Things To Do ...

November 27, 2009 - 00:23

Music: Everywhere - Michelle Branch
"You're everything that makes me believe that I'm not alone"

There's a half moon out, lighting up the outside world. It's been so cloudy lately that it seems odd ... and welcome. Makes me want to go for a night walk ad see what I run into ... which I'm smart enough to NOT do ... yet.
Things to do today ... after I make myself go to bed and wake up at a decent time ... or a not so decent time. Yes, TODAY, I intend to arrange the carport/shed thingy so that I have a place to pile the wood when I finally get it. I am going to put my wheel on my bike while I'm out there. It keeps falling over in the wind, and it's getting dirty. I'm also going to saw the smaller bits of odd wood that is piled out there. I have discovered that the pile of bark burns just as well, and as long, as a small log, so that works nicely for now. Currently, I'm waiting for the fire to go low enough that I can leave it and go to bed ... it's not cooperating. Not bad for saturated bark ...

I gave in today and texted Jade a small note. I know he won't get it until he comes back into the country, but the sentiment is the same. I'm proud of myself for making it to the half-way point.

Hope fuels Courage ...

I will get a job soon ... I will manage to get through the next few months with pride, strength, and, maybe, a bit of flair. I will do more than survive. I will succeed. I will surpass my needs, and expectations.

I know that everything will be all right. Even me. :)

Sweet Dreams!

The Mountainous Molehill Just Suffered a Quaking Growth Spurt

November 25, 2009 - 22:50

I don't know where to start today ... I guess I should start with the usual and lead up to the boggling part.

I'm pretty lonely out here. You might have noticed me expressing this in recent entries. It wasn't much better when I was in the city, but at least I had the occassional visitor ... I saw Lavender about once a week for our walks or rides. Jackie would drag herself over once in a blue moon for pizza and gossip. And Jade would stop by once a month ... and, of course, I had a job I enjoyed with co-workers that I was happy to work with. I was starting to climb back to a solid position financially ... and the new apartment I would have gotten would have solidified that for sure.

I don't regret the move out here. It's beautiful ... and even though it's raining alot (we've long since passed the record rainfall for the month) I find it peaceful, and there has been healing here. Healing that I'm not sure I would have achieved so quickly in the city. But I was here for a purpose. I sacrificed my security for the sake of family that needed me. My parents didn't want to lose their house while they stayed on the mainland following Albert's surgery procedure. So I'm here to keep up the house, and watch Ripley and Simon.

My dad is making good strides with his recovery process. He's very enthusiastic about getting better - that alone makes my heart soar with relief. That made it worth coming out.

But I recieved some stunning news today. My sacrifice may have been not so needed after all.

My parents (or at least, my mother) has decided that they are happier on the mainland ... they want to find a place to move to after the Olympics are over, and they want me to to move in with them.

I couldn't quite hold back a feeling of betrayal. A small twinge ... quickly suppressed. This is probably an extreme reaction, but it was there. There was also a bit of abandonment. Couldn't help that one either. The vehicle I was in has taken a sudden and unexpected turn and I've bumped my head against the window. I'm a little over my head here ... trying to satisfy three needy pets, trying to find a job is a place that's pretty much shut down for the season, trying to scrape money to pay for the usual costs, and trying to deal with my personal status ... which I still haven't figured out yet.

My mother did say that if I didn't like the idea of living on the mainland with them, then they would pay for my Security Deposit for my new place ... wherever that is. So, to go home I'll only have to cough up the cash to go back and pay one month's rent. We're looking at about $2000. PLUS, I'll have to have my bills all paid off.

I'm feeling the tension of the expanding task before me ... and it's not pretty. I can only hope to get a decent job quickly. And pray that I find a way to juggle my hours with the needs of a leaky dog.

In Ripley's defense, he's NEVER been trained. Ever. From what I understand, he was picked up in Alaska as a stray. When the person decided to have him destroyed, a friend of theirs/my neighbour offered to take him home to save him. She brought him back to the city, and then decided that she didn't want him (not sure of the reason, but he was and uncontrollable ball of energy. Step in the next rescuer - my Mother. A dog was the last thing she needed, and Albert was less than thrilled about it all. Anyway, he evetually calmed a it as time went on and he wasn't as worried about being ditched again, but he's still never really been trained. I'm working on it ... but you know what they say about "old dogs".

