with them when you couldn't overcome them and you made things work. You rarely lose control and when you make a bad decision, you admit it and face it and learn from it. I've always admired this about you.
5. You always put the strangest things in your hair to hold it up. I remember when a chopstick gave you a sliver in your scalp. You helped me bring some good things into my stale life. Thank you
6. I've never been able to pinpoint an animal for you. I'll give it more thought.
7. I already openly ask you things ... I guess my current question is "Why aren't you responding to anything??"
8. This was originally yours ... did anybody else do it?

Okay ... I fulfilled my promise. I'm all wiped out now. Time to get going and move on to something else. Lots to do before I die. (Whcih won't be today or the doctor would have set an earlier appointment!)

Sweet Dreams!

Dodging Aliens and Drawing the Soulless

20:15

It's difficult to draw the Soulless. Try as I might, I just can't do it very well. I don't know that any artist actually can. I think my main problem is that I have trouble giving my drawings soul. What? What the dickens am I talking about?

Faces. I can't draw faces. Not out of my head, at any rate.

I have trouble drawing characters' faces, because I'm 1) drawing from memory and 2) drawing something that doesn't quite have a soul ... yet. I have to concentrate on giving them one when I draw them ... takes forever, and I'm sure that's a part of my own soul that they've been given. But then , that's what true magic is, isn't it?

Got warm fuzzies today ... from Dona of all people. I still worry about not being able to pitch in enough and helping out financially. She pointed out that Jade had said that he doesn't want me to drive on the highways in the winter. It's not worth it, he'd said, especially since I would be out before any graders or clearing equipment and making my own trails. He can afford to keep me at home, unless I choose to try and work something locally. That just gave me a warm fuzzy. Maybe it was the way she said it.

D&D is going well, although I feel like I'm in a class full of elementary teachers because it feels like every few minutes one of the guys is shushing so that we can hear. Yeah, we talk a bit much at times, but this is supposed to be fun. Granted, it's a little slow at times because the group is so large (there's seven of us) but what's the rush? It's still amusing right now, but it's going to get annoying soon. I don't need to talked to like a child ... especially by a group of guys that are younger than I am. (No offense, Wayne, but control is your job. Don't let the control freaks get out of hand.) It's a large group; it's slow. Period. There's not much you can do to make it faster. Smoother, maybe, but not faster. Get over yourselves, guys. Let's hang on to the respect factor too, eh?

Trying to plan for San Diego 2007 and not sure at ALL how it's going to get managed. I guess it's up to Jade. Either he signs us up or he doesn't. I'd like to go ... I really would, but it personally sets me back about a month.

21:08

"Ah, I am wefweshed!"

Got a bit of Yule Shopping done today. Just a little bit. Stuffers, mostly. A lot of my gifts were ordered a few months ago and are just comin in now ... at the same time. *sigh* Say good-bye to my savings.

Crap.

Jade tried to surpirse me by giving me some money. He put it directly into my accout and didn't tell me. I was horrified. I was sure that he put it there accidentally. Once he assured me that it wasn't an accident, I was much happier ... until I got bogged down with wondering why.

Damn, I need to learn to relax.

I think I'm gonna go work on a craft I found whileI watch a movie ... yeah, that sounds nice.

Sweet Dreams!

Spreading the charms and general thoughts (or No Aliens Today)

So I updated my site to the Beta ... we'll see if it's actually better or not. Eventually, I'll get my own space and not have to rely on these kind of sites for my things. I'll just start from scratch. I'm not afraid to start over.

Speaking of which, I still haven't heard anything fom Lynne, so I don't know if she's read my e-mails or my entry from earlier or what. I tried to peek at her Livejournal, but either I can't read without my account (I cancelled it) or she's blocked me. I'd like to think that she'd say something first. She always tells people that she'll talk to them and let them know why they are being blocked if she wants to block them. She still hasn't picked up my e-cards either.

It hurts to let her go. I love her like the sister I've always wanted. For a while she truly was my best friend ... but, well, I felt like I was begging for her attention, and one day I wondered why I needed to beg. She told me one day that the only way to get a hold of her is to text her phone. I thought, 'Then I'm screwed', because I can't send texts. I can only reply to them. I find it tedious anyway. Takes half an hour to say three words. I can say it faster with a stutter and a lisp.

No, she doesn't need me anymore. I wish her love and happiness and all the good things that she needs and deserves. If she, or Erin, ever needs me for something important, all she has to do is call and I'll be there. Yeah, I wish her the best.

And I wish I was sure that I didn't still need her.

Not much to Life if you don't learn to move on, right? So, I'll move on. But she'll always be in my heart and my thoughts. Red wine, candles, my pendant, Mustangs, cemeteries, and mint chapstick ... these and more remind me of her.

I sent my writings to The Green Man today. (I have to give him an important looking title so that he'll say nice things! LOL!) That nick is also a right bloody compliment too. I wonder if he'll recognise the magnitude of it from a certain angle. Anyway, I'm hoping he can offer me some insights that will help me get into the writing industry. S.O.B. lucked into a job with DC during the Con in 2006. I should have rubbed myself on him more *evil grin* ... maybe that kind of luck is catchy. Pass over some of that Irish, GM ... I think my own is too diluted to pull this off on my own.

Or do you think I could get by on charm alone? Heh. Charm and tight shirts. Watch out world!

Had another doctor's appointment today too. An impromptu one. (%&#$%&%&*!!!) Discovered that the antibiotics that I took, and actually didn't need, may have prompted another problem that requires a drug. Dammit. No more being informative. It's too damn expensive! Bad enough that I have to switch my Pills to another brand because the company that makes the ones I've been on since I was sixteen has been shorting the drugstores. Drat ... I'm so tempted to just wait it out. I don't wanna change. He wants me to wait until after my next visit from 'Jill' to take them too. HA! I'm not giving up sex for a month! I'll start them now, thank you. Not that I mind the idea of getting pregnant, but I don't think that now is a good time. ;)

Lola, honey, come to Alberta for a visit ... it's a nice place to live! We'll be in Utah on both legs of the trip, so check out the schedule to see when I'll be closest to you! *sigh* I was actually trying to avoid calling you that, but it's easier to type than Elohelae and Elly is just too close to Ellen. So there you go. Either way, you sound like a woman, and therefore confusing the masses.

Did a bit of shopping today since I was in the mall anyway. Walked out with ANOTHER piece of plastic for my wallet. *sigh* (I'd be happier if at least one of those pieces of plastic offered some sort of credit.) Bought my friend Wayne a present just in case the one I ordered doesn't come in. One for Jade and a few stocking stuffers. I thought about making gifts this year, but I won't have enough time and some of it is still packed! Besides, if I keep giving away everything I make, then I won't have anything to sell! Right?

'Nuff said!

