A Happy New Year ... Would Be a Nice Change of Pace

(aka Where Have All the Aliens Gone?)

December 29, 2009 - 00:13

So, I meant to have a nice Solstice message put up, but my Mom tends to take over the computer when she visits with me. Doesn't matter if it's my computer or hers. She's on it. And when she's not, she's asking me to hurry what I'm doing so she can get back on it.

Escape much?

Anyway, I've been to Vancouver and back. Decent enough place, but I wouldn't want to live there. (Sorry, Sonnet, but it's true.) Such a tiny place my parents are renting there. Again, decent enough, if you ignore the fact that the only bathroom is the ensuite. Yep, you have to go through the bedroom to get to it. The front door is incredibly insecure. Even when it's closed, and locked, you can still see the light (and feel the chill) coming around the door. The sound barrier is non- existant between us and the landlord upstairs. And she ALWAYS wears shoes in the house. She's also a pot-head. You could smell it for three nights out of the five I was there. The first night was horrible ... it not only came in the apartment through the furnace ducts, it just billowed outside when I had to take the dog out.

For those of you who don't recall, pot gives me nose bleeds. Luckily, the exposure was minimal.

I had a bit of trouble containing my hormones and got cranky ... often. Mostly when I was tired or hungry. I really did try though. And I told Mom it was PMS so that she didn't let it bother her too much. Apparently, she didn't believe me ... and the look on her face when she saw me take a pad into the bathroom was quite priceless. She's forgotten how much wilder the swings are when I'm off "the pill." Quite frankly, so had I.

My own inner turmoil hasn't helped much either. I've been told that I'm a very brave person with a really big heart and I had made a huge sacrifice to be here to do what I can for my parents. Many people have said this to me. Unfortunately, things haven't been working out as planned, and I can't help the feelings of remorse, self-castigation, and ... thinking that Jade was right. I'm just a loser. Doomed to deal with failures in all aspects of life.

Now, before you get your fingers typing to defend me against myself, I must point out that I KNOW that none of that negative stuff in true. Honestly. But PMS aside, I am still a human being ... and I mourn the fact that I can't do more, never mind what I had intended AS I had intended it. I'm supposed to be covering all aspects here ... rent, utilities, the pets, maintenance of the home ... and I can't. My parents have been supporting me almost entirely. The job I was supposed to have when I got here, didn't happen. I put out resumes, and word of mouth pleas. It wasn't until recently that I was called for an interview, and I've squeezed out every possible penny that I could in the meantime. I wasn't chosen for the applied for position, but my resume was passed on for consideration of another. A position that won't start for another few months. None of this is my fault, I know ... but still ...

I have never felt so doomed. Helpless, I'm used to ... but this feeling of doom ... As of June 1, I have no money. None. What space I have left on my credit cards will go towards food, some PartyLite, and one more payment towards an ongoing bill from home. I have no further income at the moment. Not unless a few juicy orders gets put through my website. And that doesn't seem to be happening either. I have almost 100 customers on file ... and nobody has placed an order since my arrival here. I can't seem to find the right enticement. I've tried sales, contests, charity drives, but nothing seems to work. To be blunt, I haven't had an order go through since August. I finally had two solid leads make their starts ... and I can't even claim them. They'll go under my leader's name. The level of frustration is so high right now that I don't understand why nothing is exploding. And I have nothing to focus my blame on, but myself. No target to draw some of the fire. I can't handle the levels much longer. If I don't get a positive break soon, I'm going to burn out ... but nobody will notice the smoke. Aren't I always on fire?

Okay, okay ... enough of the motional dump. It's good to get it out, but it can go too far, I know.

I'm going to get some sleep and work a few things out in my head. Things will turn out all right in the end. After all, I have my invincibility spell. "Everything is going to be alright." Eventually. I will make it happen.

But first ... some sleep.

Sweet Dreams.

Hooked on a Feeling

December 15, 2009 - 18:39

I admit that I feel quite depressed lately. Abandonned. Like everybody is getting on with their lives and I'm not a part of it. Except maybe as a small thought ... a nudge. A blip on the screen.

Maybe it's just that it's Christmas. More than likely that's it. Maybe tonight I'll go through the decorations more thoroughly and find the twinkle lights ... and put them up in the windows. That might be nice. A bit if a pick me up. No tree, but I can set something up all the same if need be. If I had presents.

Got some cards mailed out. Almost got me in the mood. The snow was wonderful too, even if it only lasted a day. It's pouring rain right now.

I say it again. I live in Forks. I swear.

I feel slightly trapped here ... having to depend on my very kind neighbours for most of my needs because I don't have a vehicle, and still don't have a job. It's ... it's depressing. Demoralising.

I am getting small things accomplished. The house feels ... well, smoother. It flows. Ripley is starting to behave himself. He still has a couple bad habits ... like his begging ... but he seems to be getting happier. He's settling in. He's learned to share too. He gave Spot fleas.

Guess who Spot sleeps with?

I think that loneliness is the greatest factor here. I would have had the lights up sooner if I had somebody to help me with it. Somebody to laugh and giggle with and share a few mugs of hot chocolate with after. Somebody to TALK to!!

I'm tired of being alone.

Sweet Dreams ... they're all I have left.

Dream a Little Dream

December 9, 2009 - 01:40

Dad Update: Back in the hospital today for possible internal bleeding. I blame the blood thinners. Yesterday, he was coming back from a party and fell. Since he was at a party in the hospital, they threw him into x-ray to make sure nothing was broken. Nope. Just swollen.
I really should be in bed and sleeping, but I still have half a can of pop and I don't want to waste it. It's Barq's! :)

I'm contemplating sleeping in the day bed as opposed ot the king size. The room is warmer (wood stove in here) and its more comfortable. The kingsize bed really isn't comfortable, it's damn cold (although cozy enough in the blankets) and anybody walking to the front door can look straight in. Still, all three animals have a habit of sleeping with me (if not ON me) and the King size accomadates us all better.

*sigh* A kingsize bed is such a waste for just one person.

Had my job interview at last and I felt really good about it. I felt very comfortable with the ladies who were "interrogating" me :) and they seemed to genuinely like me back. There's the chance that I might have to wait until mid-January to start, but it'll be worth the wait. If I don't get the job, I'm being considered for at least two other positions, so I'm very hopeful. Still, I'd love the one I applied for.

I came out of that interview feeling the need to celebrate. It was a good feeling. If I get the job, I've been told that have to karaoke ... Hmmm ...

Been having trouble with migraines lately, and I don't know if it's because I'm clenching my jaw, or if I'm clenching my jaw because of the igraine and making it worse. Hard to tell some days. I know my shoulders are tense, so that's not helping either.

*sigh* I need that job!!

I also need a car. I'm glad that I have a neighbour or two that is more than willing to help, but I always feel guilty about asking. One couple especially has practically adopted me. They drove me to Sidney so that I could get to the bank, they take me shopping, invite me to 'tea', supply me with wood, and drove me to my interview. I'm not sure what I can offer them for thanks, but I'm working on it.

I wonder if anybody would notice if I didn't come home again?

Time for bed ...

Sweet Dreams!

Thoughts For the Day ... and Beyond

December 4, 2009 - 16:31

Today's Thought: It appears that my ass has left me. I hope it managed to find somebody who needs it, and will love it, more than I did.

For those of you who haven't noticed, and technically, you all haven't, I've been very bouncy lately. Life right now is very good. It's not perfect yet, but it's very good.

First, and foremost, I have a job interview for a FT job. First FT job I'll have had in years, and it's going to feel very good. It's a desk job, but it'll be doing something that I'm very good at. Organizing, arranging, and coming up with some good ideas. I'm going to SO be in my element. It means that I'll need to go out and get a few nice clothes, but I'm good for now. I mean really, who's going to notice that I currently only have one pair of black slacks and one black skirt? Nobody has caught on yet!

With this job, I can get a vehicle ... and I'll be SO happy. You have NO idea! Thoughts are in the works there ...

My parents almost decided to give up on keeping this house and stay on the mainland, caving in to the doctor's demands. Luckily, a few wiser relatives prevailed. They are not going to give up the house. It helped that the social worker agreed with us too. Mom needs the island. She does NOT need to start over yet again when she finally had something good.

Also, and this has had the brightest effect on me, I got a text that woke me up at 06:00 this morning. I couldn't even get mad over it. He'shomeHe'shomeHe'shomeHe'shomeHe'shomeHe'shomeHe'shome! He's HOME! It's not here, but it's that much closer. I'm hoping that I can talk him into visiting soon. I know it won't be right away though. He just got back. He's got a bit of work to do, so that he can catch up on things like bills. Trust me, I know the feeling.

But he's home ...

I didn't get back to sleep after. I'm not even feeling it. Talk about riding a natural high.

The house is clean (in as much as it can be in a place where you can't keep up with the pet dander/dust), the rain has stopped, and Ripley has been a very good boy lately. VERY good. Kinda makes me fond of him. Almost. Sorta.

This is all happening at the same time! The only thing that could be better wold be if my little business started to do something. It didn't help things that I had to leave my product behind ... but hopefull yhe New Year will see bigger and better things for me in that regard. I want to say that "Everything is going so well!" but I'm afraid of jinxing it. :)

Still ... it does seem to be.

Now if only I had a lover who was HERE ...

Sweet Dreams!

Things To Do ...