Anyway, that's what I'm currently facing. I'm trying not to let it bother me so much right now ... I've got a few months to get things in some kind of order and get ready for whatever is to happen next ... and to get my comics paid for. (Oh, I miss my comics, and my mangas!! Thank you, Oh Mighty Shepherd, for agreeing to store it all until I can return for it. Yes, a payment is on it's way.)

I want a hug. I want the company of friends. I want the world to stop rocking.

I want to come home ...

Sweet Dreams!

Juuuust a little bit tense, I think.

November 21, 2009 - 18:59

It's been a blah day today. A dragged out blah day that ironically went faster than it felt like. You know the kind? You swear the day will go on, and on ... but then you blink and realised that ... wow ... is it that time already?

Of course, it didn't help the day to start at 11:00. I've been sleeping in lots. Been staying up late, I guess.

I'm not entirely sure what to say tonight. Probably why I've been putting this off. Really, there's nothing happening. No work, no socialising ... no life. Ripley is getting a bit better with his manners, but other than that ...

It was almost sunny earlier today. Almost. Was late taking the dog out, because I did some laundry instead. No energy today ... got rained on coming back ... light rain though, nothing major.

Something keeps passing by the house ... and it's starting to bother me. I've always been uneasy about windows, especially when it's dark out. It's never been a problem for me to shunt that feeling away though, once I learned how. Here ... here it's different. Maybe not stronger, but older. Stranger. But it can't come in ... and it doesn't like that. It's hunting for a weak point, I think.

I tried to tell myself that it was just my imagination ... but there was one night in particular that alerted me. I was laying down in bed, almost asleep. Spot ran into the room and leapt onto the bed, onto me, facing the window ... and from that protective stance, he was growling. (Which, of course, set Ripley off who started barking at the window. Spot growled for about 30 seconds ... then relaxed a bit, and got comfy with me. Ripley stopped barking when Spot stopped growling and went back to sleep.

The next day, I noticed that the screen door to the patio doors, in the living room, was open ... and I know it was shut the night before.

That was a few days ago. Today, Ripley started barking while I was in the bathroom. I came out and he was barking at the patio door.

Add this to the stress I'm dealing with as I try to find work in a place where there doesn't seem to be any. *sigh*

To say that there wasn't a lot to say isn't entirely correct ... it's just that I'm having trouble bringing it to the surface. I'm fighting to release the words.

Maybe I will have better luck tomorrow ...

Sweet Dreams ...

Wants, Needs, and Other Necessary Evils

November 17, 2009 - 17:33

Last night is fantastic. It started with my bath, oddly enough. And lasted the rest of the evening. I was simply filled with the most wonderful energy, and feelings of completeness. But not sated ... no, but the sexual tension came a bit later. The power kept going off last night too. The first time, I barely noticed as I had candles lit, but later, as I settled to read a bit, it went off again. Quickly. I took this as a hint and went to bed ... but wasn't sleepy, so I prepared to read in bed. A little later and the lights flickered again. I kept reading. finally the lights just went out. I laughed and settled to sleep. I was still full of energy though, and anything but sleepy, but I made myself relax and I eventually dozed off.

I dreamed of Jade. An unusual occurrance in itself ... I was in Walmart (I think) and he came into the dream angry, and I feared him. I dashed through aisles to dodge and hide and realised that I was wearing only a bath towel (I think I'd had a bath, earlier in the dream.) I saw the cashiers/exit across a huge empty space and made a dash for them. When I got there, I laid down items (no line up - it MUST have been a dream!) for purchase that I hadn't even realised that I was carrying. As I did so, I realised that the towel had loosened and was in danger of slipping and I could only pin it to myself with an arm tucked just under my breasts. At this point, Jade came up behind me and settled casually by my side. He gave me that smile that I love so well, asked if I was okay, and then gave me a wink I haven't seen in a long time ... and said he'd meet me at home. There was love and sincerety in every movement, and expression ... especially in his eyes. (I think that's why I always look ay a person's eyes - there is always truth to be had in the eyes.) I was filled with longing and expectation all at once. Yet, just moments ago, I had feared him. He kissed my forehead and walked away.

Then I woke up ... But I don't know what to think about that, at all. Evil twin? Split personality? Inner struggle, at least, but whose? His or mine? Was it actually me he was chasing? Was it really him that I was running from?

Rain slacked off today. It remained grey, and cloudy, for the most part, but we had some sun and blue patches this morning. Got a ride this afternoon to the Centre and did my parents' banking, and a bit of shopping. Neighbour who drove me was pleasant and very helpful, even suggesting a place where I may try to obtain employment. A winery. I never would have thought of that, myself, as I rarely drink. I am a Barq's-aholic, true, but I wont get drunk off of it ... fat, maybe ...