Jade and I are in print!! In colour! *insert Snoopy dance here* Check out Issue #40 of Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose and see if you can find us! I almost missed us, actually ...

Feeling kind of restless, but not willing to start anything new ... I think I'll go play a few games on Pogo before wandering over to bed.

Sweet Dreams!

Giving Blondes a Typical Stereotypical Name - And Loving It!

18:40

It's been an odd day. I walked around with a big grin and kept breaking into giggles. It made it very difficult to seriously shop in a busy store like that. It actually took very little to get me there too. Tsk.

Had a great Poker night last night. Shorty and LJ made it over and we played a little bit of everything. We had so much for snacks that we didn't bother with supper - which was only a little disappointing, but everybody kept insisting that they weren't hungry and the snacks were fine. We'll pick up pizza next time.

They ended up staying the night with us. LJ couldn't get over how fresh the air seemed. He liked it so much that he seemed to go for more smoke breaks than he normally would, but that could have been my imagination.

LJ and I beat Jade and Shorty at crib ... twice. Poker varied with either Jade or Shorty heading off against LJ. Jade won at Sorry - as usual ... bastard. I came in second though. We played UNO ... I won the first three hands. Heh. Jade said it was because I knew all the cheats. He's just mad because he sat next to me and I smacked him with a lot of + cards. Hee hee.

I have to start a special diet tomorrow so that I can take a blood occult test. Apparently, the antibiotics I was just on didn't change the levels of white blood cells that I'm passing in my urine. My doctor is actually QUITE concerned. He came running back into the room with the results. I have to admit that I'm taking this all rather calmly. I don't see the problem. I'm in excellent health otherwise - minus the HPV, but I seem to be battling that quite well too. I seem to have forced it back into submission. Which is good. I'd like to be one the few women in this family who doesn't have to have a hysterectomy, thank you very much.

So ... I'm eating some leftover steak, because one of the things I won't be allowed to have is red meat. *sigh*

To brighten this news, I have discovered, at last, an important information connection for my paternal family tree. This is especially important as this branch of the family is VERY tigh-mouthed. Every time I asked for info, I got the same answer - "We're not a close knit family." (And this stops you from telling me your birthday how?) Weirdoes. So, anyway, I made a HUGE breakthrough and I've been dancing and giggling since.

I'm gonna have to rip my boy's clothes off tonight, just to burn this energy ... Good thing he doesn't work tomorrow.

Sweet Dreams!

Restless And Pacing ... And Singing the Blues

21:48

Jade surpirsed me and came home early today. He was supposed to go out with the guys tonight and play pool, but he decided to stay home with me instead. We got the shelves moved into their proper places and now we can get a lot more boxes out of the garage and into their proper places. We also managed to set up the day bed, just in case one of the guys decides not to leave until morning after poker night. (We have a REALLY comfy couch too, if they both need to stay!)

Oops. I swung. Wonder if it has something to do with Dona coming upstairs and spraying Oust all over the place. It drives me nuts when she sprays things. She always has an overpowering scent - usually flowery - and she ALWAYS over-sprays. Ugh!

I'm also a bit grumpy because Jade is organising some of his stuff in the spare room. Not that I mind him doing it so much as I'm disappointed that the job's been taken from me when I've been looking forward to it all week. After all the nagging to get him to help me move the shelves so I could get it done ... *sigh* Perhaps I'm being selfish, but I feel disappointed and cheated somehow.

Speaking of cleaning house, I've been giving my relationship with Lynne some deep thought. This was not done in anger or anything. It's not a bad thing. But things have been a bit difficult and possibly strained between us lately ... and I felt the need to evaluate our present circumstances to find some relief.

When we first met, there was only a slight pause before we hit it off rather well. She was the oddness in my life that I needed to allow myself the freedom of expanding my limits and(some of) my experiences. Even through the changes, I have feel that I have remained a constant. I never change much - Lynne once told me that I gave off a soft, warm light that just grew brighter as you get to know me and it attracts all the right people. I think I still do. She's got a similar aura about her, but it's more like a beacon that calls out to people - "I am here! Adore me!" And people do.

I've been with her whenever she needed me - rough patches, bad boyfriends, horrific break ups, and the other crap that happens in life. I was there when nobody else was. It didn't matter that it interupted my life and that it usually involved about an hour on a bus to get to her. I dropped everything. I did my best to hold her in my light - to wrap her in a protective cocoon of it until she was ready to come out and shine on her own again. She needed me.

There's the crux. She just doesn't need me anymore. I've known it for a while. A very long while. Sometimes I think that she's just having trouble letting me go - that she needs to keep me tied to her as a security device - just in case. It's not like I'll disappear forever. I'll still be there if she really needs me, just like I'll be there if she decides that she just wants to go out for coffee and I'm available.

I don't change, but I've watched her grow with leaps and bounds. One day she just grabbed life by the horns and she's been riding it for all it's worth ever since. She's found her happy place and she seems like she's doing very well in it. It's not a precarious position by any means. The problem is that I no longer really fit in that new life of hers. Our paths no longer seem to meet so much. They don't even appear to run parrallel with each other. And I feel that she gets frustrated that I won't join her in her space - even for short periods of time. I can't. I won't. In order to fit into her space, I'd have to change - and I'm quite happy and comfortable where I am. It took some time, but I've learned to stand my ground and just say 'no'. It still hurts to say it, but I am strong with who I am now. I don't need anybody's approval to be it except for my own.

I'm not sure where I'm going with all this. It's kind of a thinking process as I write. I guess the bottom line is that she doesn't need me anymore, not like she used to. We both have different paths to walk and we will walk them in different ways. I still love her and I hope she still loves me, but it's time to let go. I don't read her entries anymore. There's just nothing there for me anymore. I took her off my MSN because she never starts a conversation with me and very rarely answers when I do - but then I changed my mind and put her back on ... now she's on there twice and there's no way of fixing it.

That's karma for you, I guess. Hubris, even.

I tried to write her and tell her how I felt, but I'm pretty sure she never read it. I've sent her e-cards for special occasions. I've sent her four since September. None of them have been picked up. No. She doesn't need me anymore. I don't feel the importance behind the connection. I don't even feel the connection, really.

It's time to leave while things are still good between us. I can be the old friend that she thinks about when she has a moment, or sees something that reminds her of me. And I hope that the thoughts are good ones.

Good bye, Lynne. Remember that I love you.

...

Well, now I've got empty nest syndrome ...
;)

Hey, if I can't mock myself, I'd just be mocking somebody else.

Sweet Dreams!

Donner and Blitzen

10:12

Thunder and Lightening ... in November. Who'd a thunk it? And quite the snowfall that came with it too. Wet snow at last! Snowman and other play potential all around. Gonna have to shovel off the garage pad again though. The builder is finally coming to look at the garage package that we got. We should have a second garage up by the end of the week. All those big tools will finally get out of the main garage and we'll have space to move things so that we can get the trucks in the garage! We'll have to watch for puddles, but I think we can arrange something.