November 27, 2009 - 00:23

Music: Everywhere - Michelle Branch
"You're everything that makes me believe that I'm not alone"

There's a half moon out, lighting up the outside world. It's been so cloudy lately that it seems odd ... and welcome. Makes me want to go for a night walk ad see what I run into ... which I'm smart enough to NOT do ... yet.
Things to do today ... after I make myself go to bed and wake up at a decent time ... or a not so decent time. Yes, TODAY, I intend to arrange the carport/shed thingy so that I have a place to pile the wood when I finally get it. I am going to put my wheel on my bike while I'm out there. It keeps falling over in the wind, and it's getting dirty. I'm also going to saw the smaller bits of odd wood that is piled out there. I have discovered that the pile of bark burns just as well, and as long, as a small log, so that works nicely for now. Currently, I'm waiting for the fire to go low enough that I can leave it and go to bed ... it's not cooperating. Not bad for saturated bark ...

I gave in today and texted Jade a small note. I know he won't get it until he comes back into the country, but the sentiment is the same. I'm proud of myself for making it to the half-way point.

Hope fuels Courage ...

I will get a job soon ... I will manage to get through the next few months with pride, strength, and, maybe, a bit of flair. I will do more than survive. I will succeed. I will surpass my needs, and expectations.

I know that everything will be all right. Even me. :)

Sweet Dreams!

The Mountainous Molehill Just Suffered a Quaking Growth Spurt

November 25, 2009 - 22:50

I don't know where to start today ... I guess I should start with the usual and lead up to the boggling part.

I'm pretty lonely out here. You might have noticed me expressing this in recent entries. It wasn't much better when I was in the city, but at least I had the occassional visitor ... I saw Lavender about once a week for our walks or rides. Jackie would drag herself over once in a blue moon for pizza and gossip. And Jade would stop by once a month ... and, of course, I had a job I enjoyed with co-workers that I was happy to work with. I was starting to climb back to a solid position financially ... and the new apartment I would have gotten would have solidified that for sure.

I don't regret the move out here. It's beautiful ... and even though it's raining alot (we've long since passed the record rainfall for the month) I find it peaceful, and there has been healing here. Healing that I'm not sure I would have achieved so quickly in the city. But I was here for a purpose. I sacrificed my security for the sake of family that needed me. My parents didn't want to lose their house while they stayed on the mainland following Albert's surgery procedure. So I'm here to keep up the house, and watch Ripley and Simon.

My dad is making good strides with his recovery process. He's very enthusiastic about getting better - that alone makes my heart soar with relief. That made it worth coming out.

But I recieved some stunning news today. My sacrifice may have been not so needed after all.

My parents (or at least, my mother) has decided that they are happier on the mainland ... they want to find a place to move to after the Olympics are over, and they want me to to move in with them.

I couldn't quite hold back a feeling of betrayal. A small twinge ... quickly suppressed. This is probably an extreme reaction, but it was there. There was also a bit of abandonment. Couldn't help that one either. The vehicle I was in has taken a sudden and unexpected turn and I've bumped my head against the window. I'm a little over my head here ... trying to satisfy three needy pets, trying to find a job is a place that's pretty much shut down for the season, trying to scrape money to pay for the usual costs, and trying to deal with my personal status ... which I still haven't figured out yet.

My mother did say that if I didn't like the idea of living on the mainland with them, then they would pay for my Security Deposit for my new place ... wherever that is. So, to go home I'll only have to cough up the cash to go back and pay one month's rent. We're looking at about $2000. PLUS, I'll have to have my bills all paid off.

I'm feeling the tension of the expanding task before me ... and it's not pretty. I can only hope to get a decent job quickly. And pray that I find a way to juggle my hours with the needs of a leaky dog.

In Ripley's defense, he's NEVER been trained. Ever. From what I understand, he was picked up in Alaska as a stray. When the person decided to have him destroyed, a friend of theirs/my neighbour offered to take him home to save him. She brought him back to the city, and then decided that she didn't want him (not sure of the reason, but he was and uncontrollable ball of energy. Step in the next rescuer - my Mother. A dog was the last thing she needed, and Albert was less than thrilled about it all. Anyway, he evetually calmed a it as time went on and he wasn't as worried about being ditched again, but he's still never really been trained. I'm working on it ... but you know what they say about "old dogs".

Anyway, that's what I'm currently facing. I'm trying not to let it bother me so much right now ... I've got a few months to get things in some kind of order and get ready for whatever is to happen next ... and to get my comics paid for. (Oh, I miss my comics, and my mangas!! Thank you, Oh Mighty Shepherd, for agreeing to store it all until I can return for it. Yes, a payment is on it's way.)

I want a hug. I want the company of friends. I want the world to stop rocking.

I want to come home ...

Sweet Dreams!

Juuuust a little bit tense, I think.

November 21, 2009 - 18:59

It's been a blah day today. A dragged out blah day that ironically went faster than it felt like. You know the kind? You swear the day will go on, and on ... but then you blink and realised that ... wow ... is it that time already?

Of course, it didn't help the day to start at 11:00. I've been sleeping in lots. Been staying up late, I guess.

I'm not entirely sure what to say tonight. Probably why I've been putting this off. Really, there's nothing happening. No work, no socialising ... no life. Ripley is getting a bit better with his manners, but other than that ...

It was almost sunny earlier today. Almost. Was late taking the dog out, because I did some laundry instead. No energy today ... got rained on coming back ... light rain though, nothing major.

Something keeps passing by the house ... and it's starting to bother me. I've always been uneasy about windows, especially when it's dark out. It's never been a problem for me to shunt that feeling away though, once I learned how. Here ... here it's different. Maybe not stronger, but older. Stranger. But it can't come in ... and it doesn't like that. It's hunting for a weak point, I think.

I tried to tell myself that it was just my imagination ... but there was one night in particular that alerted me. I was laying down in bed, almost asleep. Spot ran into the room and leapt onto the bed, onto me, facing the window ... and from that protective stance, he was growling. (Which, of course, set Ripley off who started barking at the window. Spot growled for about 30 seconds ... then relaxed a bit, and got comfy with me. Ripley stopped barking when Spot stopped growling and went back to sleep.

The next day, I noticed that the screen door to the patio doors, in the living room, was open ... and I know it was shut the night before.

That was a few days ago. Today, Ripley started barking while I was in the bathroom. I came out and he was barking at the patio door.

Add this to the stress I'm dealing with as I try to find work in a place where there doesn't seem to be any. *sigh*

To say that there wasn't a lot to say isn't entirely correct ... it's just that I'm having trouble bringing it to the surface. I'm fighting to release the words.

Maybe I will have better luck tomorrow ...

Sweet Dreams ...

Wants, Needs, and Other Necessary Evils

November 17, 2009 - 17:33

Last night is fantastic. It started with my bath, oddly enough. And lasted the rest of the evening. I was simply filled with the most wonderful energy, and feelings of completeness. But not sated ... no, but the sexual tension came a bit later. The power kept going off last night too. The first time, I barely noticed as I had candles lit, but later, as I settled to read a bit, it went off again. Quickly. I took this as a hint and went to bed ... but wasn't sleepy, so I prepared to read in bed. A little later and the lights flickered again. I kept reading. finally the lights just went out. I laughed and settled to sleep. I was still full of energy though, and anything but sleepy, but I made myself relax and I eventually dozed off.

I dreamed of Jade. An unusual occurrance in itself ... I was in Walmart (I think) and he came into the dream angry, and I feared him. I dashed through aisles to dodge and hide and realised that I was wearing only a bath towel (I think I'd had a bath, earlier in the dream.) I saw the cashiers/exit across a huge empty space and made a dash for them. When I got there, I laid down items (no line up - it MUST have been a dream!) for purchase that I hadn't even realised that I was carrying. As I did so, I realised that the towel had loosened and was in danger of slipping and I could only pin it to myself with an arm tucked just under my breasts. At this point, Jade came up behind me and settled casually by my side. He gave me that smile that I love so well, asked if I was okay, and then gave me a wink I haven't seen in a long time ... and said he'd meet me at home. There was love and sincerety in every movement, and expression ... especially in his eyes. (I think that's why I always look ay a person's eyes - there is always truth to be had in the eyes.) I was filled with longing and expectation all at once. Yet, just moments ago, I had feared him. He kissed my forehead and walked away.

Then I woke up ... But I don't know what to think about that, at all. Evil twin? Split personality? Inner struggle, at least, but whose? His or mine? Was it actually me he was chasing? Was it really him that I was running from?

Rain slacked off today. It remained grey, and cloudy, for the most part, but we had some sun and blue patches this morning. Got a ride this afternoon to the Centre and did my parents' banking, and a bit of shopping. Neighbour who drove me was pleasant and very helpful, even suggesting a place where I may try to obtain employment. A winery. I never would have thought of that, myself, as I rarely drink. I am a Barq's-aholic, true, but I wont get drunk off of it ... fat, maybe ...

I have to go take the ferry to the bank on Monday, so that I can arrange to have my money released to me. The neighbours have to go to a function, so they can drop me off, but they won't be able to drive me back. I suppose that's okay ... I do know of a bus that goes near the bank that will take me back to the ferry ... let's just hope that the schedules work together, aye?

I need vehicle. If I had one, I wouldn't be limited to the island for work. I could go off and find something that would sustain me, the house, and the commute. Maybe. Many others here do it ... I haven't given up on finding a job here though. Especially since I don't have a car ... :) Luck could change though. Mom mentioned possibly signing theirs over to me ... if they couldn't get a good trade deal for it. that would be fortune indeed ... but also another worry. Not that I 'm going to look a gift horse in the mouth ...

Right now, even a horse would be grand.

I wonder how much they'd charge me on the ferry?