I have to go take the ferry to the bank on Monday, so that I can arrange to have my money released to me. The neighbours have to go to a function, so they can drop me off, but they won't be able to drive me back. I suppose that's okay ... I do know of a bus that goes near the bank that will take me back to the ferry ... let's just hope that the schedules work together, aye?

I need vehicle. If I had one, I wouldn't be limited to the island for work. I could go off and find something that would sustain me, the house, and the commute. Maybe. Many others here do it ... I haven't given up on finding a job here though. Especially since I don't have a car ... :) Luck could change though. Mom mentioned possibly signing theirs over to me ... if they couldn't get a good trade deal for it. that would be fortune indeed ... but also another worry. Not that I 'm going to look a gift horse in the mouth ...

Right now, even a horse would be grand.

I wonder how much they'd charge me on the ferry?

Sweet Dreams

Beast's Beauty

November 15, 2009 - 12:00

Well, I'd better sit down and write something before somebody comes down here to make me do it.

... O.o! ... Wait ...

I haven't felt the need to type things out as keenly in the past couple of days, and I've slipped back into the habit of "writing" in my mental journal ... some of my best work gets lost that way. For example, I had a great line to open today with and I lost it even as I stated to write. I think it's time to bring out the scrap paper again. Only works in the house though.

The sudden need faded a bit after I wrote a hand written entry ... but not the usual kind. No, this was written in letter form ... written to him. The healing wasn't complete ... but the difference was immediate. I was calm again. Almost relaxed. It's amazing how badly I can need a body that doesn't want me at all. No, that's not true ... he wants me, he's just not willing to give up anything he has.

Well, there are further reasons ... deeper reasons ... but we're not going to go into that here.

There are so many different kinds of love ... so many varying degrees of it. Even 'like' is a form of love ... as is 'preference'. I wonder then ... would 'dislike' then be a form of hate? Perhaps ... yes, I think so. An acceptable level of it though ... redeemable.

That doesn't have so much to do with the conversation, but it popped into my head and I didn't want to lose it. Sometimes it feels like I'm thinking somebody else's words ... I don't like to lose them as they are sometimes important. Maybe not just to me?

It's been rather ugly here for the last 24 hours ... and yet, there is beauty even in the ugliness. One only has to take the time, make the effort, to see it. Just because it's not what you'd prefer, or thought you wanted, doesn't mean that it can't make you happy still ... or offer you a measure of peace in it's own way. I'm not just talking about silver linings either ... but this may be something that you have to discover for yourself, rather than be taught. There is a measure of belief involved, I think, more than knowledge.

My walks are starting to have their effect ... I think. I take the dog out 6 days a week for anywhere from half an hour to a full hour. In addition to this, last week, I walked a full hour to the shopping centre here ... wow ... what a workout. It was the hills that made it seem so much farther than it really was. That, and there not being a straight path to anything around here. I got a ride home, by lucky chance, and it took less than ten minutes to get me home. I think that I could do it again, but I'm going to be horribly tired when I get back (unless I luck into another ride!) We do have the car stops here ... I may depend on one on the way home ...

One of my cousins doesn't understand why I don't have a job yet. She thinks I should get one in Victoria, instead of trying to find one here. She thinks I should walk to the ferry everyday, walk on to the ferry and then ... what? The Victoria ferry doesn't actually land in Victoria, and it doesn't always go on a direct trip either ... and I'll need a bus ... then the work shift ... then I have to bus back to the ferry .... hope I get there in time for a ferry that will actually take me home ... only to have to face the walk back to the house. That's a whole lot of money and energy right there. One I don't have, and the other, I'm really not willing to spend so lavishly. Especially when I know I'll have a mess or two to clean up when I get home ...

No ... there's no way I'd get a job to make that worth the effort. Not for the temp time that I'll be here. Probably not even for a permanent stay either. Not without a vehicle. Nope. Too many times I've had to sacrifice, to put myself further into debt, in order to start making money for the paying of the debts. I know a losing streak when I see one. There has to be something that I can do here. There HAS to be.

Well, it's time to feed myself, and get some house work done ... and prep for tomorrow night. I hope I get to see some of the meteors ...

My thanks to Lavender for her supportive efforts, and to Jackie for her moral support and distractions.

I'm craving steak ...