I got a few more boxes up and emptied. I brought home the vacuum too. Did the dusting ...a gain. (Gotta check that furnace filter!) I'm a little stalled until Jade helps me to move some shelves, but I think I can reach the daybed items in the garage ... maybe. Meanwhile, I've organised the utility closet and under the sink in teh kitchen. Today, while everybody is gone, I think I'll tackle the drawers ... or I might leave those until I bring in my other kitchen stuff that I know is still at the house. I still don't know what we're going to do with the comic boxes. There are so bloody many of them.

Tensions have eased, and I hope it's a while before that happens again. Hokey Stinkmore, can that woman project! And she's completely oblivious to it. There were times I felt mentally flattened by it. Just made me work harder on the positive - perhaps I'll be able to strengthen myself in the long run.

Yup, battling the Negverse takes strength, endurance, and positive energy. Power of Love, baby!

(Ahem.)

I miss my animes. Just recently found them. Maybe I'll go watch one of my InuYasha movies. I've been craving the first one ... Hmmm ...

I took a drastic measure last night and I'm waiting to see if it has any effect. I've bloody well tried everything else. We'll see. I'll write about it later. It's still kinda painful right now.

I checked my little dragon this morning and was pleasantly surprised to see a small jump in the number. OMG! People are reading this! I was so happy!

Now if only I could get people to comment! ;) Guess I should careful what I wish for, eh?

Poker night tentatively set for Nov 11. I know, I know ... it's a respectful holiday, but it's all in how you look at it. Don't think of it as gambling on a holiday ... think of it as a reason for old friends to get together. We talk about a lot of things while we play - everything from entertainment to politics to guy stuff (I'm the only female in the group) and I think that this is a wonderful expression of our freedom. Freedoms that we take for granted because most of have never lived with anything else. Never lived wit the threat of having it taken away.

Kinda like Kids and records. Most kids don't know what a record is. Might as well be talking about a grammaphone. Lady only knows what they think THAT might be!

I have to go see what I can get my hands busy with ... Maybe I can organise the bathrooms ...

Sweet Dreams!

Keep on Truckin'

19:09

Trick 'n' treatin' with Erin and Lynne was the last bit of fun I've had in a while ... but it was good while it lasted.

I took my truck into town the next day, and then caught a ride home with Jade. His parents drove me back in on Thursday ... $200 bucks later, I'm driving home, with some groceries, and organising my night so that I can go out when I suddenly get this sinking feeling. I've slipped into a ditch and can't get out. I tried, but only succeeded in twisting the trucks sense of direction.

Luckily, I'm close enough to home that I can walk, groveries in tow. Two hours later, Jade gets home and pulls me out. I honestly expected a lecture, but got a hug instead. He was just happy that it wasn't worse. I didn't hit anything.

I didn't go totally unpunished though. I had to spend the next day calling for price checks on winter tires. That was Friday. On Saturday, I took the truck in for the tires and then went for groceries. Sunday was my D&D night ... which rocked, as usual. Monday ... today ... I had a doctor's appointment ... and it didn't offer good news either. And no immediate end in site.

*sigh*

On top of all that, Dona and Jade got into a fight and now Dona is sulking. The tension is quite palpable.

I need a poker night.

Sweet Dreams!

Dedicated to One That I Love!

23:21

As per a personal request, the following song has been dedicated to Lynne. Here's lookin' at you, kid!

Carrot Juice is Murder
~by The Arrogant Worms~

Listen up, brothers and sisters,
Come hear my desperate tale!
I speak of our friends of nature
trapped in the dirt like a jail.
Vegetables live in oppression,
served on our tables each night.
This killing of veggies is madness!
I say we take up the fight!

Salads are only for murderers!
Cole Slaw's a fascist regime!
Don't think that they don't have feelings,
just cause a radish can't scream.

Chorus
I've heard the screams of the vegetables! (screams, screams, screams)
Watching their skins being peeled! (having their insides revealed)
Grated and steamed with no mercy. (Burning off calories)
How do you think that feels? (Bet it hurts really bad)
Carrot juice constitutes murder! (And that's a real crime)
Greenhouses prisons for slaves! (Let my vegetables go)
It's time to stop all this gardening. (It's dirty as Hell)
Let's call a spade a spade. (is a spade, is a spade, is a spade, is a)

I saw a man eating celery,
so I beat him black and blue.
If he ever touches a sprout again,
I'll bite him clean in two!

I'm a political prisoner,
trapped in a windowless cage.
'Cause I stopped the slaughter of turnips
by killing five men in a rage!

I told the judge when he sentenced me:
This is my finest hour!
I'd kill those farmers again
just to save one more cauliflower.

(chorus)

How low as people do we dare to stoop,
Making young broccolis bleed in the soup?
Untie your beans,
Uncage your tomatoes
Let potted plants free,
Don't mash that potato!

(Spoken)No! Spare the spud!Eat a cow instead!

(Sung)I've heard the screams of the vegetables! (screams, screams, screams)
Watching their skins being peeled! (Fates in the stir-fry are sealed)
Grated and steamed with no mercy. (You fat gourmet scum)
How do you think that feels? (Leave them out in the fields)
Carrot juice constitutes murder! (V8's genocide)
Greenhouses prisons for slaves! (Yes, your compost's a grave)
It's time to stop all this gardening. (Take up macrame)
Let's call a spade a spade. (is a spade is a spade is a spade)
is a spade is a spade is a...
Spade.

Power to the peas!
Give peas a chance...

All we are saying,
is give peas a chance.

This message is not necessarily a political statement of this writer and was put her at the request of another. No payments, bribes, etc. for this request were exchanged, nor does the writer benefit from it in anyway. Except maybe to pass on a smile, or generate a comment.

We now return you to our regular broadcasting.

No, that has nothing to do with the writer being a female, and if you call me a 'broad' again, I'll castrate you with my thumbnails.

Finally hit a ditch today. Had to wait two hours for Jade to get home and then it took about a half hour to get it out. I was supposed to go to wings tonight with Lynne, but called from the ditch and cancelled. Luckily it wasn't a deep ditch and it was close enough to home that I could walk the rest of the way with the groceries.

I thought the country was supposed to full of friendly folk. Do you know how many people drove past me and never offered to help? I wasn't in the ditch really deep, just stuck in the snow near the top. I tried to rock out, but just succeeded on twisting the vehicle around. Crazy. I can understand that they didn't have the tools to pull me, but nobody asked if I needed anything, if they could lend me a cell phone, or call for help for me. They just drove past and stared. Even in the city somebody will help to push!

Talk about disillusioned.