Sweet Dreams

Beast's Beauty

November 15, 2009 - 12:00

Well, I'd better sit down and write something before somebody comes down here to make me do it.

... O.o! ... Wait ...

I haven't felt the need to type things out as keenly in the past couple of days, and I've slipped back into the habit of "writing" in my mental journal ... some of my best work gets lost that way. For example, I had a great line to open today with and I lost it even as I stated to write. I think it's time to bring out the scrap paper again. Only works in the house though.

The sudden need faded a bit after I wrote a hand written entry ... but not the usual kind. No, this was written in letter form ... written to him. The healing wasn't complete ... but the difference was immediate. I was calm again. Almost relaxed. It's amazing how badly I can need a body that doesn't want me at all. No, that's not true ... he wants me, he's just not willing to give up anything he has.

Well, there are further reasons ... deeper reasons ... but we're not going to go into that here.

There are so many different kinds of love ... so many varying degrees of it. Even 'like' is a form of love ... as is 'preference'. I wonder then ... would 'dislike' then be a form of hate? Perhaps ... yes, I think so. An acceptable level of it though ... redeemable.

That doesn't have so much to do with the conversation, but it popped into my head and I didn't want to lose it. Sometimes it feels like I'm thinking somebody else's words ... I don't like to lose them as they are sometimes important. Maybe not just to me?

It's been rather ugly here for the last 24 hours ... and yet, there is beauty even in the ugliness. One only has to take the time, make the effort, to see it. Just because it's not what you'd prefer, or thought you wanted, doesn't mean that it can't make you happy still ... or offer you a measure of peace in it's own way. I'm not just talking about silver linings either ... but this may be something that you have to discover for yourself, rather than be taught. There is a measure of belief involved, I think, more than knowledge.

My walks are starting to have their effect ... I think. I take the dog out 6 days a week for anywhere from half an hour to a full hour. In addition to this, last week, I walked a full hour to the shopping centre here ... wow ... what a workout. It was the hills that made it seem so much farther than it really was. That, and there not being a straight path to anything around here. I got a ride home, by lucky chance, and it took less than ten minutes to get me home. I think that I could do it again, but I'm going to be horribly tired when I get back (unless I luck into another ride!) We do have the car stops here ... I may depend on one on the way home ...

One of my cousins doesn't understand why I don't have a job yet. She thinks I should get one in Victoria, instead of trying to find one here. She thinks I should walk to the ferry everyday, walk on to the ferry and then ... what? The Victoria ferry doesn't actually land in Victoria, and it doesn't always go on a direct trip either ... and I'll need a bus ... then the work shift ... then I have to bus back to the ferry .... hope I get there in time for a ferry that will actually take me home ... only to have to face the walk back to the house. That's a whole lot of money and energy right there. One I don't have, and the other, I'm really not willing to spend so lavishly. Especially when I know I'll have a mess or two to clean up when I get home ...

No ... there's no way I'd get a job to make that worth the effort. Not for the temp time that I'll be here. Probably not even for a permanent stay either. Not without a vehicle. Nope. Too many times I've had to sacrifice, to put myself further into debt, in order to start making money for the paying of the debts. I know a losing streak when I see one. There has to be something that I can do here. There HAS to be.

Well, it's time to feed myself, and get some house work done ... and prep for tomorrow night. I hope I get to see some of the meteors ...

My thanks to Lavender for her supportive efforts, and to Jackie for her moral support and distractions.

I'm craving steak ...

Sweet Dreams!

PS. Lavender, I don't think that you are entirely correct in regards to my watcher. Difficult to describe. Will chat with you later about it. However, I feel sheltered, and welcome, when I'm there now. For that alone, I could be seduced ...

I'm a Believer

November 11, 2009 - 13:49

Today, Ripley and I got lost ... and loved it. We took the Galleon/Bosun Trail today, on the way home from our usual walk. It was an impulsive choice and my only regret was that I didn't have a camera ... or a bottle of water. :) Ripley was perfectly happy on the trail too ... he was the leader for once. I only had to nudge him twice ... once because he couldn't read a sign asking us to use a different path during the wet weather, and then I had to coax him to use the little foot bridge in a place where there was actually decently running water.

It was a bit odd in there too. I felt happy, relaxed ... and anxious. I thought it was quite odd to be feeling anxious. I didn't know where the trail came out, but I wasn't worried about it. Then I recognised the feeling in my chest ... and looked behind me. The Life Presence of the Forest was almost masking it, but now that I was looking for it, I saw it. I was being followed. I didn't feel threatened though. Just watched. I had Somebody's attention. I turned back to the path and kept going. Not too much I could do about it without stirring things up ... and if it wasn't a threat, then there was little point in reacting defensively. I think I surprised it by noticing it though. It didn't follow me too much further. I saw a couple other trails, and a deer feeder ... and came to a fork with no signage. Great. Thinking about my bearings, I chose a path ... and eventually came out at Disc Park. Uh oh ... a familiar name, but wasn't quite sure where I was. I could see the ocean though ... wait, where was the lake? Hmm ... using the ocean as a landmark, I started walking ... and about 10 minutes later came across a welcome sight. The mailbox.

Well, now I know the island a bit better. The map in my mind is getting bigger.

Jackie and Lavender would have LOVED that forest. There were a few places where it was so beautiful that I didn't know if I should cry, or cream. ;)

If the sun is out again tomorrow, I'll go back again ... with a camera. And I hope the lighting is good enough. I'd better bring batteries too ...

oops ... mind wandered ...

I hope I find my notes soon. I want to get some serious writing done!

Sweet Dreams!

Shaping Up, Even While Falling Down

November 10, 2009 - 23:35
Music: Does Your Mother Know That You're Out?

Yes, ABBA ... live with it!

The day started out rather blah ... Sitting at the keyboard this morning, I could feel it weighing on me. My slouch deepened, I was restless and apathetic all at once, and I was miserable to the point of tears.

I probably could have just sat here until I cried, and got it over and done with, but I decided against it. I got up and got busy ... did the dishes, tidied up the living room, and then sat down to watch a movie and read my book. Finally saw Watchmen ... interesting ...

Spot is chasing a large spider in the bathroom. Not tarantula size, but large enough to be fuzzy. I just hope it doesn't bite him back.

Ripley is getting a bit better too. Had another accident last night, but I'm not sure if he didn't try hard enough to wake me, or if I was just so exhausted that I wouldn't wake. Either way, he is improving. He knows that he won't get people food just because he begs for it, he sits when I tell him too and has gotten very good about staying still until he's towelled off and his feet are dry. He's even learning to play a bit. We played soccer with his pig's ear for two days until he finally started to chew on it a bit. We take turns chasing each other too, although it doesn't last as long because he likes to run in circles, and I can't handle that as much. Which may be the plan ...

And Simon remains Simon. Aloof unless you have a cozy lap that he may require. He and Spot take turns ambushing each other ... which Ripley tries to join in on ... earning "elder sibling dirty looks" from the cats ... especially when one is about the pounce and he gives away their position. Very amusing.

More has been unpacked and the house is getting some organization done ... granted, it's mine, but I'll be the one living here. So there. :P A few more boxes/containers to go ... I should be done in time to pack it all up again. ;)

Still no job ... finally got a hold of the hardware store, but their call to me was just to let me know that my resume had been received, and while they weren't hiring at this time, they wanted to keep it on file, just in case. *sigh* in a couple of days, I'll try to call up the Cove in a few days and see what date they put me off to next. Frustrating. Meanwhile, I am going to spread around my PartyLite propaganda ... my main hope will be to present Fundraiser pamphlets to the Community Hall ... and maybe to the school(s). 35% is nothing to sneeze at and Christmas IS coming ... 44 days, I've heard ...

Hopefully my web site will start to see some ordering action soon. It would be nice ... and I could certainly use the paycheque!!

I had a lot of things that I wanted to say this morning, but they were born from the depression. I tend to wax poetic then, but the phrases and theories are no less amusing. Emo, I guess. I have to learn to write them down. I found my paper ...

I'm very lonely here. Yes, I have an Auntie right up the street (20 min walk) but she's usually working when I go by on my walks. It's my friends that I miss ... and I admit that the lack of communication from Jade while he's in Peru is wearing on me as well. And all the rain isn't helping much either. Seriously ... I've moved to "Forks", just with less town and more trees ... and only two cops. ;)

I dreamed of meeting somebody last night ... felt a bit odd ... like it was more than a dream, but who knows when it'll happen, if it does. Sometimes my dreams take years to come true. I'll be paying close attention though ... wish I had a more stable sleeping pattern for them though.

I've gotten used to sleeping on the king size, but it's still not my bed of choice.

Sweet Dreams!

I've Got the Achey Breaky Body Blues

November 8, 2009 - 00:09

Oh, I so hurt right now. And I think it'll get worse before it gets better. I'm actually considering a bath ...

It's been raining for the past couple of days. Raining almost non-stop. Last night's show included lightening, but no thunder. the night before that included fireworks ... Yeah, fireworks ... No, I don't know. I'm sure there was booze involved though. Who sets off a series of fireworks at midnight on a Thursday night, at the bottom of a populated hill ... in the middle of a rain storm!! We're talking high winds and lots of rain ... The darn things were at eye level to me as I sat in my chair watching TV. What if they'd gone sideways in the wind? I'm surprised there didn't seem to be any complaints ...

Anyway, that's not why I'm sore ...