Sweet Dreams!

PS. Lavender, I don't think that you are entirely correct in regards to my watcher. Difficult to describe. Will chat with you later about it. However, I feel sheltered, and welcome, when I'm there now. For that alone, I could be seduced ...

I'm a Believer

November 11, 2009 - 13:49

Today, Ripley and I got lost ... and loved it. We took the Galleon/Bosun Trail today, on the way home from our usual walk. It was an impulsive choice and my only regret was that I didn't have a camera ... or a bottle of water. :) Ripley was perfectly happy on the trail too ... he was the leader for once. I only had to nudge him twice ... once because he couldn't read a sign asking us to use a different path during the wet weather, and then I had to coax him to use the little foot bridge in a place where there was actually decently running water.

It was a bit odd in there too. I felt happy, relaxed ... and anxious. I thought it was quite odd to be feeling anxious. I didn't know where the trail came out, but I wasn't worried about it. Then I recognised the feeling in my chest ... and looked behind me. The Life Presence of the Forest was almost masking it, but now that I was looking for it, I saw it. I was being followed. I didn't feel threatened though. Just watched. I had Somebody's attention. I turned back to the path and kept going. Not too much I could do about it without stirring things up ... and if it wasn't a threat, then there was little point in reacting defensively. I think I surprised it by noticing it though. It didn't follow me too much further. I saw a couple other trails, and a deer feeder ... and came to a fork with no signage. Great. Thinking about my bearings, I chose a path ... and eventually came out at Disc Park. Uh oh ... a familiar name, but wasn't quite sure where I was. I could see the ocean though ... wait, where was the lake? Hmm ... using the ocean as a landmark, I started walking ... and about 10 minutes later came across a welcome sight. The mailbox.

Well, now I know the island a bit better. The map in my mind is getting bigger.

Jackie and Lavender would have LOVED that forest. There were a few places where it was so beautiful that I didn't know if I should cry, or cream. ;)

If the sun is out again tomorrow, I'll go back again ... with a camera. And I hope the lighting is good enough. I'd better bring batteries too ...

oops ... mind wandered ...

I hope I find my notes soon. I want to get some serious writing done!

Sweet Dreams!

Shaping Up, Even While Falling Down

November 10, 2009 - 23:35
Music: Does Your Mother Know That You're Out?

Yes, ABBA ... live with it!

The day started out rather blah ... Sitting at the keyboard this morning, I could feel it weighing on me. My slouch deepened, I was restless and apathetic all at once, and I was miserable to the point of tears.

I probably could have just sat here until I cried, and got it over and done with, but I decided against it. I got up and got busy ... did the dishes, tidied up the living room, and then sat down to watch a movie and read my book. Finally saw Watchmen ... interesting ...

Spot is chasing a large spider in the bathroom. Not tarantula size, but large enough to be fuzzy. I just hope it doesn't bite him back.

Ripley is getting a bit better too. Had another accident last night, but I'm not sure if he didn't try hard enough to wake me, or if I was just so exhausted that I wouldn't wake. Either way, he is improving. He knows that he won't get people food just because he begs for it, he sits when I tell him too and has gotten very good about staying still until he's towelled off and his feet are dry. He's even learning to play a bit. We played soccer with his pig's ear for two days until he finally started to chew on it a bit. We take turns chasing each other too, although it doesn't last as long because he likes to run in circles, and I can't handle that as much. Which may be the plan ...

And Simon remains Simon. Aloof unless you have a cozy lap that he may require. He and Spot take turns ambushing each other ... which Ripley tries to join in on ... earning "elder sibling dirty looks" from the cats ... especially when one is about the pounce and he gives away their position. Very amusing.

More has been unpacked and the house is getting some organization done ... granted, it's mine, but I'll be the one living here. So there. :P A few more boxes/containers to go ... I should be done in time to pack it all up again. ;)

Still no job ... finally got a hold of the hardware store, but their call to me was just to let me know that my resume had been received, and while they weren't hiring at this time, they wanted to keep it on file, just in case. *sigh* in a couple of days, I'll try to call up the Cove in a few days and see what date they put me off to next. Frustrating. Meanwhile, I am going to spread around my PartyLite propaganda ... my main hope will be to present Fundraiser pamphlets to the Community Hall ... and maybe to the school(s). 35% is nothing to sneeze at and Christmas IS coming ... 44 days, I've heard ...

Hopefully my web site will start to see some ordering action soon. It would be nice ... and I could certainly use the paycheque!!