Anyway, I said I would show up next week. No, I don't care who's there. I'll show up anyway. Damn the torpedoes!

Outside of wiping out on the side of the road, everybody is sick here - everybody but me. It's really hit the in-laws especially hard so I've been doing all the cooking and cleaning. I don't mind.

That's my update for tonight. My punishment for landing in a ditch and making Jade help me out is that I have to call around to tire stores all day tomorrow and find winter tires. *sigh*
Meanwhile, I have every intention of taking him to bed and ripping his clothes off! ^_^!

Sweet Dreams!

Facts of Life

10:21

As I washed my hereditary crystal dishware, I waited for Dona to come up and ask why I was handwashing them instead of using the dishwasher. Working out an answer in my head ahead of time (she's always asking me 'why' I'm doing something), it surprised me that my immediate response was not 'Because it's full.' In fact, that was an afterthought. What shocked me more was my first impulse for response.

"My mother always handled items she cherished with especial care. Perhaps she went overboard on certain things, but it was how she showed she cared. It's one of the few things that I admire about her."

Okay ... I just admited that I admired somethig about ... my mother!!!!

Is the world coming to an end? Or am I just (gasp) maturing? *swoon*

Actually, it occurred to me that thoughts like this are generally made after somebody has passed on. In a way, the woman I admire isn't quite the same woman anymore as Mom's personality has changed somewhat over the years. (There's nothing like scrimping on welfare to teach a person the value of things!!) But that's not the point though. The point is that I'm actually glad that I realised this BEFORE she leaves for the next stage of her life cycle. I still have an opportunity to tell her ... and instead of hoping she's listening, I can say it straight to her.

I'll probably say it over e-mail though, because I'd never get this all out without a lot of booze ... and I don't drink! LOL!

Well, there's still mushy cards ...

We'll see.

So! I finally got the box that was in the dining room emptied. No more tripping over it, moving it to get behind it, nothing. All I have to do now is get to all the boxes that are still in the garage. Still waiting on a few things before I can finalise my own move though. Like geting that bed out of the spare, and getting storage shelves in the garage so that we have a place for items we rarely use or don't need in the house. Or things that we now have doubles/triples of. :(

It's good to get more of my things out. It kind of hides the things that are theirs. I'm still iffy about whether or not I want to keep their table in the dining room. Yes, it's fancier than ours, but ours is still brand new and I was proud of it.

We'll see.

I get to drive into the city today and drop off my truck for a day or two. It needs it's check up and winterization. I'll drive back with Jade on his way home from work. I'll chafe at the lack of freedom, but at the same time it'll be a relief to not have to drive into town or the city for something. I tell ya, when those storage shelves go up, we're gonna shop once a month on groceries and save immediate items (like milk and fruit and other perishables) for weekly trips. Maybe even bi-monthly trips. We live in the country now dammit! These people are going to learn how to STOCK UP!!

So there!

Mwahahahaha!

Okay, Power mentally asserted. Now I'm off to watch what I want to see on TV!

Sweet Dreams!

There's No Place Like Home ... When You Finally Have It To Yourself!

08:30

Last night was the most freakish I have had in a long time. I was a little nervous driving into town last night, but all went very well. I wasn't worried about my driving so much as I was worried about everybody else's. Most of these people have lived here all their lives and they are still surprised that it snows every year.

Morons.

Anyway, it was mostly wet on the way in. Coming home though, that was more interesting. Never mind the icy spots (mostly at intersections - caused by people who first slide to a halt, then spin to try and take off quickly. Morons.), those I can deal with. It was the fact that I had no low beams at all. Which is okay in the city - it's pretty well lit, but once I got into the highway ... I was not happy. I could just barely see what lane I was in. Luckily it's a pretty straight forward drive. As soon as I hit my RR turn though, those highs came on! It was SO good to see where I was going.

Thank all that's Good that I made an appointment to get the truck taken in on Wednesday. I could have taken it in on Tuesday, but that might have interfered with my T'n'T plans. I don't want to miss that. Jade will be driving me in to my lesson tonight. Which means he'll be miserable. I'll just be happy that it's my last lesson. They were going to automatically bill me for the next session too. Uh, no. Not happening, thanks. And I won't be back either. This automatic session charging clued me in to why I'm dis-satisfied with the teaching method and why it feels like it's just a practise after practise. It's a gradual continual thing ... I'd have to take lessons for the year to get the full learning experience. Possibly longer. I was being treated like I was part of the cycle. Which is stupid, because I wasn't even aware that the cycle existed. That's not how it was described to me.

Nah, next time, I'll get a one-on-one trainer. Then I can get proper instruction for Me. The lessons I'm about to finish just destroyed what confidence I had. I used to be a pretty good rider - now I wonder how I used to stay on a horse.

Anyway ...

The exodus into the basement has slowly begun. Most of the big stuff will wait for the guys to get home. I just can't get it moved by myself. Dona is in just as much of a hurry, but she's still recovering from a broken arm and she says she's just not strong enough even if she wasn't. So there you are. I can help get things started though. ;)

*BOOT!*

Hee hee!

Sweet Dreams!

PS. Did you see him yet? He's not that hard to miss!

Holy Spam, Batman!

October 28, 2006 - 09:30

I can't believe it. Somebody actually spammed my site! And worse, it was a cheap-ass-obvious spam! What kind of an idiot do these fools think I am? On the bright side, I rejected my first comment. :) I'm so glad that I can do that! Flame me all you want, but moronic comments, and SPAM, are intolerable and you will be DENIED!!

Mwahahahahahaha!

I'm feeling Evil now.

I wrote that e-mail. I felt so bad about it I went straight to bed ... and spent the next hour trying to sleep. She hasn't answered it, nor has she picked up her birthday card. *sigh*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Lynne!!!
Hee hee ... older than me again ...

So ... there's like a foot of snow outside right now. Seriously. If that's an exaggeration, I'm only off by a couple inches. It's looking like a lazy day today. That's okay though. Because the finishing touches (minus a couple minor glitches) will be done in the basement today and we can take a lot of stuff out of the garage!! then we can finish the shed door and get even more stuff out of the garage! Whee! It's a win/win situation!

I wonder what's for super?

Snowy days always make me feel like baking! I refuse to do any though until I find my measuring spoons with the imperial measurements on it. (I tried metric last night with supper and barely survived.) I also want to get that kitchen re-organised ... which won't happen until we get some storage space/shelves in the garage.

*sigh*

Sweet Dreams!

Nobody Here But Us Chickens ... (or The Aliens Made Me Do It!)

13:41

Well, I had a chance to say 'no' ... and I chickened out. I stopped by Lynne's work to drop off her presents and she was so happy to see me that I couldn't say it. *sigh* Well, I also agreed to go Trick or treating with her and Erin? so, maybe she'll forgive me for not wanting to go to the bar? We'll see. *sigh*

I'm dead, aren't I?