I walked to the Driftwood Centre. Technically, this is our "mall". I was going for a few things from the grocery store. It took me an hour to get there. One hill in particular almost killed me. Wow. I got to the top and was SO dizzy ... I could feel my cheeks heating up from being flushed with exertion. Realised that I didn't have any water with me ... damn. Kept going though and got my second wind a little after that. It was a very good walk ... but I was very glad to have caught my Auntie at the end of her shift at the store. I got a ride home. And that distance that I struggled with? Suddenly seemed so short. *sigh*

I'm sure it will seem shorter as I do it more often. It's quite the hike though, so I don't intend on doing it too often. :) It may, or may not be better with a bike ... but at the same time, I don't know that a bike would be safer. The roads here don't have a shoulder to ride on at all. If I'm out there after a ferry has unloaded, it could cause a problem. We'll see.

Agh ... achy ... not enough water, I guess.

I got my laundry and most of the dishes done today. Tomorrow, I plan on tidying up a bit more ... getting my things hung up (and out of boxes) and attacking the floors with a good broom. My fingers are twitching for a swiffer though ... *sigh* I miss my things and knowing where to find them!

I want my own place again ... I know that I'm here alone, but it's still somebody else's house. Somebody else's things. I'll have to stay long enough to save up money for the homecoming ... and finding a place to stay ... and getting new furniture to replace what I had to leave behind or give away. It's going to be tough. It'll be tougher still if I can't get a job soon.

I will find something. I will succeed. I will become something that I haven't been for a very long time ... a winner.

Thought for the day: Sealing your dreams in amber will keep them safe for an untold number of years, possibly even centuries ... but if you intend to live those dreams, you must set them free.

Sweet Dreams!

One Day at a Time ... Na, Na, Na, Nah

November 5, 2009 - 13:07

I had meant to write again last night, but I was feeling a bit foggy in the head and decided to read a bit before bed instead. It's been fairly rainy here all day, so maybe I was feeling the weather coming in. Needless to say, I didn't take my usual hour walk, although it was tempting with all the fresh smells and bright colours. However I was held back by the soaking wet dog I had with me. I felt that he would be happier if I didn't. (Okay, I would be happier if we didn't.) But it was still tempting.

It also meant that I didn't put my bike together yet. Might do that a little later when I go out for wood though. At least then it'll be done and ready if I need it.

I've also put off my walk to the Market so that I can see how long it takes me. I figure it would be better to go when I actually need something. As nice as the walk would be, I'm sure there are things here that I could direct my energies toward instead. My fingers itch for a Swiffer to attack all this hair, but all I have is a vacuum. (I think - I haven't found it yet though) And the laundry should be done soon, as well as a shower. And I need to finish unpacking my clothes, and wash the dishes and set up my room better.

I tried to sleep in the King size bed last night. What a horrible foam mattress. Memory foam. Very difficult to shift my position, so I was achy and crackly when I woke up. My hips sank in the mattress so I felt like I was sleeping in an easy chair or something. Horrible mattress. Not going back, thanks. I'll save it for company.

I've been tidying things up this morning. Made myself some egg sandwiches. First I've had since I go there ... Mom has turned me on to bagels and cream cheese. (Cream cheese is Light, though, so it's not quite as sinful as it sounds)

Actually watched Seven Brides for Seven Brothers last night. It was amusing. Especially the choreography.

Thought for the day: Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path, and leave a trail.

Sweet Dreams!

All Alone Again ...

November 3, 2009 - 19:18

Hmm ... all that fuss to get me to write more often, because they read every day, just in case ... and no comments. Hmmm ... :)

Mom left early this morning. Despite all the maps she printed off, she managed to get lost. And then she waited in front of the building, when she finally found it, for a few hours ... because the landlady thought she wasn't arriving until tomorrow.

I shall have a good trip home, when the time comes, and break this curse!

The house felt strange today. Not so much that the presence of the extra person was missing, but the lack of extra noise was notice-able. Mom always has the TV on ... either on a DIY Designer program or on the satellite music. Doesn't anybody just sit back and listen to the world anymore? Reminded me of my Ex-MiL ... she didn't like the country because there were no convenience stores she could walk to, not many neighbours to gossip with, no buses, and the city noise was gone. Nobody knows why she was so gung-ho to move out there in the first place! Luckily, Mom is a person who finds trouble to get into instead to making it for others!

Enough of that though ... Dona is not allowed in these entries anymore. Nothing new-worthy there.

So anyway, Mom has left, and safely arrived at her new temporary place. Ripley has been watching the door since she left. He thinks she'll be back any minute. I think he's getting worried though ... he stopped facing the door and went to lay in the bed. She's late, I guess.

So I'm sitting here in the guest room/office, warming up with a lovely fire in my wood stove ... and listening to some music as I write. I'm wondering what I've done with my story lines because I foresee many inspiring nights of writing again. THIS is what I've been craving. this was something that Jade had unintentionally taken away from me. My best writing time is in the wee hours. He missed holding me and found the clacking of the board disturbing. Bye, bye writing hour ... and hello to the beginning of my slump. Not his fault really ... just a bit of a milestone. One I carried on my shoulders.

Moving on ...

I'm going to enjoy the challenge of living here on my own. Especially without a car. Tomorrow I intend to finally put my bike together and see how long it takes me to get to the Market/MiniMall ... Shouldn't be too long. Would be easy-peasy, if not for the hills ... we'll see. At least I don't have to worry about predators. Only deer, and one farmer's loose funky ducks.

That reminds me, I finally got back into contact with The Green Man! Apparently, his e-mail stopped working because he moved ... switched provinces, in fact. He's now only a few hours north of me, here in BC. Wretch. Here I thought he might have blocked me or something ... Missed his letters ...

Allison Crowe will be here for a concert! Wonder if I'll go ...

Guess we'll have to wait and see what the money situation will be like. I do know that there are a few movies coming up that I really want to see.

Such a lovely fire ...

Sweet Dreams!

Over There! Over There!! Over Hill, Over Dale, Over There!!

November 2, 2009 - 22:24

Okay, so I have the car all (or mostly) packed up for Mom to drive to her new place tomorrow. (I have to get a picture of Teddy ... he's dressed for travel!) She's a little excited, a bit anxious, and very tired of "moving"! She is also very tired of being broke - just like me.

I do wish that my brother, Michael, had waited until I was settled to be paid back the money that he lent me for this trip out here. I had been counting on the extra funds to not only pay for rent, but to make sure that I had a good head start on paying off left over bills, and buying food, etc. Now I can only hope that I get a bit from EI. Hope I don't get burned for telling the truth, but with the government you can never tell, can you?

So, arriving destitute (again) on my mother's doorstep, I found myself in a situation of needing a job asap. I called the one place that expressed interest in seeing me as soon as I arrived ... and waited for days for them to return the calls I made to them. Finally got a call back and they'd like to arrange to meet me around the 15th. Still hadn't set up an actual appointment with me though, so I'm not holding my breath.

It is NOT a good time to be looking for work here ... and I know it. But needs must, when the situation drives ... and the situation is definitely driving me to a bitter end. (Yes, I adjusted the familiar phrase, but do you have any idea how hard it is to find good solid phrases that don't mention the Devil - I character that I can't exactly us because I don't believe he exists? My one weakness is that I still say 'Go to Hell'. My defense is that even if I don't believe, they do.)

Where was I? Ah, yes ... Tomorrow morning Mom leaves and I will be left pretty much alone with the dog and 2 cats (who aren't all sure about each other yet.) No car. Bike isn't put together yet, but I've been doing alot of walking. I'm tempted to drive with Mom to the ferry and then walk home after, just to see how long it will take ... except that I KNOW it bloody far, even by car. I guesstimate about 3 hours. Maybe a bit under ...

On the other hand, I'd get some great photos in ...

We'll see how awake I am.

It really is beautiful here, but it's going to take more than beauty to make me want to stay. I don't feel like I belong here ... yet. I feel like I've stepped into somebody else's space for a bit. Like I haven't yet forged a connection to the island. I'm not grounded. I don't want to force it either ... either the island accepts me or it doesn't. I think part of the problem is that I am here in my parent's house. It might be easier if I had my own ...

Jade left for Peru today. I haven't heard from him since he tried to help me when I got lost in Vancouver. No, that's not true. He texted me a couple times after that ... but then got tied up and busy getting ready for Peru. I don't blame him for not saying something ... I know what it's like to prepare for a big trip like that. And I also know that his parents would have taken up as much of his time as possible. I sent him a note that he hopefully read before boarding the plane. I understand ... but it still stings a bit, aye?

I very much enjoyed seeing Harry Potter 6 on Samhain night ... I was afraid that I'd have to see it alone. And it was trickling out of theatres when I left the city. So I got to see it on an almost big screen, and with a loved one. (Not the loved one I wanted to see it with, but I'm not going to quibble. With Mom, I could make sure we had front row seats!!)

I miss my friends. I miss chatting with them, and doing things. I keep waiting to see if anybody will show up for a visit ... Jackie would love the photo ops, Lavender would be ecstatic (and tired, and maybe sore) with the walking work outs ... It's a great little place for a relaxing vacation for any size budget. And it only has ONE current PartyLite Rep ... me.

Big day tomorrow ... need some rest.

Sweet Dreams!

And so, Goddess, I thankit ...

November 2, 2009 - 00:33
Music: If - Bread

I'm being jogged around by popular demand, so here I am ...

The day-late adventure of the trip to Pender ... egad. What I would have given to have been a passenger and not the driver! It was exhilarating, and frightening all at once. Some of it was beautiful, and some was stressful and scary. Some of it I just don't remember because I slept through it.

No, really.

