Goin' Faster Than a Rollercoaster ...

20:17

This will be short as I'm about to be blinded by a head-ache. At least, it's intended to be short. I have a lot on my mind. I took some meds and a short nap, but that just dulled my migraine down to what it is now. An ache without the urge to throw up. I'll the good things in any size package.

The furnace is finally working. Amazing what a proper filter will do. Now we're fighting to keep it cool. I prefer a cooler house. Overly warm ones give me nose bleeds and head-aches.

Been on quite the emotional roller coaster lately. It's unfortunate that most of the trip is spent going down that it has been going up. Yesterday was a very good afternoon. I was happy all day. It was unusual enough for me to notice. I also noticed the relief in Jade when he came home to a happy me ... and I was happy all night. Today was a bad day again. I'm never sure why. I think it's the little things. I'm being buried alive in them.

Kinda chatted with Lynne a couple days ago. Fell out of my chair when I saw that she was trying to talk with me. Turned out to be her boyfriend, but she was "shouting" things from the background. There was no confirmed mention of anything I had sent her, and her cards are STILL not picked up. I'm going to delete them soon. I'm tired of the disappontment of seeing them sitting there.

She asked if I was doing anything for Yule. I told her I had nothing planned and got myself talked into having a dinner here. Okay, fine. I don't mind that, but ... this was all a strange reaction to me. Maybe it was just Colbat's typing. I don't know. I haven't heard from her since. I have no idea if she was serious about the dinner or if she was testing me. I don't know how many people she was planning on bringing - I'll only accept so many. And, you know, I don't think I'd get an answer if I asked. She hasn't answered anything so far!

So I came to the conclusion that I'm not going to count on her. I've agreed to have her over for supper. It's up to her to contact me for further details if she's coming. IF she doesn't, I'll assume it was a joke/test and I'll walk away without looking back.

I'm waiting for Elohelae to respond to my questions from last post. Lola's Girl is past due to write something as well. Chop, chop, people!

I've also been very upset in regards to my current D&D adventure. I've been trying to fit in since I got back - with minor success ... I thought. Basically, it's a big mess.
Originally there were the two of us - Wayne's cl-wife and myself. (If I had a nick for her, I can't think of it right now. Sorry.) When it came time to go back to working 7 days/wk, I was beyond pleased to hear that the adventure would be put on hold for me. Near the end of my summer job, I was asked if it was okay to invite others into the group - I was a bit hesitant, but could see the advantages of having some extra people to help fight the larger things ... I didn't expect the larger things to be the group.

I felt attacked by one of the characters on day one. In character AND out. I actually had to keep myself from physically pushing myself back into the cushions of my seat to try to escape. This made me angry and uncomfortable. I put it behind me. He wasn't there the next day and I got along just fine with the others. It's been, what, two months? And I have not seen a repeat of this behaviour at all ... so telling me that it was all in character is not flying far enough to reach that fan. And then recently he has the nerve to bring it up again and say that HE's not holding a grudge about it against ME? I got mad all over again.

Then came the e-mail from another character who mistakingly uses the wrong phrasing and makes me feel like my face had been slapped. This was not his intention and I know it ... so I waited to deal with it. That was at the beginning of the week. I still haven't dealt with it. With any of it.

I'm not sure I'll be continuing with this adventure. It's more stressful than fun. There are more rules than roleplaying - mostly due to our group size. Seven is just too many. We play six hours and we're very luck if we get through two battles in one session. Nobody is getting to know each other ... or, at least, I don't feel that my character is getting to know anybody any more than I am. I'm using this guy's description as an example, but so far most of them have said the same thing. Guy # 2 wants to know why the heck I'm still in the group. Innocently said - with all the precision of a finely honed blade. Translation: He accidentally hurt my feelings. Okay, he crushed them. I'll deal with it tomorrow.

I've started playing D&D on my PC again. I'm having a better time with it. I find this unfortunate. If I lose going to Wayne's for D&D, I limit my social interaction and getting out of the house to doctor's appointments and the little bit of shopping I can't afford to do.

GAH!

I've been thinking of going to Fairview for further training. Haven't got it all worked out yet. It's going to be a year before we get everyhting set up here anyway - might as well make use of the time, right? Increase my knowledge and therefore my wage expectations. Jade had originally suggested that I take a bit of a vet course, but going to Fairview will take that a step further.

Problem is, the course lasts a year. Could I deal with that?

I think I'll sleep on it.

Sweet Dreams!