On the good news of things, Barq's is not a canceelled product!! *cheers madly* Apparently, the delivery person was incorrect in her statement that Coca-Cola was no longer going to make it. What she meant was that the location that she was delivering to would no longer be ordering it. Which is weird, because they not only still have it, but they can't keep itin stock! Who knows? All I know is that if I ever find her, I'm gonna tell her that Coke is no longer going to be paying her and give her a smack in the head. Shame on her. Maybe she told Jade that because she was disappointed that he had a girlfriend. Again, who knows?

The garage package should arrive tomorrow. Then I get to spend all day helping to build it. And all morning on Sunday. I might even do some on Monday when the guys are at work. Depends on how far we are and what we're working on at the time. Dona just laughs when I talk about doing this stuff. She's still firmly in the "Woman's work and Man's work" world. She once made me describe how to build a shelf just to prove that I could do it. And she still wasn't satisfied.

Darn traditionalists.

Anyway, I got me things to do ... better get doing them ...

Sweet Dreams!

Taking action!

08:49

Action of the day: Go nude! Buff your nails instead of using toxic nail polish. Most commercial nail polishes contain chemicals that are suspected human carcinogens and hormone disrupters. Some of these chemicals pose increased risk to pregnant women and should be avoided as much as possible.

When I first saw that, my jaw dropped. Go nude? What's naked got to do with helping the environment? Then I remembered part of Elohelae's entry and laughed 'til I slid part way down my chair. First impressions can be so much fun ...

I bought myself a new address book yesterday. Okay, I bought two. One's for my purse. Still, it's the first one I've bought for myself in ... whoa ... five years. That's not an exaggeration, either. My current phone book was at the back of a 2001 daytimer. I had purchased THAT when I was working for ATCO.

I had gone to the doctor for a check up - I have to go every six months, and discovered that I can now just go once a year ... right after I see the specialist in three months. *sigh* Anyway, I'm on some strong meds right now for an infection. I get to go back and get that checked out in about a week. (You know the meds are strong when the warning says that this could kill you.) Thanks, I feel better now. *rolls eyes*

Lynne has a similar infection, so immediately texted her and thanked her for passing it on. Darn girl didn't even take the bait. I expected a laugh at least. Granted, she was working when I texted her, I know, but I thought she'd ask later. Hmmm ... actually, she never claimed innocence either ... Hmmmm ...

Damn, I'm sick of seeing doctors. Actually, it's not the seeing them that bothers me so much. It's being in the office. It's the w a i t i n g .... Even if you have an appointment, you wait for about 15 min in the waiting room, then you wait about ten more once they put you in the little room. GAH!

At least add posters for me to stare at while I'm in there!

(No, they don't have to be naked ones ...)

(But it wouldn't hurt either ...) Hee hee

The joy of construction continues ... we've had a string of bad service lately. Things have been ordered that aren't ready by pick up day, or they haven't even arrived. We were told our tiles were back-ordered. Actually, they hadn't left Vancouver yet. We told them to forget it and we got them somewhere else. The same company then screwed up on our carpet order. We ordered enough for two rooms ... they sent us enough for one. We got a call yesterday that the bars for Dona's tub were ready for pick up. Arrived to find that only half the set was there ... and they had to search for that. We wanted to hire somebody to build our garage for us - just the basics ... walls, siding and roof ... but not for $4000.

Makes me ill just thinking about it.

No, wait ... that's the pill I just took.

So I've got a bit of a dilema. I've been hedging and putting off and just avoiding an outright 'no'. Wait, lemme start at the begining.
Lynne wants me to go to New City with her. She goes with her friends every Saturday (possibly more often, but Saturday is a given.) This Saturday is her birthday, so she especially wants me to be there. And I'd love to see her ... but I have no interest in going to New City. I have less interest in going to meet her at 22:00. She says that I don't have the smoke allergy excuse any more ... but there was more to it than that. She's got a selective memory at times.

I am not a bar person. I don't like the music, I don't like the volume, even if I could stand the music, and I don't drink. I am not a night person. I don't want to leave the house at a time when I normally go to bed. I certainly don't want to drive for forty-five minutes to do it either. I'll fall asleep on the highway. I don't particularily like driving the highway at night either. And now I'm on meds that make me feel floaty/dizzy. Right.

On top of all that, I'd be sitting with a bunch of people I don't know - one of which really doesn't like me because she doesn't understand my humour. And I don't like her because I think she's a selfish bitch with serious lime-light envy.

No, it's not a situation I want a part of. I guess I'll e-mail her today and fess up. Chances are she doesn't read this site anymore anyway. I've never seen any sign of it - she's too darn busy. Even if she does, she'll be mad either way. She might forgive me later ... after she's bitched about it to somebody. Maybe me, maybe somebody else who already doesn't care two figs about who I am. She'll get over it.

Maybe I'll drive into town and deliver her present(s) at her work. I hear there's a Second Cup across the street.

Dona just asked for a ride into town ... maybe I'll will get to give her her gift today ...

Sweet Dreams!

Movin' at the speed of molasses

15:48

I am bored out of my bleedin' tree right now. And if that's not bad enough, I've also got the munchies. But when I go tothe kitchen to find something, I don't want anything. Grrr ... It's just one of those days.

I'm restless, but can't get the interest in doing anything. I've got a riding lesson tonight, and I can't even find the energy to want to do that. I'm going to go, of course. I've only got two left. I won't be going back for any more.

There are things that Ic ould be doing, while the waether is still nice, but I lack the tools at this time. they are either burried in the garage, or still in the city, waiting to come over. There are a few other little things in the house that I can do in preparation of Jade's parents finally moving down to the basement this weekend, but it's a similar situation. Some of the stuff I need is still in the city, and frankly, I don't want to just move a few pieces ... I want to get into it and get it all done! Or mostly done ... depending on time, etc.

I'm restless and lack things to keep me busy. I'm lethargic and don't want anything that (little as it is) I can do.

Yeah, just one of those days.

So I'll wolf down some supper, drive to the other side of the city (picking up passengers along the way), take my second last lesson, drop the passengers off, drive home and fall into bed. Tomorrow, I plan on chopping down a tree or two. I found my pruners too, so I can go in there and get some small stuff out too. I wandered ina bit and saw where the drop off is. We're going to need some serious grading work done to get a road down to the barn. On the other hand, there is also the possibility of just creating a new entrance off the road, closer to the barn. Then we can just clear a path towards the barn for walking ... with steps in the steep parts. Kinda like our own river valley path. Complete with wildlife. :)

The shed is almost done. We're just waiting for the garage package to show up. Anytime now would be nice. Before the snow flies? I asked Jade if I should call and find out WTF is the hold up, but he said not to worry about it. Personally, I think somebody should call. There could be an issue and we could get it cleared up now, instead of later when there's three feet of snow on the ground.