I pulled over, when I could, to stretch and get some fresh air. There were only a couple of stops where I could bring Spot out. It was at the second one ... Thunder Creek? where I felt a change in the air. A change that quickly made it's presence known. It started to snow. (Side note: Very beautiful stop ... but had a strong presence that made me feel watched. The strength of it made me a bit uncomfortable ... mostly because I couldn't locate the source!)

Part of me wasn't alarmed. It was just a few flakes here and there ... another part of me went stiff with dread. I felt myself moved to follow the instincts of the second feeling and rushed Spot back into his box. He was cold enough that he didn't complain too much and we were off.

It was the last pit stop we'd make for the next few hours.

I had a lot of trouble keeping myself awake. There was nobody to talk to, the Sirius satelite radio was repetative, and my family had packed my travel CD's away ... there were times I kept myself alert by talking aloud to myself ... even if it was just to recite the alphbet. Ironically, I sang a lot of lullabies too. Songs from Choral class in high school. I pulled over to another lovely spot just minutes (I discovered later) from the border, and Mt Robson Park ... I tried to take a bit of a nap. Hard to get comfy, though, when you can't move your seat. I eventually half curled in the driver's seat, with a half pack of toilet paper rolls on the centre console for a pillow. I'm not sure how long I slept ... not too long, I think, but I felt refreshed and pushed on again. It had stopped snowing before I arrived, but that didn't last too much longer. Snow fell in flits, spits, and spurts. Sometimes there was a smattering of rain, but it soon developed into a full blown blizzard. Within minutes, the snow was impressively deep. I couldn't see the road. The only thing that kept me on track (and slowed me down!!) was a large truck in fron of me. I followed in his tracks until it was safe to pass him (read: extra lane presented itself!)

By the time I landed myself at a gas station/A&W in Kamloops, I was shaking from strain and exhaustion. I walked like I'd been out horseback riding for the past hour or so. I probably looked like I'd been through Hell and back. I got a couple maps and once I'd eaten and made a few texts and calls to the concerned (<3) I made my way to a hotel, doing my best to not go to far from the highway, 'cause I didn't want to lose it.

I ended up at the Acadian. I walked in to the office and was immediately enveloped in the scent of curry. The kind gentleman manager seemed to like my looks (or pitied them, I don't know) and only charged me $65 for the room. And he didn't charge me for Spot, even though I warned him up front that I had him. Delightful.

I put Spot and a couple necessaries into the room, set out food and water, opened the cage and ran out to Superstore for some litter. If you are ever stuck in a rut for littler while travelling, Stupidstore has these lovely liner trays with the litter already in it. Just peel back the paper. $4. Nice.

I was a little concerned that Spot hadn't been able to go to the bathroom during his two pit stops. What concerned me more was that he never used the litter that I bought. I should have taken it with me, but it had no way of securing it, and no way to let him use it in the car. It got left behind. Got up early the next morning - earlier than I had intended ... I didn't have a clock in the room and had to use my cell phone -which I forgot had an alarm. I also forgot to figure for the time zone in my head. I ended up doing the Coquihalla in the dark after all.

I wish that had been my only concern.

Another blizzard ... on the highest point of the Yellowhead highway in all of Canada. *sigh*

Again, the accumulation was impressive. Apparently, they closed the Coquihalla down ... a little after I went through it. When I went through I was the second car behind a highway grader. We passed a rest stop that I knew I wouldn't try to stop at ... I was worried that I wouldn't get in, never mind out ... too much snow.

I got past the snow ... and got into falling rock/avalanche area, where stopping is not allowed. Apparently, my need to stop was so great that I opened my eyes in time to find myself on the wrong side of road ... and headed straight for the river. Thank Everything Good that I was alone on that highway for long stretches at a time. Felt like I was the only one driving this highway!!

Back on track, and saying the alphabet at the top of my lungs, I continued on my way.

I can't recall if I stopped somewhere between there and Vancouver ... but the fun didn't stop there. See, nobody told me what turnoff I'd actually need to find the Tsawassen Ferry ... Jade gave me some direction but assumed that there would be plenty of signage for the ferry. And there was ... for Horseshoe Bay. I got lost for three hours. I should have made it in plenty of time for the morning ferry - blizzard or no. I missed it completely. Stopped somwhere for directions and gas. Decided that hte directions were a bit on the complex side since I was completely unfamilair withthe area and stressed to the max. Jade tried to help by text, but I got to a breaking point and ended up spouting some foul language. I was pulled over to text this and a handsome city worker came up behindme to make sure things were alright. He tried to help me, but while he knew where to go, he wasn't sure how to describe it to somebody who wasn't even passingly familiar with the area. *sigh*

I ended up at Horseshoe Bay. Accidentally burst into tears when I explained to the tollbooth lady that I was lost, and she gave me a map (which helped the earlier directions make sense!!) She directed me to a "secret exit", opened the remote gate for me, and I was off again ... feeling a sense of hope and courage. I was at Tswassen Ferry with 45 minutes. Jade was almost as relieved as I was. (I texted him at red lights.)

I had to wait about an hour until the 5:00 ferry, which would take me to Swartz Bay (Victoria), where I had to get off the ferry, use a special u-turn, and come back to load onto another ferry. Alot of work, but, believe it or not, faster than waiting for the 7:00 ferry that would have taken me directly to Otter Bay.

Joyce met me at the Otter Bay parking lot. 15 minutes of curves and hills later, I was sitting in a warm chair, watching TV and trying to keep an eye out for Spot (who had retreated behind the washing machine to collect himself)

We slept in the next morning, unpacked the Flex (I'll miss it) and caught the afternoon ferry to Vancouver. The Edmonton location had lied to me about not having any locations in Victoria (the easier, and less expensive ferry). Apparently, they didn't want me to drop the car off there because hty have trouble getting them back! Anyway, the Vancouver International location was horrified by my experience with the Edmonton location (what a joke!) ... they didn't charge me the extra, extra day, and I got over a $100 in free coupons to local attractions (that I won't use because I need a vehicle to get to them!)

Not alot of pics were taken on the trip, but I will post a few soon. I keep them coming too ...

Yes, the updates too. ;)

No job yet. Harry Potter was utterly brilliant. The island is green and I'm getting daily walks in. Spiders have not been in attendance ... but I don't mind.

Sweet Dreams!

New Most Excellent Adventures ... Better Than Bogus! ... Dude!

October 3, 2009 - 12:09

Wow. Didn't realise that I hadn't updated in so long. Too many updates in my head, I guess.

So ... Big news first, I guess. For those who didn't get the family newsletter ...

Albert got the news that he is not eligible for the heart transplant at this time ... he has too much pressure around is lungs. A new heart now would "make him explode." However, there is a pump that will improve the quality of his life significantly and should eventually ease that pressure for a transplant later. Only six other people have this pump and two were so happy that they decided to keep it instead of getting the transplant. This sounds like a good thing ...

Everybody keeps telling me that this is my chance for a new start. Since this was not my intention, it started to get annoying after the fourth person. I'm not leaving because I need a fresh start, or because I have to get away from certain people. I'm going to help my parents deal with things and to look after their house while they are gone. If they lived here in the city, nobody would be talking about fresh starts and new lives. I don't need to start over, people. I just need a new apartment!

Granted, I appreciate the feeling behind the good wishes, but really ... write your own story!

Having said that, I do admit to getting away from the current rumour that somebody thought I had to know. Although I'm confused as to why I had to know another rumour about Jade cheating on me AFTER we officially split up is beyond me. The girl in question is supposed to be a good friend of mine ... and is supposedly the one who is spreading the rumour to others. This either means that she is bragging, dying to confess (guilt, you know), or just plain stupid. Either way, it's something that I don't mind stepping back from. The usual rumours are easily dismissed. These ones aren't much different ... the facts given don't add up, except in fantasy. But the fact that it's coming from a friend (allegedly) ... that's a betrayal that I haven't yet recovered from and am not sure what to do about it. I'm very tired of being in the middle of factions who all have the best of intentions for me. Especially when one of them starts acting oddly ... thereby confirming??

Bah!

We'll see. I'm still waiting. Not sure for what. Just having trouble believing. Jade denies it, of course. In fact, having heard what she is supposedly saying, he says that this person is no longer his friend. I feel a bit used ... but by whom?

So I'll be using this to step back and think about things ... but not for a new start. That will begin six months from now ... the question remains as to where. I have a good chance of still having a job when I come back, so coming home is still in the plans. But who knows? The island is beautiful, and there are alot of good looking guys there. And I AM single now ...

We'll see. New adventures await, if not a new start.

Had the gas turned off while I was on vacation. Talk about signs, eh? Been very cold in here. Got the space heater in the kitchen for Ashley. An extra comforter on the bed makes things cozy at night. Spot seems content too.

Not sure what I'm going to do with Ashley. I really don't want to take her with me. If she ever got out, she'd be gone for good. Like I said in my e-mail, she'll join a cult of giant seagulls and go bad. They'll use her to crack open crab shells, I know.

She also likes to fly into windows. Something is going to break. Maybe her. Maybe me.

Slowly getting things gathered for easy packing. That means putting everything upstairs. Something I should get back to doing ...

Sweet Dreams!

Bittersweet Dreams and other Good Times

August 24, 2009 - 18:23

Listening to: "Everywhere" - Michelle Branch

The song is suitable for all of my moods ... describes everything from Jade, my friends, and wandering spirits. Wanted to paste it here, but it won't let me paste. Sucky.

Feeling a bit low today. Have been doing my best to keep my spirits up, but made a bad move when I put some music on while sitting at the 'puter. Damn love songs. Ah, well, probably good to let it happen and get it out of the way. My dreams turn strange when I try to hold it in.