I had a lot of things that I wanted to say this morning, but they were born from the depression. I tend to wax poetic then, but the phrases and theories are no less amusing. Emo, I guess. I have to learn to write them down. I found my paper ...

I'm very lonely here. Yes, I have an Auntie right up the street (20 min walk) but she's usually working when I go by on my walks. It's my friends that I miss ... and I admit that the lack of communication from Jade while he's in Peru is wearing on me as well. And all the rain isn't helping much either. Seriously ... I've moved to "Forks", just with less town and more trees ... and only two cops. ;)

I dreamed of meeting somebody last night ... felt a bit odd ... like it was more than a dream, but who knows when it'll happen, if it does. Sometimes my dreams take years to come true. I'll be paying close attention though ... wish I had a more stable sleeping pattern for them though.

I've gotten used to sleeping on the king size, but it's still not my bed of choice.

Sweet Dreams!

I've Got the Achey Breaky Body Blues

November 8, 2009 - 00:09

Oh, I so hurt right now. And I think it'll get worse before it gets better. I'm actually considering a bath ...

It's been raining for the past couple of days. Raining almost non-stop. Last night's show included lightening, but no thunder. the night before that included fireworks ... Yeah, fireworks ... No, I don't know. I'm sure there was booze involved though. Who sets off a series of fireworks at midnight on a Thursday night, at the bottom of a populated hill ... in the middle of a rain storm!! We're talking high winds and lots of rain ... The darn things were at eye level to me as I sat in my chair watching TV. What if they'd gone sideways in the wind? I'm surprised there didn't seem to be any complaints ...

Anyway, that's not why I'm sore ...

I walked to the Driftwood Centre. Technically, this is our "mall". I was going for a few things from the grocery store. It took me an hour to get there. One hill in particular almost killed me. Wow. I got to the top and was SO dizzy ... I could feel my cheeks heating up from being flushed with exertion. Realised that I didn't have any water with me ... damn. Kept going though and got my second wind a little after that. It was a very good walk ... but I was very glad to have caught my Auntie at the end of her shift at the store. I got a ride home. And that distance that I struggled with? Suddenly seemed so short. *sigh*

I'm sure it will seem shorter as I do it more often. It's quite the hike though, so I don't intend on doing it too often. :) It may, or may not be better with a bike ... but at the same time, I don't know that a bike would be safer. The roads here don't have a shoulder to ride on at all. If I'm out there after a ferry has unloaded, it could cause a problem. We'll see.

Agh ... achy ... not enough water, I guess.

I got my laundry and most of the dishes done today. Tomorrow, I plan on tidying up a bit more ... getting my things hung up (and out of boxes) and attacking the floors with a good broom. My fingers are twitching for a swiffer though ... *sigh* I miss my things and knowing where to find them!

I want my own place again ... I know that I'm here alone, but it's still somebody else's house. Somebody else's things. I'll have to stay long enough to save up money for the homecoming ... and finding a place to stay ... and getting new furniture to replace what I had to leave behind or give away. It's going to be tough. It'll be tougher still if I can't get a job soon.

I will find something. I will succeed. I will become something that I haven't been for a very long time ... a winner.

Thought for the day: Sealing your dreams in amber will keep them safe for an untold number of years, possibly even centuries ... but if you intend to live those dreams, you must set them free.

Sweet Dreams!

One Day at a Time ... Na, Na, Na, Nah

November 5, 2009 - 13:07

I had meant to write again last night, but I was feeling a bit foggy in the head and decided to read a bit before bed instead. It's been fairly rainy here all day, so maybe I was feeling the weather coming in. Needless to say, I didn't take my usual hour walk, although it was tempting with all the fresh smells and bright colours. However I was held back by the soaking wet dog I had with me. I felt that he would be happier if I didn't. (Okay, I would be happier if we didn't.) But it was still tempting.

It also meant that I didn't put my bike together yet. Might do that a little later when I go out for wood though. At least then it'll be done and ready if I need it.

I've also put off my walk to the Market so that I can see how long it takes me. I figure it would be better to go when I actually need something. As nice as the walk would be, I'm sure there are things here that I could direct my energies toward instead. My fingers itch for a Swiffer to attack all this hair, but all I have is a vacuum. (I think - I haven't found it yet though) And the laundry should be done soon, as well as a shower. And I need to finish unpacking my clothes, and wash the dishes and set up my room better.

