November 25, 2009 - 22:50
I don't know where to start today ... I guess I should start with the usual and lead up to the boggling part.
I'm pretty lonely out here. You might have noticed me expressing this in recent entries. It wasn't much better when I was in the city, but at least I had the occassional visitor ... I saw Lavender about once a week for our walks or rides. Jackie would drag herself over once in a blue moon for pizza and gossip. And Jade would stop by once a month ... and, of course, I had a job I enjoyed with co-workers that I was happy to work with. I was starting to climb back to a solid position financially ... and the new apartment I would have gotten would have solidified that for sure.
I don't regret the move out here. It's beautiful ... and even though it's raining alot (we've long since passed the record rainfall for the month) I find it peaceful, and there has been healing here. Healing that I'm not sure I would have achieved so quickly in the city. But I was here for a purpose. I sacrificed my security for the sake of family that needed me. My parents didn't want to lose their house while they stayed on the mainland following Albert's surgery procedure. So I'm here to keep up the house, and watch Ripley and Simon.
My dad is making good strides with his recovery process. He's very enthusiastic about getting better - that alone makes my heart soar with relief. That made it worth coming out.
But I recieved some stunning news today. My sacrifice may have been not so needed after all.
My parents (or at least, my mother) has decided that they are happier on the mainland ... they want to find a place to move to after the Olympics are over, and they want me to to move in with them.
I couldn't quite hold back a feeling of betrayal. A small twinge ... quickly suppressed. This is probably an extreme reaction, but it was there. There was also a bit of abandonment. Couldn't help that one either. The vehicle I was in has taken a sudden and unexpected turn and I've bumped my head against the window. I'm a little over my head here ... trying to satisfy three needy pets, trying to find a job is a place that's pretty much shut down for the season, trying to scrape money to pay for the usual costs, and trying to deal with my personal status ... which I still haven't figured out yet.
My mother did say that if I didn't like the idea of living on the mainland with them, then they would pay for my Security Deposit for my new place ... wherever that is. So, to go home I'll only have to cough up the cash to go back and pay one month's rent. We're looking at about $2000. PLUS, I'll have to have my bills all paid off.
I'm feeling the tension of the expanding task before me ... and it's not pretty. I can only hope to get a decent job quickly. And pray that I find a way to juggle my hours with the needs of a leaky dog.
In Ripley's defense, he's NEVER been trained. Ever. From what I understand, he was picked up in Alaska as a stray. When the person decided to have him destroyed, a friend of theirs/my neighbour offered to take him home to save him. She brought him back to the city, and then decided that she didn't want him (not sure of the reason, but he was and uncontrollable ball of energy. Step in the next rescuer - my Mother. A dog was the last thing she needed, and Albert was less than thrilled about it all. Anyway, he evetually calmed a it as time went on and he wasn't as worried about being ditched again, but he's still never really been trained. I'm working on it ... but you know what they say about "old dogs".
Anyway, that's what I'm currently facing. I'm trying not to let it bother me so much right now ... I've got a few months to get things in some kind of order and get ready for whatever is to happen next ... and to get my comics paid for. (Oh, I miss my comics, and my mangas!! Thank you, Oh Mighty Shepherd, for agreeing to store it all until I can return for it. Yes, a payment is on it's way.)
I want a hug. I want the company of friends. I want the world to stop rocking.
I want to come home ...
Sweet Dreams!
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