Had a great time during a recent trip to Thunder Lake with Lavender, but can't find the notes I wrote to post here. :( Will search harder ... she'd like to see what I wrote. (If she hasn't already.)

Got invited to a special outing, but will have to wait for next year for it. If Facebook is good for nothing else, it is great at proving how small the world is. Made me happy all the same.

My mind is drifting to other things ... makes it hard to stay focused on the entry, but it's also a sign that I'm ready to start my writing projects again. A mixture of good and bad news, I guess.

Lots to do this week ... I have to get everything out into the garage. It's amazing how much I'm willing to get rid of to cut down on the clutter. There really is a lot in the house. Some of it is even mine. :) I hope to have all the signs, etc made and up, including prints of pics of the PL items that I 'm selling. Need to have it all priced out too. On top of that, I want to give the house a really good cleaning, and get my items upstairs. Especially the computer. as nice as it is to come downstairs where it's cool, my space is upstairs and it's a pain to have the computer separated. I have a plan though, and Greywhistle agrees that it is possible to arrange. Now I just have to get him over here to help me! :)

Okay ... feeling a bit better. Going to eat something and watch my movies.

Wish I had popcorn.

Sweet Dreams!

PS. Just read my entry for March 30, 2006 and laughed myself silly. I should go back a re-read some of those ...

I Had a Dream ...

August 7, 2009 - 12:50

There was a time when men were kind

When their voices were soft

And their words inviting

There was a time when love was blind

And the world was a song

And the song was exciting

There was a time

Then it all went wrong

So I had a slow, yet productive morning today. I can only hope that it all goes well - that is bears fruit, but not bad feelings. But as I hope, I can only wonder if I believe it can happen, or if I'm just trying to convince myself.

We've only been broken up for a couple weeks, but I'm still hearing rumours. Typical ones. Rumours of more lies. Another girl. Stories that nobody wants to tell me. It only serves to harden my heart against what must be done. Still, I hope that all goes well.

Moving on ...

Things are almost ready ... again ... for another garage sale. I just have to decide WHEN I'm going to have it. I'm not sure that my brother will be willing to help out again. This time, whatever doesn't sell gets donated. It goes straight into a box and I'll call whichever number that I find first to come and get it. the place feels really good with out all the clutter. It feels more like it's my space ... just mine ... and fresh. It feels new. Like a clean start.

I finally found my keys too. Lavendar sent me my choice of finding spells ... worked "like a charm" :)

I'm trying to get into a course for September, but it's pretty late ... the two that I've tried to get into so far have been full. Hmmm ... still, it's something to work towards. I can always try again in September ... and make sure I'm ready for it in the meantime.

Sweet Dreams!

Sugarplums ... are they just for kids?

August 1, 2009 - 01:49

I'm not sure if I should be writing ... I feel sorta of numb and am not quite sure what I wanted to say. What's happened lately? The usual ... Everything, and nothing, all at the same time. I've taken several steps into places that I never wishes to go ... places I've never been, places I've seen from a distance ... and places that I've never wanted to go back to. All because of a place that I didn't deserve to be put in ... and shouldn't want back as badly as I do.

Okay ... moving on ...

Garage sale went very well ... Before I go, I'll be doing it again. I'll be selling EVERYTHING. I hope.

Been trying to get a second job, while keeping my eyes open for another place to live. I have a willing roomie, but she won't be here until Dec ... And my rent goes up Nov ... which means if I get a place big enough for both of us, then I have to be able to afford it for at least that one month. :( GAH!

Been seeing a few good jobs and I've been putting out my resumes ... crossing my fingers all the while. I've also been making moves for another career move. Feels like I'm grasping smoke though ...

Making life more difficult, Jade arrives on Sunday morning to take the truck back.

Does life get any sweeter than this?

Yes. Yes, it does. But will it get sweeter for me?

I sure hope so.

Sweet Dreams!

Looking For What's Mine

July 2, 2009 - 12:56

If I had just one tear
Running down your cheek
Maybe I could cope
Maybe I'd get some sleep
If I had just one moment at your expense
Maybe all my misery
Would be well spent ... yeaaaa

Could you cry a little
Lie just a little
Pretend that your feeling a little more pain
I gave, now I'm wanting
Something in return
So cry, just a little, for me

If your love could be caged, honey, I would hold the key
And conceal it underneath the pile of lies you handed me
And you'd hunt and those lies
They'd be all you'd ever find
And that'd be all you'd have to know
For me to be fine

And you'd cry a little
Die just a little
And baby I would feel just a little less pain
I gave, now I'm wanting
Something in return
So cry just a little for me

Give it up baby
I hear your goodbye
Nothin's gonna save me
I see it in your eyes
Some kind of heartache
Darlin give it a try
I don't want pity
I just want what is mine

Yeah ... Could you cry a little
Lie just a little
Pretend that you're feeling a little more pain
I gave, now I'm wanting
Something in return
So cry just a little for me
Cry just a little for me
Could you cry just a little for me?

I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again ... And I'll Come Up Swinging!!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009 - 00:23 - Happy Canada Day!

So, for those of you who were mystified by my FB status, yes, I felt a "disturbance in the Force" and it later came to me in the form of my Landlady. She served me an eviction notice for paying rent late (Note: Rent is paid and all caught up!!) and for the stain on the living room floor. The stain that was caused by the previous tenant, and was seen by her BEFORE she demanded my Damage Deposit. According to the L&TA, I am NOT responsible for that damage. I told her so, but she said she'd ask her lawyer, and I said I'd better get one too ... and she started yelling at me that she had more money than I did (for lawyers?) and might have said more, but the door was closed and locked at that point.

I have a witness - I was calm, and polite, right up to that point.

Bitch.

I escape one crazy old lady ... and get smacked by another. Can't wait to see who the next one is ... these things come in threes, right?

I'm for bed.

Sweet Dreams!

Just Breathe (aka In With the Good, Out With the Bad)

Tuesday, June 30, 2009 - 10:47


Today's Horoscope

Health :
Tomatoes and cucumbers are filled with vitamin C which fights viruses. Vitamin C is also an excellent antioxydant which helps to fight aging.
Love :
You have been telling your partner that he is distant. Ever since you have been feeling more passionate, you are having a hard time accepting that your partner is more reserved.
Money :
You should not overpass your capabilities. Certain purchases are not wise at this time.
Work :
You will have a reason to fight for something at work. You went through a lot to have others accept your ideas.

I just thought this was funny ... especially the Love.

So I've come to terms with the fact that I won't be taking my trip to Quebec City in Aug. Payment is due July 7, and there is no way that I'll have that money ($300) in a week ... unless somebody wins the lotto and donates it to me! What are the odds, right? Then I'd have to bust my butt for the plane fare, and the hotel costs ... and would come home to having to bust my butt for rent ... and a security deposit as I plan on moving for Sept 1. *sigh* It breaks my heart to not go, but I've had so much heart break lately, that's it's fairly numb. And it's something that I know I have to do ... which is easier to bear than being told that I can't do it.

Strange but true ...

Besides, I'm sure that The Shepherd would like to be paid somewhere in there, yeah? Damn, but the loss of that extra $800 has just thrown everything off course. I detest scratching for cash and coming up short. Especially when I was depending on something that, when it finally arrived, didn't meet my expectations. Still, I think I'm better off than I was when I was on my own before. Jade-less though I be, I have a better circle of friends this time. And for the first time, Family is backing me up. Family other than my parents. It's a heady, wonderful feeling.

So, I'm struggling, but I know that things will get better.

Sweet Dreams!

Faded Roses

Monday, June 29, 2009 - 00:10

Tough day today. Woke up from the strangest dream, feeling groggy and still tired.

I thought things were going to be okay because I'd made the decision that things were over between Jade and I. He's doing his best to sneak out of my life anyway, using excuse after excuse. Enough. Many of you who are my FB Friends noticed when I made the decision. (Some of you noticed right quick!!)

But today, I took off the ring. I've been wearing that ring for two years. I've always felt naked without it.

So, really bad morning ... fought with the depression, but it felt like I was struggling in a straight jacket in a dark room. Sat down and watched a couple movies ... and around noon, I managed to get enough interest in life to make something to eat at last. Made enough to cover two meal breaks at work too.

Got invited out to supper with my Aunt and came home with another full meal in a container. Felt better after too. Only a little smoked out. :)

I wish that Jade was my only trouble ... Took EI over two months to pay me ... and my plans to use it to pay the bills? Not gonna happen. My landlady freaked about the stains my parents left behind and she demanded that I pay my own deposit. So I wrote her a cheque ... even though I still hadn't paid rent yet at that point. Rent went through soon after and EI a week after that. So I've paid $1600 in the last couple of weeks ... and rent is due again right away. I'm going to be short for rent, and not able to pay ANY of the bills.

I'm starting to get the calls. I thought I'd left those behind.

I'll start making a few phone calls tomorrow morning ... hopefully I can get somewhere with them. Not sure what I'm going to do for extra cash though.

Something will come up though. I'll think of something. Everything will be alright.

I hope.

Sweet Dreams!

It's Tuesday!

June 2, 2009 - 13:17

I feel good today. Not necessarily happier, but healthier, stronger. More energetic. Maybe because I laughed alot during my shift last night. Maybe because I'm finally getting enough sleep. It's certainly not because I'm financially sound! Could be the sunshine ... although I hope we get a good rain soon. My rain barrel is almost empty, and I'll have to start using city water soon to water my plants and my lawn.