Mmm ... supper smells good. And it's going to be another hour and a half until I get to eat it. I accept the fact that I have to move supper back a bit because the guys get home from work later. (Stands to reason - we're farther away) but it bugs me that supper isn't served until another hour after they get home because Jade's Dad, Wayne, likes to sit for a bit to have coffee first. That's getting kinda late in the evening for me. It's getting to the point where I'm eating two lunches just to cope. It's a bit late for Jade too. He's never liked having supper that late. I've never really seen Wayne sit and relax with this coffee ... so why are we waiting a whole hour? Why not give him half an hour to clean up and sit for a bit? He can drink the coffe with his supper. He can have it after (which happens more often than before supper). I'm used to having supper around 17:00 ... why am I being forced to wait until 18:30 or later? This is stupid. I tried to talk to Dona about it (Jade's Mom) but she's all into what he likes and what they are used to. Why is it all about them? Why am I making all the sacrifices? All the compromises?

Grr ... *sigh*

I need to go do something ... work off my frustration.

Next year, I'm re-painting the living room with a colour that I want. It's my house, dammit.

Sweet Dreams!

Cheers!

I should be in bed right now, but I just can't make myself go just yet.

Things are going very well for me today. It's been a good couple of days, but today was the bestest. (Okay, not the bestest, but definitely the best so far.)

Today, The Old Lady went to Bingo. (That's a temp nick ... I think.) While she was gone, I tidied things up a bit. She noticed too. I thought she'd make a fuss, but she didn't. In fact, she gave me carte blanche to do whatever I wanted with the kitchen.

Cool.

Still have to wait for the garage to empty and some storage shelves to go up though, otherwise I would have overhauled everything today. I'm not sure what I enjoyed more ... making the place feel like mine, or having the afternoon all to myself.

Got a brief reply from Lynne ... in the usual spot (her site) and on the one message among others that I new she'd instantly reply to upon reading. I tried to send her a "chatty" e-mail as per her request, but I've never been able to write anything "chatty" under pressure. Those kind of messages come when I'm bored, but still in a good mood. Then I end up sounding like the Mayor's wife in The Colour Purple. If you haven't seen it, do. It's one of my faves.

Bonus points to anybody who buys it on DVD for me. Yule is coming, you know. Are you listening, Jade? No, of course you aren't. You never read this thing. *sigh*

Elly isn't listening either. Not that I expect anything from him but Christmas cheer. ;)

Speaking of which, The Old Lady asked me where I was putting the Tree. I was surprised. Hadn't even thought about it ... and I said so. I mean, can't we get past Samhain before I worry about Yule?

*gets wheedling look on face* I've got a fire pit over here, Lynne. I'm not sure where your cauldron is, but I think I have a subsitute ... or I can buy a new one, if it pleases you. We can have a traditional chant with hot coco and marshmallows. (Okay, maybe some mulled wine for the traditional part, but coco or cider is good too!) I have cinnamon sticks for the cider too! And lots and lots of crackers ...

I think I'll go away and think about that for a bit ...

Sweet Dreams!!

Stop the Insanity!

I don't understand these people who bitch, moan and complain about their jobs and say that they 'hate' it ... but they aren't doing anything about it. They are afraid to leave the 'safe' zone of what they know.
We are at an all time high need for employees in just about every area that I've seen. There are help wanted signs everywhere you look! If you are afraid to make the move to a better place and the possibility of happiness, then SHUT UP! Find another way to release your frustrations! You no longer have an excuse to bitch! No, cowardice is not an excuse!

I had a very good job. I even developed the position into something big and important. Staff and customer alike liked me very much. (And not just for my buxom form!) But I knew I could be making better money. So I took the plunge. I made sacrifices. I beggared myself and had to borrow alot more than I liked. Those student loans don't give you nearly enough. I got alot of support from family. Mostly moral, but alot of the other stuff too ... money and food and free laundry. I was out of town and living with immature strangers (I was on a college campus.)

Luckily, it was only for three months. I have a fantastic job now. It wasn't just a career change, but a lifestyle change for me, but I think it was worth it! I've even taken what I've learned and practised and taken steps to going into business for myself. I had to make another sacrifice, but I think I'll be better for it in the end.

Okay, on to better things. Rant over.

I finally got another chapter of my fanfic up. I'm very pleased with this. Not my best chapter, but I've already had one review on it and I'm told that it's still up to snuff. Hopefully, I'll get it done soon (one or two ore chapters to go) and then I can move on to other projects. I'll also be tidying up what I've already done and placing them in safe keeping for the Con next year. I'm going to present my work to the "pros" who will tell me my work stinks - ^_^; but will hopefully find a good bit or two that show promise. It's a thankless job, really, but I don't know that I could stop if I wanted to. I have two original pieces that I'd like to get published into a real book.

If you are curious about my works, please ask. I don't mind sharing.

I plan on getting some crafts done too. There's lots of opportunity to sell it in the area that I am now. No more trying to get tables amidst other tables full of garage sale items. Here is my chance to create the basis of the Annual sale that I was trying to get off the ground last summer.
So much opportunity ...

Kinda makes my head spin, actually. Or is that my hair colour?

Not much else happening right now. I'm getting along with my mother-in-law fairly well, but it's still a cautious dance for me. She's just very foreign to me still. She doesn't understand my humour, and sometimes I think she laughs in self-defence. But I appreciate the fact that she's trying. I've adjusted to her fairly quickly, but I don't pretend that I know her fairly well yet. That'll take time.

I wonder how much?

Goddess, save me ...

Sweet Dreams!

'Nuff Said

October 11, 2006 - 19:52

Quote of the day:
It would be a service to mankind if the Pill were available in slot machines and cigarettes were placed on Prescription.
- Malcom Potts, M.D.

So here I am again, trying to do multiple things at once ... somewhat successfully ... sort of. The stupid thing is, I don't have to do it that way. It's just something that had become a habit due to my lack of time at home between work shifts. I have lots of time now. A tremendous amount of time. Well, unless a tree falls on me ... but I don't foresee that happening in the near future.

Knock on wood, eh? LOL!!

I made it into town today to pick up my final paycheque, and to make a few stops along the way. I forgot the doughnuts I had promised the barn. :( I promised to make it up to them. I said I'd try to get everybody down to watch the stakes race and that I'd bring doughnuts then.

I tried to waste as much time as possible at that point, but I still got ot Happy Harbor about 15 minutes early. I called up and asked The Shepherd what bribe he required to openthe door for me. He didn't even barter ... all he wanted was few minutes. *sigh* All work and no play ...

I'm itching to get stuff up on the walls. I wanna get stuff upacked! But we're running out of space with the in-laws upstairs with us and we can't really hang things until all the walls are painted. *GAAAHH!!* I'm running out of hair to pull.