I tried to sleep in the King size bed last night. What a horrible foam mattress. Memory foam. Very difficult to shift my position, so I was achy and crackly when I woke up. My hips sank in the mattress so I felt like I was sleeping in an easy chair or something. Horrible mattress. Not going back, thanks. I'll save it for company.

I've been tidying things up this morning. Made myself some egg sandwiches. First I've had since I go there ... Mom has turned me on to bagels and cream cheese. (Cream cheese is Light, though, so it's not quite as sinful as it sounds)

Actually watched Seven Brides for Seven Brothers last night. It was amusing. Especially the choreography.

Thought for the day: Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path, and leave a trail.

Sweet Dreams!

All Alone Again ...

November 3, 2009 - 19:18

Hmm ... all that fuss to get me to write more often, because they read every day, just in case ... and no comments. Hmmm ... :)

Mom left early this morning. Despite all the maps she printed off, she managed to get lost. And then she waited in front of the building, when she finally found it, for a few hours ... because the landlady thought she wasn't arriving until tomorrow.

I shall have a good trip home, when the time comes, and break this curse!

The house felt strange today. Not so much that the presence of the extra person was missing, but the lack of extra noise was notice-able. Mom always has the TV on ... either on a DIY Designer program or on the satellite music. Doesn't anybody just sit back and listen to the world anymore? Reminded me of my Ex-MiL ... she didn't like the country because there were no convenience stores she could walk to, not many neighbours to gossip with, no buses, and the city noise was gone. Nobody knows why she was so gung-ho to move out there in the first place! Luckily, Mom is a person who finds trouble to get into instead to making it for others!

Enough of that though ... Dona is not allowed in these entries anymore. Nothing new-worthy there.

So anyway, Mom has left, and safely arrived at her new temporary place. Ripley has been watching the door since she left. He thinks she'll be back any minute. I think he's getting worried though ... he stopped facing the door and went to lay in the bed. She's late, I guess.

So I'm sitting here in the guest room/office, warming up with a lovely fire in my wood stove ... and listening to some music as I write. I'm wondering what I've done with my story lines because I foresee many inspiring nights of writing again. THIS is what I've been craving. this was something that Jade had unintentionally taken away from me. My best writing time is in the wee hours. He missed holding me and found the clacking of the board disturbing. Bye, bye writing hour ... and hello to the beginning of my slump. Not his fault really ... just a bit of a milestone. One I carried on my shoulders.

Moving on ...

I'm going to enjoy the challenge of living here on my own. Especially without a car. Tomorrow I intend to finally put my bike together and see how long it takes me to get to the Market/MiniMall ... Shouldn't be too long. Would be easy-peasy, if not for the hills ... we'll see. At least I don't have to worry about predators. Only deer, and one farmer's loose funky ducks.

That reminds me, I finally got back into contact with The Green Man! Apparently, his e-mail stopped working because he moved ... switched provinces, in fact. He's now only a few hours north of me, here in BC. Wretch. Here I thought he might have blocked me or something ... Missed his letters ...

Allison Crowe will be here for a concert! Wonder if I'll go ...

Guess we'll have to wait and see what the money situation will be like. I do know that there are a few movies coming up that I really want to see.

Such a lovely fire ...

Sweet Dreams!

Over There! Over There!! Over Hill, Over Dale, Over There!!

November 2, 2009 - 22:24

Okay, so I have the car all (or mostly) packed up for Mom to drive to her new place tomorrow. (I have to get a picture of Teddy ... he's dressed for travel!) She's a little excited, a bit anxious, and very tired of "moving"! She is also very tired of being broke - just like me.

I do wish that my brother, Michael, had waited until I was settled to be paid back the money that he lent me for this trip out here. I had been counting on the extra funds to not only pay for rent, but to make sure that I had a good head start on paying off left over bills, and buying food, etc. Now I can only hope that I get a bit from EI. Hope I don't get burned for telling the truth, but with the government you can never tell, can you?

So, arriving destitute (again) on my mother's doorstep, I found myself in a situation of needing a job asap. I called the one place that expressed interest in seeing me as soon as I arrived ... and waited for days for them to return the calls I made to them. Finally got a call back and they'd like to arrange to meet me around the 15th. Still hadn't set up an actual appointment with me though, so I'm not holding my breath.

It is NOT a good time to be looking for work here ... and I know it. But needs must, when the situation drives ... and the situation is definitely driving me to a bitter end. (Yes, I adjusted the familiar phrase, but do you have any idea how hard it is to find good solid phrases that don't mention the Devil - I character that I can't exactly us because I don't believe he exists? My one weakness is that I still say 'Go to Hell'. My defense is that even if I don't believe, they do.)