My birthday is coming up ... I wonder if anybody will show up this year. I plan on baking a cake or something, just in case I have somebody to share it with. Maybe I'll set up a pot luck ... that would be nice, although I'd probably starve! LOL!

Had a couple of great days with Lavender and now that she's away on holiday again, I miss her. We've been doing crafts, going for walks, and having great talks ... and I finally feel like I'm getting some healing from those talks instead of venting a problem that won't go away. Maybe I was ready. Maybe it was the audience ... who knows?

I'm making great headway though. I can now picture myself having a pleasant conversation with my Mother-in-law. Granted, I have my bad days, and I backslide a little, but I'm getting better. And that's why I'm here, right?

Thought I was going to be getting a room-mate for a few months, at least, but that isn't going to happen after all. I have mixed emotions about it. I'm very glad that Greywhistle and Naomi are going to give things another try. I'm very sorry that I won't have the extra cash. I don't know whether I should be amused, or alarmed, that Naomi suddenly wants to try again AFTER she worked out her budget without Greywhistle's income added. Let's just say that I'm wary about this coincidence. Whether or not this was the catalyst, if it brings a good result, it's still a good thing.

I wonder if I should try to get my picture on a Jones soda ... and which flavour would I prefer it to be on?

Anyway, I'm off to do more things ... something to keep my energy up. I'm slowly losing weight now ... again ... let's see what I can do to not only keep up this direction, but to speed it up a smidge!

Sweet Dreams!

Joie de Vivre

May 13, 2009 - 20:57

It has been brought to my attention that I have slacked off again. I'm getting bruises from all the pokes, so I thought I'd better get something down and save myself while I can! Besides, I actually feel like writing ... so here I am.

Here I am ...

Where am I?

I'm in a state of ... I don't even know what to call it. It was much stronger this afternoon when I went out for my daily ride, but I know it wasn't caused by the ride itself. It was cold out, and I almost wasn't dressed warmly enough. The sun was slightly warming, but too weak to have much effect. So I can't say it was just the weather either.

No, I think I have finally found it. It's been a long, long time since I had it. I'd be willing to say several years. That sounds about right. I've come close to it. I've even touched it briefly, only to have it fade away again. I dare say that I've even faked it a few times ... although that doesn't quite describe it properly.

Joie de Vivre. It's mine again. I wish you all luck in finding your own. May the Healing begin. (If you don't know what it is, you need to read more books! Try Google!)

It was almost too chilly for my ride today. It's mid-May, for the love of green apples! Out I went, never-the-less ... and did fairly well. I push myself a bit ... keeping the bike in 10th or 11th gear. I'm not ready for the paths in the valley yet, but I have a routine that gives me varying slopes and dips, so I'm happy.

I'd be ready for The Ride by the time it came, if I was able to go. I don't know that I'll manage to raise the finds though. I'm having trouble just keeping up with my PartyLite Follow-ups! I really want to do this event, but I wonder if it's a realistic goal right now. Even if I pulled in a last minute, under-the-wire miracle ... I wonder if I'm trying to create too many miracles at once. I have other dreams ...

I am trying to be a Unit Leader before Conference this year. This is important to me and I'm working hard to make it happen. I'll be completing my second sponsor this week. Even if I don't make Unit Leader before the Conference, this is reason enough to make sure I am on the plane to get there! For each sponsor, that is, for each person that I help to start their own business with PartyLite, I will get an envelope when I go on stage. In each envelope, is CASH, baby! It could be anywhere from $75 - $2000!! If I can promote up to a Unit Leader, I'll have yet another envelope ... with MORE cash in it. Up to $3000, I think. Can you imagine? I have better chances at getting a good win from this than I do with a lotto ticket!!

Wanna have the same chance? Contact me ... I'll buy the coffee/tea/milk!

Dreams ... I have a lot of them. Big dreams, small dreams, silly ones ... ones I could get soon, ones that I'll have to wait for or work towards. I still want a place to keep horses. I want to hear a child call for it's mother, and know it's calling for me. I want to improve my golf game. I want to learn other languages, and travel, and learn histories and myths and legends. I want to create a place where people come to visit to feel better, or to work things out for themselves. A retreat, I guess. I'd like another kitten. I want to be a part of something special. I want Jade to tell me that he loves me. I dream of being a size 8 again, but I'll settle for a 10. I want to publish at least one writing project. I want to get up on stage and be a public speaker for something I believe in. I want to be looked up to, instead of looked down on. I want my computer station upstairs where it belongs! I want to get married to somebody who thinks that I'm a very important person in their life and will love me forever!

The list goes on. Some reachable, some not ... some will come true, some will remain happy dreams for a very long time.

How are things going for me right now? That's what most of you want to know ...
Not bad, considering. I have lots of food in the house, and I won't be in trouble for money until the 20th. I plan on being employed by then. Whether or not I'll have a payday before that, I don't know ... but I have a better chance of getting somebody to lend me money if they know I can pay them back! (Feel free to volunteer!)

I have another interview tomorrow, but Tuesday's went very well. I guess I'll wait to see how this one feels. No word at all from the County of Strathcona - which is a pity. I had high hopes for it.

The house is slowly coming together as I place things where I want them. I still need to make a trip to Pender and I can't put it off for long. My parents are sending me money to cover the trip ... so it'll just be a matter of finding time. Something that gets harder if I get a new job. What nut gets away with taking a holiday right after starting a new job? It's usually frowned on, I believe. Of course, it would be impossible if I don't get works soon too ...

I've been thinking. I've been an important person in the lives of several people. But I've always been more of a stepping stone, or a resting place ... somebody who helps a person get back on track ... not somebody who gets the fairytale Prince and lives happily ever after. A Blue Fairy, maybe. Nah ... not quite. To say that I'm better than that would be to turn those people into Users, and that is not my aim at all. But don't I get the chance to find a happy ending?

I want the fairytale.

I'm going to find it. Damned if I'm going to let it pass me by!

Sweet Dreams!

What Doesn't Kill Me ...

April 3, 2009 - 13:37

It has been a very slow day today. Yesterday, I managed to send out yet another resume - this time, by traditional post. It's one of those too good to be true kind of job postings ... so it must be meant for me! :) And it's in St. Albert ... I won't be saving money on gas. We'll see.

Last night was horrible. None of my guests showed up except for the girl that was starting ... and she STILL wasn't ready to start. She's created her own obstacle by declaring it's going to be hard, because she just moved here from the Maritimes. Phooey. That's chicken talk. And to top it all off, I had a migraine, the likes of which I haven't had in a long time. I almost didn't make it home. It was bad enough that I didn't unload the truck ... I came straight in the house, put the bird to bed, and fed the cat and went straight to bed.

In the middle of the night, I woke and noticed that my headache was gone. I rolled over and went back to sleep, looking forward to the new day ... and woke feeling groggy. I got up and began to get the day started ... and didn't last the hour before going back to bed. The migraine was returning. I awoke again and still felt trapped by the migraine, but less groggy. Finally I bowed to Fate and took some acetaminophen ... the pain is gone now, except for a dull ache. I made some breakfast and watched a movie while I got my wits together.

I fully intend to push myself with my training today, for The Ride. I still only have a single donation, but I believe that I will manage to get the needed donations to participate. It cannot be my lot in life to constantly fail to achieve my dreams.

This morning, I wondered - What is stronger? The Mind, or the Heart? Against each other, they cause me great pain. Together, they may yet defeat me. I wonder what it will take to win them both to my side ... to create a stronger Self. And wonder again, what wonders I could achieve for that Self, and for my Inner Worth.

They say that the sky is the limit, but I have never once dreamed of flying ... even though I believe that I have the wings to do so.

Sweet Dreams!

Out Like a Lion?

March 30, 2009 – 23:06

Well, it’s been a tough month. What with my losing my job, Mom moving out to Pender, finding out that she’d been scammed, then finding another place in the nick of time … and Albert still in the hospital through it all. He finally got out last Wednesday … and he was a mess! They REALLY screwed up his care while he was there. They wouldn’t call in a cardiologist, althought he asked for one repeatedly; he’s on a liquid controlled & salt reduced diet … and they pumped him full of saline!! WTF?!? They totally destroyed what little bit of healing that he’d managed for himself, and now he has to start all over. His feet, legs and belly were all so swollen that it was painful to look at. He got new stretch marks on his belly … that’s how bad it was. And they kept insisting on filling him up with more saline!!! FREAKS!

He doesn’t have a lot of function in his legs, but it’s improving. He doesn’t sound so much like he’s talking in a loud whisper anymore either. Still in a lot of discomfort though. And he has a cane now … that makes him dangerous too!

I bought a wireless adapter and brought my computer upstairs. I was in bliss for two days. The adapter crapped out on me. I exchanged it, and was happy … for two days. I’m getting concerned now. Will this never end? Why does this always happen when I need my computer the most?

I wonder if I could just get a new computer with my income tax … Bye-bye, refurb!!

Well, I can dream!

Sweet Dreams!

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

March 21, 2009 – 19:13

So, I’m starting to get settled in here, slowly moving my things up, and slowly cleaning as I go. I had some small bursts have satisfied happiness. I had space, I had sunshine, and I had features that I’ve always wanted. Spot is still a bit confused, but he’s coping. He’s still waiting for another cat to come hissing around the corner, I think. He’s starting to spend a bit more time upstairs with me now though … and wonderful sign … he’s starting to bring up his toys. I found an old ponytail by his food dish, and a packaging strap halfway up the stairs. Spot is moving in.