Tomorrow, to get out of the house, I'm going to clip some shrubbery. If I can find my clippers. Maybe a passing knight will require some for a quest of some sort ...

I miss reading Lynn's old entries. There's no meat to her current method at all. No satisfaction. And what hse is putting up is generally either cut and paste (I can't believe nobody recognised that "leg wax" thing from previous e-mails) or it's a survey. A survey once in a while is a nice thing ... you could learn something new once in while, but the constant surveys are, in my mind, stupid. If you want to get to know somebody, go out anf get to know them. I LIKE finding things out about people gradually within a long relationship. Friends, Lovers, Whomever. Constant surveys like this ... it's like one of those speed-dating things. Learn a life-time of details about a person in five minutes - if you find something you don't like, move on. If you do, you might as well divorce them now because with nothing new to learn, you're gonna be bored within the month. Unless you're a yuppie. then you might last three months before your first affair with some delivery/service man.

And no, I'm not just talking about the women. So there.

I miss the personality that used to come out in her writing. I miss her WRITING! When you read her stuff, you felt special. Or, at least, I did. I felt she was sharing something with me. Now ... it's like she's gone comercial. Quickie entries that are put in just to please the masses. It leaves me hungry. Stop trying to shock me and write something that needs to be let out! Mundane or wotherwise, if you write from within, it's important and interesting! Anybody who says otherwise, well, they don't love you and they can kiss my bahookey.

'Nuff said.

Shorty has been called and it has been confirmed. He's still alive. The planter is still broken though. I wonder if we should charge him for the damage?

Sweet Dreams!

No Escape in Sight

I have finally discovered what "yoga" pants are. I found them in a Victoria's Secret Catalog. I don't know what's so great about them. Tights with a flare leg. Whoopee. Reminds me of "elephant" pants.

I have also discovered that Jade thinks socks are an accessory. We have shelves in the closet now and I specifically told him that they were to be used for either accessories or sweaters. Even jeans, because he has so many of them. He has a nine drawer dresser. You can't tell me that there is no room for socks in it.

He must get his organization from his mother. These people are driving me batty. I feel outnumbered 3 - 1. We've got adishwasher now, but Jade's mom won't use it because you can't fill it after one meal ... so I told her to run it once a day or even every second day. Aren't we supposed to be saving water? She won't do it. She washes the dishes after every meal and whenever she notices a "dirty" dish on the counter. What was the point of getting a house with a dishwasher?!?

Please, oh, please, oh, please, have this construction done soon! Early, even! Get these people out of my section of this house!!

Oh, look ... VS finally offers bras in my size! They aren't the prettiest of the selection, but it's a step in the right direction.

O.o!
I just noticed the name of the person who was suppsed to recieve this ... it's not me. It's Jade!! Jade?!?

I'm tired of tripping over things. I'm tired of wondering where everything is. I'm tired of not being able to reach things because it's buried in the garage. A D&D adventure in it's own right, I'm sure.

The only highlight of my day was that the guy who showed up to empty the septic tank was hot!! Pity I'm "married". Yes, I know it doesn't stop most people, but it stops me. I'm a one guy woman, thank you. that's why I'm so careful with Jade. If I kill him, I don't have a back up. Well, not without a substantial waiting period. ;)

I can feel myself getting depressed, when I should be relaxing and getting things in order. Why should care? "Mother" has everything all planned and organised for me. She decides where everything goes and if it should come out of the garage. She'll probably hang my pictures for me too.

Trapped. That's how I feel. Trapped and out-numbered. I'm tired of living in "somebody else's" house. I want my space back.

Sweet Dreams!
(Where are you?)

Relaxing Shouldn't Be Such Hard Work (aka Where Are The Aliens When You NEED Them?)

October 9, 2006 - 23:44

Had my first day off since the end of July today. It seriously disturbed my system. I kept trying to wake up, couldn't figure out why and kept trying to go back to sleep ... only to have this cat stare me into conciousness because he was tired of waiting for me to feed him!

So the move(s) went fairly well ... sort of. Only one injured party. Shorty fell off the ramp of the moving truck and struck his head on a cement planter. He took a good chunk out if it too. The planter, not his head. Needed stitches in his head though. Needless to say, he wasn't feeling like helping much after that. Which meant that we had no real help. Joyce and Albert helped unload one load, and one of my co-workers came to help a bit ... but there was no help after that. Just Jade and his Dad. I wasn't as much help as I could have been since I was working and not home much. Not very interested in working when I finally got home either. I simply lacked the energy.

Shorty, I hope you are feeling better, and I'm sorry that I haven't called yet. I keep thinking I should, but things are still kinda hectic. I will call soon, though.

Jade's Mom gave me the "I was a single mother" lecture ... I so wanted to tell her to stuff it. I've heard that same lecture from my mother for most of my life. It doesn't affect me at all. And if I have to hear one more time about how she's giving up all this money to help JADE by a house because she thinks he needs to own something and he better not screw it up ... I'm going to leave the room before I do something rash. Like hog tying her and hanging her in a tree until the guys get home. She once told me to slap her if she starts to annoy me, but then she'd complain about the cost of repairing her dentures. ;)

Elohelae, man, you don't need an invitation ... just give me enough warning to make sure the place is cleaned up! And that I have enough space and food! That's all. Same goes for anybody. Just call up for directions and let me know when you are on your way.

Riding lessons went well tonight. I managed to stay in the stirrups, and, therefore, the saddle, during a canter. Jade came and watched a bit for the first time. He says that I have a very nice post. He also thinks he might be able to teach me a bit better ... but we currently lack the horses to test this theory.

The downstairs should be done soon and I'll be very happy to get the in-laws into their own space. I feel like I'm living in somebody else's house. Yes, there are bits of Jade's and my furniture, and a few of our glasses, but the dishes, the cooking stuff, everything else is THEIRS. And it's all being organised the way THEY like it. I'm trying to hold out. I tell myself that I can arrange it the way I want it when they get their own space done. I tell myself to be patient.

Damned if I'll wait much longer than that though. I don't care who paid for it initially; the house is ours. It's in our name and Jade (and I) will be paying the rest of the mortgage. There wasn't much that I could do about the initial organisation ... the boxes had to be unpacked and I was working. But Hokey stinkmore though! This woman has NO organisational skills at all! She's driving me up the wall with the chaos that my kitchen appears to be in. Sure, she can find things, but so can a teenager find things in his/her room that nobody else can find!

Grr!

And when she needs to go somewhere, she assumes that I will take her. She never asks. It's always, "(Lea) can take me."

Well, I must be off to bed. My typing is getting worse. Will write more later.
Sweet Dreams!