Where was I? Ah, yes ... Tomorrow morning Mom leaves and I will be left pretty much alone with the dog and 2 cats (who aren't all sure about each other yet.) No car. Bike isn't put together yet, but I've been doing alot of walking. I'm tempted to drive with Mom to the ferry and then walk home after, just to see how long it will take ... except that I KNOW it bloody far, even by car. I guesstimate about 3 hours. Maybe a bit under ...

On the other hand, I'd get some great photos in ...

We'll see how awake I am.

It really is beautiful here, but it's going to take more than beauty to make me want to stay. I don't feel like I belong here ... yet. I feel like I've stepped into somebody else's space for a bit. Like I haven't yet forged a connection to the island. I'm not grounded. I don't want to force it either ... either the island accepts me or it doesn't. I think part of the problem is that I am here in my parent's house. It might be easier if I had my own ...

Jade left for Peru today. I haven't heard from him since he tried to help me when I got lost in Vancouver. No, that's not true. He texted me a couple times after that ... but then got tied up and busy getting ready for Peru. I don't blame him for not saying something ... I know what it's like to prepare for a big trip like that. And I also know that his parents would have taken up as much of his time as possible. I sent him a note that he hopefully read before boarding the plane. I understand ... but it still stings a bit, aye?

I very much enjoyed seeing Harry Potter 6 on Samhain night ... I was afraid that I'd have to see it alone. And it was trickling out of theatres when I left the city. So I got to see it on an almost big screen, and with a loved one. (Not the loved one I wanted to see it with, but I'm not going to quibble. With Mom, I could make sure we had front row seats!!)

I miss my friends. I miss chatting with them, and doing things. I keep waiting to see if anybody will show up for a visit ... Jackie would love the photo ops, Lavender would be ecstatic (and tired, and maybe sore) with the walking work outs ... It's a great little place for a relaxing vacation for any size budget. And it only has ONE current PartyLite Rep ... me.

Big day tomorrow ... need some rest.

Sweet Dreams!

And so, Goddess, I thankit ...

November 2, 2009 - 00:33
Music: If - Bread

I'm being jogged around by popular demand, so here I am ...

The day-late adventure of the trip to Pender ... egad. What I would have given to have been a passenger and not the driver! It was exhilarating, and frightening all at once. Some of it was beautiful, and some was stressful and scary. Some of it I just don't remember because I slept through it.

No, really.

I pulled over, when I could, to stretch and get some fresh air. There were only a couple of stops where I could bring Spot out. It was at the second one ... Thunder Creek? where I felt a change in the air. A change that quickly made it's presence known. It started to snow. (Side note: Very beautiful stop ... but had a strong presence that made me feel watched. The strength of it made me a bit uncomfortable ... mostly because I couldn't locate the source!)

Part of me wasn't alarmed. It was just a few flakes here and there ... another part of me went stiff with dread. I felt myself moved to follow the instincts of the second feeling and rushed Spot back into his box. He was cold enough that he didn't complain too much and we were off.

It was the last pit stop we'd make for the next few hours.

I had a lot of trouble keeping myself awake. There was nobody to talk to, the Sirius satelite radio was repetative, and my family had packed my travel CD's away ... there were times I kept myself alert by talking aloud to myself ... even if it was just to recite the alphbet. Ironically, I sang a lot of lullabies too. Songs from Choral class in high school. I pulled over to another lovely spot just minutes (I discovered later) from the border, and Mt Robson Park ... I tried to take a bit of a nap. Hard to get comfy, though, when you can't move your seat. I eventually half curled in the driver's seat, with a half pack of toilet paper rolls on the centre console for a pillow. I'm not sure how long I slept ... not too long, I think, but I felt refreshed and pushed on again. It had stopped snowing before I arrived, but that didn't last too much longer. Snow fell in flits, spits, and spurts. Sometimes there was a smattering of rain, but it soon developed into a full blown blizzard. Within minutes, the snow was impressively deep. I couldn't see the road. The only thing that kept me on track (and slowed me down!!) was a large truck in fron of me. I followed in his tracks until it was safe to pass him (read: extra lane presented itself!)