But this may have all been a tease. Mom arrived at the promised property to find out that it’s “a dump!” That’s how she described it. I asked if it was salvage-able (just dirty and fixable, or a complete shack.) but she was in too much shock to answer, I think. She kept going on about how she had been deceived, and how she couldn’t believe that the landlord let them come ahead, even though he knew the place wasn’t ready. Good thing Albert wasn’t supposed to come out for another couple weeks. She also noticed that the yard had great promise. Michael called me to get some information, but when I asked him the same questions, he said he’d let me know in a bit.

Mom had suggested that I move out there too, and go into a landscaping business with her. The idea has merit, but I’m not ready to leave everything behind just yet. For one thing, Jade would never agree to come with me. At least, I’m pretty sure that he wouldn’t. If it ever came down to it, then I would ask him … maybe he’d like to be part of the Landscaping Company too. Think of all the fantastic features he could create with his skills!! (I’d better stop … I’m starting to like this idea.)

So, I’m just waiting to see what’s going on now … are they coming back? Do I get to keep my sunlight? What happens to the student boarder if I have to move back into the suite? I’m afraid to move any more items upstairs … what if I have to put it all back? Bad enough that I’ll have to take my computer back down so that I can use the internet connection!! (Stupid wireless!!)

Damn … it all sounded so good! Too good, maybe, to be true??

Sweet Dreams!

Movin' On Up!

March 20, 2009 – 21:00

“The castle lights are growing dim. There’s no one left, but me … and him.”
~ Vincent Price; House of Frightenstein

Yesterday was not the best of days. Work had that funny feeling of tension … tension that didn’t let up, right until the end … which came forty-five minutes before closing time. I was laid off … apparently, I didn’t support the team enough. There was a catalyst, but it was still an excuse to let me go. I was not allowed to explain my side of what happened. I wasn’t allowed to defend myself at all. I was told that ‘… we’ve talked about this before.’ Yeah … during my first week of work, when I was trying to train myself. And I don’t think that had anything to do with this. Nobody had said anything since then either, so making it sound like an ongoing problem is just bogus.

So I came home … and spent my last evening together with my mother. I bought pizza … we chatted. I debated telling her that I lost my job the day before her big move. I didn’t want her to feel guilty about going. I spilled it eventually though. I needed to get it out. And she did feel guilty … but she knows I’ll make it work. She asked if Jade was going to help support me, and I told her that he’d help out if he had to. Whether he will or not, I admit that I’m not sure, but I’d like to believe that he’ll be there for me if I really need him.

We were up bright and early this morning. There was lots of hugging … and I almost cried, but managed to keep the tears in my eyes. I saw them all out the door, and watched as they left down the street. Then I locked the door, and began to clean. I don’t have that much moved up yet though … I’m trying to bring up only the needed items right away … like places to sit for my starter party tomorrow. That seems important, yeah? Besides, there’s only so much that a girl can do by herself!

Spot is still in a bit of shock. After about three weeks of wanting out of the suite, he has the whole house to run around in … and where is he? Down in the suite, whining that I’m not down there too. *shakes head * He’ll figure it out though … eventually. He’s a smart boy.

So, here I am … computer up and running (with a brand new all-in-one) ready to get some work done … and I have no internet. I bought a phone because I have a landline now. I plugged it in and checked it. I had a dial tone. I even called it from my cell to make sure that it was my number … yup. So why no internet? First, I thought that it was because there was no phone jack in the office. Which baffled me because my parents had internet in here and I don’t remember a long cord anywhere. I called my Dad at the hospital, and asked what the secret was. Turns out that they were wireless. Well, dad-gum! How much is this going to cost me to switch over, or to switch back?? I can’t afford all that now! *sigh! *

For those who are wondering, my Dad is supposed to be out of the hospital on Monday. Cross your fingers that he not only gets out, but that he is ready to leave!

I’m going to watch TV now … my cat and I need some time together and I need a bit of a break!

Sweet Dreams!

The Pattern of my Life

I like to wake alone,
To lie, and turn to stone.
Comfort me. Oh, come to me. I won't go on.

I like to walk along,
To keep my head screwed on.
Comfort me. Oh, come to me. I won't go on.
Believing
Believing
I believe you might turn from your love.
Wait around.

If I go, I'm alone.
If I stay, it will mean
Waiting on my own.
It's the Pattern of my Life
Wen you care, and you cannot feel,
And you know that it's for real,
So you leave me on my own.
It's the Pattern of my Life.

Take time to be
All this and more to me.
You're the best, so well done you
I won't go on believing
Believing
I believe you might turn from your love.
Wait around.

~Annie Lennox

Went and bought a few needed things last night ... and a couple of things that I normally would have denied myself. Like CD's ... I've always wanted to get some good ones for myself, but always thought that it was a luxury that could wait until later. Well, I've learned to treat myself a little bit. Mainly because things are going to get a bit harder for myself pretty soon.

Next week, my parents are moving to BC. Actually, my mother is going ahead and Albert will follow when he gets better. I'm hoping that Jade will help me drive him home, but if not, I'll take him myself. Who knows? Maybe I won't come back ... no, wait, I'd have to come back for Spot. Poor Spot.

So, I'll have the house all to myself. Just me, and Spot. Until the end of April, and then I'll have a boarder in the basement. She has two dogs ... who are expecting the zoo to still be here ... and they are only going to find Spot here instead. Poor Spot.

So, I've decided to re-vamp things a bit. Give my self a make-over. First, I'm going to teach myself to let go of things. (I'm already getting a lot of practise, eh?) And I'll be going through my house and getting rid of things that no longer match my raised standards. I wonder how much of my stuff will survive? No matter. It will be tossed, or passed on to others. I'm raising the bar. I'm moving on. I'm getting things done.

My tax return (please, be generous!!) will buy me some new furniture, which is much needed right now!, and pay off some bills.

But I'm feeling restless right now, so I'll have to finish this later ...

Sweet Dreams!

Moving Forward

February 28, 2009 - 17:42

It has been brought to my attention that I don't update often enough. LOL! I know it. I keep thinking to myself that I need to write about something that has happened, but I get so busy with other things that I never get around to doing it. Which is a shame, really, because I enjoy writing here. Well, that's not entirely true ... I just enjoy writing. I wish that I had time to do it more often!

So, just to backtrack a little bit ...
Remember that one night where a blizzard just blew in out of nowhere, and the winds were so strong that many thought that their house was going to blow away? Well, Jackie and I were out in it. And we had no clue. LOL! We were running around the river valley and snapping pictures of ourselves. Yeah, in the dark. And we had a blast doing it!! Half the pictures didn't turn out, but that didn't matter. It was one of the most fun evenings that I'd had in a long time! We didn't care if we looked drunk or crazy ... we felt good - laughing and being silly. I was well on the way to healing from the past couple of years of depression, but this night put me firmly on course. I was back, baby! I was bold! And yes, I was BEAUTIFUL!

And it was all spontaneous. One of my favourite things!

Moving forward ...
Greywhistle has asked me to come back and play with him, Naomi, and a couple other friends again. I'm making a bit of a step here as well because we won't be playing the classic fantasy roles, but moving into the Space Frontier. Normally I would have shied from this, but I'm looking at learning/doing new things ... and for once, this intrigues me a little bit. Maybe I'll do better if I don't have to come up with descriptive on-the-spot fight moves. After all, "there's (supposedly) nothing better than a blaster at your side." Right?

Jade had a day off of work due to very cold weather. So he brought the truck in and took me out for lunch. It was one of the most fantastic days I'd ever had at work, I swear. And, at the same time, the most distracting! LOL! I think he looked wonderful, and he later told me that I was looking very good as well. I'm very glad that I decided to dress properly that day! Part of the joy was that it was a surprise to me. He called me at work and announced that he wanted to take me out for lunch! Such a little thing ... and it made my entire day. I was SO happy. Even when I got teased because we got back from lunch late!

Such a pity that his truck took longer than we thought, but that was a bit more time to be able to see him! Still, I had to keep myself from finding excuses to run out to see him in the waiting room. I am very proud of myself for keeping things professional. Even our little kisses were short and sweet, if few.

My PartyLite is getting better than ever! I'm keeping my sales up where I want them, and I'm feeling very well established! I'm comfortable with my current circle, but not depending on it either ... and I'm still SO pumped about the Trade Show that I was accepted for! It's costing me a pretty penny, but I think that this is going to be SO WORTH IT! Just getting out there and meeting people who are expecting to see a PartyLite booth (even if they don't know that it's me!) and being able to get my name out and to Show the Money to the open-minded audience! It will be just ... Fantastic! Amazing, even!

I'm just hoping that my one friend is willing to start to help me out! Can you imagine the opportunity of being brand new and being invited to participate in this Trade Show? It's unbelievable! And I really wish that I'd had the chance! Still, I love this job ... and maybe I love it more because I had to fight and work to get where I am.

Either way, I'm going to be a happy woman at that show!

And for the biggest surprise - I'm going to be moving my stuff upstairs soon. My parents have found a place in BC and they are moving near the end of March. The house will be all mine again, until Maia comes back for her "visit". She's the student that my parents rented the basement suite out to. She comes back for a few months every year to work during the summer (or take another course, I'm not sure) but I like her and love her dogs, so we'll do okay. Well, maybe Spot won't like it so much, but he'll cope. Right now, we're working on getting the utilities in my name from theirs, as well as getting the stuff they are taking packed up, and the stuff that they aren't divided out to myself, and charities. (Some of it, I want! LOL!)

Hugs to all of my friends! and ...
Sweet Dreams!