Moving Day

Okay, so cable and phone/internet will be cut off on Sept 30 (tomorrow) and we won't get our new hookups until Wednesday, so if you don't have my cell number, communication is going to be sketchy for a little while. If you would like to volunteer to help out, PLEASE call! Otherwise, please be patient while we get things re-adjusted.

Make arrangements to come out to see our new place! Tonight we had the most gorgeous rainbow in one window and a sunset likeI haven't seen in years in another. I didn't know which one to watch and I kept spinning in circles!

LOL!

Address change cards will be sent out soon. If you don't get one within the next week or so, then I don't have your snail mail. Remind me and I will send it to you.

Maybe.

;)

Going to bed now. Long day tomorrow ... starting with work.

Sweet Dreams!

Tough Jobs ...

Todays' quote: Soldiers speak of defending the soil, but they care only for their nations. I care nothing for their nations and everything for the soil.

Mabon has come and gone ... not that anybody really seemed to notice. I'm not sure hwy it's harder to recognise the minor fire and sun feasts - they usually have this tendancy to sneak up on me when I'm not looking. Maybe it's because only the major celebrations were adopted by others and it's easier to watch for when everybody is watching for something along the same times.

People ask me about Wicca all the time, and they are sually left dissatisfied with the answers I give. As well they should be, for no two heart paths are exactly alike. If they wish to find out more, then they'll search for themselves. Anybody who appears to be fascinated by my explanations either wants something, is selling their own religion, or they think they are being "polite". My answers may not fill you with enlightenment and satisfaction, but if they fill you with ciriosity, then I think that's better. The main reason I find it difficult to give fuller answers though is mainly because I consider religion to be private and personal. It's not meant to be used for discussion and debate. It's not meant to form cast iron rules set in stone ... it's meant to offer guidance only.

People frequently refer to me as a "witch". I've never been entirely comfortable with that title. I'm not sure why, but it unsettles my heart. Perhaps I was hunted as one once, I don't know. "Priestess" seems a more comfortable mantle to bear. And at the same time it almost seems to lofty for me. Like I'm claiming something I haven't quite earned yet.

It's hard to explain. Not even sure why I started talking about all this.

I have to leave for my riding lesson soon and I really should be packing a box or two before I go, but I wanted to find time to write something too. Even if nobody is commenting, I think there are people reading ... my bio has had quite a few hits. I was surprised by the number. Maybe not a large as others, but lots to me!

Four and half days to go until the big move. Half the house is still unpacked. Ugh. Riding tonight, a dinner & dance tomorrow, races on Wednesday ... I can't wait to see what happens on the last two nights that will stop me from getting some packing done. *sigh* This is the part of moving that I really don't like. Our resident spirit isn't too happy either. He actually came upstairs while we were watching a movie, and startled my cat. Poor Spot crawled into my lap and stayed there until we went to bed.

There have been a couple of offers to help with the move, but I'm pretty sure that they won't pan out. They've mostly been based on the fact that we'll offer them beer. *snort* Thanks, Friends!

I've been getting a lot of moral support from the guys around the track though. I think everybody in the long barn knows I'm moving. A few trainers make positive comments as they pass me by. I never knew that I was that well known. I wish somebody would let meknow that I am popular ... I never seem to notice.

Oops, now I'm being hailed to be borrwed as a beta-reader. It's tough ebing an X-Man expert, but somebody's gotta do it.

Sweet Dreams!

Stressed for Success

Today, I'm going to post Elohelae's 'blog here for you to see. He raises a vaild point in regards to reality - he's a single parent who is trying to raise his newly-minted teenage daughter safely. Problem is, in today's world, kids grow up way too damn fast.

Where's Mr. Dressup and Mr. Rogers when you need them?

I have a 13 yr old daughter of whom I believe I could write everyday about her activities. I believe it would be therapy as there are times I feel like stuffing her in a box and forgetting to feed her…

Take today…I have a firewall and software designed to stop kids from getting to websites they are not supposed to. It limits their time and does the parental things I should be doing. I have other kids, a life and I require to feed them once in a while so I cannot be at the computer all the time.. (excuse over)

She got past the firewall.

I began to get copied on emails where she was on Myspace. She took a picture of herself which showed off her cleavage. I checked the site and saw the comments by the other horny 13 yr old boys and figured my blood was about to boil. I realized that even though I wanted to, I could not kill every teenage boy in the neighborhood. On her cell phone I saw a text from a guy called Jesse. She was telling him that she was working in vegas next weekend, so not to call her. After digging, I found out that Jesse lived close to us and that my precious teen was 13 pretending to be 19. So I called the Jesse character, who, according to his website, was 19 also.

I spoke to some young kid who told me Jesse was working, I then said 'well, is this his home', at which point the kid said, 'Ill get my mommy.' "Mommy" was delighted to learn that her 13 yr old son, Jesse was on myspace and conversing with my daughter.

Tell me people, what is the cure for teenagers? She is in lockdown. I missed my date tonight with my baby and wont see her until Friday because of this.

Anyway, it could have been worse, but damnit she is 13… just frickin 13 arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

So, there it is. Feel free to reply here with your suggestions. Or you can go to his 'blog and reply there. http://www.elohelae.com/

My first question right now is ... how much cleavage does a 13 year old have?? I've met a couple pretty voluptuous pre-teens, but it was a rare occurrance - or so I thought. Too much steroids in the meat and fertilizer in the vegies, I guess. Makes you wonder what a good dose of pest control will do ... :)

Anyway, I just wanted to share that. Some of you have daughters who are going to be 13 soon enough, and others may have gone through this already and may be able to offer help.

For myself, I will be replying soon in regards to the questions inthe previous entry ... I'm thinking about the challenges. I don't know how Lynne came up with all hers!

It's been a tough week so far ... and it's going to get tougher. I've got seven days to get everything else packed and ready to go. I'm not sure I'll be able to handle the stress that I'm going through here. I'm trying very hard to stick with work for as long as Pepper is still there. She's MY horse. As much as she can be without me actually owning her. She loves me to bits and I won't leave without her. Just one more race left. Dragonlady said she might be able to get her in soon. (Maybe too soon?) Dragonlady ... gawds! I had a yelling match with her today. She was in a bad mood and I was having a bad day. Not a good mix. I almost quit. Pepper hugged me and I got my priorities adjusted again. I'm not leaving until Pepper does.

There's so much that needs to be done and no time to do it because I swear I'm at work for most of the time. Then there's the riding lessons on Monday nights. Relaxing in a way, but it will be a while before I come out of it without a sore tooshie. I'm not eating properly and I'm not getting any sleep. The little I do get isn't very high quality either. Not relaly restful, at all. I need to relax but I can't even if I had the time. I just don't know how.

I'm gonna go and watch some anime after I do dishes. That always cheers me up. I'll pack some boxes in a bit.

Sweet Dreams!