By the time I landed myself at a gas station/A&W in Kamloops, I was shaking from strain and exhaustion. I walked like I'd been out horseback riding for the past hour or so. I probably looked like I'd been through Hell and back. I got a couple maps and once I'd eaten and made a few texts and calls to the concerned (<3) I made my way to a hotel, doing my best to not go to far from the highway, 'cause I didn't want to lose it.

I ended up at the Acadian. I walked in to the office and was immediately enveloped in the scent of curry. The kind gentleman manager seemed to like my looks (or pitied them, I don't know) and only charged me $65 for the room. And he didn't charge me for Spot, even though I warned him up front that I had him. Delightful.

I put Spot and a couple necessaries into the room, set out food and water, opened the cage and ran out to Superstore for some litter. If you are ever stuck in a rut for littler while travelling, Stupidstore has these lovely liner trays with the litter already in it. Just peel back the paper. $4. Nice.

I was a little concerned that Spot hadn't been able to go to the bathroom during his two pit stops. What concerned me more was that he never used the litter that I bought. I should have taken it with me, but it had no way of securing it, and no way to let him use it in the car. It got left behind. Got up early the next morning - earlier than I had intended ... I didn't have a clock in the room and had to use my cell phone -which I forgot had an alarm. I also forgot to figure for the time zone in my head. I ended up doing the Coquihalla in the dark after all.

I wish that had been my only concern.

Another blizzard ... on the highest point of the Yellowhead highway in all of Canada. *sigh*

Again, the accumulation was impressive. Apparently, they closed the Coquihalla down ... a little after I went through it. When I went through I was the second car behind a highway grader. We passed a rest stop that I knew I wouldn't try to stop at ... I was worried that I wouldn't get in, never mind out ... too much snow.

I got past the snow ... and got into falling rock/avalanche area, where stopping is not allowed. Apparently, my need to stop was so great that I opened my eyes in time to find myself on the wrong side of road ... and headed straight for the river. Thank Everything Good that I was alone on that highway for long stretches at a time. Felt like I was the only one driving this highway!!

Back on track, and saying the alphabet at the top of my lungs, I continued on my way.

I can't recall if I stopped somewhere between there and Vancouver ... but the fun didn't stop there. See, nobody told me what turnoff I'd actually need to find the Tsawassen Ferry ... Jade gave me some direction but assumed that there would be plenty of signage for the ferry. And there was ... for Horseshoe Bay. I got lost for three hours. I should have made it in plenty of time for the morning ferry - blizzard or no. I missed it completely. Stopped somwhere for directions and gas. Decided that hte directions were a bit on the complex side since I was completely unfamilair withthe area and stressed to the max. Jade tried to help by text, but I got to a breaking point and ended up spouting some foul language. I was pulled over to text this and a handsome city worker came up behindme to make sure things were alright. He tried to help me, but while he knew where to go, he wasn't sure how to describe it to somebody who wasn't even passingly familiar with the area. *sigh*

I ended up at Horseshoe Bay. Accidentally burst into tears when I explained to the tollbooth lady that I was lost, and she gave me a map (which helped the earlier directions make sense!!) She directed me to a "secret exit", opened the remote gate for me, and I was off again ... feeling a sense of hope and courage. I was at Tswassen Ferry with 45 minutes. Jade was almost as relieved as I was. (I texted him at red lights.)

I had to wait about an hour until the 5:00 ferry, which would take me to Swartz Bay (Victoria), where I had to get off the ferry, use a special u-turn, and come back to load onto another ferry. Alot of work, but, believe it or not, faster than waiting for the 7:00 ferry that would have taken me directly to Otter Bay.

Joyce met me at the Otter Bay parking lot. 15 minutes of curves and hills later, I was sitting in a warm chair, watching TV and trying to keep an eye out for Spot (who had retreated behind the washing machine to collect himself)

We slept in the next morning, unpacked the Flex (I'll miss it) and caught the afternoon ferry to Vancouver. The Edmonton location had lied to me about not having any locations in Victoria (the easier, and less expensive ferry). Apparently, they didn't want me to drop the car off there because hty have trouble getting them back! Anyway, the Vancouver International location was horrified by my experience with the Edmonton location (what a joke!) ... they didn't charge me the extra, extra day, and I got over a $100 in free coupons to local attractions (that I won't use because I need a vehicle to get to them!)

Not alot of pics were taken on the trip, but I will post a few soon. I keep them coming too ...

Yes, the updates too. ;)

No job yet. Harry Potter was utterly brilliant. The island is green and I'm getting daily walks in. Spiders have not been in attendance ... but I don't mind.

Sweet Dreams!